This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

This is a work of fiction, any resemblance to real people or places is purely coincidence.

Content warnings for a brief interaction with a transphobe. Not all warnings will apply to all parts.

I awoke feeling well rested honestly but was briefly confused before I remembered where I was at. I slowly rotated upwards and smiled. I headed downstairs and made myself some breakfast, mom came in from another room as I was sitting down to eat

Good morning Grace she said smiling at me, sleep good?

The best I have in quite awhile honestly

That’s good, you think anymore about your plans?

I’m uh, I’m going to take the form to the office today after class… and ask if I can start coming as me tomorrow, and also… tell some friends beforehand

Are you feeling ok about that?

I’m… I’m nervous, some of these guys I’ve known since grade school

If they can’t accept you, that’s their loss, you’re a pretty amazing young lady.

Also, Emily invited me to cheer practice after school

Good! I hope it’s fun, I know how much it means to you

I blushed, yeah, it’s like all my dreams are coming true and I’m scared I might wake up

It’s not a dream silly girl mom said laughing making some breakfast of her own

I smiled, yeah, I guess I should go get dressed for the day I said as I finished my breakfast and put my dish in the dishwasher

All right dear, see you before you head out for school?

Yeah, probably

I went upstairs to my room, well, my former room? Whatever. I threw on something from my zero effort selection which was most of what I owned and grabbed a duffel bag I sometimes used for exercise and threw in it a couple things from this room I hadn’t taken over to Mary’s room last night, my bike shorts, and some looser shorts to go over them. I grabbed my backpack and headed across the hall to Mary’s room where I threw in my new tennis shoes, that I needed to break in still. I made sure to put in the form dad had filled out, after quickly signing it. I threw in my sports bra and a loose top of Mary’s she had left behind and closed up both bags and carried them downstairs. I realized both dad and mom were still home which was surprising

Oh hey, you’re home still dad?

Hey you, dad said smiling at me, wanted to see you off and wish you good luck

Thanks dad, I said

Mom said you are handing the form in after class?

Yeah

Do you want or need either or both of us to be there? Dad asked

I think I can do it on my own, I said

Sounds good, you give either of us a call if any issue arises and we will bring our parent voices to bear, ok? Mom said

I’ll remember that, thanks, I said, ok, I need to get going, and you should too, I know you have work

Mom laughed, I’m working from home today so I can more easily run errands at lunch

And I already told my boss I would be in late dad said, but Ill be home a bit later tonight as a result

So will I, I said grinning, anyways, love you both, later

Have a great day Grace mom said as I headed out the front door, causing me to smile. I got in my car and set my bags on the passenger seat and started it. I pulled out slowly on to the road and headed to school, my nervousness increasing as the drive went on. By the time I pulled in to the school I my knuckles were white from how I was gripping the steering wheel, and I couldn’t let go. Suddenly a knock happened on the window of my car right after I parked and I nearly jumped out of my skin.

Hiya! I heard Emily say through the window

My heart pounding, oh, its you Emily, you scared me

I think you scared yourself, you can let go of the steering wheel now she said smiling at me through the window

I slowly let go and grabbed my bags and got out of the car standing up next to her,

Heya, she said hugging me, Im glad telling your parents went ok, are you ready for today?

I, I was and then I wasn’t and now I am again I said smiling returning her hug

We walked in to school holding hands which raised immediate attention among people who knew us, and I left her at her locker next to her homeroom while I went off to mine next to mine

I got to my homeroom and remembered another of the cheerleaders was in my class and she discreetly waved and smiled as I came in and I grinned

I sat down in my usual spot and homeroom went, well, normal, boring, quickly.

The day progressed to lunch and I managed to convince my friends to eat outside today, it was pretty sunny still, and the cafeteria was crowded. I noticed the cheer squad also sat outside not that far away and I waved at Emily from the back of our group as we came out and she and the other cheerleaders facing me smiled and gave me thumbs up signs

We sat down and started eating, I had gotten a cafeteria lunch today and it was uninspiring but eh, it was food. As we finished I saw a blank spot in the conversation and decided now was the time

So, uh, there’s something I kind of need to tell you all before anyone else

What, that you are dating Emily? Everyone already knows that

Yeah, I mean, did you expect that to remain a secret when you walked in holding hands?

Especially after telling us you were going out with a cheerleader Friday night at the game! Another chimed in

Wait, is she even in to guys? I’ve never seen her date, well, anyone

Well… funny you should say that… I said looking down, I uh, I’m trans and I’m going to be transitioning, and I’ll be going by Grace

there was silence around the table. Perhaps the longest silence this group had ever had, most looked confused. Mark got up and left with a look of disgust, I’ve lost my appetite, he said angrily as he walked away

Is this a joke? One finally asked

No, I said quietly, it’s not a joke, I’ve never been more serious about anything ever

That’s good, that’s not something you should joke about, it’s good to meet you Grace

I… I… I, and then I broke down crying and suddenly Emily was behind me

Hey all, how’s it going?

I looked up at her, still crying

I… I, I nodded my head in the affirmative, more or less

That’s good she said scooting one of the others to sit next to me and leaned over and hugged me

So you two are dating, and you are aware she’s going to be Grace?

Yup!

And are you also going to join the cheer squad? one of the others asked me

I am, I said smiling, it’s something I’ve wanted for so long, I’m glad you all are ok with this, it’s too bad Mark wasn’t

Well we will talk to him later Kevin said, I don’t even know what his problem would be, but it’s not right, he’s been part of the group since grade school, and he should be happy for you

That’s right! I’m not going to lie, you seem a lot happier today already than I’ve seen you in like, a long time, and we have all wondered when you would find yourself as you seemed a bit, well, lost

I smiled, I am a lot happier, and I’m taking the form to the office this afternoon

Want any of us to tag along for moral and/or vocal support?

I think I’ve got it, thanks, but tomorrow will be the real challenge

You makes an adorable cheerleader already, Emily said, it will be fine

The bell rang and we all had to rush off to various classes. The afternoon seemed interminable, and by the end of it all I really wanted was to go home, keeping up appearances had been getting harder the last couple weeks but soon one of my more expensive masks would be gone. As I stopped by my locker Emily popped up beside me

Hiya she said leaning in and taking a quick peck at my cheek, for good luck she said, sure you don’t want anyone with you?

I uh, I think I can manage, Mrs Strong is pretty ok usually…

Oh! She’s out on medical leave from something, it’s Miss Billingsworth filling in

Oh… I said, uh, can I change my mind?

You absolutely can, got what you need?

I reached in to my bag and pulled the form out, yup I said, and grabbed out my duffel with my workout clothes as well

Cool beans she said taking my hand and we walked towards the office which was on the other end of campus from my locker. Emily and I chatted about other things on our way to the office, turned out we had similar tastes in music, and I learned she had been writing little stories and I promised to check them out.

We got to the office and I took a deep breath and stepped inside, the office was pretty quiet today, and Miss Billingsworth saw us and glared, and what can I do for you two?

I walked over, so, uh, I want to change my name and gender at school, and handed over the form

She put her reading glasses on a chain on and peered at the form and let out a continuous hmmm sound as she looked it over

Everything appears to be in order, when do you want this to take effect?

Tomorrow? If possible?

She stood there looking at it and then us. Hrm, ok, she said, I can do that. I’ll get the memo in to your teacher’s mailboxes tomorrow morning, and… she reached under the counter and pulled out a form pad and wrote a quick note and signed her name, here is a note in case anyone bothers you tomorrow before they check their memos. You can use the girls rooms, but, if you prefer, there’s a gender neutral restroom outside the gymnasium

Thanks Miss Billingsworth, I said smiling, hoping to see even a faint smile on her

Also, she needs one other thing Emily said, permission slip for the cheer squad

I see. Ok. One second she said in her same as always neutral tone and went over to the rack of forms behind the counter and immediately pulled one out without even looking, here you go, be sure to get one of your parents to sign it, and bring it back here tomorrow. Is that all?

That’s all Emily said and smiled

Thank you I said again as we started towards the office door

In her same inscrutably neutral tone, she said as we got the the door, have a good evening Grace and I turned back around and beamed at her, thank you!! I said practically bouncing as I walked out the door backwards

Well that went way better than I would’ve thought Emily said in the hallway, she is impossible to read

Right?? I still am not sure how she feels about it, except she used my name I said practically floating above the ground

All right all right, Emily said laughing at me, save some of that energy for practice!

I feel like there’s no limit to it though! I’m going to be Grace I said, not caring what stragglers in the hall heard it.

We approached the girls locker room and I hesitated, I think, I think today I’ll use the gender neutral bathroom

If that’s what you are comfortable with, then that’s fine Emily said smiling, go on and get changed and meet us inside, we are late as it is!

I ran off to the single stall bathroom and quickly changed and threw my old clothes in the bag, wondering whether I would wear them again. I quickly tied my shoes on and grabbed both bags and hustled in to the gym to find Emily already leading everyone in stretches and I quickly joined in, taking care to do some of the stretches I missed already really quickly after she finished

Ok squad! Before we start practice today, we should greet our newest member! Grace!

I waved sheepishly, hi I said, thank you all for having me

They all came over, some hugged me, others shook my hand or otherwise told me how how they were I got to join them

One person was a bit standoffish and I went over to Emily as the introduction wound down, I really do hope it’s ok I’m here I said

The vote was unanimous she said, it’s fine, Kara’s just not in to the social aspect much but she’s an amazing flyer, and she’s really nice one on one or in a group of no more than four or so

Emily quickly got us to practicing routines, and they taught me the teams current cheers and corrected my form that until now I had only ever seen in a mirror. It was truly exhausting, and by the end of it I collapsed on one of the bleachers next to my bags

Hey Grace, Emily said sitting next to me, how was that?

I admit I had no idea how exhausting it would be, I thought I was in pretty good cardio shape and I’m just drained, and everything hurts

But it’s not just cardio, you are using a lot muscles you wouldn’t for running, and having to smile the whole time is amazingly difficult

Yeah i said, but I can do it, I will keep up

That’s the spirit! You want to join the team? Usually all our new members come on at once and we have a pizza party to celebrate at the start of the year, but we thought we would offer to hold one for you too

Ooh… pizza… sure but I need to text my parents

Sounds good, you want to change?

I uh, I only have my old clothes and this

Then that’s fine! I’ll go that way too and no one will care, I’m going to pop in to the girls locker room to tell them then we will plan our cars, you ride with me of course

I laughed, of course, I’ll wait outside the locker room

You could come in, we discussed that as a team as well, we are all fine with it

I, uh, ok I said nervously, and she grabbed my hand and I was shocked, won’t they?

