This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

This is a work of fiction, any resemblance to real people or places is purely coincidence.

Content warnings for a brief interaction with a transphobe. Not all warnings will apply to all parts.

So, I guess you are wondering how I got in this position, except without describing it a bit you don’t even know what ‘this position’ is, so let’s back up a bit. Hi, my names Greg, or Gregory if you are my parents and mad at me. Or you know, my sister Mary, who got me in this mess in the first place, at any time. Or her.

I’m a high school senior and a middle of the road guy, I watch sports and can talk about them but don’t play, I get good but not great grades. I’m fairly extroverted and have a fair number of friends and am fine in a crowd of people I don’t know.

I’m currently at a Halloween party at a strangers house hiding on a Juliet balcony outside one of the upstairs bedrooms. I’m dressed as a cheerleader, and no I don’t mean a guys costume. I mean my sister’s actual uniform from the previous year when she was a senior and squad captain. Maybe I should back up even further…

This was my sisters idea, mostly, she mentioned the party, she had heavily hinted I wouldn’t know anyone here and no one would know me, but she knew enough people that it ‘should be safe’. Also that I could go as ‘whatever I wanted’ then casually slipped in as the conversation went on that most her clothes were still at the house while she was at the dorms. Oh, you want farther still? Ok…

Well, uh, back when she was a freshman and I was an eighth grader she came to my room one day when the parents were out and said that siblings borrowing clothes was fine, with permission, and she gave that permission, but that her permission didn’t extend to her underwear, and then left picking up a jacket of mine and tossing it on as she walked out. Oh. You still want more. Fine, not like I’m going anywhere, and who would you tell?

I’d been taking her things without permission for quite awhile. I didn’t quite know why and I only did it when she wasn’t around and never left anything messy and returned things to their rightful place as far as I knew. I just knew I felt better wearing them than I did my things and I usually did what I would normally do in my regular clothes, play video games, watch tv and read. I was pretty sure I was a freak and I went months without sometimes hoping I would outgrow it, but it was always there nagging at my mind, til I just couldn’t stand it any longer. There, that’s it, that’s as far as I’m gonna go.

Ok… back to my predicament, I managed to psych myself in to doing this, just once before I died. Which I didn’t think would be soon mind you, I just didn’t know if I would ever get another chance. And with the parents out at some work party that would go quite late, I didn’t even have to sneak out… I got in the cheap sedan I had and drove myself across town to the address, got in to the party ok as it wasn’t really the list kind of party.

I was mostly having a good time, and I wasn’t the only person bending genders that night and I had a good laugh with one of the young women who was dressed up as Mario, mustache and everything. We were talking amiably about our favorite Mario games when I saw her. Now I suppose you are wondering who she is?

Fine, ok, she’s the head cheerleader this year at my school. Emily. I don’t know why she was here, but she was. I saw her look my way and her face looked like her was trying to place me before turning back to the group she was talking to. I apologized quietly to Mario and got up and looked for a way out, except she was between me and the front door and I saw some people headed upstairs and I got in line for the bathroom with some of them, hoping she would just move away from my path to the front door by the time I came down. And then I heard her. Her laugh was loud and distinctive but musical. And I was right at the corner past the stairs and could peak around and I saw her start heading up them with someone.

And I bolted, there was a bedroom whose door plainly said keep out but I was beyond caring. It was empty and dark except a bit of light from the backyard filtering in from the windows, and what appeared to be a door. And then I heard someone fiddling at the knob and I dove for the door. And that’s how I wound up here. I heard her laugh as she and whomever were in the bedroom, I assumed, making out.

Now I know what you are thinking, and yes, this is all terribly cliche, my life a nothing but a trope. Eventually I heard them leave the room and I waited another 10 minutes before quietly opening the balcony door, and going through the bedroom that my more night adjusted eyes could tell was likely a girls room and quietly slipped out in to the hallway and no one seemed to notice or care, and most importantly, Emily was nowhere in site. I got downstairs and still didn’t see or hear her. I made my way out the front door and at a quick pace to my car and got in.

No more scares, nothing, I turned the car on and got home, the parents car not back in the driveway yet and I breathed a sigh of relief as I got up to my room and saw myself in the mirror, I looked good, I had put some effort in to it with tutorials online, and a curly pony tail wig I got for cheap at a costume shop saying my sister had forgotten to get one, and my makeup was not as fancy as my sister’s or Emily’s for a big game, but I had found some of her old temporary tattoos and such and had the school initials on my cheeks and glittery eye shadow on.

I suddenly felt sad as I went to take things off, I often did, but this was deeper, and darker than usual. I got things off, including the bra I had stuffed a bit, which I think was a first for me. I had worn some of my own bike shorts underneath, which worked fine. I grabbed my sleep pants and t-shirt and went to my bathroom and quickly used makeup remover pads to get everything off, and right as I was getting ready to come out and go to bed I heard my parents coming upstairs.

I popped the door open a crack and said, Hello! Hope you had a good time at your party

We did! Hope you had a good time at yours

With the door still at a crack I called that it was fine, and then I heard their bedroom shut and I went and collapsed in bed.

---

I slept late and so did my parents, when we had all woken up and we had a nice brunch and were chatting about things. We had waffles and it was good, and then I retreated up to my room intending to play video games

I heard my phone buzz, it was Mary, and there was a thumbnail for an image in the notification.

I opened it. I looked in horror. It was a blurry photo of me in the uniform. You couldn’t know it was me just from the photo, my face wasn’t visible, the blur was significant, but, you could tell it was the schools distinctive uniform at the house I had been at and I knew it was me. Mary’s text accompanying it cause my heart to drop hard,

hey Gregory, sorry about this, I had zero idea Emily would be there, the squad group chat was all about going to another party in a way different part of town. If I had known I wouldn’t have put the idea in your head, honest

does… does she know it was me?

don’t think so, she sent the photo asking if anyone had lent their uniform out and she couldn’t figure out who it was and admonished people to not lend their uniforms out as costumes, which I mean, she can’t do anything against me for it, I’m retired and I will do what I want with it, including lend it out

😥 too close, and uh, I’m sorry sis

hey, nothing to be sorry for, I gave you permission a long time ago, so long as you didn’t use my cheer pants

no, just my bike shorts

thanks… are you ok?

Maybe…? Hoping no one recognized me

I doubt it… I guess we’ve never really talked about this directly much but, do you know why you do this?

it just makes me happy, and I don’t know why, I was having such a good time last night til I saw Emily

Do you want to be a girl?

I uh, I don’t know… I have thought about it, but it’s, uh, complicated

it’s ok to not know, and it’s ok to want or not want, I’m here for you Gregory, one way or another.

thanks sis

you’re welcome!

I put the phone down and instead of playing video games laid down on my bed and tears just started forming. I couldn’t say it today either. Of course I wanted to, and I knew that some people did it, and I had nothing against them… I just, couldn’t say it, it felt wrong somehow.

I eventually got up and had a light late lunch of a pb&j and did get to playing video games and pushed it out of my mind. I slept fitfully Saturday night, nervous about whether I would be found out. Sunday was quiet, with no texts from Mary or other surprises, and I got my school work done easily, my class load was about average, I hadn’t needed that much more to graduate and even had two study halls, and I didn’t just completely goof off in them, so most of what was left was longer things like papers and this one practically wrote itself.

---

School was boring, I didn’t share any classes with Emily although some of the other cheerleaders were in a couple of my classes, but they ignored me for the most part, we simply weren’t the same circles of people. At the end of the day Monday there was a PA announcement that there would be a pep rally Friday afternoon before a big game against a ‘rival’ school, not that either of us were that good but we were relatively evenly matched and usually both jockeying for that last seat in the playoffs or tournament.

I usually went to pep rally’s and enjoyed them but wasn’t really feeling it this time, and I wandered through the week forgetting about it. Friday at lunch I was sitting with my friends when the cheerleader squad burst in and loudly reminded us all of the pep rally and were passing out flyers. And I just sat there shaking my head, and agreeing that none of us really felt like it.

As the various cheerleaders paraded around, handing out flyers, waving their pom’s and such, I realized that Emily was working her way towards our table

She came up right behind me and put a flyer on the table, surely I can count on you boys to all show up, right? I know you like the cheerleaders Gregory

It took every ounce of strength to not show any reaction to that and managed a calm reply. Just because my sister was one doesn’t mean I like them, do you think I like my sister?

Oh sure! She says you get along pretty well

Lies I said grinning at her, we had been talking about not going

Yeah one of the others at the table responds, I’ve seen East’s team this year, we don’t stand a chance and this will just be the season ender

Well if thats the kind of spirit you all would bring, I wouldn’t want you all to be a downer to the team beforehand!

Oh come on, the guys go out there, and they risk permanent brain damage for a shot at even more risks at it, and lets face it, no one here’s going to the NFL, or even an NCAA division one team

I don’t know what’s gotten in to you Gergory, but expect a text from your sister later!

I stuck my tongue out at her as she bounced off to the next table

Wow, that was kind of a heated exchange for you, I mean, Im apathetic about going, but you seem to actively want to avoid it, and you’ve been to plenty of pep rally’s

I sighed, Im just tired, besides, I’ve got school work to do this afternoon that if I go to the rally Ill have to do this weekend

Oh fine one of the others said, and conversation switched to other topics. The others ultimately decided they would be going to the pep rally as an out from classes, while I headed off to my study hall

True to her word, as I sat in the back of the room my phone quietly buzzed, and it was my sister

Look, Im only texting because I promised I would, I don’t really care if you go to the pep rally, but she also said you seemed… upset? even angry?

I looked up and the teacher was definitely zoned out doing grading, and my fellow classmates were all bored and zoned out

I’m fine, I just didn’t feel like going to the pep rally and Emily was being extra peppy today

Sure you aren’t upset you cant be up there with them?

… not going to dignify that with a response…

thats a response

…

so’s that

got work to do.

talk with you tonight? You going to the game?

If I didn’t go to the pep rally, what makes you think I want to go to the game

Fair, ttyl

later

I put my phone away just as the teacher looked up from grading and scanned the classroom for people goofing off in unapproved ways. The day finished out boring, and I headed out to my car and headed home

When I got inside my parents greeted me and asked if I would be going to the game

Nope, tired, and don’t really care tonight

Oh, ok dear, rest and feel better!

Yeah, sure I said before going in to my room and collapsing. Shortly after my phone buzzed with a text from a number I didn’t know

Hello Gregory, this is Emily, so, uh, I realized something at lunch and I’m sorry for pressing, I’m guessing you are really nervous and your sister likely alerted you to the contents of the group chat… which is naughty of her but I get it… it was you at the party Halloween night, in the school’s cheer uniform right?

I sat bolt upright and dialed Mary immediately

Oh hey Gregory, how’s it going? Usually you just text, Mary said upon answering

I uh, Emily just texted… she figured it out somehow

Oh, yeah that would get you to call

What do I say?

