This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

This is a work of fiction, any resemblance to real people or places is purely coincidence.

Content warnings for threatened and attempted gun violence against a trans person. Parent disowning child and deadnaming. Threatened conversion therapy 'camp.' Not all warnings will apply to all parts.

To be honest, Thursday started out as the most boring day in existence, I took a lunch, the others had decided to do cafeteria, so I just sat at my desk eating and got back to work. I was actually effectively done with the checks except for a quick skim over all of it to double check that I had checked everything on the list. Then in the late afternoon as I was wrapping things up I got a message from Lydia

Hi, remember when we talked about the senior partners would like to meet you? Are you free right now?

Like right now right now?

Yes, please meet me on two at my office immediately

brt

I grabbed my phone and headed out without saying a word to my office mates and dashed up the stairs to two, in time to see Lydia come out of her office and look around anxiously.

I waved as I approached, hey, Im here, sorry if Im a bit out of breath, took the stairs really fast

Its fine, come on in really quick, we need to talk for just a moment before meeting them

Sure, ok

She shut her door, ok, so, Im really not supposed to be telling you this, but, the FBI have a strong lead and are expecting to have it confirmed and a warrant by Monday.

Oh wow, yeah, any word on who?

None, they refused to say, anyways, the board caught wind and wanted to meet you in advance of the PR shitstorm thats about to hit the fan

Yeah, ok, uh, sure… uh…

Your name probably wont come up in the PR… but, they want to meet you anyways, and this is one of those, uh, more order-y wants.

Right, ok

You look ok she came over straightening my collar, and uh, you don’t have to tell them anything about Amy if you don’t want to. Im sure they would want to exploit it for PR purposes, ‘transgender employee (who the company fully supports) found flaw in LGBT projects possibly saving lives, and which the company is doing its very best to rectify due to our commitment to rights and yada yada yada’

I’ve discussed coming out with HR, but whoa, yeah, not sure about that…

All right, we are going to go and what happens, uh, happens, and Im there for you, every step of the way

Right, thanks

I followed her out her office door and down the hall to the elevator bank, and slipped her card in the slot and requested the fourth floor the company owned, and I noticed it dinged ‘Priority!’

Oh thats different

Yeah… the floor is executives and their direct support staff pretty much only… and they don’t like waiting, or those coming to them to wait

Oh

Yeah, anyways, here we go the elevator dinged and opened, there wasn’t tons of space but we got on and were off at the next floor which I heard groans from the people behind us but it didn’t really matter.

The floor was even more open than the second floor, and I saw large models of the companies prestige projects around the large open area near the elevators. She quickly walked me over to a large glass walled conference room with a full glass wall on the other side, inside were a pair of men standing talking with a younger seated man.

Is this the man of the hour one of the older gentleman asked as Lydia lead me in to the room? The first week on the job, fresh out of college greenhorn that caught a disaster in progress in time to hopefully save the companies hide?

It is Lydia said, gentleman, this is…

I cut her off, hi, yes, I’m the person, and uh, before we go any farther, I would like to provide a slight correction

Oh? What correction is that a younger man in a more stylish suit sitting down said

I’m uh, Im not George, that was who you hired, and that is who I was, or thought I was, but, in the time since you hired me and now, I’ve realized a deeply personal thing about myself, and you all will eventually know anyways, and its best if we all know this now… I’m… I… I felt myself tearing up

Whoa, hey, we don’t bite a third guy said, whats the matter?

Lydia came up beside me and took my hand gently, its ok, you don’t have to…

I’m trans I said smiling, I am a trans woman, and I was hoping to transition soon

Oh! The third man said standing up from his chair and coming over. I’m William Kleiner II, and this my firm, I remember seeing your paperwork when we hired you, Cornell, good school, not Carnegie Mellon, but a good school, and its a pleasure to meet you, Miss, uh, do you have a name yet?

Amy, its an honor to meet you Mr Kleiner

The older gentleman who initially spoke up finally said something again, well, certainly that has PR implications to be noted, but are you sure this is ok? Were you ready to tell us?

I… wasn’t… really, to be honest, I was planning on telling my office mates, then the company later, maybe weeks or even months from now, but uh, I realize that the firm might kind of be best served by this being out now rather than later, and later might be much later, I doubt I would feel comfortable coming out in the midst of all of it, and that would delay me significantly…

Hrm, yes, very good of you to the company, but also, are you really sure? Is this what’s best for you?

