This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

This is a work of fiction, any resemblance to real people or places is purely coincidence.

When I was young, grandma and I went on a train trip, just the two of us. We went out to LA to visit her sister and my cousins and such. We planned to go to Disney Land, and the beach and generally do the things kids enjoy about Southern California.

It was also where I met her. She was on her way to college, and she wasn’t hiding who she was, which was unusual still at the time. She sat down at our table in the dining car, and we engaged in initially pretty light conversation. Her voice was odd, and I knew something was different about her but not in a bad way.

It was grandma who asked about her past, but she could’ve just as easily lied. She said she had been born in Chicago, and that her parents and the doctors had mistaken her for a boy. The absurdity, clearly she was a woman, I may have not been the brightest kid but I knew that much.

Grandma sat there thinking a moment before quietly saying, when I was much younger, long before even your parents were born, or before I met your grandfather she said looking at me, I spent a time living as a guy, and I loved it, I miss it if I’m being honest, but that wasn’t how things worked back then. She turned to look at our table mate again, I’m so happy for you and I wish you a better world than I had.

I sat there in silence, trying to eat, feeling shocked. This was a thing? People could want to be the other gender? Our table companion nodded her head and smiled at grandma and said, well, it’s never too late

Grandma smiled and simply said it’s fine, I made peace with it a long time ago. I shall reserve my energy to cheering the younger generations on.

I finally found words… so wait, me wanting to be a girl… it’s a thing people want and can do?

Grandma turned and looked at me in surprise, sweetie, you can be anything you want to be, and if anyone ever tries to say you can’t, well, I’m a little old lady with a big heavy bag and knitting needles and not afraid to use either.

Our tablemate looked at me and smiled, it is a thing, and there are ways you can be who you want to be, although it isn’t easy, and a lot of people will at best doubt you and at worst openly hate you for being who you are.

I frowned, yeah, and then with the attention issues of a kid with undiagnosed and untreated adhd, I suddenly changed topics to the train trip and how it was my first one. Apparently our table mate preferred them. We had a nice meal, and the conversation stayed lighter.

Later grandma and I headed up to the observation car to watch the scenery go by, the southwest was quite pretty at sunset in its own way. Grandma and I were sitting there on one of those love seat chairs they had that could rotate to see out either side.

So, you want to be a girl?

Oh… I mean, I kind of thought it was either just me, or that all boys did, and that it didn’t mean anything

In my experience, no, definitely not all boys want that, and no you aren’t alone.

Not sure what to do about it though… oh look! A dear! And I grabbed at my camera and it was already gone.

Grandma for some reason stopped asking about it for the rest of the trip, and the rest of the trip proceeded more normally, with my desires slipping back in to their can’t happen pattern.

I wound up taking many other train trips, to visit friends who had moved away, to college, and finally, to my new home. I never met another trans person on one, but as I got older and learned what being transgender was, I realized that young lady we had met back then was, and likely so was my grandma, may he Rest In Peace.

He passed right after I graduated high school. I wasn’t out yet, but I had been seeing a therapist, paid for by grandma, and he knew. He had told me before he passed that he wanted me to promise him I would do it, that I would be my true self, something he had only managed briefly, and that he regretted not getting to be himself his whole life.

And now here I am, waiting for the train to take me there, San Francisco, city of my dreams, city of gay and trans and queer love. I had wound up falling in love with computers, which my parents strongly encouraged, and when I got in to MIT they were so proud of me. I didn’t tell them I wanted to go to school far away because I couldn’t transition around them, it was just too hard.

I found others like me at college, and I blossomed in that first semester… by thanksgiving I was ready to try coming out to my parents… it was, well, rocky, and let’s just say I was glad for alternate funding sources the next semester. By the time I graduated they had come around and even been getting active in my home town for rights for trans people.

I fondle the brass rat on my finger as I sit on the bench writing this, waiting for my train to my new home. There are few people here, although it’s nowhere near as early as that first trip on the Southwest Chief all those years ago.