My phone buzzed again

I realized that we changed uniforms this year and yours had a different stripe, that left people with access to older uniforms which narrowed things down a lot

Also I heard the voice of the person at the party and it clicked today

Shit, it was last years uniform and my voice that gave it away

That would do it… Im sorry Gregory, I didn’t even think the uniform would be distinguishable from this year’s

Emily texted again

Look, Im probably making things worse, but its fine, really, I hope you had a good evening before I interrupted things, and if you ever want to talk to me about it, feel free, no pressure. Anyways, off to cheer on the team

PS: You were cute

Not your fault I said to my sister on the phone, Ill uh, Ill send you a picture of the texts, I still don’t really know what to say to her

You likely don’t have to say anything, honestly Emily is a good person, there were good reasons I recommended her to be the next captain at the end of last year

Easy for you to say

Fair, anyways, you could also ask me to talk to her about it, get her to back off

I’ll think about it, thanks sis

Night Gregory! Have a good weekend

Night Mary

I put up the phone and laid back down in bed. I took a screenshot of Emily’s texts, minus that last one as it left me feeling really awkward and sent it to Mary

Mary quickly texted back

Yeah, thats about what I expected her to say, Ill talk to her if you want

No, its fine, I will, just not tonight

Fair

I put my phone down and got up and got on my computer and proceeded to play video games right through supper time. Mom knocked on my door and asked if I would want something later and I mumbled a maybe

Eventually I came out of my room and headed downstairs

Mom greeted me, heya kiddo, how’s it going

Meh I said and got out bread and some deli meat and cheese and made a sandwich

I made orange chicken if you want

Oh, yeah, sure I said grabbing a bowl of that too and warming it up real quick as well and retreating to my room. I could practically hear mom sigh and shake her head at my teenage appetite as I walked away.

I ate and watched a tv show for a bit and then collapsed in bed to sleep, but not before seeing a text update from the school that we had somehow won and made the playoffs. Yay or something.

---

I woke up at 10:30 to a text from Mary

so uh, heads up, I’m going to be at home today at about 11:00am for the afternoon, I know, I know, I said I would give more warning when I moved in to the dorms… it gets worse, Emily and the squad are going to be over, Emily’s parents had some thing this weekend come up and none of the others were willing or able to host on short notice

I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and read the text again, and a third time, then responded

?!?!? NO, not cool, not ok

the team is going to state! The squad has to plan things

absolutely the hell not

how big a mess is my room?

… it’s fine

well, they shouldn’t be over til noon, but Emily might be a bit early, she’s like that

wait how are you texting?

oh I got a lift from Karen, she wanted to use her parents washer and dryer today anyways

ah, so she will be here too?

Nono, just dropping me off

see you in a bit, going to get dressed, the parents know?

yeah, they were consulted

ok, see you in a bit

I bolted out of bed and quickly got cleaned up and dressed and ran downstairs and quickly got some sausage in me and as I headed back upstairs I heard the front door unlock and I bolted for Mary’s room, thankful the parents were out in the garden and wouldn’t notice. I quickly took stock of what I had messed with lately and realized I’d left her cheer uniform hidden in my closet after I got home from Halloween and rushed back to my room. I grabbed it and turned around to take it back to her room right as she came up the stairs

And this is why I sent you a heads up, anything else you forgot?

I, uh, no, not of yours

Ok, hand it here, I’ll put it back… for now?

Back for good I said quietly

You know my permission still stands

Thanks sis, I’m gonna skedaddle off to my room and hide now

Aww, come say hi? I know you used to watch us practice

I was reading…

Sure ya were

Just then the door bell rang

That’s probably Emily, my room looks fine, thank you for not messing it up too bad

She disappeared in to her room to hang the uniform and then headed downstairs as the door bell rang again

Definitely Emily she said, always a bit impatient

I headed in to my room and shut my door and heard their muffled conversation as they came up the stairs. The conversation paused when they got to the top and then someone knocked on my door, and I heard Emily’s voice

I know you are in there Gregory, and I hope you are ok, could we talk after the squad meeting?

I sighed and called through the door, maybe Emily, knowing she would make taking a no hard

That’s good enough for me, be good Gregory

I grunted and shut up and picked up a book to read.

I heard the others arrive and lots of people going up and down stairs, and then even across the hall with both doors shut I could hear their excited muffled conversation, and then someone knocked on my door again, hey Gregory, mind if I hang out in here with you

Oh, sure, I guess

She opened my door and came in and closed it behind her and sat down on my bed

You know, can’t think the last time I was in your room

It’s been awhile but it hasn’t changed much lately… so why are you hanging out in here?

It’s Emily’s team now, I’m just the providing the space, and I trust them in my room

thats good of you

Yeah

Before the others arrived, Emily fell over herself trying to apologize to me, and telling me she didn’t have any room to tell me what could be done with my uniform and so long as I was ok with it, it was fine with her…

I sat there in silence

Mary continued, do you know about trans people?

I mean, kind of, they talked about it at school once briefly

Is there any chance you might be? I’ve met a few trans girls at college

I uh, I don’t know, I don’t like being a guy, but is that really something I could choose?

I mean, I don’t think its a choice, but yeah, if you wanted

I wouldn’t even know the first thing

Gregory, that picture might have been blurry, but you clearly know at least a few things

I mean, thats just stuff from videos online, I don’t know anything of any depth

Ok, so, let’s say I had a magic wand, and I could wave it and you would just be a girl, no questions asked, would you?

I… mean, probably, I’ve read some stories like that and they always left me sad it didn’t exist…

Ok, here’s another thought… how would you feel if you could never dress up as a girl ever again? Clothing from the guys side of the aisle forever

I mean, I’ve done it, but for forever? I… I kept hoping I would stop forever, months would go by sometimes but I always came back to feeling like I needed to do it

And vice versa?

I mean, I don’t know, I’ve never tried that, but I don’t really feel any attraction or draw to them when I’m dressed like I do the other way… tears started forming in my eyes, wait does this mean…?

Whoa, hey there Gregory, Mary said to me waving a hand in front of my face, come back here, so far it just really means this means a lot to you, whatever it is…

But… how do I know, I said sniffling, what it is?

How about we take that one small step at a time, would you like to talk to one of the trans girls I know at college? One of them shares a half bath with my room, and I think she would be up for it, maybe?

I… guess…

Then I’ll let you know when I’ve got it set up, so, in other news, what’s up? How’s school going? You seeing anyone

Fine, I’ll graduate, not top of my class or anything, but good enough to get to a state school… and… absolutely not dating anyone. Everyone hears everything at that school through a chain of telephone, I’ve no interest in trying to date anyone there or elsewhere for now

Fair, I had a couple boyfriends if you recall, but I do not miss living in that microscope

And one mostly online girlfriend you managed to keep from the rumor mill, but I knew

… I mean, yes, I hadn’t known you knew, but yes

I picked up on little things, it was someone you weren’t seeing at school due to lack of rumor mill, you got secretive about your texting, and… you were different than with the guys, the little smile when your phone buzzed, you lit up, and you slipped once and referred to her with a pronoun

Wow Gregory, just really calling me on my bullshit she said laughing

I was happy for you

awww, Mary said

there was a knock at my door

Hey kids, you in there asked mom

Yeah I called

She opened the door, Mary Anne, want to come help get some food together for the guests you brought to us… again… she said looking at Mary

Oh, sure, down in just a moment

Ok, don’t forget, you could help too Greg if you wanted, she said as she closed the door behind her

So… guess Im in trouble Mary said

Just a touch it sounds like, want some company?

I wouldn’t turn it down

Okies

We went downstairs and helped mom and dad with the grill and table and making a quick couple sides when the team came streaming down from Mary’s room

The whole big group ate, and it was fun, although while we were cooking I could tell the parents weren’t terribly thrilled at having a dozen extra teenage girls around again on short notice.

After lunch, the team all helped clean up, and then all headed out to their respective means of transport except Emily who paused by the front door where we had come to see them off

Emily leaned over to me, so, want to chat?

I, uh, guess, and she immediately turned heel and walked away from the front door and I shrugged looking unsure at my parents and sister

She lead the way up to my bedroom and walked in appraising it, well, about what I expected, extremely plain, devoid of anything that makes you, you

Not really sure how to take that… sounded kind of insulting

Oh, sorry, I mean nothing bad about you by it, but I do wonder if its because you don’t really know who you are

I looked at her funny as she sat on my bed and I sat on my desk chair, So what do you want to talk about Emily? I asked ignoring her comment

About who you are Gregory

I’m Greg, that was a quick talk, anything else?

I want to talk about the party

What party?

The party you were at, in your sisters cheer uniform

Even if I was there, what makes you think I would admit to that? You could be recording this

She pulled out her phone, unlocked it and showed there wasn’t any recording going on

You could have another recorder, or a button cam, who knows?

You sound kind of paranoid, but, I guess in fairness, in your position I would be too, and in truth, I kind of am, almost, except you haven’t said anything about me at the party so maybe you didn’t see anything

See what?

So your sister, what, thought no one from the team or school would be there because it was too far away and the cheerleader group chat was aimed at going to another party, right?

Yeah…

Well… I ditched them… I didn’t want to go to that party, it was so tragically hetero

Wait, what?

How do you think your sister knew of that party?

I’m really lost right now

I’m a lesbian ya dork, I was at that party to meet a girl, and… it didn’t really go well, she was upset that I was so interested in knowing what was up with whoever was in that uniform

Oh. OH. I saw you head upstairs with someone and thats when I bolted to the balcony

Wait, you were on the BALCONY? I knew you had gone upstairs, and then never saw you again, I figured you had just been in the bathroom and slipped out after we went in the bedroom to talk, and well, yes, make out some, even if it didn’t end well

I honestly couldn’t hear anything, the party in the backyard had the speakers up decently loud… Wait, so what does all this have to do with my sister knowing about the party?

She got all her queer friends from me, the cute clueless thing that she is, she is so aggressively normal and scared, its why we broke up, I wanted to start being open about us, she didn’t

Wait, that was YOU?? I said raising my voice a bit too much on accident

YOU KNEW? Emily said raising her voice

I knew she was texting a girl and it was somewhat serious, but I didn’t in a million years think it was you!

There was a knock at my door, uh, pals, friends, could ya keep it down I heard my sister stage whisper through the door

Oh come on in Emily called, might as well

So, everyone knows everything now? She asked looking at us pausing… thankfully I was at the back door while the parents were in the backyard but they did hear Emily and I said I would investigate and make sure she hadn’t murdered you Gregory

Nono, just I guess airing secrets day, so it was Emily?

Mary blushed, uh, yeah, she said sitting next to Emily on the bed

And you’ve both moved on?

Yes Emily said in a final sounding way

I mean, yeah… Mary said sounding less sure

So that just leaves you Gregory, Emily said

I, uh, yes, it was me at the party, yes I was wearing Mary’s old cheer uniform

There, everyone knows everything, we all happy now? Mary said glaring at us

Yes, I said quietly

Yes Mary, Emily said looking contrite

I suggest you keep any further shocking revelations to a dull roar unless you want the parents to know she said as she got up, Ill leave you two alone again she said getting up and heading out my door and closing it behind her

So… if you don’t mind me asking… how long…

Uh, longer than even probably Mary knows, since I was like, 7

Oh.

Yeah, it was mostly from cast offs, things boxed up and waiting to be donated, Mary was bigger than me as a kid for quite awhile

And are you… do you want to…

I don’t know, honestly, I hadn’t really put any thought in to that til today. Mostly I figured I was just wrong somehow, a pervert, a freak.