I stood there, I’m, I’m not really sure to be honest, and to be honest, Im a bit scared right now, trans people face a lot of discrimination in employment, and architecture is a very male dominated field, and…

Whoa, hey, William said, first, this company will 100% not fire you or discriminate against you for being trans, you have my solemn vow on that, and I realize that you don’t know me or trust me, but, the reasons we, the senior partners agreed to take on these projects in the first place are pretty personal to us as well, we all know someone who they will help or impact, and for all we are a bunch of old white guys on the fourth floor, we are trying to be better humans. This company strives for environmentally sound, disability friendly, and as unbiased in our projects as we can. We know the company isn’t the most diverse, but, we are working to improve that.

Just today the middle of the men said, I saw our HR director send out an email about bathroom policies, I was pretty happy to see that, we have done several projects with all gender restrooms recently, and after the memo I asked the team that we use for plumbing and such to run up an estimate for converting at least a couple of our restrooms to multi stall all gender.

That uh, memo was inspired by me, I had just talked to HR

See? You are already helping this company be better on more fronts than just catching a very costly crime. And yes I say crime, I’m so mad. The FBI says it came from in house too! I’m horrified to think someone we hired is behind this. Thank you, from all of us.

On that note… back to why we originally invited you here, the older partner said, we would like to compensate you. Please note, theres no big document to sign and accept, no strings attached, this is from our sincerest gratitude for what you’ve done for the firm so far. He pulled out an envelope and handed it over to me

I opened the flap and slid out the check that was inside, it was a cashiers check made out to me from the company for half my annual salary. As well as a note thanking me for discovering this breach.

Thats, thats most generous I said, sliding them back in the envelope and I finally sat down in one of the chairs just staring at the envelope, that will, that will help a lot

Its expensive to start a life on your own, and, I hear transition can be expensive, although I assure you the company will do everything it can to cover anything and everything transition related the middle partner said. And you deserve it, you’ve saved us probably a fair bit more than that from what this could’ve cost us, and although it will still cost us, thats not on you and you should never feel guilty about having found it, thats something to be proud of

Now then, Im sure you have an evening to get to, go, enjoy, get that check deposited, William said, Lydia, thank you for introducing us, and congratulations to you on an excellent hire

You’re welcome Mr Kleiner, if that will be all?

Yes, you may both go, have a good evening!

Lydia and I walked out of the conference room and got back on the elevator to the second floor. The elevator was practically empty going down to the second floor, we got off the elevator and Lydia asked if I would stop in her office first before heading home really quick

I nodded and followed her back to her office, Colby packing up for the day wished us good evening

We walked in to her office and she collapsed, well, that was a thing she said grinning at me, Im proud of you

I collapsed in one of her chairs as well, I’m a frayed nerve, did all of that really just happen?

It did, do you have another therapy appointment coming up soon?

Tomorrow morning first thing

Oh good… she said pausing briefly, I think you should tell your office mates tomorrow morning when you get in…

Laura already knows anyways I said, might as well

Oh? How did she find out? I didn’t see her at the brunch

She was at the diner I went to on Sunday with Mrs Fredericks

Oh, your neighbor, well that was a terrible coincidence

too many coincidences in my life right now,

Yeah… and… you might want to be thinking about a coming out letter to the company

Oh, yeah, started on a draft last night, but I figured it would sit around awhile and percolate first

When we make plans, the universe mocks us she said grinning at me, go home, get that check deposited, find something nice to get with it

Already have a car

Save it for a house, or transition, William wasn’t wrong its expensive, you probably need or want a new wardrobe too

Oh… I said… right… and Laura agreed to take me shopping tomorrow night

Get her something nice too, thats a very generous bonus for them to be honest, I was expecting half that at most, not that you don’t deserve all of that and more by any means

Yeah, thanks, goodnight Lydia,

Goodnight Amy she said quietly, and I got up and headed out and I heard her get up as I left and start packing things in her own bag to go home

I walked slowly down to the first floor, and opened my office door and was surprised to see Richard still there

Oh, your back, we wondered briefly where you bolted off to

Oh, uh, well, Lydia said the senior partners insisted on meeting me right now, and I kind of didn’t know how to turn that down

Oh for sure, and his eyes darted down to my hands and saw the envelope, I hope that’s not your pink slip or something over this

Just the opposite, it’s a bonus

Well it better be a big one, this saved the company tons in lawsuits probably

Yeah, it’s uh, like half my salary

Richard whistled, that’s nice!