They know that too, I was very up front and honest about it, and made it clear that they shouldn’t feel any pressure because of that to let you join

Ok I said and she lead me to the locker room holding her hand, we got inside and the girls of the squad were in various states of changing but nothing more revealing than a day at the beach and out of habit I slammed my eyes shut

Oh hey Grace! You did excellent out there today for your first time, you must’ve been practicing a lot in secret when Mary was captain

I blushed, yeah

Why are your eyes closed? Another asked

Well, uh, see, a lot of stuff out there says people like me are bad for wanting to be here and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t internalize it

Oh silly goose, open your eyes, nothing but girls here another said

I slowly opened them and most of them were now in casual street clothes

I, I apologize, some things are going to take me time

Emily said It’s fine, you take the time you need, but you need to know we aren’t scared to be around you, and you need to not be scared around us, cheer involves a lot of trust, even junior members need to know how to spot just in case

Ana, another of the seniors cocked her head to one side, I think we should make it a requirement of you being on the field with us girls as a girl, you have to be willing change with us, you can do it in a stall if you want, but you have to be willing to be part of the team

I.. I… I sputtered

Emily looked at me, well, I’m absolutely not going to make that a requirement, BUT, I would recommend it, we all need to come together as a team, Ok, pizza party for the newest member of the Moore High Flying Falcons cheer squad!!

A cheer went up from the squad and I did too, it was infectious their energy

Ok, we need to out who’s riding with who, Kara, and Ana want to join us?

Sure Ana said

Ok Kara said quietly

The others started splitting up in to groups as well and we all headed out to our cars and I managed to get my parents texted I was eating out with the team and they texted back that they hoped I had a good time. We got in the car and Ana and Kara insisted I take the front seat. We chatted on the way there, and Kara was definitely nicer in the smaller group in the car than she had been amongst the larger squad. She explained she had things she dealt with that made large groups hard but that she was honestly happy I had joined the squad. The pizza party was a lot of fun, and afterwards. Various groups either went to take people home or back to school to pick up their own cars. Emily dropped Kara and Ana off at their houses on our way back to the school, and then we got back to my car in the parking lot.

I smiled at her, thank you for everything so far

Nono, thank you she said smiling at me and leaned over and kissed me on the cheek

I reacted and leaned in and kissed her back and it would’ve gone on but another car turned on and its lights came on nearby and we broke out of it.

I sighed, I really should head home, I do have a bit of school work to do tonight

Yeah, same, see Grace tomorrow?

Yeah I said grinning widely, looking forward to it

Remember, the whole squad is on your side! We won’t tolerate anyone messing with you

Thanks, I said, hopefully it won’t come to that

I kissed her on her cheek once more and smiled and got out of the car, see you tomorrow Emily

Tomorrow Grace! she called as I closed the door

She once again waited til I got in my car, got it started and then headed out and I followed her out of the parking lot and turned towards my house while she turned towards hers. I made my way home, parking in front of our house and getting out of my car, grabbing both bags and going up to the door. I unlocked it and went inside

Mom and dad were in the living room watching tv, Oh, you’re home! How did it go?

It, it went ok, only one of my friends took it badly, Mark

Oh, thats too bad, I know he’s been one of your friends for quite awhile, Im sorry dear

The other guys said they would talk with him, and they were pretty supportive, and I didn’t hear anyone whispering about it during the afternoon

And how did the office take it? Was Mrs Strong in? Mom asked

It was Miss Billingsworth

Oh, oof, dad said, that woman is just completely unreadable

Wait, when have you ever interacted with her?

A number of times, think the first was when Mary had twisted her ankle sophomore year and your mom was busy at work

She, she honestly took it well, she even called me Grace as I left the office

And the cheerleaders?

They were mostly wonderful, but, uh, heads up, one of squad wanted to set a rule, if I want to cheer with the squad, I have to be willing to use the girls changing room, a stall is fine, but not a gender neutral restroom or whatever.

Oh. Are you ok with that? You don’t have to

Emily said she wouldn’t make it a requirement but thought it would be good if I did, and she had good reasons, they want to make sure we all trust each other

Thats, I guess thats understandable… mom said, but still, remember, this is you, at your pace

Yeah, I said, I know, but I need to do this

Ok sweetie, you going up to do school work now?

Right after I throw these workout clothes in the wash for tomorrow

Oh! And my errand at lunch today, more exercise clothes, and I stoped by the cheer shop… and I got some bits of your uniform… they however did not have a shell for your squad on hand in your size of course… but I explained that my younger daughter recently went through a big life change and this was her shot to finally be on a squad and how badly you wanted to be for so long and how my older daughter had been on the squad but the uniform had changed…

Oh that’s clever, Dad laughed, didn’t want to out Grace did you?

Not really mom said, but they bought it! And they promised they would work out something by Thursday so you could have it for the rally and game Friday

Oh wow I said, so soon?

Well… I asked your sister, and she agreed to let them modify her old shell for you and make it match the current design

Oh, I need to thank her then, and you, thank you mom, I said

You are welcome dear, glad I could help

I went up and threw on some casual clothes we had gotten and took my sweaty workout clothes down to the washer and got it running, I headed back up to Mary’s room and set down to finish my schoolwork, thankfully my computer was a laptop so it wasn’t tied to the other room as I had to write up a one page story for an assignment. I finished my work and headed downstairs to watch a bit of tv with the parents, it was an enjoyable evening. I swapped laundry loads before getting ready and heading to bed. I lay there for a bit staring at the wall, could I do this? I am doing this. I am going to do this. And then I drifted off to sleep.

---

Sleep was not bad, but not great either, I was clearly anxious and my dreams were a bit weird. I woke up with a start, realizing in a rush today was IT. I wasn’t entirely sure what to wear, but the selection wasn’t that large yet, and I decided on a brown knee length skirt of Mary’s, and a light knit short sleeve top in a light tan that I had gotten at the store, and my boots. I did my hair as best I could and the teeny bit of makeup I knew how. I stood in front of Mary’s full length mirror and I thought I looked ok-ish. I took a picture and decided on impulse to send it to both Mary and Emily, who quickly replied with ‘looking good sis’ and a fire emoji respectively. I threw some of the new workout clothes in my duffle and grabbed my backpack and headed downstairs, I set my bags near the front door and came in to the kitchen and was surprised to see both mom and dad at home today as well.

Hey you, mom said, You look lovely today, and your smile is amazing!

Thanks, I said, here to see me off two days in a row? This is weird, also, aren’t your bosses going to be upset?

Did you think we would miss our youngest daughter’s first day of school? Dad said smiling

I laughed, ok ok, fair, just don’t insist on driving me, I’m a big girl and I’ve got my license

Oh, right, we will need to correct that, but for now drive really safe and obey all the rules, like you always do, right?

I laughed, yes dad, I’m a good driver, even you have said as much

Just, be careful, cops might not understand or behave well

Oh… I said, yeah, ok, for real, will be careful

Going to have some breakfast real quick then head out

Sounds good dear! mom said

I quickly made a bowl of cereal and ate it, and before I left, dad insisted on a picture with mom holding a chalkboard they had used when we were kids edited to say ‘Grace’s first day of her senior year’ and I had to laugh, the picture turned out really cute though and my smile was obvious even to me. I got in my car and nervously headed towards campus. Thankfully it wasn’t all that far, and it was all slow driving in neighborhoods. I stopped and looked at every stop sign, I waited on pedestrians and I drove at or below the speed limit and saw no cops. I got to campus a bit later than I would’ve liked, there were a lot of kids already here, but I shouldn’t have worried, Emily was immediately beside my car again somehow

I managed to get out without her having to wake me from my anxiety today, dragging out both bags and smiling at her, heya I said

Heya yourself! Thats a great outfit, really, perfect for a coming out. Got the note?

Yeah I said taking one of the copies I had made out, and several copies

Good! Just in case

Yeah I said… I wish you were in my homeroom

Oh, well don’t worry about that, Ana is, and she will walk in with you if you want

I smiled, I might appreciate that

She’s going to meet us at my locker before heading to your lockers then Emily said

We took each others hand and headed towards the door as other students streamed in. There were confused looks, but no one really said anything. We talked a bit as we walked, and when we approached Emily’s locker there was Ana and the rest of the squad who immediately started complimenting my outfit, and assuring me that they would be there in every class as backup, even Kara chimed in which surprised me.

Ana piped up, ok, lets get you to homeroom, see you all at lunch! She called as we walked off

Thank you for this by the way, I said

You are on the squad! And the squad looks out for each other she said smiling, also, I’ve got a relative who’s trans, and they mean the world to me, I would do anything to help you, they are so much happier, more confident since they started living as themself, and already I see it on you, your smile walking in to the group today is 10 times brighter than it was yesterday morning.

We approached our lockers and I quickly stowed my duffle and swapped books around and Ana looked at me and said, Ready?

I nodded

Want me to go in first?

Yeah, ok I said

She went inside but didn’t sit down immediately and I followed her in, my homeroom teacher looked up briefly and said yes can I…? oh, uh, ok… I handed over the note

Oh! Ok, Welcome Grace she said smiling, go take your seat

Ana and I walked back to our seats

Ok class, as you probably just realized one of your classmates is going through a change, Grace will be using she/her pronouns, and I expect you to respect that.

There was some confused chatter and one of my friends leaned over to me and said, you do look really happy today, Im glad to meet you Grace

I smiled, thanks

Honestly classes were boring in the morning, the teachers hadn’t read their memo’s yet, but they accepted my copies well enough, and between Ana and the others on the squad I had at least one of them in every class.

Lunch arrived and I grabbed food and I promised my friends I wouldn’t exclusively sit with the cheerleaders, but today at least, I wanted to, and they understood wishing me a good time.

I found the squad at their usual table and they waved me over and I smiled and sat down next to Emily.

Chatter didn’t solely revolve around me, and they had been keeping each other updated with how things were going. Apparently there had been some people who were not happy about it, but they weren’t as yet, a problem. They also chatted with me about various girly things I had never really gotten to talk about, and generally it was a nice lunch.

Near the end of lunch, I saw someone moving towards us, it was Mark, and he looked upset, the other cheerleaders noticed and got up to block him from coming over

Oh no Mark, one of them said holding up a hand, no trouble, ok?

Get out of my way he said, I need to talk to him, her, whatever pushing past them

It’s her they called, and don’t you dare cause trouble

Hey, I said, don’t just push past people like that, its rude, and what do you want Mark?

I, I don’t understand, why are you doing this?