Oh, it excites you?

Mostly it just makes me smile

And thats not a euphemism?

Nope

I mean it would be ok if it did, I would be lying if I said I never get excited by how I look

I blushed, yes, sometimes

You were cute in that uniform

I blushed harder and remained quiet

Its ok to not know how to respond to that, I know you’ve never really had any relationships, I did a bit of quiet digging last night, and I know I am complementing you on something you still are deeply conflicted about

You asked my sister?

I mean, yeah

I rolled my eyes, and of course she didn’t convey that to me, or that you were how she knew about the party, even indirectly

She already said a lot of private things to you about the team group chat and I should be mad about that, but I’m not, and if she had told you, that would’ve been fine with me

She’s not really over you, you know? She had that boyfriend after you, it was loud and public and bad, and she looked sad about it constantly in private

I’m aware but also I have moved on, and she knows that and has been respectful about it

Thats good… so was the meeting today all pretense? did your parents really have a last minute thing?

They actually did, but they had ok’d the team being over anyways, I just lied to the team, and yes I know how bad that is… and none of the team genuinely like hosting meetings for various valid reasons, and Mary always did, although I suspect we annoyed your parents

You would be one hundred thousand percent correct about that, I laughed, and me as well

Emily looked shocked, what, the young ingenue, being told that her mortal enemy coming over for a tête-à-tête with the ingenue’s sister on short notice was upset?

I laughed, yes, I was! I still am! All this secrets and truth telling and UGH feelings, WHY?

Emily joined me in laughing for a bit, which Im sure worried my sister and parents as much as the loud voices did earlier

So, Im not saying this ever has to happen, but if you ever wanted to, you know, wear that costume again, and let me get a better look at you, I, uh, wouldn’t be opposed? Emily said blushing

But you’re a lesbian…? I said

And you say you are a cis guy, I know, but, there’s a chance you are trans, and trans girls are girls, and I like girls whether trans or cis

I mean, I would be lying if I was positive, but to be honest I still only kind of understand what that means

Well if you ever figure it out, and you are a girl, and wanted to…

It was my turn to blush, I would be lying if I said I hadn’t ever wanted to be a cheerleader, what my sister did always looked so fun

It is SO FUN, and I do try to keep the team from becoming that group of toxic mean girls that is so stereotypical, and having interacted with other squads at games and camps is so frequently true, and then Emily’s watch beeped. Oh crap I have to go Emily said, talk another day?

Maybe, I said, it was good to air some of the laundry out

It was, bye!

Emily rushed out and didn’t close the door behind her. I saw Mary’s door was open, and I got up and wandered over to see if she was in her room

Oh hey Gregory, Mary said looking up as I rapped on her door frame when I saw her on her bed, so you and Emily make out?

Haha I said, coming in and closing the door behind me

She’s a lesbian and I’m, well, I’m Greg

But who is Gregory?

UGH. Not this again. Done with that. You staying the night?

Just got a text from Karen that she decided to stay the night so I guess I am since she’s my ride back

Is there any chance you could set up that talk with your kind of almost roommate sooner rather than later?

I… guess? I wasn’t sure you were that interested to talk to her

Emily kind of… confessed interest… if I was a girl… and Im not saying I am… but I mean, I didn’t think anyone would ever be interested in me

Woah, hey, let me slow you down a bit, don’t do this for her, this is all about you

I, you’re right, although I still want to talk to her

Ok, let me text her and see if she’s around this weekend and what she’s up to and whether she’s willing, and Mary quickly pulled out her phone and started typing and then hit send

Ok Gregory, while we wait on a response, how about a walk

A walk?? Now?

Farther from ears.

Oh, sure I guess.

We got up and headed downstairs, and grabbed our jackets, Mary called at the parents, going for a walk, be back at supper time!

The parents called back have.. fun? See you later! be safe!

As we got near to a local, but empty park, her phone buzzed, ah, thats her she said, and it sounds like she has time now, you want company?

I, uh, not really I guess?

Than I will perform the introduction and leave you two to talk and Ill jog round the park a time or two

She took my phone from me briefly, typed in a phone number and hit dial.

The phone picked up shortly

Hey Ellie! It’s Mary, and this is my… sibling… she said and looked at me, I shrugged, Gregory, and Gregory’s struggling with something

Sure, happy to help your sibling figure things out, but a fair warning, you might not have some magical revelation or something, this is a hard thing to go through one way or another

Yeah I said quietly, thank you for agreeing to talk with me

Sure!

Ok Ellie, I’m going to jog around the park a time or two, and let you have some privacy she said then got up and headed towards the running path around the park and did a bit of stretching before starting a mid pace jog around the track

So, whats up?

I’m, I’m wondering if I’m trans

And why are you not sure?

I… I don’t know how that could work, Im a guy, right? thats all I’ve ever known, besides, wouldn’t I be invading? or intruding or pretending or something?

So your sister’s told me like, nothing, can I ask what brought this about?

I…guess, had barely talked about this with anyone before today and now I’m talking with a complete stranger

Well by the end of this I won’t be a complete stranger! Ellie said cheerfully, and your sister’s a good friend, and a reasonable person to share a half bath with

At least it’s just a half bath… I’ve never seen anyone take as long as showers as she does

Ellie laughed, I had noticed that, but don’t tell her that

Yeah, anyways… I, uh, I’ve been borrowing her clothes since I was seven, and honestly even before that I played with her castoff toys in secret

Well, gendered clothing and toys are stupid, and not necessarily a sign of being trans, but, how you are talking to me about it? That reeks of it to me

Wait, what? Just wondering if I am means I am?

No, not that, but it doesn’t really sound like you are wondering, it sounds like you are seeking permission… And you don’t need any one’s permission, not mine, not your sisters, not your parents, but since I’m here, and if it helps, even though you don’t know me, and it’s completely unnecessary, you have my permission, you can be you, you can be a girl if you want to be

I sat there in silence after hearing that as it sank in… oh… I’m… trans? I said quietly

Hooray! And don’t worry, I wouldn’t tell a soul, not even your sister

T..thanks?

See! That wasn’t so bad, but, before I go any further, I just want you to sit with that thought for awhile, this is a hard thing to come to terms with, and maybe you ultimately decide it isn’t for you, but it would be something worth exploring for you I think, whatever form that takes

Exploring?

Wearing things that make you feel happy, or finding a name that makes you happy, or maybe requesting others to use different pronouns, theres lots of ways to explore gender

If you don’t mind me asking, what was it for you?

It was gymnastics! I loved the costumes and the women’s events

Its, uh, its cheerleading for me, and thats kind of how this started tumbling out of my usual control over it

Oh?

I uh, I wore my sisters cheer uniform to a party and got noticed by a classmate

Oh! That sounds awful, Im sorry! Getting caught out when you aren’t out, even to yourself yet, is always rough

Yeah, she apologized today, and said I was cute… and that… if I was a girl she might be interested

Wow, yeah, that would be a lot to take in all in one day… I have to run soon, so here’s my parting advice, just, take a day, or two, or a week, and think about what you want, really get that introspection going, and, when you think you’ve hit a wall in that, text me what you’ve learned about yourself so far, and maybe I can help you move past the block

Thats… thats good advice, thank you

You are absolutely welcome!

The phone hung up and I just sat there watching my sister jogging, her ponytail bouncing as she ran and she looked over at me and realized I was done and did a cooling off lap and then came over stretching as she did so

So, how did it go Gregory?

I uh, can I ask you to stop calling me that?

Oh, sure, sorry, so, uh, I take it

I’m not ready to talk about it yet, but that name bothers me and it has for quite awhile

Sure, no problem, any thing I should call you?

I uh, I don’t know yet

Ok, Ill try to limit referring to you by name until you tell me otherwise

Thanks sis, for putting me in contact with Ellie

You are welcome she said smiling and giving me a half hug, Shall we head home?

Sure, we walked home a bit slow, and got there just at sunset, as the lights started to come on on the streets

When we came in the parents said they were too tired from their day in the garden and such to make supper, and maybe we could all go out as a family, since we didn’t do that much anymore

We both agreed and the family loaded in to the minivan and we headed out to a local restaurant we liked, it was a nice evening, and my sister stuck to her word and cut out referring to me by that name

After we finished and the dishes done, we retreated to our respective rooms, and I sat there thinking about my name, I hated it, and it grated every time I heard it, especially in full. Greg hurt less, but it still wasn’t enjoyed.

Before bed, my phone beeped with a text from Ellie’s number,

Heya, so I realized this afternoon I didn’t give you anything else to explore with, so heres some links to some resources that really helped me when I was first coming to terms with who I am, and new ones I’ve seen since then

There followed a half dozen different links

thanks I said, Ill look through them

You’re welcome

I perhaps stayed up too late, I had immediately dived in to a long-ish article ‘so you think you might be trans’ or something to that effect and by the time I put my tablet down and turned over in bed to to go to sleep, I had tears in the corners of my eyes

---

Sleep had a lot of confusing dreams, I woke up earlier than usual for a Sunday, I noticed the clock read like 7am, and just kind of stared at the ceiling and time seemed to just not mean anything. Eventually I heard a rapping on the door, and mom asked Greg? Do you want to do breakfast with your sister before she leaves? and I looked at the clock and it was nearly 10am. Had I really been staring at the ceiling for 3 hours in a swirl of thoughts?

Oh, uh, sure I called, throwing off the covers and putting on a t-shirt and coming out

Was wondering when you were going to wake up

Without thinking I said oh, I’ve been up since like 7, but I kind of just zoned out after

Thats… odd… dad said as we entered the kitchen, you ok?

Yeah, well, sometimes one just loses track of time

You sure you are ok sweetie? My mom asked

Yeah, I’m fine

Mary gave me a funny look where the parents couldn’t see it but quickly reverted to normal as they turned around to finish getting breakfast ready. We didn’t do big family breakfasts much, but it was good, and conversation was pulled from our usual topics and before long Mary was headed up to her room to grab her things and I was headed up to work on school work as I had a paper to write that I really didn’t want to write

She stopped next to me next to my room, so, up late reading?

I nodded

And up early disassociating a bit about what you read?

I nodded

Ok, I love you sibling of mine she said and hugged me, which I couldn’t think the last time she had

Thank you I said back quietly

You let me know, ok? What you figure out, Im here to cheer you on no matter what in life

I laughed, thanks sis

A horn sounded outside

Ohshit, gotta run she said to me, and ran to her room and grabbed her bag and bolted down stairs with me watching. I went back in to my room and sat down at my desk and knocked out the easier topics first, and then I sat there staring at the prompt ‘What kind of person do you want to be?’, it seemed like a silly prompt when we got it last Tuesday, and it didn’t need to be very long, a couple pages, but I had no idea where to start.

After about half an hour of that I set it aside and went downstairs to reset my brain a bit, turning on the game console and firing up the game I had been making my way through the story on

My mom wandered through the living room and jibed me, hows that paper going?

Oh, uh, not great, but I stared at it for an hour and needed a break

And your other classes?

All done

Thats good

I opened the game and started to load my save file, and then remembered this game let you customize your characters. I opened a new save file, and saw that yes, I could be a girl in this game and decided what the hell, I liked the early bits of the game, might as well play as one for a bit, not like my parents would really notice.