Suddenly a young woman walked up and said hello! can I join you? I don’t feel like sitting all alone on this platform.

I smiled and put the notebook down, sure, my name’s Amber, what’s yours?

She smiled, and said it’s Annie, nice to meet you Amber

And you as well Annie, so where are you headed?

Oh San Francisco ultimately, but Im taking a few days in Chicago to sight see

Oh, hey! Im headed to San Francisco too! Although I won’t have time to stop off, my new job starts in like a week, will barely have time to get settled in before then, what takes you to San Francisco?

I’m hoping to find a place to be myself finally

I smiled, its a good place for that, thats partly why I’m headed there too, Boston has been great, but its not right for me

We realized we both had unassigned seating and agreed to sit and chat as far as Chicago.

I had had… romantic interests… in college, but I never honestly felt like I connected well with my nerdier peers, it was just too much like being with myself, but Annie? Annie was an artist, and she drew the most amazing and adorable things and let me watch her as she drew on the train. She was working on her portfolio, as well developing a graphic novel.

I admit I was infatuated before we even got as far as Lake Erie, but was getting exceedingly more nervous about it, she didn’t want me, some random stranger she had probably wanted to sit with so guys wouldn’t bug her. She politely listened as I rambled about the random technical and nerdy things I did. We discovered we both adored some of the same tv shows, and I realized I had actually seen some of her art online, unfortunately improperly credited.

As day turned to night, and night back to day, and we were approaching Chicago, Annie blurted out, can I have your contact info? I want to keep chatting and meet up when I get to San Francisco! And, I, I think, I think I like you…

Oh, OH! I like you too, I said blushing harder than I think I ever had. I didn’t want to say anything because I figured you just wanted company to keep annoying people away

I mean, yeah, I kind of wanted that too, but… I would be lying if I said I hadn’t seen you on the platform and felt my heart rate increase, you are so pretty

I blushed even harder, thank you, you are the absolute cutest too

She smiled and took my hand, and I took hers back

We just sat like that for a bit, occasionally smiling at each other and breaking out giggling like a pair of 6th graders who still thought cooties were a thing

Suddenly the conductor announced we would be arriving in Chicago’s Union Station in fifteen minutes, and I went, oh! Right! my contact info! And quickly grabbed at my phone, and pulled it up, letting her type in her info, and she handed me her phone to do the same

We felt the train begin slowing as it navigated the switch points of the yard and we bumped and our heads leaned in close together and my heart rate shot through the roof, I blushed and said, sorry

No worries she said, smiling that gorgeous smile at me, and then the train came to a stop, we were here in Chicago!

We got off together, grabbing our bags and making our way to the area between lines, and then she leaned in close to me, can I give you a parting kiss Amber?

I blushed, and said yes please, I would enjoy that, and she leaned in and gave me a kiss on the cheek and little train horns sounded in my head.

You’re the cutest when you blush she said winking at me, Ill text ya when Im settled in with my friends ok?

And Ill text when Im on the Zephyr

Im glad I came over and asked to sit next to you Amber she said, beaming that smile at me again as she turned and headed out of the station and I just stood there, in silence, while the world swirled around me.

And now I find myself sitting and waiting alone on another platform for the Zephyr, and I sat there staring at my phone, a very nervous ‘hi’ sitting in the compose box for my SMS app, and suddenly my phone beeped, it was Annie

Hiya Amber! Its me, Annie =), I know I said I would text when I was settled in, but I hated to run out so soon, my friends were waiting to pick me up, and I’m texting you instead of talking to them

I texted back

It took every bit of will power I had to not ask if I could come with you, and I was honestly just about to text you myself, even though the Zephyr is still an hour or more away

She responded,

Go get settled in before your job, Im sure you are going to do amazing at it! best of luck, and hopefully see you in not too long =)

I put my phone down and resumed writing, trains have been transformative in my life, and who knows, maybe they will be one more time.