Doing what? I asked, being intentionally dense

I, dressing like that, changing your name

Because Im trans, obviously, I said calmly

You’re Greg! You always will be, why would you push us away like that?

I set my fork down on the table and stood up.

Mark, you’ve been my friend a long time, one of my best friends, we’ve been there for each other through a lot, and I had hoped you would be here for me through this

You’ll never be a woman! he shouted and spat in my direction

Suddenly teachers were there, leading him off, and Miss Billingsworth looked at me and I nodded and mouthed thank you

I sat down shaking at the table and Emily sat down close to me and hugged me, hey, are you ok?

I’m, no, not really I said feeling a pit form deep in my stomach

I suddenly got up and ran out of the cafeteria and in to a hall opposite of where they had taken Mark, and I looked around feeling dizzy and unsure where to go and heard the door bash open behind me, what do you need? I vaguely heard Emily ask

A bathroom I said feeling my stomach get more upset

This way she said grabbing my hand and running with me to the nearest set of restroom’s, and drug me inside the ladies room.

There was a couple other girls in there and they shouted in surprise at Emily bursting in dragging me with her and quickly got me in a stall and on my knees as I lost my lunch until I was dry heaving, I was pretty out of it for a bit though. The other girls were still looking on when I finally came to and asked if I was ok

I nodded weakly and got up with help from Emily

I quietly said sorry as she helped me get cleaned up at the sink and they said no need to apologize, someone just sent out a text of what happened, Mark was so rude! one of them said

Oh. I said feeling my stomach sink again

Woah, hey, the cheer squad will handle this, if you two wouldn’t mind giving us a bit of privacy

Oh, sure! The other of them said, sorry about everything, and they quickly left

You going to be ok? Emily asked

I uh, I don’t know I said slumping against the wall on to a small bench under the frosted window high off the ground

Thats totally fair, do you need to go to the nurses office?

I, no, not really I said, I just need some liquids and Ill be ok

Well you aren’t practicing today, you can watch, but you sit on the sidelines.

Ok I said tiredly, and then I heard the end of lunch bell ring.

Oh, we should get going, I said shakily getting up and heading towards the door

You have a study hall after lunch, right?

Yup

Ok, lets go to the nurse anyways and get a note, and both of us will just take this next period off to relax, ok?

Ok I said feeling too tired to resist.

We walked down the hall amongst the swirling students to the nurses office, next to the admin office and Miss Billingsworth saw us through the open admin door as we headed in to the nurses office next to it.

She followed us in

Hey Bill she said to the nurse in her usual unreadable tone, these two young ladies need a note out of their next class, something rather upsetting happened at lunch. And I suspect that Grace here needs some electrolytes at the very least. I’ll let their teachers know.

Oh, can do, he said turning his back towards us as Miss Billingsworth quickly turned around and headed back to the office. He reached in to a fridge and pulled out a red gatorade bottle turning back towards us, ok, this is the only flavor I’ve got, sorry

Oh thats fine, I said, thank you

Anyone who gets Miss Billingsworth to come in and speak up for them must have had something truly awful happen, and Im sorry about that, you ok? Guessing you lost your lunch? You need some protein too?

I uh, maybe later I said, don’t think it would stay down right now

Understandable, he said and pulled out a couple of protein bars from a box, here, no sense you getting all hangry later when your stomach has calmed down. Now, notes, he said reaching for his pad and writing two quick notes

One hour reprieve from school, go enjoy the nice fall afternoon for a bit.

Thank you Emily said as I was slowly sipping at my gatorade.

She helped me back up and we walked, out of the school and to the broader campus of the middle and elementary. We had to show our notes to the guard at the door, and he looked at us funny but waved us through

When we had gone halfway around the block, I put the cap back on the bottle, and quietly said thank you

Absolutely no thanks needed, you are my girlfriend AND a squad mate, I would never let you go through this alone.

What do you think will happen to Mark?

From what I know of the policies, detention, maybe even a weeks worth

Do you think he will continue being a problem?

Maybe, but the school will deal with that, you don’t worry about him at all.

Thats a bit hard I said, he was my best friend, and I had told him everything, everything but this, I feel bad for having lied to him, and so many others for so long

Hey, thats not on you, society is pretty clear about how it feels about trans people, and it makes it obvious even to the most oblivious of eggs that they aren’t wanted. Between billionaire authors and dictators of imperialist countries starting wars of expansion and genocide and half the state legislatures all blaming and attacking trans people, is it any wonder you hid?

I nodded, yeah, I guess some of that, but mostly I was just scared of losing my friends, and now thats happened

Hey, every single one of your friends has stood up for you except him, and you’ve gained some new ones in the process, don’t sell yourself short!

You’re right, I said, can we sit down?

We walked to a bench not too far from one of the entrances to the high school and I sipped some more at my gatorade

You feeling better?

A bit, I should be ok for my next class

Good

So what are you missing at the moment?

Oh Physics, its fine, we were just doing a lesson today, I’ll get the assignment from Kara, she’s in that class as well, next is Trig, uggh, I hate trig, or anyways, the trig teacher

Oh… him, yeah, I had him last year, more monotonous than even Miss Billingsworth

Emily laughed, oh don’t let either of them ever hear you say that!

I laughed a little, yeah, that would be bad, my next is computer, easy peasy, I looked at my watch, it was nearly time for the bell to go off, we should head back inside I guess, Im done with this bottle of gatorade anyways

Ok she said helping me up and giving me a peck on your cheek, also, I want you to know, I think it was really brave of you standing up for yourself

I just want to know why? I said

If I knew that, I would tell you sweetie, I would, she said taking my hand as we approached the door, swiping our badges to unlock them midday, and showing our notes to the security guard inside who grunted and waved us on. The bell rang shortly and classrooms emptied out and suddenly one of the juniors on the squad was beside us and offering to head with me to our computer class

Oh, thanks I said

Absolutely! She said

We chatted a bit as we walked through the halls and I saw people whispering and trying to hide their interest a bit more than I had in the morning but I tried to ignore it.

We arrived to the computer room and Mr Kerrigan greeted us, good afternoon Grace, glad you are feeling better

Oh, yeah, mind if I eat this protein bar in class?

Just don’t get any of it in the keyboard, he said smiling at me.

We sat down and class was boring, Cheer squad members were with me in every class but my final study hall which was boring and quiet and while the monitor kind of glared at me when I came in, she did that to every student really, so it wasn’t that unusual.

After class, Emily was outside the door waiting for me somehow already

I told a fib that I had to go make some copies for the cheer team and could I leave a bit early, and here I am

I looked an appropriately exaggerated amount of shocked, why I never, I said grinning, thanks

Just like saying sorry too much, you don’t have to thank me for everything she said smiling, its fine, this is what I do for the people I care about, not the first time I’ve done that either she said laughing as we headed to our lockers. The hallways were a bit crowded, I got to my locker and grabbed my things then followed Emily to hers,

Ok, ready for practice she asked?

I mean, Im ready to, but you said I was sitting out

If you feel up for it, you do what you can, but if you feel woozy or anything, sit down, ok! And that goes for any day, not just today, a cheerleader falling over and knocking her noggin or throwing up on the field is a bad look she said smiling at me. Are you going to change with us today?

In a stall at least, I smiled weakly

Good enough, I do it sometimes too on days Im not feeling as good, a lot of us do

Oh thats good, I said without thinking and then went OH

she giggled, yeah, not the best to deal with, but eh, you live with it, and we can’t just drop from the cheer squad any time we are dealing with it, or we would have some weeks where we had basically no squad

Yeah, I can kind of understand that

We got to the locker room and went inside to be greeted by a chorus from the other girls on the squad and then I took my bag in to one of the stalls, and the stalls on campus were thankfully well designed, there was no side cracks and they went lower and up higher than most I had seen. I quickly changed and joined the rest of the squad in the locker room, trying not to stare but also trying to not not stare

Ana looked at me and said you are really nervous in here still aren’t you?

Just a bit I said

Well transform those nerves in to energy for out there Emily said grinning and heading out of the room and I followed her, joining the few who were already outside doing stretches and I joined in

You sure you are ok to join in today Grace? the coach asked coming over as I handed her the permission slip my dad had signed last night

I’m going to do what I can, so I can hopefully cheer with the team at a game some week

Ana piped up from a couple people over, eh, you already are really good at our routines, its almost like you were really interested in us for some odd reason and then smirked

I know, right? what kind of cis het boy is that in to cheerleaders, and not like, actively chasing after them to date them

The others started laughing and I was glad for my humor, it helped me a bit but I was still pretty shaken from today. When the rest of the squad was out and limbered up, Emily started us doing various cheers, and I was doing ok, but then they wanted me to experience a bit of what it meant to be on the pyramid and they got me up and that did not go well, I had to ask to come down pretty quickly and then walked over slowly and sat on a bleacher. The coach kept the team going and Emily came over and sat next to me

Heya she said, you ok?

Yeah, I just need a minute, being on top of even a two stack was a lot more than I expected it to be

It takes some getting used to, you looked great going up though!

Thanks I said, be back over in a minute, you go practice with them ok?

She smiled, sure, see you in a bit and got up and dashed back over and started practicing the routines

I got up and stretched a bit before going back and practicing the bits I felt comfortable with

After practice was over, we all did some cooldown stretching and then slowly filtered in to change, I quickly changed in a stall again, and then joined the others in a bit of conversation til Emily was done and ready to head out too.

We walked hand in hand to the parking lot, we stopped at her car, it was closer, and we shared a brief kiss and I promised I would text her tonight and I headed towards my car. The drive home was boring, and I was again careful, in spite of being somewhat keyed up from practice, I took it slowly and carefully and got home fine. I walked up to the front door and entered and saw my mom and dad both waiting for me with odd looks on their face.

Hello Grace, mom said

Hey I said, whats up? You’re both home early

So, the school called us today

Oh, it was nothing really, I said smiling weakly, I’m fine

I was ready to go over and have a good talking to that boy when I heard, dad said, can’t believe it after the number of times he was here for sleepovers and birthday parties and just hanging out all summer sometimes

Yeah I said quietly, its not easy

And they said you got sick afterwards?

Yeah, but Im fine, just got a bit overly stressed out and threw up, its fine, Emily made sure I got fluids in me and the nurse also gave me some protein bars to help.