It was weird going through the introduction again, but also, it somehow made me smile, it was such a silly small thing. As I sat there playing an idea for my paper began to form. Not so much a coming out, but I knew who I wanted to be.

When mom next wandered through, she said, time for lunch kiddo, and then to that paper, ok?

I saved the game and turned things off, sure mom

So, did playing the game help? mom asked as we ate some sandwiches

It, uh, actually did

Well good, sometimes brains just need a break, so whats the paper about?

The prompt is ‘What kind of person do you want to be?’

Well thats vague, mom said

Yeah

So you figured it out?

Yeah,

So what do you want to be?

Oh, uh, my take on the question’s a bit different, its uh, I want to be the kind of person who lives as true to who I am as I can

Well thats about as vague as the original prompt, are you sure that will be ok?

I’ve got more I laughed, if you want Ill let you read it before I hand it in

Ok, ok, Ill wait til then, it sounds like you know where you are headed

I smiled faintly, yeah, I think I do

I retreated to my room and started writing.

What kind of person do I want to be? That is a broad question, I could talk about what I want to do, or how I want to be kind of something, and I do have things I want to do for a career, and I do hope I can be seen as a kind person. But to really know truly what kind of person I want to be, I kind of need to know who I am now first, and that is something I am still figuring out. Before last week my answer would’ve been just ‘I’m Greg’ and left it at that, and now, I don’t really know for certain, but I am working on figuring it out. And I hope in time to be able to be true to who I am. And kind.

This continued along these lines for a couple more paragraphs of double spaced, 12 point times new roman lines, a few paragraphs tops, but it was surprisingly hard to not just keep writing, and spill my whole everything now. Ultimately a few lines slipped on to a third page but that was ok. Before I realized I it, I was done, and it was the middle of the afternoon. I printed it out on the family printer and went down to retrieve it.

I read through it and, marked a couple typo’s that I and the word processor missed so I could correct them, then handed it to mom to read

She read through it and looked at me with tears in her eyes, oh honey, is there something you want to tell me?

I blushed, uh, no, not yet anyways

Ok, well you can tell me anything about yourself, whenever you are ready, she said smiling up at me, its very good

Thanks I said

All done with everything else?

Yes mom, I said

Well go fix your typo’s before you forget and then the rest of the evening is yours

When I was done with correcting, printing again, and putting things in my bag for tomorrow, I went back down and turned the game console back on and played a bit more. It was strange seeing these moments I had seen before, but with a girl avatar. I heard mom pass through the room during a cutscene but she didn’t interact with me as it played.

Eventually it was supper time, and I made a pasta dish we all liked, and then we sat down to a quiet dinner the three of us. When we finished, I helped clean up and retreated upstairs, while the parents decided to watch some tv downstairs.

I snuck in to my sisters room while they were distracted by some drama and borrowed some sleep wear I knew she had left behind, and I went to my room and changed and sat in bed and read more of the articles Ellie had sent me. Reading through the descriptions of gender dysphoria, but more importantly to me, gender euphoria made me realize just how little anything I had felt anytime lately, except when I was dressed in Mary’s clothes, or today with the video game.

Around 10:00 I heard a gentle knock on my door, you going to go to bed soon sweetie? I heard mom ask through the door and I started to panic

Yup I called! I know its a school night

Ok, just don’t stay up too late she said through the door

I breathed a sigh of relief, I had only ever worn anything while the parents were around a couple times and I had been much more careful then. I wouldn’t even have had time to get under the covers if she had decided to open the door and see me sitting on my bed, in Mary’s clothes

One of the pages had a list of names one could try and I started reading down them and to be honest found it daunting. As I was scrolling down I saw ‘Grace’ and my brain clicked a bit but I wasn’t sure. I decided to sleep on it, and put my tablet down and rolled over to go to sleep.

---

Honestly the school week started pretty boring, and during my study halls I just sat in a back corner reading on my tablet ‘for school’ as was allowed. I kept coming back to ‘but what if I’m not really trans and I regret it?’

Monday evening was pretty boring as well, and so was Tuesday and Wednesday.

On Thursday evening, I finally texted Ellie about what I kept cycling on

I just, what if I’m not? What if I start telling people but I hate it or something?

Then tell them you changed your mind, nothing is permanent, not at first anyways, but I do get that experimenting and going back could be seen by some as some sort of failure or whatever, and you should tell them if that were to happen, that ‘figuring yourself out isn’t always a linear path’, sometimes we have to back track, or take a detour to get where we are going.

Thats honestly really helpful, thanks

Someone told it to me quite awhile back, and it helped me out a lot. Have you had any other thoughts?

My brain keeps cycling on the name Grace, I kind of like it, it has a couple letters from my current name, but its short, and nice

Thats really pretty for you, I like it

Friday rolled around, and another pep rally came up and I was feeling better than I had last week. Emily stayed away from our table today but I saw her look over at me as she was passing out flyers. I actually showed up to the pep rally, and cheered and it was fun, it was good we had gotten in to the playoffs this year, it had been a couple years and everyone was happy, even if we knew our chances were slim at actually making the championship.

As the rally wound down, Emily caught my eye and had a look of ‘talk to me’, so I followed her out of the gym and she whispered to me in the crowd leaving the gym, this way.

She lead the way to an empty classroom nearby and unlocked it, this is a room the cheer team uses to store some of our art supplies so I have access

Oh handy

Yeah

So Im glad you came to todays rally she said smiling at me

I’m, feeling a little better this week

Thats good! So hows… other things going

I blushed, uh, they are going, I uh, Mary put me in contact with a friend of hers and she’s been helping me understand some things

Thats good!

I uh, I think I have a name I like, but I don’t really know how to tell anyone about any of this, its all so strange

Oh wonderful, whats the name?

I looked around, the classroom was empty and she had locked the door behind us, It’s, uh, it’s Grace

Oh that is really good for you! does this mean you are… her voice trailed off

Maybe? I uh, I don’t know for certain still, but I’ve been reexamining memories, and really thinking long and hard about my feelings and reading others accounts, and uh, yeah, I think I’m trans

Emily bounced up and when she landed leaned in and hugged me, oh Grace, its so good to meet you

Did, did I just come out to you? I said in a bit of a daze

You did sweetie, and thank you, and don’t worry, your secret is safe with me for as long as you want it to be… and about the uniform?

I uh, I, I don’t know if Im ready for you to see me in it I said blushing

I mean, I already have she said grinning at me, but only if and when you are ready to… You coming to the game tonight?

Oh, yeah, probably, it’s over at North, right?

Yeah

Ill be there

I’ll keep an eye out for you! and maybe you could join the squad after the game with me? We usually hit up Shakey’s and have burgers and shakes to regain that energy we spent

I uh, are you asking me out?

I mean, as part of a group hang, but yes, I am totally asking you out she said smiling with her whole face

I blushed, uh, ok, sure

It’s a date then she said and hugged me again

We unlocked the door and slipped quietly out in to the hall after checking it was clear, and headed to our respective ways, her off to get ready to cheer the team on and me to go home and change for going to the game. I arrived home to find mom home early

Oh hey sweetie, how was your day?

It was, uh, ok

Thats good, there’s a game tonight, right?

Yeah, and Im going, oh, and Ill be home later, some friends want to hang out after the game

oh thats nice! just remember you should be home or in contact by eleven to say why not

I will I called as I headed upstairs. I quickly got rid of my school clothes and got in to comfier things for the game. I headed back downstairs, gonna play a bit on my game before I head out I told mom

You going to want to eat before you head out? Or get something at the game?

Oh I think Ill get something at the game, and the group is eating after too

Ok dear, mom said leaving me to my game

I sat down and turned on the game console and I opened it, and noticed the name was still editable in spite of the character being made already, and I thought about it for a moment and quickly typed in Grace, and then started in to the game.

I had honestly almost caught up with where I was before already, it had gone quicker the second time as I knew where things were, but I was actually watching the cut scenes more this time, and they made me feel different watching them than they had the last time. I lost a bit of track of time and heard dad arrive home. He called out from the front door hey all I’m home

I looked at the clock and said oh crap, I need to get going and quickly paused the game saving it. I got up and ran to the front door where dad was still doffing his jacket and bag, and I grabbed my jacket and said hi dad, bye dad and headed out the door.

He looked confused but said have a good evening Greg.

I got in my car and headed to the game and realized I had left the tv and game console on… oh well, too late now, it will time out or dad will turn it off later, it’s at least saved. Parking was a bit nuts, as I was late, and the game was about to start. I found a spot and made my way to visiting team part of the stands and found a spot with some friends who were already at the game to squeeze in to, to the mild annoyance of the others around us.

Greg! You made it! I didn’t think you were going to, even though you said you would be here this time

Yeah, got lost in a game

Oh that happens all right, last week I completely forgot to do my school work

I punched my friend in the shoulder, and thats why my grades are better than yours, I can keep it more in check, and he and the others laughed

So why did you change your mind from last week?

Well last week we weren’t in the playoffs, and also, someone wanted to hang out after

Well why aren’t you with them?

Because they are out there I said pointing vaguely at the direction of the field

Whoa, a cheerleader interested in you?

How do you know it isn’t the star quarter back?

Well first, we don’t have a star quarterback, we have Mike, and David, both of whom are barely quarterbacks and second, I know both of them are dating at the moment, and pretty sure both of them are straight

Fair I said, but not saying who, besides, the whole squad’s going to be there

Ooh, can we come with?

Yeah, come on, introduce us!

Absolutely not! I said laughing

All of a sudden there was the sound of a blank firing, signally the start of the game that we had been ignoring as preparations by the teams were made

Conversation thankfully mostly shifted to sports, that last bit about them being straight hit straight at my heart, I mean, if I was trans, and a woman, wouldn’t them being with me still be straight? The amount of random biases people assumed things based on, like that the person you are speaking to is one gender or another. At the end of the quarter, I went and grabbed a hotdog and some nacho’s and the others were doing similar things, then I felt a tap on my shoulder.

I turned around and there was Emily grinning at me, you made it! I had been looking for you in the stands before the game, but didn’t see you

I got here late, like, right before the game started just, wait, shouldn’t you be out cheering between quarters?

Ehhh, I snuck off she said grinning, anyways, see you after the game!

Ok I said

I got back to my seat to be greeted by my friends, and as soon as I sat down one of them immediately reached for a nacho

Hey! I said, those are mine! Then grinned and offered them to my friends, the nacho’s at this game were honestly more generous than the ones at our own field.

The game was not great, neither side was playing their best, but we eked out a win on to the next round in the bracket, there was a lot of cheering both from the fans and from the squad. I worked my way down to a staircase to the field and on to it and Emily caught my eye and waved me over

Heya I said grinning

We won! She said bouncing and waving her pompoms

Amazingly so I said with a smirk on my face

She laughed and said you are such a snarky person sometimes

I try I said smiling,

She leaned in close to me and whispered to me in the midst of the crowd, So Grace, ready to hang out with the team at Shakey’s?

I blushed and tried to suppress it quickly, yeah I said, but just don’t tell them that, not yet

Absolutely wouldn’t dream of it, she said pulling back and she herded me over to near the squad minibus

As we got closer I said wait, what about my car?