Oh also, I’ll be in late tomorrow I said as I put the letter in my bag along with my laptop, I have an appointment in the morning

Ok, thanks for the heads up, just as a warning the garage here fills up sometimes in the mornings and you have to park in one of the garages nearby, but it might not on a Friday, some companies in the building use that as a flex day

Thanks, goodnight Richard I said closing my bag and heading to the door

Night George he said without looking up, and I left and let the door shut behind me. I headed to the elevator bank, which was already pretty empty even though it wasn’t that late. I headed down to my car and made my way home. Traffic was oddly busy, but I was in kind of a daze and didn’t really notice it. This was happening all so fast, was I ok with this? Round and round my mind went and I realized I was parked in the garage and had been for a bit.

I walked up to my apartment still in a fog and as I fumbled to open my door Mrs Fredericks once again popped her head out, good evening Amy she said smiling

Oh, good evening Mrs Fredericks, have you had supper yet? Im going to order something, I would share with you

I haven’t, and I would absolutely take you up on that, see you in a bit?

Yup, just need to take care of something first I said as I headed in to my apartment, set my bag down and opened my bank app on my phone and quickly went through their virtual deposit thing, which warned me that my deposit would be delayed by up to a week due to its size, but it was in process now and hopefully wouldn’t be an issue.

I stuffed the envelope with check and note away in some papers in my closet, and decided to put on the dress before heading over to Mrs Fredericks. I twisted in the mirror a bit after putting it on grinning like a fool, yes I wanted this, even if it was rushed, I wanted it so much, and today had gone better than I could ever imagine. I grabbed my phone and locked my door behind me and knocked on Mrs Fredericks who called come on in.

I opened the door and came in a bit slowly, and she looked up at me and grinned, and said with a grin on her face, AMY! So good to see you again, and how are things going with you?

I uh, exciting I guess is the word… but more about that after we’ve eaten, I was thinking the Chinese place

Oooh, I do love Chinese

We quickly figured out what we wanted to order and I placed the order for her apartment number and paid. I said just a moment and realized I need to run back across the hall and grabbed my wallet and came right back, for the tip I said

Oh thats good of you, thank you again, now, while we wait, tell me about how things have gone?

So, uh, yesterday morning I came out to an HR person, that was nerve wracking but went really well, and she said she would get back to me after she had researched, and she actually got back to me after lunch and was already reaffirming a bathroom policy that would make it better for trans people…

Oh thats wonderful! Did you set up any kind of timeline?

Well no, she said it would be at my pace, and I was thinking weeks or months maybe, as hard as it would be, I know theres things I probably should do first… but…

But…?

So… today my boss texted me near the end of the day and said I had to go with her to meet the senior partners, NOW, and she told me the incident at work is nearing a close, and that the events that follow will likely include me since I found it… anyways, she and I discussed it a bit, and when we met them, I kind of just came out to them too, they are going to know eventually, I guess, and given the nature of the incident that will be in the news soon enough Im sure, its honestly good timing for the company… and…

and…? and what? You came out to them?? Im so proud of you! but also wow! Thats really quick

They were really good about it honestly, but thats not the and, the and is… the bonus they gave me, seriously, its like, half my annual salary

Oh my god, you go girl! Holy crap thats amazing

I honestly don’t know what Ill do with it yet, well, most of it, but I do plan on using some of it when I go clothes shopping with Laura tomorrow night

As well you should! Save some of it! Save all of it! Living here’s expensive, and having that to help be a buffer would be amazing, or pay down some of those loans Im sure you have, all the graduates do these days it seems like

I’ll probably do a bit of all of that, but I would like to donate some of it somewhere, I just haven’t figured out where yet

Mrs Fredericks smiled, let me know when you figure it out! And whats this about shopping?

I asked if Laura would take me shopping sometime and she immediately suggested tomorrow night

Ooh, Friday night, no plans already?

She said they fell through

Oh well benefit to you then! She said grinning

Yeah I said, I don’t really know what I want… also… Im supposed to be working on a coming out letter to the company, I have a draft of it on my phone but Im not terribly happy with it… and also… I need to tell my office mates first, well, Richard and Frank, since Laura already knows

Oof, and you’ve got therapy in the morning?