And you practiced anyways? Mom asked

Some, got to try being up today and that did not go great, but I didn’t lose it again, just went and sat down for a bit

Thats good, mom said coming over and hugging me, oh Im so sorry your first day wasn’t perfect

It was fine mom, really, the squad has been amazing

Ok dear, but theres one more bit

Dad sighed, so, shortly before I got home I got a call from Mark’s parents, apparently they tried to reach your mother but failed. They apologized profusely on his behalf and have no idea what brought this on. I explained that my daughters are the most important thing to me in the world and that if their son couldn’t respect that, could he kindly stay out of your life. And then they said they were considering pulling him out and letting him finish the school year online.

I, they, did what now? I’m sad Mark took it badly, but I don’t want him pulled out of school over it.

I explained that too, I knew how you would feel, they said they weren’t going to rush in to it, but he’s on probation as far as they are concerned

I mean, I guess if he can’t behave, but I hope he comes to his senses at some point

Yeah, mom said, thats all we all want

Can we get some supper now?

Sure sweetie, what would you like?

Uh… chinese? like takeout? I dont know why, I’m just kind of craving it

Ok, if thats what you want tonight, we’ll get it

Dad went over to the phone and started placing an order

Mom hugged me again, oh Im so happy you are finally getting to be you

Me too mom, me too I said smiling

Ok, order’s placed, Im going to run grab it real quick, be back after bit

Mom and I sat down and watched a bit of tv while dad was gone. Just some silly cartoon show, and about a half hour later he returned with food and we had a nice meal together. After we were done I said I had to go do some more schoolwork than usual as I took that break during one of my study halls and I headed up to my room, and sat on the bed doing the work I could on it, just enjoying being me.

I texted Emily details of what happened after school, and she replied

WHOA. I uh, guess good that they apologized and are taking it seriously

Yeah, I really hope he gets past it and doesn’t get taken out of school, I don’t think he would do well in online school

I could see that, yeah

Between assignments Emily and I chatted a bit and eventually it was bed time. I got myself ready for bed and collapsed, exhausted, today had been a lot and I fell to sleep quickly

---

Wednesday and Thursday were honestly pretty boring, I went to classes, the whispering was dying down, the cheerleaders didn’t need to watch out for me, and my teachers were, well, trying at least and my friends were wonderful. I didn’t see Mark either day, and wondered about it in the locker room before practice Thursday. The cheerleaders said he has been out Wednesday entirely, although not suspended, and on Thursday he apparently brought a sack lunch and ate in detention, and we didn’t share any classes this year so I just hadn’t seen him

Cheer practice was pretty tame and short today and I was surprised when Emily called cooldown early. After we had cooled down she had us sit on the bleachers while she and the coach stood.

Ok all of you, good practices this week, and I know it’s been more than we had been doing for a bit, but I think we are all ready for tomorrow, including Grace, you’ve come so far, I’m so glad you are with us… we are doing a pep rally again tomorrow afternoon, is your uniform going to be ready?

I got a text from my mom this afternoon, that she would be picking it up on her way home from work, it’s not a perfect match but it’s a lot closer than it was, certainly fine at the distance from the bleachers, and I already have the cheer pants and shoes

Good! so period before lunch, come to the locker room instead of class to get changed and ready and we also visit the classrooms in pairs for those that have late lunch, and then we have a break to eat and get ready for the pep rally, the booster squad mostly takes care of decorating thankfully so we don’t miss too much school…

Wait, doesn’t the team usually come to school on game days in their uniforms?

I mean, some of us will, I will, but it’s not a requirement and I wouldn’t hold you to it, and it would draw a lot more attention

More attention than cheering in it at lunch or the pep rally?

Fair, if you want to come in dressed that’s great! I just wasn’t sure you would be ready

I grinned widely, I’m ready! I said enthusiastically and the squad cheered

Bring it in everyone, she said and we huddled and did the team cheer and then broke and went to the locker room. I was getting more comfortable but I still wasn’t ready to change out in the main room, and kind of doubted I ever would be

I waited for Emily and chatted with the other girls before heading out with Emily

Hey sorry about that she started

About what?

Doubting you

You didn’t doubt me, it was good of you to give me an out, I am despite appearances really nervous

I can tell she said smiling, you get a certain kind of hyper to cover it up

I blushed, yeah, I kind of do, do the others know?

I mean, half of them are nervous themselves, and I am a bit, albeit not about the squad

Oh I said?

Tomorrow is the regional championship, and if we win we go on to the state championships after thanksgiving against the other region champs

I mean, more games to cheer at?

Yeah, I mean, I just had a bad time going to the one state game when I was a freshman, I would really rather not repeat it

Wait, you hope we lose? That doesn’t sound very cheer-leader-y?

No, I want us to win! this is the farthest we’ve gotten since I was freshman, I just, I don’t really want to talk about it

Sure, thats fine, but you can talk to me about anything you want to, I said as we got close to her car

Thanks Grace she said smiling and pulled me down a bit to give me a kiss, and then when we broke see you tomorrow? and maybe this weekend I’ll take you out on a proper date?

I would like that, pausing to kiss her one more time, until tomorrow I said breaking contact

I headed towards my car and got in, and it started fine, and I was about to pull out of the parking lot when I saw Emily waving me down

Whoa, whats the problem?

My car won’t start, my moms are coming and bringing jumper cables, but would you mind waiting with me, unless you have cables?

No cables but sure, I’ll wait with you, why don’t you get in my car, the heaters warming up and its a bit cool tonight

Thanks she said getting in the passenger seat, and I quickly parked close to her car

So what happened?

Oh this silly ancient thing doesn’t let me know I left my parking lights or turn them off automatically, and it was misting this morning so I had them on

Ooof, done that before, my parents cars beep at them but not mine

Thanks for waiting with me

My pleasure, for a teammate and my girlfriend? I would’ve turned around out and come back, on that note, let me text my parents and let them know I’ll be delayed

I grabbed my phone and quickly texted my parents that Emily had car trouble at school and we were waiting for her moms

well just remember you are on school grounds and don’t get too affectionate lest someone notice!

I showed Emily my phone and she laughed, wait, why aren’t we kissing right now?

I shrugged, beats me I said laughing and leaned over and we started making out

We were having a grand time doing that until Emily’s phone beeped

2 minutes!

Oh, they are close she said, guess we should knock it off

I guess I said smiling

Shortly a car pulled in to the lot with its lights on and pulled in between my car and her car.

I saw Jodie get out of the car, and Emily got out of mine and I got out and waved, hi Jodie I said

Hiya Grace! You are looking good today! Thanks for waiting with Emily and helping keep her warm, in perhaps more way than one she laughed

Jill popped the trunk and hood and Jodie quickly got her cables out while Emily got her hood popped and I helped get Emily’s hood up while Jodie was hooking up the cables to Jill’s car. Soon everything was ready and Jodie coached Emily and Jill through doing the jump and shortly Emily’s car was running, and I was helping disconnect the cables. When everything was done and put away, Jodie came over and gave me a big hug.

Ope, I said in surprise

I’m so glad you are getting to be out and be yourself, and Emily’s not been happier in a long time

I smiled, and so am I, you all drive safe getting home

We will, and we are following in case theres any issues

I gestured at Emily and said, call me!

I will, she said through her rolled down window waving and grinning at me

I got back in my car that I had left running and headed out behind them, turning towards my house while they turned towards theirs. I got home ok, and pulled in to my spot along the street and headed inside

I tiredly set my bags at the stairs and came in to the living room

Hiya kiddo! Mom said, glad you are home safe, is Emily home yet?

I uh, and then my phone rang, and it was Emily, I picked it up

Heya! Just letting you know we made it home safe, my mom’s recommended I leave it on a battery charger all night to be sure

Glad to hear, ok, see you tomorrow morning! Ill be there ready for the day, I hung up the phone

Sounds like she got home safe then dad said coming in from the kitchen

Yeah

Ready for supper now? I’m sure you are hungry with how late it is, mom asked

I could definitely eat, were you two waiting on me?

I mean, just a bit I said, today got a bit long

Well I’ve been keeping things warm, brisket and some mashed potatoes and stuff Dad said, we wanted to wait for you

Thanks I said, that sounds good

We sat down and had a nice meal

As we finished mom asked, so, we know tomorrow is the regional championships, did you get cleared to cheer at it?

I smiled, I did! And I said I would go to school in uniform, how does it look?

Oh fantastic! Our girl’s first game day! So happy for you dear, and the uniform looks great, it’s upstairs in Mary’s room

And… dad said… we were wondering if you would be ok with us coming to the game? I know we didn’t didn’t go to every game Mary cheered at, but we went to the big ones, and tomorrow is a big one in more ways than one

I smiled of course you can come! I wish Mary could be here in person, she already texted me good luck earlier but that she couldn’t make it here in time but that she would be watching the games stream, not that it gets a lot of the cheerleaders

Well we will be taking photos and videos for all of us for the memories Mom said

I uh, we don’t have tons of photos of me from the last few years, do we? I asked, another thing connecting in my mind.

Not really… mom said, you tended to avoided being in them a lot, figured you were just being contrary on purpose

I shrugged, I didn’t even realize why until just now

Well thats already changing, I have more pictures of you this week than the preceding year already Mom grinned at me

Conversation changed topics as we finished our meal and put dishes away

I need to do some schoolwork before bed, I said as I headed towards my bags and the stairs

Ok dear! I put your uniform in your room and hung it up, its all ready to go for the morning

I got up to my room and saw the uniform hanging on the closet, and I smiled, I was finally what I had longed to be, a cheerleader, a girl, a girlfriend, all things I had never admitted even to myself well, but they had been there always, pounding away in my subconscious trying to get my attention in more than just a surface sort of way of ‘wear girls clothes’ or ‘practice the cheer moves, no one needs to know, its fine’

I sat down at the vanity desk and got through my remaining work quickly, afterwards I laid down on the bed and called Emily, and we video chatted for awhile and then it was bed time. I got ready and laid down in bed, closed my eyes and fell right to sleep.

---

I awoke slowly, the light creeping in, and then suddenly I bolted awake, realizing how late I was and my alarm had been going off for 30 minutes already. I jumped out of bed and headed to the bathroom and then came back and quickly got dressed and grabbed my bags and took the stairs 2 at a time going downstairs

Whoa hey Grace dad said at the bottom, no need to run in the house, you’ll get there in time

Why did you let me sleep in this much?? I said loudly as I headed to the kitchen to grab a toaster pastry I didn’t even intend to pop in the machine

Mom approached me with a plate of bacon and eggs, here, eat a proper breakfast she said, its fine, also, Emily called, she wanted to give you a lift today

Wait, what? She didn’t mention that to me

I guess she wanted to surprise you?