Oh, I brought my own car, its there right next to the bus, too many for the minibus today, will be just us two though, I’ll bring you back after

Oh I said blushing, you think it will be ok? Here alone

She laughed, yes, it will be fine, and won’t even be the only one left in the lot, you can be kind of cute, and I blushed harder

The squad was loading on the minibus and mostly ignored us, and I got in her car

You really are pushing it today, aren’t you?

She grinned at me, sorry, I can’t help it, you really are cute when you’re blushing

So, to Shakey’s? I’ll drop you back by your car after

Yeah I said, to Shakey’s, Im starving, the hot dog and nacho’s weren’t nearly enough, especially with my friends eating half

SAME She said loudly as she turned the car on and pulled out

She chatted with me about non gender related things on the way and soon we were pulling in besides the minibus in the parking lot of Shakey’s. What followed was a flurry of interactions that my mind totally blurred together. I ordered a burger and fries and a big chocolate shake, and Emily surprised me by ordering the same. She grabbed a table and had me sit with her, and a couple other of the squad sat with us, and we chatted and laughed while we ate. I knew of most of the squad via osmosis from my sister, and I was good at holding my own in a conversation.

As we finished, we lingered a bit but then the coach got up and said ok! Time to head out all! Well, anyone riding on the minibus anyways she said looking at us with a bit of a smirk

The crowd had thinned out and I sat there talking with Emily after they left

She said quietly, so, Grace, how was our first date?

It uh, it was good I said, although I don’t really have any thing to judge it by?

She laughed, you’re good to hang out with, honestly, keeping up with a bunch of peppy cheerleaders coming off the high of cheering and intaking sugar is quite a feat, especially when you are nervous

I laughed, I’ve always been a bit of an extrovert

Any chance you might let me see you in it? Emily asked changing topics

I paused, uh, yes, although I don’t know when?

How about tomorrow? Will your parents be around?

Uh… I said trying to think, yes, yes they will, at least most of the time

Well then bring it over to my place, my parents will be out tomorrow

I looked around briefly, not that anyone was paying attention or cared or even would’ve known what we are talking about, Ok, yeah, I can do that, but I don’t have your address?

Hand me your phone, she opened the contacts app and added her name, number and address

Just give me a text when you are going to head over, maybe about one-ish?

One-ish is good I said taking my phone back, shall we head back to my car?

Yes lets she said grinning, and we went out and got in her car and talked more freely laughing, I promised I would bring the wig and my bike shorts too. We got to my car, and she wasn’t wrong, there were other cars left int he lot, and it was still lit, and we parked and she leaned over and gave me a peck on the cheek, thats all you get tonight, but tomorrow, maybe more, if you want of course

I blushed, and nodded, I think I would like that

I was on cloud nine as I got out of her car and in to mine and she waited to make sure it got started then we waved to each other as we headed home. I looked at the clock on the dashboard and it read 10:45 and it was a 20 minute drive home, oh crap I said, hitting dial on the hands free to call mom

Heya kiddo, not going to make it back by 11?

Not quite, I should be home by 11:10 though?

Thats fine dear, thank you for letting us know where you are at.

I arrived home at 11:08 and turned the car off and took some deep breaths and went inside.

Welcome back kiddo Mom said as I entered the house, just before it turned 11:10

You didn’t have to wait up I said

Nonsense, wanted to make sure you got home ok, I’ve had my fair share of late night car breakdowns, they aren’t fun

I smiled faintly, ok, Im going to collapse in bed, I said

Goodnight kiddo, want to give me a hug before bed?

I paused, sure I said smiling and came over and hugged her tightly

Woah, you haven’t hugged me like that in a long time, I take it tonight was good?

We won, and yes, it was good

She looked up at me and pointed at my cheek, you gotta little something there she said grinning at me

Oh! I said

Are they nice?

Yes

Do we know them?

Yes

Do you want to talk more about it?

Not really, not yet

Ok dear, sleep well, and Im glad you had fun

Oh, and she invited me over tomorrow afternoon

Oh, ok dear, talk more about it tomorrow?

Sure

Goodnight she said again and I waved tiredly as I headed upstairs and collapsed in bed, barely finding the strength to change out of my clothes before falling fast asleep.

---

Saturday arrived, and I woke up about nine and made myself a simple breakfast of some cereal and sausage and decided to do a bit of my school work while a tv show droned on in my room. I finished the easier stuff and then suddenly realized that I had to smuggle Mary’s uniform back to my room, again. I went out in to the hall quietly and checked the upstairs quietly and didn’t see any sign of the parents and quickly grabbed it and hauled it back to my room. I stuffed it in a duffle I sometimes used and went downstairs and made some lunch.

Mom joined me at the table after a bit

So, ready to talk?

Not really

You’re going to her house though?

I nodded smiling a bit, yeah

Ok, just know you can talk to us about anything ever

I know mom I said rolling my eyes at her

Ok, ok, I’ll back off, you have a nice time, will you be home by supper?

I, uh, no idea

Ok, well text or call us when you know what your plans are, and remember

Yeah yeah, home by eleven or having called in

Thats the one, she finished her sandwich and headed back to the back yard, where dad and she had been working on a project for awhile.

After she was outside, I went upstairs and grabbed my bag and put it by the front door. I poked my head in to the back yard briefly, Im headed out! Will be back sometime later

Have fun dear! Mom called

Be safe dad said, make good decisions

I laughed, I will try

Thats all we can ask mom said

I headed to the front door and picked the bag back up and headed out to my car. I got in and it turned over fine and I remembered to pick up my phone and quickly text Emily, before disengaging the parking break or anything.

Heyo, I’m on my way over, told parents I wasn’t sure when I would be back… also mom knows about us sort of, she saw your lipstick on my cheek, but I swear I didn’t tell her who you were or anything, just that it was someone she knew to put her mind at ease

Oh! Thats fine, you could’ve told her, although maybe that would make later things more awkward, I don’t really know

be there in like, 15 minutes

See you then Grace!

I laughed and put my phone down before disengaging the parking break and carefully backing out of the driveway, following the directions my phone spat out, and before long I was at a nice town house on a side street. I found a parking spot opposite her house and crossed the street, grabbed the duffle and crossed the street. I headed up to the front door and rang the doorbell and I heard a loud clattering noise as someone ran to the door and Emily threw open the door and grinned widely at me, GRACE! She said a bit louder than I would’ve liked.

I looked around nervously, Hi Emily I said quietly

It’s fine, this block is super quiet and minds their own business, come on inside!

What was that noise right before you opened the door?

Oh, I might have knocked over a vase on my way to the door in a rush, but don’t worry, it didn’t have water, flowers or anything valuable in it and it was plastic, it will be fine, she said picking it back up and putting it on a table near to the door.

Are you ok?

She laughed, Im fine, Im a bit of a klutz off the field

She turned around and quickly closed and locked the front door, come on upstairs grace she said smiling and taking my hand and leading me up to her room, don’t worry, I won’t expect you to change in front of me, I’ll leave you here and wait in the hallway, just let me know when you are ready and its ok to change your mind

I blushed, no, I want to do this

Ok then she said smiling and stepping out in the hallway, closing her door behind her.

Her room screamed cheerleader, but also ‘teen who hates cleaning’, I set my bag on her bed and slowly got things out, and undressed. I slid on my bike shorts, and socks, then put on a a bra and some padding, and the upper and lower halves of the uniform, and finally slid my shoes on and got my wig out and put it on and I looked in her mirror

I felt a sudden hollow in the bottom of my stomach, could I really do this? Was this really me?

I sat down on her bed a bit hard and it creaked, and she must have heard because she rapped lightly on the door, hey Grace she called quietly, you ok? I heard a thump

I’m, I’m fine, I said, I uh, this is a lot

It’s ok to back out she said through the door

I sucked down a deep breath, no, I can do this, I went to a party full of strangers

But Im not a stranger, strangers are easier

No, Im ready I said and walked over to the door and pulled it open slowly, she stepped back a bit to balance as she had been leaning against the door

Oh Grace she said smiling at me, you’re cute!

Thanks I said blushing

You want me to help you complete the look?

I nodded, yes please

Well right this way then she said pointing towards her desk vanity combo that was covered with various bottles and brushes and a large mirror

She spun me away from the mirror, no peeking this time, ok?

Ok I said blushing

She set about doing things to my face, I knew what some of it was, but will admit I didn’t know how to do any of it well. When I thought she was done she tutted me as I started to turn around

Nope! I’ve got a few finishing touches, she quickly put a pair of school logo temporary tattoos on my cheeks and then proceeded to mess with my wig and hair, tying ribbons and putting a bow in it

Ok she said, now you can turn around and she practically spun me around and I laughed as she did so and then I saw me

Oh! I exclaimed

Oh! is right! You look stunning if I do say so myself she said blowing on her fingernails

Ok, so nails would be a bit too permanent, at least the stuff we do for the games, but I’ve got some pom’s here, what say we try some of the cheers?

Oh, sure! I know some of them, a bit

She got out two sets of pompoms and handed me a pair, and then she proceeded to do some cheers and I would mimic her and she smiled wider each time

You really are pretty good at this, have you been practicing?

I blushed hard enough to see through my makeup, uh, a bit

You really do want to be a cheerleader, don’t you?

I nodded and suddenly felt a huge rush of sadness and sat down on the bed and tears just started flowing

Woah, hey, Grace, it’s ok, whats the matter?

It’s just, I never will, will I? Get to be a cheerleader that is

What do you mean?

I’m a senior, this is my last year, and no college is going to accept a rookie, lanky, angular trans girl cheerleader on their squad

Well first, you look amazing, and angles aren’t bad, second, any squad that wouldn’t have you isn’t a good squad to be on, and third, who’s to say you can’t this year?

I can’t be out! Not now, not in the middle of my senior year, what would my family think? or my friends? And you already have your squad all trained and going for the year

Well, first, your sister is going to be a-ok with it, I absolutely know it, she gave you permission to wear these things, right?

I nodded quietly

And your parents, well, they are a wild card, I won’t deny that, but I doubt its a major one, they raised two pretty amazing young adults. And like any squad that wouldn’t have you not being worth being on, same for any friends. And last, and by no means least, I’m team captain, and the coach is a push over, that mini bus wasn’t full, I just wanted my car for our date, she didn’t take much convincing

Wait, are you saying you would have me on the team? Wouldn’t the others object? Like, a lot a lot?

Maybe, but like your sister, I’ve been pretty careful about who was let on the team, there weren’t any bigots or assholes on her squad and there aren’t any on mine.

But the season’s almost over? And you don’t really cheer for any of the spring sports

For football anyways, basketball will be going in to January and we cheer at those too, although not as much during football season, and so you get to go to however many games we have left, its better than none she said hugging me from the side

I could be a cheerleader?

In a cute uniform and everything, although might have to figure out how to get you uniform bits, yours simply doesn’t match sweetie

I laughed, and thats how this whole thing started and laughed more

She joined me in laughing, then she whispered in my ear, can I kiss you?

I nodded, then said yes quietly

She leaned over and we kissed, deeply, I had never really done it before, but she had, and it was quite enjoyable. We broke the kiss and she asked, did you like that?

I nodded breathless and speechless

Good she said, ready for some more?