Yeah I guess I said and sat down and ate since mom had provided it

You look great by the way, the uniform really suits you

I blushed, thanks mom

I heard a horn honk

Oh, I guess thats her mom said

I finished off my plate really quick and gulped down some more water and ran back to the stairs and grabbed my bags and headed out the door

Mom and dad followed me to the door. Have a good day! Mom called

And see you tonight at the game! dad called

I waved over my shoulder without looking back, and I heard dad say more quietly as I got in Emily’s car ‘they grow up so quick’

Hiya! She said

Heya, I said looking confused, when did you decide to pick me up?

Oh as soon as I decided you were ready for today she said grinning

You do with this all the new players on the day of their first game?

No, just the ones I’m dating, she said grinning and pulling away from the curb.

Was a bit worried you were like, checking up on me and making sure I looked ok before going in to the school

Pfffft she said laughing, girl, you look amazing, was absolutely not worried you would look ok, you ready for today?

I was born ready, I said laughing

Emily snorted, that is an amazing phrase

Our conversation changed to other random things and eventually she pulled in to school, it was a bit late, but we should make it to class just in time. Before we got out of the car she leaned over and kissed me, for good luck she said, not that you will need it.

Thanks I said blushing, I might not need it but I won’t turn it down. We got out of the car, getting our bags out of the back and heading in. I grabbed her hand and she squeezed mine as we walked inside, and I squeezed back as I split off to head to my locker, see you in a couple hours I said

See you! She called blowing a kiss at me

I walked to my locker and Ana was there in uniform too, morning Grace, you look great in that! she called

Morning Ana, I said smiling, thanks

We headed in to homeroom, and the bell rang about a minute after we sat down

Homeroom was boring, although our teacher noted the coming pep rally this afternoon which was honestly unusual of her, but she didn’t directly involve us and I decided to not acknowledge it any more than I had to.

My other morning class was similarly boring, and I noted again the teacher decided to note the pep rally today, which I again felt odd, neither of them usually did. Maybe it was nothing.

After class I headed to my locker and grabbed my duffle and dropped my backpack off and headed to the locker room

As I walked there I waved at the other squad members all in uniform all heading there as well and we went inside.

Ok! Lets get ready when Emily saw we were all there smiling at me

A couple members pulled out big boxes and unfurled their contents

Emily came over to me, ok, Im doing yours today

I can do my own… I said

You are good sweetie, really, but let me do this she said smiling at me

Ok… I said and I sat on a bench next to her as she grabbed various things from the box and started working on my face, and when she had placed the last temp tattoo she had me turn 180 and started futzing with my hair and I wound up with a big curly ribbon woven through my still not very long hair, and a big bow on top in the team colors.

There! She said, ready to see yourself?

I nodded and turned around and she grabbed a three panel mirror from the case and opened it in front of me

I smiled a bit, thank you! although a bit surprised you didn’t put an extension in. my hair’s awfully short

Pffttt, nah, this is a team that embraces a lot of different looks, you aren’t our only short haired member, don’t tell me you never noticed?

I mean, I had…

Wait, do you want an extension? I think I’ve got a clip on pony tail that I cold make work

I blushed, I, kind of, its silly though

Hey, stop that, you want to look how you want to look and you don’t have your own length yet, its fine, she dug in a couple of the cases, ah, here we go, in the right color too! and she went back to working with my hair clipping on the fake pony tail and making sure it was really secure and then resetting the bow and ribbons.

She had me turn back around to the mirror, there, that better?

I grinned broadly and leaned over and hugged her, Thank you!!

Your welcome! she said, my pleasure

When the group was nearly finished getting ready, she stood up and the coach entered and brought us a stack of flyers and we each took some. Emily explained what we planned to do, the cheers we would do on entering, the way handing out flyers worked, and what we would do when we headed to the classrooms, and what pairs of us would be doing which classrooms

And you! Grace, are coming with me for this she said grinning

Oh, ok I said smiling, I can do that

We did a couple cheers to get us all pumped up and started bouncing out in to the hallway to the lunchroom right after kids would be sat down to eat. We exploded in to the lunchroom and joyously announced the rally and did a couple of cheers, and I was having grand fun then grabbed a stack of flyers to take around to the tables, including going to my old table of friends

Soo, decided to not just go to pep rally’s but take part in them! one of them ribbed me

I laughed, YUP! You should try it, its a lot more fun

I handed them their flyer and bounced off before I could decide what any of their confused expressions meant and headed over to the next table and then when the flyers were handed out, we split off in to our pairings and Emily and I headed towards the classrooms with flyers as well

Before we got to the first one, did you notice anything.. unusual in your classes this morning?

Like?

Like teachers who wouldn’t normally mention a pep rally mentioning them?

Huh, nope! Neither one brought it up and they never do

Weird I said… pausing

Whats up? she said, I take it you are worried about something?

Were, were they just mentioning it because they knew I was in class and new to the squad?

Hrm, maybe? Or maybe they are just excited about the chance to win regionals tonight

We arrived at our first classroom and Emily lead the way in and introduced us and that there would be a pep rally today, and we handed out some flyers and then went on to the next classroom

It was going smoothly until we got to the final room, and I hesitated, wait

What?

Isn’t that the lunch detention room?

Oh, yeah, best not I guess, Ill do it by myself, I know Mark’s still in it

I’ll be out here I said quietly looking at the ground

She took my hand and squeezed it, talk when I get out? She asked smiling

Yeah, I said quietly

She went in to the room and I heard her go through the pitch, a couple minutes later she was done and came out

How did it go?

Fine, and yes Mark was in there, he would barely make eye contact with me, but it didn’t seem to be out of anger or disgust… it was almost like… shame?

Meh, he should be ashamed, making a scene like that

Do you think you would ever forgive him?

I, I honestly don’t know, I think I could, but it’s really not up to me, he’s the one that has to decide he’s sorry and apologize and mean it and do better.

Yeah, I guess that’s true

Ok, back to the locker room, coach will have lunch ready for us

Oh good, I’m starving, I said

Emily giggled, you are a growing girl after all

I laughed, that I am, although I need to figure out more of that aspect still

You’ll get there! And I’ll be there for you every step of the way as we paused in the hallway and shared an illicit PDA violation level kiss before the bell rang to let the the kids go to their next classes, and after that, the pep rally

We got to the locker room and coach did indeed have a very nice array of sandwiches and various chips for us as well as some cookies for desert, and we all dug in and it was very good, j recognized the work of a local sandwich shop rather than the cafeteria food.

Emily finished and got up and got peoples attention, ok you all, one last run through for the rally today, you can finish eating but do try and pay attention. She then explained in detail the sequence of events, and what our roles would be, I was just going to be waving poms and helping lead cheers while others did arial stuff mixed in. We would all also line up as the team came in to be announced, and the mascot would be helping us energize the crowd

And then it was almost time and I felt my anxiety spike a bit as we were standing right next to the exit waiting for the principle to announce us.

Ana appeared beside me, you ok?

I kind of want to throw up

Well don’t do that out there, but you will be fine! She said, and I’m doing the same stuff you are today so if you get lost just glance at what I’m doing

I smiled, thanks.

Emily called 5 seconds! Smiles and bouncy!

I heard the music swell outside and the team started bouncing out, a few of the people in the lead did various things like cart wheels or flips, and we went out, did some cheers to get the crowd going and I was feeling really good, I had to stifle laughing at the antics of the school mascot and then it was time to introduce the team, and we all lined up in a double line and cheered and waved our poms while the team came charging out one at a time as the starting line up was introduced and then the rest came out in a big pack and then the squad lead the crowd in more cheers and it was honestly really good energy from the school, the team was keyed up, the school was and I was so ready for us to win tonight, not that it was a guarantee but I felt like anything was possible.

After the pep rally we all retreated to the locker room

That was amazing Grace! Ana called, I didn’t see you have to look at me once! Like you were born doing this

I laughed, no, just paid way more attention to it than I ever let on

Well you learned really well, Emily said coming over and hugging me, ready for the game tonight?

Yeah, I think so, what do we do between now and then?

Oh, uh, where are we playing tonight? Kenton? It’s uh, about an hour away, so we will be loading in to the bus soon to head there, and that gives us a bit of time to have a small bite to eat on the way and still have a bit of time to use the visiting facilities there and then keeping the crowd energized before kickoff!

Oh so I need to run grab my bag?

We will be coming back here, only grab what you need with you

I’ve got my phone in my duffle

Great! Than just bring that

The team took a bit to pack up various things and then we were hauling various supplies to the bus, banners, one of our more portable tumble mats, our poms, etc

When we had finished loading the mini buss seating was a bit tight, but Emily whispered to me after we were seated that that just meant a good excuse to sit next to her girlfriend on the way to her first game, causing me to blush

We didn’t really do much, the coach apparently had eyes in the back of her head though and called several people on antics. Eventually the driver stopped us at a fast food place about halfway there, and we all bounced inside and got small meals and water, and were chatting away eating until the coach whistled it was time to get back on the road. We got to the field about an hour and a half before the game, which meant time to kill. We were shown to the visiting team girls locker room and the makeup cases came out and Emily helped me touch up mine.

I checked my phone after and mom and dad texted that they would be there before kickoff unless traffic got bad, and I texted a couple pics from the day at the pep rally

looking great! Mom replied

thanks I said, see you in the stands soon :)

The team mostly just chatted after we were all ready til about a half hour before game time when the coach came in and told us it was time to get stuff out to the field. We each grabbed various things and headed out there.

As I looked up at the bleachers one of the first people I saw was Mark, and he waved a sheepish little wave

I froze looking at him

Emily noticed I had frozen and came over and looked up and quickly grabbed my arm and lead me out of sight of him

What is he doing here? I whispered loudly

I honestly don’t know, but you sit over here facing away from him, and out of sight for just a moment and breathe, ok?

I nodded and sat on the bench she indicated

She waved down Kara who was helping haul out the mat

Hey Kara she said quietly, sit with Grace for a moment, I’m going to find coach

What’s up?

A safety concern

OH! Sure

You don’t have to drag the coach in to it, it’s fine, right?

I’m NOT having him causing a scene on your big night! Emily said

Ok, I said

She walked off with a quickness

So what’s up? Kara asked

Mark is here, it’s probably no big deal

Oh, yeah, he shouldn’t be here, well I’ll wait with you til Emily gets back

I pulled out my phone and texted my parents, if the coach was going to know, I guess they should too… and then I decided on a whim to text one of the group chats with my friends that I mostly ignored asking if any were going to be at the game tonight, and saying that Mark had come. I quickly got texts back from a couple saying they would be here and they would keep an eye on Mark for me.