I nodded again and she leaned back over, and to be honest I don’t really know how long we were at it, when we finally came up for a breath I said I really need some water

She grinned, hydration is important for a cheerleader! You will need to get yourself a nice big water bottle and always be drinking

I laughed, I have one, Im just bad at using it

Ok, lets go down and get one

Your parents aren’t going to be home soon are they?

I don’t think so

We got down stairs and I realized sometime while we were making out, it had started raining and Emily looked out the windows and said, oh shit

What?

Their event, it was outdoors, I bet they will be coming home early, and she quickly ran for her phone still upstairs and yelled shit, get back up here Grace

Coming I said quickly grabbing the glass of water I still needed and bringing it along with me as I headed up the stairs, hearing the garage door open just as I got to the top of the stairs

I missed hearing their texts!

Thats them?

Yup

I can change really quick I said, I’ve had a few close scrapes

But your makeup and everything?

Do they even know I’m here?

I mean, kind of, I said I was having a friend over, they didn’t ask details, I didn’t say it was a newly cracked trans girl, and I mostly have girls over because Im mostly friends with girls because I’m a lesbian and thats who I prefer to bring around, but as far as they know I’ve never dated anyone and am straight…

Wait, they don’t know? I asked… I could just stay as I am and introduce myself as Grace? I don’t think they’ve ever met me, Ill just be a girl

I uh, no, ok, and also, Grace, I like you a lot, and you are cute as all get out, but… I mean… they would probably know

I mean, I can just be Grace the trans girl, would they have a problem with it?

I, uh, no, you would tell my parents?

Hell I would tell mine right now I said, Im on cloud freaking nine

The door from the garage could be heard opening and feet stomping in as they dried their boots off on a rug or something.

Oh hell, she said quietly, ok, let me go down and uh, soften the blow, I guess, and uh oh crap she said looking in her mirror and quickly wiping her face, thank heavens I didn’t have makeup on, I only have to wipe your lipstick off me she looked at me and I nervously held my thumbs up

I heard her mom call Emily, we’re home!

Coming! She called

She headed out of her room and downstairs

I stuck my head out and listened in as best I could

Sorry honey, with the rain we came home early, is your friend still over?

Oh, yeah, we uh, didn’t hear your text beep and didn’t notice the rain til you were basically opening the garage door

Thats fine! Can we meet her? Is she one of the ones we know from the squad? What’s her name?

Ok, uh, sure, her name is Grace, and of course you can meet her she said laughing nervously, but uh, she’s a bit different from some of the other friends I’ve had over, and she’s… uh, the squad thing, just, please be ok with it

Emily, I heard another muffled voice say, we love you, and support you, Im sure she’s fine

Emily called upstairs to me, uh, Grace, you want to come down and meet the parents she asked sounding nervous

I called back, coming, my voice was not super deep, but also I felt super conscious about it, curse this stupid body I thought as I headed down the stairs. I got downstairs and turned at the bottom in to their living room

Oh, hello Grace! I heard the first voice say, realizing it was Emily’s mom, and then the other voice I saw was…also Emily’s mom?

It was my turn to boggle a bit, oh hi I said, its nice to meet you, I’m Grace

She didn’t tell you about us? Did she the second woman asked

We are both her mom’s, well, mom and momma the first one laughed, or you can call us Jill and Jodie she said

Its very nice to meet you Jill, I said smiling, and after turning my head a bit to look at Jodie, and you Jodie

I swear, you would think she was embarrassed of us, we aren’t even the only lesbian parents in your homeroom class, much less your school

Moms… Emily said sounding annoyed

So Grace, first time out?

I blushed, uh, no, a halloween party a couple weeks ago, your daughter, uh, saw me there, but, uh, first time being seen by adults I guess!

Oh those are great fun for exploring, we had some wild ones back in the day Jodie said smirking

Momma! Emily said sounding increasingly frustrated

Fine fine, did you girls having a good time? Jill said

Yes, I said smiling faintly

Well don’t stop on our account, go do what kids who like each other do if you want Jodie laughed

MOMMA! Stop it!

Sweetie, your secret is about as closeted as a rack of clothes in a clothing store, do you think us fools? Jill said looking at her daughter with a kindness but also concern

Then why didn’t you say anything before, just let me continue on like this? Emily asked heatedly,

Well, for one, you were always just you, we figured if you wanted to ‘come out’ so to speak, you would, but also, thats such a nonsense concept anyways, two, you never seemed to ever get this nervous or upset about the other girls, so we didn’t intrude. Well, there was that one that you just texted, that one got you upset pretty badly… and we are happy for you, but, no more sneaking about about it, ok?

I thought Emily’s face was going to melt off as she just stood there stammering

Thank you Jill and Jodie, I said, taking hold of Emily’s hand, and leading her back up to her room

She sat down quietly on the bed and just stared forward

You know how you told me it would be ok?

Yeah she said

It will be ok I said smiling at her and leaning over, my turn to hug her

I’m so mad at them, she said

I know, I hope they meant well, but they did that in front of a guest, and even if that guest really likes you, and you really like her, that wasn’t terribly cool of them, not for a first meeting

Its the least cool they’ve ever been, and thats saying a lot

So why haven’t you talked about it with them?

Because, because I didn’t want to be the gay kid of gay parents ok? When I was in elementary, kids laughed at me, kids taunted me that I was going to be just like them, and then proceeded to use words in hurtful ways. Gay. Queer. Fairy. Dyke. They meant to hurt me and they succeeded

I hugged her tighter, Im sorry, thats awful, why didn’t you tell them?

Because involving them would’ve made things exponentially worse she said, and so I bottled it up, and hid it, even from them, or thought I had she said sighing, I guess Im not a very good liar

I laughed, you absolutely aren’t and thats ok, you want to go back to making out?

She sighed, no, not really, I’m all of a sudden starving, but also don’t want to face them again right now

Would it help if I was there?

I guess

I lead the way down the stairs, and caught Jill’s eyes who looked at me and nodded

Emily, Jodie and I are sorry, we shouldn’t have done that, although we hope it will ultimately help ripping the bandaid off, it was the wrong timing

We are so sorry sweetie, Jodie said, and I let myself get in to a mood I hadn’t for awhile, it wasn’t ok, and I will work to do better she said and offered a hug, which I was surprised when Emily accepted

I guess it was pretty silly to keep it from you

Do you mind us asking why?

I, I was scared of being the gay kid of gay parents

Ohhh, yeah, I could see that,, Jill said, kids can be cruel

And to you Grace, Jodie said, we also apologize, that kind of thing even if it might have been needed at some point shouldn’t have been done in front of or in any way related to you

I looked at her with a tilt in my head, thank you, but also, don’t ever do that again, I didn’t like it at all

Jill nodded, we won’t, promise, so, I take it you came back down because you are hungry?

Emily nodded, and immediately her stomach rumbled loudly

And I guess thats that Jodie said, ok, so, what do you all want? I’ve got stuff for ramen or chicken katsu, or, uh, I think we’ve got burgers around atm

Oh, chicken katsu I said

Emily laughed, guest’s wishes, and thats fine to me too

Ok, just have a seat and Ill get busy at it Jodie said, Im guessing you still all have a lot to talk about

Jill herded us in to the living room away from the kitchen and we sat down

So, Grace, you look familiar

I got a bit nervous, uh…

Oh don’t worry, we would never tell anyone of course, not without your explicit permission

I uh, my sister is Mary, the captain of the cheer squad last year

Oh! Mary! Lovely girl

And mom, as long as we are airing secrets, she was who I was texting with

Oh, OH, well that makes this an interesting relationship

I’m over Mary, I swear mom

I know you are, thats fine, so long as Mary and Grace are ok with this, its no skin off my nose

Does your family know yet?

No, well, kind of… Mary’s known about me borrowing her clothes for a long time, but I haven’t told her my name yet, or that I want this to be more permanent

And your parents?

I.. I don’t know how they will react, but I want to tell them, I just don’t know when or how

Thats always hard, and living a double life isn’t easy she said taking a glance at her daughter

Emily smiled weekly, I know how it can be, a bit

I uh I also want to be a cheerleader

And Im guessing you’ve offered to help with that Emily?

She nodded, yes mom, she’s really good already

Well, just be sure the squad is ok with it, Im sure they will be, but no sense in ruffling feathers about it. But you absolutely have to come out to your parents first. They can’t find this out from the school by accident.

I nodded, yeah

Do you need any help? We are always willing to help with things like that

No, I think i can do it on my own

Thats a good girl

Jodie called from the kitchen, just waiting on the rice to cook, will be about fifteen more minutes she said, coming towards the living room

Thanks dear

So how has the chat gone?

Pretty well Jill said

It was good, I said and Emily nodded

Excellent! So Grace, planning on joining the cheer squad?

We went over that already Jill said,

I nodded, yup, gotta tell my parents first

Ouch, good luck with that, my parents didn’t come around til this little one was almost in middle school she said ruffling Emily’s hair, and Jills…

Thats enough on that for now, Jill said cutting her off and changed the subject

Conversation drifted a bit, I talked about my past, Jodie and Jill talked about how they met, and Emily butted in and said that was the fifth different story she had heard, to which her moms replied and they are ALL true, to a certain extent

We laughed and had a good time and then the rice cooker sang its merry tune indicating it was done.

We sat down at the table and ate, there was rice, and chicken katsu, and a salad and it was very good

Thank you momma for the food Emily said as we sat down

You are absolutely welcome dear, I love cooking for you all

Dinner conversation rambled a lot and suddenly I realized I hadn’t texted my parents I wouldn’t be home for supper

I started to get up

Are you done? asked Jill looking at me

Uh, no, just realized I forgot to text my parents I was staying for supper

Oh, go get your phone and do that right now, don’t make them worry

I ran upstairs and grabbed my phone and sat back down at the table and quickly texted them, then when offered the device basket by Jill I politely put my phone in it, and conversation resumed.

When supper was done, I politely declined the offer of desert, saying I really should get cleaned up and headed home

Emily followed me upstairs, not only can you hold your own with cheerleaders, you can hold your own with my moms, holy crap

Just one of the few areas I do ok at

She hugged me, and looked in my eyes and I said yes, ok, and she kissed me, and then we had to break it off because I really did need to get ready to go.

She helped me take the makeup off, including the temporary tattoos, and then I got changed, putting everything back in my duffle and letting her know I was changed.

She kissed me again, I’m so glad I went to that party Grace

So am I said blushing

We came out and I said goodbye to Jill and Jodie and managed to get out the door with another kiss from Emily, with her parents watching this time, and I laughed when Jodie made a wolf whistle. I waved goodbye and headed out to my car, it had stopped raining and I got in and got the car started, it wasn’t the happiest starting in this colder, damp air, but it managed, and I navigated my way home thanks to my phone. I pulled in to the driveway in my usual spot, and grabbed the duffle and went inside

Welcome home kiddo Mom said as I came in the kitchen, did you have a nice date?