Emily came back with the coach who kneeled next to me and immediately started in, So Grace, this isn’t that uncommon, someone shows up to a game who’s been bad to one of my squad and I take it seriously. She continued, Usually unless I know a specific threat, and so far I don’t know that we do, I encourage you to participate tonight, as long as you feel up to it, and I will alert the security to not let Mark down here just in case

Yeah, I think I do still, he just caught me off guard… I also texted my parents, and my friend group so they are aware and they said they would keep an eye on him

That’s good, defense in depth is always good, ok, psych yourself back up and join us when you are ready

Sure

You want me to stay? Kara asked

Nah, that’s ok, I’ll be out there in just a moment

Ok then! She said bounding off to help the others and Emily said ok, I’ve got things to do too, see you in a bit?

Yup

I sat there taking some breaths, it’s fine, I said to myself, I got up and did some stretches and bounced around a bit and by the time I got out of the leeway of the bleachers I could no longer spot Mark, the lights were now fully on and the crowd was thickening, I started to head back inside for my poms that I had left inside, but Emily whistled at me and waved me over and handed them to me

looking for these? she said grinning

I was, thank you I said

You ready? She asked enthusiastically

I am! I called back and got in place as the team started doing some cheers to work the crowd up, and did ultimately saw my parents, who had gotten parents section seats and were grinning wildly and waving, and I waved back and then focused back on cheering

When the game started we did things when they were setting lines and stuff or stayed out of the way when the play was underway but we still cheered and screamed and waved poms when a play was going well. By half time we were down a little bit but not much, and we cheered and the bands played and I waved to my parents a bit more and then we briefly retreated to the locker room right after play started back up

I sat down exhausted and started slowly drinking water

Emily came over, you doing ok? A full game is a lot

I’m hanging in there, I said, I’ll make it

Good she said grabbing her own water bottle and refilling it and drinking herself

We all chatted a bit, about the game and other things, and as soon as we were rested we headed back out to watch and cheer during the second half

We were still behind but we had the ball and were in good position to score, the squad got really excited as each play did what it needed to and then we had a pass that got caught in the end zone, putting us back in the lead and our schools fans and us exploded in cheering

Kenton kind of collapsed after that, their defense was tired and their offense fumbling things and we won the game ahead by a fair bit. It wasn’t as dramatic as a last minute Hail Mary to win the game, but it was still exciting

The team and stands emptied on to the field and the cheerleader wound up more or less center field at the 50 yard line and Emily grabbed my hand and shout whispered in my ear over the din of celebrating and sad fans, wanna kiss?

I blushed, more than anything, are you ok with it?

Wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t and she pulled my head down a bit and we kissed right there in center field. I knew photos were being taken in general, and I didn’t care, this had been the best week of my life and I was so blissfully happy

Eventually we broke the kiss and started filtering to the locker room

I saw my parents standing next to the bottom of the stairs down to the field looking at the crowd and I grabbed Emily’s hand, you want to meet my parents?

Oh! Sure, not like I’ve not met them before, albeit not as your girlfriend of course

We walked over

Hi mom, hi dad, this is Emily, my girlfriend

Good to see you again, Dad said

Mom grinned at me, are you the two I caught a glimpse of kissing out there at center field

I blushed, yeah,

Well just as a warning I saw camera flashes going out there… it’s gonna end up online probably

Yeah, but right now I don’t care about any of that

So uh, Grace, Mark approached us at half time, he tried to get us to ask you to talk to him, he wants to apologize, but we told him absolutely not tonight, ok?

Oh, thank you, yeah definitely not tonight, and I don’t know when honestly, I’m going with the squad to Shakey’s after the game

Ok dear, see you at home? Guessing you will be late?

Emily spoke up, also… I was thinking of inviting some of the girls over for a sleepover tonight to celebrate, Grace included

OH! I said, sure, but I don’t have any clothes with me for that

I have so many pajamas around, and a lot of the girls know we sometimes do it after a big victory

Oh right, can’t believe I forgot that

I mean, we were in your basement for them last year silly goose

Yeah! But I was upstairs and asleep!

You never peeked?

NO! I said and laughed, I may have been desperate to be a cheerleader, but like, I knew that would probably get me murdered

We don’t bite, Emily said laughing, mimicking biting playfully at me, but fair enough

My parents standing there during this exchange looked increasingly uncomfortable, but eventually mom broke in

If you want to go tonight, go, just remember that you are of the girls, but also your girlfriend will be there so make good decisions

We will mom, promise I said

Have a goodnight dear, and see you tomorrow

See you tomorrow! I called as we turned towards the locker room.

After we were out of earshot of my parents, Is it really ok? I mean, I’ve done nothing for transition so far, I change in the stalls for a reason

Sweetie, you aren’t even the first trans girl on this squad, it’s fine

Wait, who else is trans?

Oh she graduated years ago, she was a senior when I was a freshman, and the seniors back then lead by example, she was included in everything

Oh I said, I didn’t know

She was more stealth than you are, had transitioned before high school and changed districts before high school, but she didn’t hide it from us, it’s fine really

We got back inside and quickly started packing our gear along with the others and then schlepping it to the Mini bus. Before long we were on the road back to town, and Shakey’s and Emily announced the sleepover and most either agreed right away or said yes but needed to check with parents. The bus was surprisingly quiet on the way to Shakey’s and Emily I sat there holding head leaning our heads against each other. Eventually we pulled in to the parking lot of Shakey’s and we got out and stretched and we went inside and ordered our food and then we claimed a number of tables for us and Emily insisted this that I sit next to her and the coach merely rolled her eyes at our PDA as we waited on our food, which they eventually brought out. The conversation got more animated again than it had been on the bus, and I had a really good time. Eventually we finished our food and loaded back on the bus back to the school and the conversation didn’t really die back down this time. By the time we got back to the school I was pretty tired, but the coach let us in to get stuff and admonished us to not do anything wild. I grabbed my backpack and met Emily outside the school on the way to her car.

Hey wait a minute, did you already have this plan this this morning?

I might of she said and winked at me, but only if we won of course she said grinning

We got to her car and headed to her place, the others mostly headed home before coming to Emily’s leaving us there alone to get their own PJs and such

Jodie and Jill greeted us as we came in, hey kiddos, sleepover?

Yeah, Emily said, we won! Gotta celebrate

Well I’ll get the air popper fired up then Jill said and went to the kitchen

Thanks mom, Emily said

How many are coming? Jodie asked

Uhh, all but Kara I think

That’s a lot, ok, I’ll go downstairs and get the air mattresses airing up, and the linens out

Thanks momma! Then she turned to me, let’s get you some pj’s!

She drug me up to her room, ok, so, what do you normally sleep in?

Uh, just shorts and a t-shirt, and I guess I’ve got some camis now that I’ve used the last week

Ok! She dug in her chest of drawers and pulled out a pair of pink and white short shorts and a cami top that had the word cheer written on it in big swoopy letters in the schools colors, Here, I made this one at cheer camp last summer, it’s a bit big on me, but I bet it will look great on you

I uh, thanks, but I was wondering about something that maybe, uh, covered more

I can do that, what did you have in mind?

Sweatpants and a t-shirt at least?

Sure, but any particular reason?

These are too revealing…

You’re wearing a cheer outfit who’s skirt ends mid thigh and you are worried about us seeing your hips and shoulders?

I, I wear padding in my bra and also the cheer shorts help keep, uh, it, unnoticed

Oh, how about a compromise, we absolutely won’t care about what you have up top, no one’s going to mention it, and I have some big baggy, but not sweat sleep pants that should do enough to hide down there, she said digging around and swapping the shorts for a pair of pink with bunnies sleep pants, here you go! she said

Ok… I said, but no promises Ill be ok with it

Thats fair! And we’ve got a little bit of time before the other girls start arriving probably, so its fine if you need another option

Thanks Emily, I said, Im going to go change real quick in your bathroom

oh! sure, you could change here and I wouldn’t mind, but I get you might not be comfortable with that yet

Maybe… maybe another time in the not too distant future

Its fine, she said and waved me to go on and change.

I took off the shell, and the skirt and the sports bra and padding and cheer shorts and put on the sleeping pants and top over my underwear and I looked in the mirror, actually liking what I saw, and the pants were baggy enough, and I padded across the hall in my ruffled socks and knocked on Emily’s door quietly

Come on in! She called, So, that suit you? she asked as I walked in

I nodded, although I did wish I had anything up top in this

Its fine, really, and you aren’t even the only member on the team at the moment who pads, and no I won’t say who, and no one is going to give you shit over it

Just then the doorbell rang and I dropped my stuff in the corner as we headed downstairs to greet whoever had arrived, Emily going a lot faster than me, as I was still pretty nervous

Hey Ana! Emily called as she opened the door, come on in, we will be in the basement tonight

Rock on, your basement is awesome! Ana said, heading to the door downstairs

Emily called Ana’s coming down momma!

Air mattresses all set up and I am coming up Jodie called back, and I heard her say hi to Ana as they passed on the stairs

Heya Grace, thats a cute set of PJ’s on you, you have fun tonight, ok? and if any of the girls give you trouble, just let Emily or us know, we respect boundaries in this household

Yes Jodie, I said, thank you, hope that isn’t needed

Forewarned is forearmed she said punching me in the shoulder and heading back towards the kitchen

Your moms are weird I said quietly

Yeah, she said, they can be, but they mean well, and then the doorbell rang again and a couple more of the squad was here

Eventually most everyone, albeit not Kara who wasn’t coming had arrived and we all made our way downstairs. It was honestly a really good time, I didn’t need to tell Emily or Jodie that any lines had been crossed. We put on movies, some makeovers happened, I even joined in the truth or dare game, and later on never have I ever, and I had to rethink some of my answers before giving them. Eventually even with the sugar and snacks and excitement of going to state, and a week off school for the holiday, we collapsed on the air beds, I wound up on a couch, and Emily was on an air bed next to me and we kissed briefly for the first time since the squad started arriving before falling asleep holding hands.

---

I woke late in the morning to sunlight streaming in the back windows of the town house’s basement, most of the others appearing to have already awakened and left or something and I yawned and stretched, and decided since there was a couple still sleeping, including Ana, that I would go upstairs and see what was going on

I slowly climbed the stairs, and I did hear low volume noise, I opened the door at the top of the stairs and poked my head out and I heard Emily call out almost immediately, Grace! You’re finally awake, want some breakfast?

I came through and closed the door quietly behind me, realizing that it was just her and her moms upstairs, Sure, but where are the others?