I nodded, yes, and I met her parents

Oh thats nice, hope that went ok

It went… it went as well as it could, which is to say it started a bit rocky but it got better after that

Did you make good choices? dad asked

I did, I said laughing, of course I did, also, uh, I have something to tell you all, but uh, not tonight, tomorrow

Oh, ok mom said, whenever you are ready,

I think Im going to head up to my room and rest before bed, I said, and I turned and I had to restrain myself from basically skipping up to my room with my duffle I’d left near the stairs and front door. I got in to my room and hid the duffle away because I didn’t want to deal with unpacking it tonight, but also didn’t want the parents snooping in it, not that I think they really did that, but better safe than sorry.

I pulled out my phone and opened my messages app,

Dear sis, uh, so, you’ve known I’ve been thinking about this for awhile, and thank you for putting me in contact with Ellie… Im trans, there, I said it, I would like to use the name Grace, and uh, also, uh, I guess Emily and I are dating? I met her moms, you could’ve warned me about them… Im going to be telling the parents tomorrow… and also… Emily has said she’s going to talk to the squad about letting me cheer with them the rest of the season…

OMG OMG OMG to ALL of that, holy crap sis (is that ok?), Grace is perfect for you! And the cheer squad?? OMG I know you wanted to do it, but I didn’t think it would happen, and if ANY of them give you ANY shit, you text me and I will come lay down the cheer law on them!

lol, I can fight my own battles, but thanks sis… Also, I was hoping you might have a free time tomorrow around say, early afternoon? I want you on a video call when I tell the parents… its a condition for Emily letting me be on the squad

Oh, sure! I have time, say 1:30ish?

Sounds good, oh, and sis is fine, sis =)

Do you plan to dress up? There should be some nicer clothes left over in my room that should fit

I uh, I think Ill just tell them for now,, and see how that goes

Thats absolutely fair… Looking forward sis, anything else?

just thank you, thank you so much for all these years of never being mean about any of it

You are absolutely welcome sis, I’m glad you found yourself

=), ok, Im going to crash, todays been a long day

Night!!

I put my phone down and I did crash pretty quickly, even though it was still early

---

Sleep was kind of uneasy, plagued by nightmares, in one I was cheering at the big championship, we were winning, and then my parents appeared and looked hurt and shocked and went to chase after them and then the team lost and it was all my fault somehow. I awoke with a start at 9 am, and just sat there breathing for a bit. Could I really do this? I thought to myself. I sat up and turned to face my room, I caught a glimpse of my hair in the mirror and it was a mess, I didn’t have much of it, but it was just every where.

I stretched and got up and got myself ready for the day, I had managed to get all my school work done between study hall and yesterday morning so I didn’t really have anything to do.

I went down to breakfast and found Mary there

Oh, hello Mary I said

Hiya she said grinning at me, thought I would surprise the family

I mean, you were just down last week I said glaring at her with a ‘we need to talk’ look

Yeah, well, such is life, anyways, I made pancakes

Oooh… chocolate chip??

Mary laughed, yes silly goose, chocolate chip, the only kind I make

Mom and Dad came in from the other room, and they smell delicious dear, thank you!

We all sat down to a nice breakfast, and Mary brought over plates with the pancakes already on them, as well as a plate of bacon and eggs, and we served ourselves some of each of those and got to making our pancakes up how we liked them, I did mostly butter with a bit of syrup while Mary tended to do the opposite. We laughed and had a good conversation about nothing, and mom asked if I still wanted to tell them something and I said this afternoon, after lunch and then breakfast was over and I drug Mary upstairs

WHAT THE HELL MARY! I whisper yelled at her once we were in my room and the door shut

I’m sorry Grace she said quietly, I had to be here for it, this is a huge thing, and I couldn’t just do it over the phone

With no warning?

I didn’t decide to do it til this morning, and anyways I’m here now, and me leaving before whatever you are going to tell the parents would look really weird if I got on the video call right after

I sighed and crossed my arms and sat on my bed

She sat next to me, besides, what kind of sister would I be if I didn’t show up and bake my little sister chocolate chip pancakes on one of the biggest days of her life

I, thanks sis I said quietly, they were very good, even better than usual and they are really good usually

I got a tip from a friend at college! It helps bring out the flavor even more

Gonna tell me?

Like you would understand it, lil miss never cooks more than a sandwich

hey! Sandwiches are food! And if they are good enough for an Earl, they are good enough for a commoner like me I said laughing

She laughed, its ok, Emily can cook circles around me, Jodie taught her everything she knows

I laughed and then suddenly the waterworks burst and I couldn’t stop it and I just started crying

Woah, hey sis she whispered to me as she leaned over to hug me, whats up?

I don’t know, I just, I’m so nervous, and this week has been a lot already and what if it goes badly?

It won’t, but are you sure you don’t want to dress up for it?

I, I don’t know, I didn’t want to because I still don’t really know what Im doing most of the time, and making a good outfit is hard for me and even though it makes me happy when I do, I just, it was a lot more stress on top of everything

I get it, I totally do, lets say we go over to my room and see though

… I, ok, sure ,I said sounding hesitant

She opened the door and headed across the hallway and I followed closing my door behind me, and following her in to her room and closing the door behind us.

So… I have a bit of a surprise for you she said, pulling out a bag, and its ok if you don’t like it, we can take it back. I guessed a bit at the sizes a bit.

Wait, you planned this? You knew?

I’ve had that clothing bought since the halloween party sis

How, why?

Sis I know you, I always have, and yes I know you’ve been sneaking my clothes since you were seven, it took til I was fourteen to get to fed up enough to give you ‘permission’, as if not having it would’ve stopped you if I hadn’t, I hoped it would help. Hell, even, mom suspects, she texted me yesterday wondering why she sometimes heard someone come in or go out of my room after I left to college. Also you left your game on the tv the other day, and you had set your new girl avatar to Grace I guess.

Then why didn’t you say anything? I asked nearly bursting in to tears again, my words coming out uneven

Because you needed to come out to yourself first, and thats hard, and no I genuinely didn’t know Emily would be at that party, although yes, I had learned of it from her and her queer circle group chat, the cheer squad group chat, her included had said they were going to the other party, but yes, I did hope the halloween party would be a chance for you to see it was ok, I bet you weren’t the only gender bent costume there that night

I barked out a short laugh, when Emily caught site of me, I was talking to, uh, a young woman? I guess? Wearing a Mario costume, but not like, sexy femme Mario, but guy Mario and a mustache and, uh, I guess something to hide her chest maybe?

Mary laughed, I know her, she’s fun, I hope you had fun talking to her

I did, until I kind of bolted

She squeezed my shoulder, Im going to go out in the hallway and guard the door, you can try on whats in that bag, and if you don’t like it, we can find something else, then what say we go reintroduce you to the parents?

I smiled weakly, ok, but no promises

Do it for the cheer squad? She asked looking at me with a smile

For the cheer squad! I said loudly, laughing and grinning huge

All right, thats my sis that I know and love she said giving me one last squeeze before standing and heading out the door, shutting it behind her

I looked in the bag, and inside it was a cute jumper dress, knit tights, boots, and a long sleeve but appropriate weight sweater, as well as a package of underwear, unopened, and a bra and some proper breast forms. I took out each piece one by one and examined it before setting it aside, and then it was all arrayed and I had to take a deep breath. It was weird undressing in my sister’s room, I didn’t normally do it, I usually took the stuff to my room and changed there.

I wasn’t very quick about it, and Im sure if the parents decided to walk by Mary standing in the hallway in front of her door it would be very awkward at best, but I never heard a peep outside, of course, I wasn’t noticing much of anything, my brain was closing off most input sources other than just putting things on. I finally got everything on, and saw myself in the mirror, and even with my short hair I was cute I couldn’t deny it. I stood there admiring myself when a very quiet knock on the door happened and a stage whisper through the door, hows it going?

I uh, come on in if you want to see?

Sure, She opened the door and shut it quickly behind her.

I think the parents are suspicious, they kept passing the stairs, seemed like more than usual… oh! All dressed up, want to do a bit of makeup? And didn’t you have a wig?

Oh, the wig’s in my room, hiding in the closet in the duffle… but is there any way we could not? Its not really.. great as a wig, its like, a costume piece

Thats fair, I think I can do a little bit with your hair as is, and it will grow she said smiling at me

I sat at her vanity and she proceeded to do a much less intense makeup job than Emily had yesterday, but Mary did spend more time on my hair, brushing it a bit here and there and finally spritzing it just a bit, there, a cute pixie cut almost she said and I looked at my face in the mirror and I looked really adorable and I leapt up and hugged my sister oh thanks Mary I said

You are welcome, you want to go down now?

Would you, like, go coral them in to the living room for me first?

I can do that she said smiling

She left the room and went downstairs and left the door cracked just a bit, and then I heard her call upstairs, ok, come on down, we’re ready

I pushed the door open and then took one step, and another, and finally I was just doing it and walking down there. There they were, waiting, facing away from the stairs, and when they heard me they turned. I blushed hard and hurried the rest of the way down the stairs. Mom immediately gasped and got up to run over to me, and Dad sat there looking a bit confused

Mom hugged me and then took my hand and we walked in to the living room

Uh hi mom, uh, dad, so, something I’ve struggled with my whole life was wanting to be a girl, but I never really knew it was a thing I could be, and uh, recent events have shown me not only could I be, I would be a lot happier about myself as one, and uh, anyways, I would like to go by Grace, and I would prefer it if you called me your daughter and used she/her for pronouns to refer to me…

Dad sat there looking confused still, you seem nervous, why? Did we ever give you the impression we wouldn’t be ok with this? If so we are sorry

I uh, the world made me nervous, and that hit you too

Thats fair honey, mom said, and of course we will love to have you as our daughter, and Grace really is a lovely name, I thought so the other day when I saw your game avatar

I blushed, Mary mentioned you saw it

I wasn’t entirely sure what was up with you, but yes, I was suspicious, and there were those times when you were younger that I found something slipped in to your room from Mary’s that I was pretty sure I hadn’t washed, or put away in your room. I figured it was a phase, and then you started doing your own laundry and I didn’t go in your room anymore to put away laundry, so I guess I just missed it hadn’t gone away, I’m sorry too

Its ok, I, uh, needed to figure this out on my own, in my own way… also… there’s one more thing… I said pausing

Yes? mom looked at me smiling

I want to be a cheerleader… and the girl I hung out with Friday night and Saturday afternoon was Emily, the current squad captain… she’s already offered to let me, if you are ok with it

Of course we are, dad said, being a part of a team or squad or whatever is good for a young person, and your protests always seemed a bit hollow when we would go to events for Mary

I laughed, yeah, hah, there was a lot of covering up I did I said looking a bit sad, sorry about that

Mom hugged me, no need to be sorry dear, we get it, it’s hard, so, shall we do lunch? And talk more?

Sure

Do you want to make something here or should we all go out to eat?

I hesitated, uh, never been out before

Halloween? My dad asked

Wait you knew?

Front door camera went off, I deleted the notification and footage immediately, I figured what you do on Halloween for a costume is your business.