They left an hour or more ago mostly, your one of the last few

I haven’t slept that long in a long time

We were starting to wonder, and your parents called about half an hour ago wondering Jill said

Oh geez, I need to go, I uh, need to change too

Whoa slow down honey, Jodie said, it’s fine, they are fine you are here, there’s no rush

Come have some breakfast, Emily said, we’ve got bacon and eggs leftover, then I will help you find an outfit that isn’t pj’s or your cheer uniform

I’ve already borrowed your pj’s, I can just go home in my uniform

Nonsense, that thing smells if it’s anything like Emily’s after a school and game day combo, and it needs washing

I laughed, oh fine, thank you

You’re welcome, Emily said smiling and bringing me a plate of breakfast and leading me to the table and sitting down beside me

Suddenly her moms were conspicuously absent from the room

So, you have fun last night? She asked

I did

Good, you are now a full member of the squad for life, the girls all voiced happiness you joined us before they left

Oh, I didn’t realize this was a for life thing

Well, one thing you might have noticed is, we didn’t invite you to the squad group chat yet, like I really like you, and I think you are a good fit, but squad group chat is sacred, there’s an oath and everything

An oath I said raising an eyebrow

Oh yes, super serious she said grinning and pulled over a pompom that had been sitting on the table

Raise your right hand and place your left hand on the pompom

I laughed, ok

Hey! Don’t laugh! She said and giggled

I placed it there and raised my hand

Now, repeat after me, I, Grace, do swear to uphold the sanctity of the group chat, and that which is said in the group chat is only for other group chat members now and in the future

I repeated the words and nearly burst out laughing afterwards again but managed to stifle, I’m sorry, you know I wouldn’t but this is silly

She laughed, traditions often are, but we do take it somewhat seriously, the elders…

And I couldn’t help it my brain just let the damn burst and I started laughing and couldn’t stop

She sighed and continued as I wound down, I did NOT name them, anyways, the former captains and I even discussed your sisters breach to you about me trying to figure out who was at the party in our uniform…

Oh…

But it’s fine! We hadn’t reached a decision so nothing came of it and now both of you are in the group chat she said tapping at her phone with a flourish and my phone immediately buzzed to life with notifications as dozens of cheerleaders welcomed me to the group nearly at the same time

Oh, wow I said, is it always this busy

I mean, no, but you have friends for life here, you are one of us

I grinned, I don’t really know what to make of this

Eat your breakfast and think about it for a bit she smiled

I finished eating and picked up my phone and grinned at her and purposefully hid what I was typing, and then hit send

oh gosh it’s so great to be, like, one of you finally! Thank you all for your warm welcome and support and encouragement, it’s, like, totally rad! waves pompoms

I hit send and immediately Emily burst out laughing, you silly goose, you don’t have to pretend to be a Valley girl stereotype

I quickly typed and hit send again as another wave of replies hit, most laughing

But seriously, it really does mean a lot to me :)

She smiled, ok, lets find you some clothes

Ana came stumbling upstairs, oh, hey Grace, welcome to the group chat, did she make you do the stupid oath?

I laughed, yes

Ana! I know its silly, but people need to know that its safe to talk about things in there

Just teasing ya, is there any of that breakfast left?

Im afraid I gave Grace the last of it

s’okay, gonna head home, will just grab some fast food on the way home

if you’re sure, Im sure I could find something here for you Emily said

Nah, later Emily, and welcome to the team Grace she said smiling and picked her bag back up and headed out the door without much fanfare

Ok, lets find you some clothes before the other two wake up

She lead me upstairs to her room where she had me go through some of her clothes, and I picked out a pair of shorts and a t-shirt and she started to leave the room

Wait, its fine I said quietly, you can be here if you want

Ok she said stopping before opening the door

I took off the pajama top and pants with my back turned and put the shorts and my sports bra and padding back on, smelly maybe, but, I wasn’t going out with nothing up top, then I turned around and put my top on and smiled uneasily

She came over and hugged me, you look amazing by the way, and I get you are still nervous about it, don’t feel like you have to change in front of the girls, but I do appreciate you opening up a bit more to me

I smiled and leaned down and kissed her on the forehead, I am not comfortable with a lot of who I am, but with you, I feel a little less so

She leaned up and kissed me on the lips, and then we heard the basement door open again

Oh, guess I should go play hostess a bit longer, Emily said, then we heard her mom’s talking and the front door open and close a couple times again and we decided to just stay in her room and makeout a bit

Eventually Jill came up and knocked on Emily’s door, you ok in there girls?

Yeah mom Emily called back,

Ok, might want to think about getting Grace home at some point though

I called, I mean, Im fine with being here but my parents might worry some

Thats all Im thinking of dear, you are welcome here always

I kissed Emily again on the cheek, shall we go? Talk with you on the way and see you lots more this week? What are you doing for thanksgiving?

Oh, we are just staying in and having a small dinner the three of us Thursday evening, and what of your family?

We are going to be in town, but like, all the extended family is going to be here and I keep going back and forth about what to do

Hide in boymode or be yourself I take it?

Yeah, basically

Thats tough, I get how coming out to your extended family all at once could be hard, have you talked with your parents at all about it?

A bit, and they promised to strongly defend me, but like, I don’t want a fight

Sometimes fights are inevitable, what is best for you now and in the long run?

I dont know I said sighing

Well come on, lets get you home, and plan to be with each other every day we can until then and we will figure it out!

I grinned, sure

We headed downstairs and I thanked Jill and Jodie for letting the squad have the sleepover and that I would see them again this week

Emily drove me home and we chatted, it wasn’t a terribly long drive, we made plans for a date tomorrow night, there was a movie we both wanted to see, and we agreed on a restaurant to go to beforehand, and we planned out hang out during the week at one of our homes every day. I returned home to find my parents working in the back yard

My parents looked up as I opened the back slider, there she is, did you have a good time last night dear? Mom asked

Heya, I called from deck, yeah, it was good

Emily wanted to know what my plans were for thanksgiving and I honestly still don’t know, can we talk about it some?

Sure, dad said reaching down to pull out a weed, what’s your thinking been?

I… I would like to not go back to boy mode for it… but also… I think maybe we need to tell the family before Thursday, so they can time to adjust, and if it’s a problem back out…

That sounds reasonable, mom said… and we are happy to help with that of course…

I was thinking we could start with Grandma this afternoon?

Oh, dad said, I mean, we can, but you know how she is

Yeah… I doubt it will go well, but still

Ok sweetie, mom said, lets do some lunch first though and Im guessing you might want a nicer outfit for it

Lunch was simple fair, sandwiches, some chips, and we talked a bit, and then I excused myself. I went upstairs and put on some slightly nicer, and definitely more femme clothing, did my makeup really quick and generally made myself presentable, and came back downstairs and did a spin before mom.

Oh thats lovely dear, I don’t know that it will help, but it cant hurt

Ok, dad said reentering the room, I called mom and told her we are coming over to discuss some plans for Thanksgiving and she complained she didn’t know why we couldn’t just do that over the phone, and that we would be interrupting one of her many activities, as if there is ever a time we could do this without interrupting something she’s up to

Well, so then it will be one of her usual moods, I said shrugging, such is life

Yeah, are you sure you want to do this kiddo? dad asked

Yeah… besides, she will save me from telling like, half the family as it is…

Are you sure you want them to hear it from her though? He said grimacing

Not really, but imagine if she didn’t hear it directly from me?

Dad paused a moment, thats a really good point, well, ok then, off we go to lose my inheritance once again

Mom gave him a side glance as we headed to the front door, this isn’t one to joke about

Yeah, you’re right dear, sorry Grace

I mean, I expect she will threaten again, do we even think she really changes her will each time?

Last I talked with Bill, no, but she has changed it a time or two when she got really upset… Guess I should reach out to Bill at some point early next week and explain things to him, he’s a fairly good guy, maybe he will be able to calm her down if she gets too upset about this

Yeah I said quietly, hopefully it doesn’t come to that

We loaded in the car quietly on that sobering thought and dad pulled out of the driveway and headed towards Grandma’s complex. The drive was mostly in silence, until we were a few minutes out then mom spoke

Ok dear, we are going to go in, and start things, but you have to come in at some point if you want her to know, we aren’t going to tell her for you unless you really need us to

I, I can do it I said, I stood in front of thousands at a football game and kissed Emily center field, I can do this, I pulled out my phone which buzzed right then. Oh, well, guess that made the newspaper… annnd they had my first AND last name…

Wait, which newspaper?

The Three Rivers Daily, front of the sports section, not the big photo, below the fold, but two columns wide.

Oh. Dad said. Mom reads that paper.

I mean, but she doesn’t read the sports section, right?

Mom said, she was last year when Mary was captain of the squad, and back when you were a freshman when the team made state

Oh. Oh no.

Yeah.

We pulled in to the parking lot of Grandma’s complex and parked.

What are the odds she’s read it today? I said quietly

Oh, I’d say pretty good… Dad said trailing off looking out the windshield and then I looked up and saw her there under the portico looking right at dad.

I let out a squeak of fear

You stay right there for right now, Mom said, and dad and her looked at each other and nodded and got out of the car.

I sat there stunned, as mom and dad got out and started to walk over, and then I saw her look right at me and point at me and crook her finger, and dad sighed and shrugged her shoulders and said to me through his still open car door, you don’t have to get out, no matter what if you don’t want to.

No. I said firmly, I wont let her scare me.

That’s my girl, ok then, come on

I undid my seatbelt and got out of the van as lady like as I could and stood there by dad as we all shut our doors and headed over towards her.

She didn’t say a word and lead us inside glaring at the security person to ignore us and we walked straight over to one of the lifts and up to the floor her unit was on. Down to the end of the hallway, a larger endcap unit in her nice retirement village. She unlocked the door and dad held it open as she walked inside and mom and I followed her with dad bringing up the rear. We walked over to the seating area of the living room to the right side of the door, and she silently gestured at the couches as she sat down.

Then she spoke as I was about to sit down, wait, no, not you… Grace, stay standing, come over here and let me have a good look at you

Mom looked at me said directly, you don’t have to if you don’t want, earning her a glare from Grandma.

No, its ok, I said politely and walked over, I did a slow turn as I got over to her to let her see all of me

She nodded and waved me off back to my seat. Once I was seated, she spoke again. I must admit, you are prettier than your picture in the newspaper, that garish hair you cheerleaders wear, I will never understand

I blushed, Thank you grandma

And Grace is a very pretty name, if only I had known about it sooner.

I uh, its a recent development, we…

Wanted me to know so I wouldn’t make a scene at thanksgiving, right?