I, uh, I didn’t think about that… still, its daylight…

If you want to be on the cheerleading squad sis, you are going to have to go outside eventually, and in public, but if you aren’t ready thats absolutely ok too

Whats that you always told me? Sometimes you have to take a leap? I said looking at my sister

Yup, for fancier cheer stuff there’s stuff you ultimately have to do at full speed and power to make them work

Then thats what I’ll do

If you’re sure Grace? mom said

I am

Good! Then lets go find a nice meal

As we headed to the door I realized I had nothing to cary things in and my sister opened the coat closet and pulled down her previous purse, here you go, use that for your wallet and keys and such, at least for now

The parents and my sister put on jackets but I was honestly a bit warm in the jumper and sweater and went without, and I was fine. It was a lot colder that night on the balcony I thought to myself and shivered a bit

You warm enough? my sister asked we got in the car, you can have my jacket if you want

Yeah, Im fine, just remembering something

Ok

So, where do we want to head? dad asked getting in the driver’s seat

Flannigans? Mary asked

ahh, really sis? Flannigan’s? What about Art’s?

I like Flannigan’s deserts more she said crossing her arms beside me and sticking her nose in the air

It is Grace’s big day, mom said

Fair enough she said, take us to Arts dad!

You got it he said backing out of the driveway, routing through the city streets, my sister reached over and took my hand, Im proud of you sis, really.

Thanks I replied, and thanks for being here when I took the leap

You’re welcome! It’s why I decided to come, I couldn’t miss this

Chatter in the car was varied as we approached the restaurant, one we went to semi regularly, at least a couple times a month. Dad pulled in to the parking lot and found a spot albeit not close as it was fairly busy on a Sunday afternoon, and there was clearly a line of people waiting

I suddenly got nervous again and when the others opened their doors and got out I just sat there staring at the crowd of people.

Mary came around to my door and opened it, hey sis

Hey I said quietly

Just because you are taking a leap doesn’t mean you need to take it alone she said extending her hand, come on sis, it will be fine

I unbuckled my seatbelt slowly, then took her hand and she helped me down out of the van and we joined the parents at the back still holding hands

Ready? Dad asked

As I can be I said nervously

Thats all you ever can be then, he said and headed off ahead of us. He went inside and got us a pager puck and came out and stood with us on the patio

So… Mary said, how bad’s the wait?

It’s going to be at least 30 minutes they said

Flannigans would’ve been quicker Mary said in a taunting sing song voice

My stomach rumbled, no, just remember, lamb chops and we settled in to wait as best we could, eventually a bench opened up and mom offered to let me sit next to her on it for which I was appreciative, the boots were something I was still getting used to.

Your outfit is really cute by the way, mom told me

Thanks, Mary got it for me, and thank you Mary for it, its very comfy, although a bit warm maybe still

It’s going to get colder soon, and then it will be nice, and then probably not enough

So, if you are going to be out at school, you are going to need some more clothes? Mom asked

I uh, yeah, at least some, was hoping I could borrow some of Mary’s things

Well, lets go through some of that after, but you definitely need underwear, mine are mine

I laughed, of course, that would be gross anyways

Are you hoping to be out at school soon? We need to go shopping

I uh, I don’t know, I wasn’t even sure if I could go through with this today, I haven’t thought that far ahead

Thats fine, just think about it, and maybe we can go shopping sometime this week?

Or… maybe tonight?

Do you think you would go to school tomorrow just changed?

Maybe… I said, I don’t know, but I want to be ready regardless

Mom laughed, ok, we will talk about it

We talked about some other things, and then the beeper went off, and we went inside quickly to avoid getting passed over and a hostess guided us to our table through the crowd. I ordered my usual for Arts, lamp chops that were really good, with a side of fries. Mary had a chicken salad and the parents had their usual steak preferences. The conversation wandered, and at times we all had our phones out looking at something. Mom seemed particularly interested in whatever she was looking at. Eventually we finished our meal and headed towards the van.

Mom looked at dad, let me drive home

He smiled, sure honey, and got in the passenger seat while we got in back again.

As she drove us home, mom asked, so Mary, how late can you stay today? Got all your schoolwork done

I have enough of it done I don’t have to leave til after supper

Sounds good, ok, dear, Im dropping you off at home, and I’m taking the girls shopping

Sounds like a plan to me, you ladies have a good time

Before long we were at home and mom pulled up in front of our house and dad hopped out and mom paused, want to hop up front Grace?

I grinned, sure and hopped out and in to the front passenger seat.

So, I figure we need to start with the undergarments, and we are going to need to get you something better than your bike shorts for use under the uniform at some point… and I guess shoes? Does the team still coordinate those? she said looking back at Mary

Yeah, I think I know which one, but we can call Emily and confirm

Sounds good, why don’t you go ahead and start getting those details. The cheer shop won’t be open today but if I recall correctly we got your shoes in a regular store

Yeah.

Emily pulled her phone out and started texting Emily and I realized I should send her one too

Well, the parents know and Mary, mom and I are going shopping for some things for us

🎉 HOORAY! I knew you could do it

=), thanks, Mary’s texting you for details about uniform stuff

Yup! Just got those texts and was wondering, I’ll fill both of you in on the details. Also… can I start talking to the squad?

I, yeah, if I want to be on the squad they have to know eventually… but like, they really need to keep quiet til Im out at school

absolutely, we would never out someone

Mom pulled in to the parking lot of a big box store, ok, the essentials here, do you know more or less what of Mary’s fits you?

I blushed, uh, yeah, her tops and skirts mostly fit, dresses are about 50/50 and pants are weirdly iffy

Its my hips, some of my older ones don’t have the room but are about the same length, and the newer ones are too big I bet

I nodded, yeah, thats about right

Good thing I was always kind of big in the shoulders too, you may be pretty lanky but yeah

Ok then, so we probably need a bit of everything, but mostly underwear?

Yeah I said

We got out and went inside, and mostly sized things based on what we knew of Mary’s sizes but I did try on a couple things, and we got all the underwear, including an appropriate sports bra that I could pad out under the uniform. It was surprisingly relaxed, no one paid us any mind and by the time we were done I had enough things between what we got and Mary’s closet that I could reasonably get through a week without washing things, although variety week to week would lack.

Mary looked at her phone, yup, should be able to get the proper shoes for this year at the mall

Ok then thats next, and maybe a couple other nice things while we are there, Mom said grinning

We headed to the register and managed to check out, although it wasn’t a fast process as the cashier had to keep taking tags and things off. Eventually we headed out to the van and to the mall, where we quickly found the shoes, and mom insisted on getting me a purse of my own that I saw and really liked, and then we got me a couple nice outfits at one of the teen stores in the mall. We eventually made it home at supper time and found out dad had made a nice but light soup for supper after our big lunch.

I eventually got up to my room with all my purchases and before Mary headed out she came and knocked on my door

Hey sis, she said, wanted to talk a moment before I head out

Sure I said smiling at her, come on in

Oh nothing that private, I wanted to tell you my permission now extends to my room itself, if you would prefer to sleep there, and have access to all my clothes more easily, thats fine

Oh, huh, Ill think about it, I said, your room is a bit bigger and does have better light…

And girlier she said laughing, albeit maybe not your form of girly, who knows how you’ll turn out now that you are figuring yourself out, she said smiling at me

I am looking forward to figuring that out for once in my life, I said looking at the ground

She came closer to me, come here sis she said holding open her arms

I leaned in to her hug and suddenly started crying

Hey, why now?

I… I honestly was never really sure I had a future, I figured I would just kind of fade out at some point, and uh, this is the most hope I’ve had in a long time

She hugged me tighter, you survived, you’re here, and you get to have a future as your real self, thats something to be proud of

I nodded pushing back from the hug, thank you sis, really, for everything

She laughed, thats what sisters are for, ok kiddo, I gotta run, walk me down to the door?

I laughed, sure, and we walked downstairs and Mary said goodbye to the parents and headed back off to her dorm

I went up to my room and paused, and then grabbed the shopping bags and hauled them across to Mary’s room, and mom coming up the stairs saw, and I said its ok, Mary said I could

Thats fine dear, need any help?

I think I’ve got it, grabbing the last bags and hauling them across the hall.

Mom looked in to my at least temporary new room, so kiddo, want to come down and talk?

Yeah mom, sure I said

I followed her downstairs and saw dad already sitting down and reading and he put down his tablet as we approached

So dear, about coming out at school… mom said

Yeah?

I was reading online at lunch today, I know, wasn’t very social of me, but I wanted to know… Our district actually has a defined process for it, there’s a form and everything

Oh thats nice I said

I also found some reports by parents of other trans kids in the district, and your school was actually fairly well liked

Wait, theres a trans kid at my school?

From the sounds of it, a few, but your school is pretty big, and some of them their parents indicated were more or less stealth at this point, but at least one or two who were pretty proudly out and had no issues

Thats good, I said, I wonder how I missed them?

Well kiddo, dad said, sometimes when the brain really doesn’t want to see something for whatever reason, it just won’t, and it does that sometimes as a defense mechanism, to protect us from things we fear, and, well, being trans could be a scary thought to some, even if you are trans

Oh, I hadn’t thought of it like that

I’ve just been around the block a few times more, dad said smiling, and I had some of my own bits of denial in my past

I’ve already got the form filled out and printed dad said, and technically it doesn’t need to involve parents at all, it can be just on your own authority, with options for what name is used when talking to us, I listed Grace as your preferred name for now, and given that we know, that it was ok to use that name when speaking with us he said handing over a form printed out with neatly printed information on it

Oh, thanks, Ill take a look, Im still not sure about tomorrow

And thats perfectly fine mom said,

I think Im going to go up to my room and rest,

Have a nice night Grace mom said smiling

See you in the morning kiddo, dad said

I went upstairs and collapsed on Mary’s, well, for now at least, my bed, and it was honestly pretty nice, she had good taste in linens and they had been cleaned before she went off to college.

I picked up my phone and started texting Emily

So… my parents provided me a form with things filled out that I could turn in to the school district… but…

But you are nervous, and aren’t really ready to come tomorrow as Grace?

Yeah, exactly =(

its fine Grace, really =), you come out at your own pace

Also, I talked with the squad and they are really excited about meeting Grace, and were wondering if you might want to come to our practice tomorrow? You don’t have to join us in practicing yet if you don’t want, but I’d like you to have at least week of practices before cheering at a game

Oh, sure, do I need to bring anything?

Just yourself, and if you want, some workout clothes to join with us, of whatever gender

Ill think about it

So how did my girlfriend like her first day out as herself? I wish I could’ve been there

It was good, and I kind of wish you had been here too, but I’m glad Mary showed up unannounced

Also, like, they all already knew… Mom had seen my avatar named Grace, and had found Mary’s clothes in my room sometimes when I was younger, and had even noticed me carefully sneaking in to Mary’s room sometimes… and dad saw me on the front door camera on Halloween

Wow, guess they read you like a book as well as my moms did me

hah, yeah, turns out Im a bad sneak… one reason I kind of want at least one more day as the old me is to come out to a friend or two first, so they don’t find out at the same time as everyone else

Thats very understandable, maybe take the form and file it tomorrow if that goes well and then you can start as Grace?

I will think about it =)

And don’t worry, since you are joining the squad, you’ve got a pre built defense line, we won’t tolerate anyone messing with you!

heh, thanks, I hope to be able to fight my own battles, but its good to know Ill have some support

I should probably get to sleep, tomorrow’s going to be a lot one way or another, goodnight Emily

Goodnight Grace =), sleep well

I put my phone on a charger Mary had left behind, put on some pajamas we had bought and collapsed in to bed and fell quickly to sleep.

Part 2