Yes, exactly I said

Well I would’ve liked to know before I got questions from a half dozen of the ladies here about why a girl with my last name was in the newspaper kissing another girl, and didn’t Mary graduate last year? And it isn’t Mary, the paper was very clear you are Grace. And for all I fault the Three Rivers Daily for many things, they did not get this wrong. I know because I called the editor directly not 15 minutes ago to confirm.

I’m sorry… dad started to say

Grandma cut him off, While it was upsetting to not know before hand, I realize my reputation and personality proceed me. I also realize that sometimes figuring oneself out is a rather rapid thing.

So you aren’t mad? I asked quietly

Mad? No dear. Nor sad, nor upset. Having a granddaughter I didn’t know about is not something to be mad about. And I will not make a scene at Thanksgiving, and I will still be attending. And any of your cousins who gives you a hard time will have to face a glare from me. Do you understand?

Yes ma’am, I said, thank you

Not a thing to thank me for, basic respect and support of humans differences is the absolute least a civilized person should be able to do and is not in and of itself, praiseworthy…

I started to again say something, before she raised her index finger and continued. Now dear, I know relatively little about transgender people, so, please note if the following is insensitive, I will help you in whatever way I can, Im sure a new wardrobe is not cheap, and while I do like what you have on for a more casual affair, you should have some thing really special for Thanksgiving. Second, I know you were probably expecting to come here and have me threaten things about my will. I will do the opposite, I will personally cover any expenses relating to your transition not covered by insurance or whatever, including any that should come after I pass…

I nearly leapt out of my seat but she again raised her index finger and continued… provided you take some deportment lessons paid for by me. It is clear to me you have paid attention to your sister and practiced some things, you know how to smooth your skirt when sitting and such, but you missed out on a lot of things growing up. I do not expect you to be a prim and proper young woman all of the time, life is too short for that, but I expect you to know how to carry yourself when the occasion is right.

This time she couldn’t stop me even with her finger and I leapt out of my chair and went over to her and hugged her tightly, oh thank you grandma, I promise I’ll do my best to learn

She managed to get me to disentangle from her, and smiled faintly as I sat back down between my parents, yes, well, your enthusiasm is noted and not entirely unexpected. Now then, I also expect you suspect I will be telling the family for you, as some form of base gossip. I have in the past, been known to share news that I thought it was important others know. But I do know what ‘outing’ someone is, and had it happen to a dear friend of mine long ago. I will not out you. You must tell them yourself. Before Thursday. While I will not tolerate any one disrespecting you on the day of, I would rather it not turn in to some farcical talk show drama with screaming and whatnot. Make it clear to them I know, am accepting and will be at dinner if you need to. Hopefully that will discourage anyone who takes issue to simply stay home in the first place.

Thank you grandma, for everything, I said

You are quite welcome dear. Now then, you all run along. My bridge club will be here in 5 minutes, and you will not.

Yes mom, dad said, thank you mom

She didn’t respond but nodded, and we all stood up and politely waved goodbye as we headed out her door and in to the hallway. We quietly walked down the hallway, down the elevator, and out to the car. I waited until we were safely in the car with the doors shut before saying, I didn’t dream that right? We didn’t have a wreck and that was just my brain filling things in while we wait for the paramedics to arrive?

Dad sat there in stunned silence, and mom finally answered, no, it really happened… I don’t know how but it did

Do you think she would actually pay for things?

Dad finally managed to find his voice again. Your grandma, for all she is capricious, and has made idle threats about money, when she says she is going to help, she absolutely will.

Deportment lesson though? Doubt she would’ve made Mary do that and I can’t imagine her doing them

Well, Mary learned from me, mom said, when she was younger, and for all she might not demonstrate it much now, but she did learn, although most of it was over time and indirect

I pulled out my phone and texted Mary

So uh, grandma knows now…

After a little bit she responded

😬 How did THAT go?

Honestly? Amazing, she uh, kind of already knew from the newspaper, I think she was more upset about not having learned it from me before the paper… also… she’s offering to help cover transition expenses… in exchange for… deportment lessons

WELL! Guess you’ll have to learn how to be a proper young lady! 😜

Haha, also, I have to tell the rest of the family still before Thursday

Well I would be happy to help review anything you want to post or send to them

Thanks sis

I put my phone on my lap face down thinking I was done with that for now, then my phone suddenly buzzed, it was from Ellie

HEYA! So I don’t normally read the Three Rivers Daily, much less their sports section… but someone pointed me at it because they saw a photo of two cheerleaders kissing, and I realized one of them had your sisters last name, and it was her high school

Oh, yeah, thats me hah, Grace

I had already updated your contact card =), Im so happy for you, glad you figured it out

I couldn’t have without talking to you, thank you

You are absolutely welcome, how did your family take it?

Well so far, although about to tell a lot more of them

Ah, Thanksgiving?

Yeah, our families turn to host the big family get together

Well good for you going head long in, took me a couple thanksgivings before I stopped boymoding at them and came out

Yeah, well, spent a decade plus hiding, about time I just did it, talk with you later?

Yup!

I decided to switch over to my conversation with Emily

So… grandma knows, it went ok, and I have to tell the rest of the family now

Yay! Glad it went ok

So… I haven’t asked my parents yet or my grandma for that matter… but if I asked, would you be willing to come over for lunch with us?

Two thanksgiving dinners in one day? I mean, ok with me, but we should both check with our parents… and you should check with Mary too

Will do, let me know what your moms think

yup!

We were just pulling in to the driveway when I looked up from my phone. So, uh, mom, dad…?

Yes dear? mom asked, whatever it is, just ask

Well, uh, I was wondering if I could have Emily over for Thanksgiving

Hrm… well, Im not opposed dad said as we got out of the mini van and started towards the door

I’m not entirely sure… mom said, you’ve been going together for all of 2 weeks? …are you sure you want to have that on top of the rest of the family meeting you for the first time?

I nodded, I want someone who’s strongly in my corner and not distracted by other things of the day, I know Dad and Mary ore often busy preparing food, and you are usually distracted being a hostess. We got inside and started putting jackets on hooks and shoes in the shelf as we came inside.

And who says you won’t be helping in the kitchen this year? mom said laughing, gotta learn those housewifely skills as part of deportment training after all

I mean, I wouldn’t mind, but you know I know how at least how to bake, if not a great cook, but we do the pies the day before usually

Ok, ok mom said, its a good reason. Someone who will help correct people isn’t a bad thing. I assume this is part of what you were texting about on the way back?

Yeah, she needed to talk to her mom’s too

Well ok, if its ok with her mom’s, its ok with us mom said

Thanks mom I said hugging her, then pulling out my phone to text Mary

Hey, so one more thing, I’ve asked Emily if she wanted to come to Thanksgiving at our place, and already asked the parents who were ok with it, but she said I needed to ask you as well

Well thats good of her, but its fine, really, I’m happy for both of you being together, and you don’t need my permission to be together at a family function.

Thanks sis! You’re the best

You’re welcome lil sis =)

I switched back to Emily’s conversation

So all good on my end…

My mom’s are still debating it, they know that if I go I probably wont really have room for our meal… how would you feel about doing a dinner on Friday at my place? That’s come up a couple times already

I would be fine with it, I don’t go in for black Friday shopping, theres too many people out there

kk, let me inform them of that

I put my phone down and pulled out my book bag and looked at the school work I needed to do at some point this week. I decided to do the problem set type homework this afternoon, but stuff I needed to remember Monday morning after Thanksgiving I would put off to next weekend.

I had just pulled out my computer and chemistry textbooks to go through the problem sets and my phone buzzed again with another message from Emily

Ok, thats the plan then, you come over for a thanksgiving dinner on Friday with us,

wonderful! And Ill bring something over too, and not leftovers, I’ll be baking pies Wednesday and can make an extra, any favorites?

Oh we love a good pumpkin but rarely make one if you’ve got stuff for an extra one of those

I believe I do! Will check back, gonna do some schoolwork for a bit so it doesn’t interfere with the rest of the week

I should probably do that… my parents are going to think you are a good influence on me, heh, Im usually rushing through it the Sunday after Thanksgiving, ttyl Grace =)

Later Emily =)

I put my phone down and picked up my textbooks and sat down at my desk and lost myself in the ‘exciting’ world of the laws of motion and the inverse trig functions. Eventually mom came and knocked on my door as I was finishing up the last of the problems, supper time dear

Sure, down in a moment I called back. We had a nice quiet supper and I finished out my Saturday watching tv in my room.

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Sunday I told the rest of my family via a combo of a facebook post, mass text message and one aunt via a phone call since she refused to have a cell phone or text messaging. There was some initial confusion, but with the help of all of my immediate family, we managed to get them to understand more or less.

Emily and I alternated days that week spending time at each others house, having fun with each other, and on Wednesday she helped me bake pies, two pumpkin, a cherry and an apple, and for grandma, a pecan pie using her recipe that someone had to make every year for the family gathering. Thanksgiving itself was… awkward at times, but, only one cousin refused to come, and he was no great loss. The others were generally on good behavior around grandma, although they repeatedly messed up. My girl cousins mostly accepted me, and the guy cousins mostly ignored me which in fairness, was basically how it was before. Emily helped correct people, which was good because it wore on me a bit.

The dinner at Emily’s on Friday was wonderful, and both her moms complimented me on the pie, and I told Emily had been a good helper on them. That weekend Ellie and her girlfriend Allison popped in to town to visit their families, and Emily and I went on a double date with them and it was a lot of fun.

Monday morning of the week after Thanksgiving I sent an email to my primary care doctor about hormones. That could’ve gone better, and my parents understood when I told them I was switching doctors next time. Fortunately I was talking with Ellie about it and she told me about informed consent clinics, of which there was one nearby, and I was able to get started on that path, and honestly as if my mood hadn’t already improved so much, it somehow found a way to improve many fold more still.

Mark did finally convince me to hear him out, and he apologized profusely, and said that his parents had made him see a counselor who helped him work through his feelings about me. I politely told him that I accepted his apology, but, that we couldn’t be friends anymore. He nodded and said he understood and left me alone the rest of the year.

The first weekend after Thanksgiving break, we went to the first game for the State playoffs and the team promptly got trounced, by the end of the game even the cheerleaders were feeling defeated, but Emily helped rally us for the end of the Basketball season and we had a bunch of fun cheering in the gymnasium for those games. A month later, my first Christmas as me, mom updated my Christmas stocking from when we were kids that had my name on it to read Grace, and when I saw it Christmas morning updated, I burst in to tears of joy and hugged my mom, before I had even unwrapped a single present.

Maybe Ill tell more of my life some day, but for now, I am done with my tale, of how I accepted who I really am.