Yup, and right then her doorbell rang and without a moment’s hesitation I went to greet the delivery person, who just my luck was the same one

Oh, I said opening, right, I said grabbing my wallet from the counter, and taking out a 10 to tip the guy

Its ok, the driver said, I saw Ana a couple times before she was Ana, so what’s your name?

Uh, its Amy I said smiling, and gave him the tip as I took the bag he held out, thanks for the food. I stood there puzzled as the door closed behind him, already heading down the hall and Mrs Fredericks came over and grabbed the food and set the bag on the counter and started getting plates and utensils out.

So Im guessing by your current stun, and what I heard the driver say, you are trying to process what he meant.

I managed a yeah…

Well, its simple, you aren’t the first egg to move in to that apartment fresh out of college and immediately break open, must be something in the lighting or something over there,

Egg, as in the meme, as in Ana was trans? Like me?

Mrs Fredericks laughed, yes, as in the meme, and yes, like you, now come on silly girl, grab some food and lets sit down and eat

Right, ok, uh, and you didn’t tell me this sooner?

Ana was pretty open about being trans, but her general rule was that unless there was a good reason for someone in the general public to know she was, she preferred it not be brought up she said finishing plating her food and heading to the table

Huh I said plating some food, and following her to the table

I guess I can kind of understand that, but the delivery guy just outed her? On a whim? because I look like this?

I mean, yeah, that happens, people are… imperfect… ultimately you have to make peace with that, and not just about them, about yourself too

Yeah, I guess so, I said starting to eat

We ate and talked for a bit, I had her read the draft I had of the letter on my phone, and she gave me a few adjustments I worked in to it, and it did sound much better.

As we finished supper, I offered her the leftovers, of which there was a decent bit, but she insisted no, I was a growing girl still and she had plenty of leftovers of her own. I bid her goodnight and went and collapsed in my place, barely getting ready for bed in time for bed.

---

Sleep was… not calm, I woke up and the sheets were extremely mussed, I had tossed a lot for me in the night, and I felt awful. I slowly got ready for the morning, remembering that I was headed to the therapist first, and then to work. I managed to get down to my car and drive to the therapists office with time to spare, I sat there breathing, what was I thinking, this was all quite insane, right? The number of coincidences that had added up? but this was my life, and I was happier as Amy or at the thought of getting to be her than I had ever been as me,

I got out of my car after taking some deep breaths and headed inside, I talked briefly with Tilly, Doctor Harris’s assistant, who assured me that billing was not due at the appointment and would be mailed to me after verifying my insurance wouldn’t pay, which they never did, but… I also introduced myself as Amy

I sat there waiting, a woman was also seated waiting, and shortly a young girl came out and greeted her as mom and they headed out. Shortly Doctor Harris poked her head out and said Ready? Want to come on back?

I looked nervous, yeah, sure I said standing, and heading towards her office door

I sat on the same chair as last time, and Doctor Harris swapped a notepad out slipping the other in to a folder. Before she could ask anything else I said I chose Amy by the way

Oh that’s nice, So, Amy, how are you today?

Nervous I said, its been a, uh, interesting week

Why don’t you tell me a bit about it? Did you go to the brunch? I’ve been before and its quite fun and good

Oh, uh, yes I said, but uh, before I get to the brunch I need to back up a bit to us getting there I said… and I started recounting Sarah being our driver, running in to my boss Lydia and her kids, supper at Moe’s, Laura recognizing my voice there, the events at work, and she assured me that so long as I wasn’t involved in criminal activities or a harm to myself that what was going on at the company was safe with her. I recounted the malicious changes, and the search for who was doing it, that the FBI was involved, meeting the partners, even the bonus… and yes even about my plans this weekend

Well, I would say ‘interesting’ was a bit of an undersell! She said, I am so proud of you though! You talked about your coming out to all those people and how well it went, even if it was unintentional in a few of the cases, that takes a lot of bravery, and a lot of determination

Ever since I started thinking about this, the more urgent it’s felt, like I need to get on with living as myself, I feel like I wasted so much of my life

Thats perfectly understandable, and I am not going to tell you to slow down. So you plan on telling your office mates when?

Honestly? In like, an hour or so, when I get in…

Well I wish you good luck with it… and I think I have a short slot available this afternoon if things should go sideways and you need to talk for a bit about it, over the phone would of course be fine for that if it would be fine for you

Thank you, hopefully won’t need it

Hopefully not! And telling the rest of the company?

I… I was thinking this afternoon near the end of the day… possibly, maybe, coming in as me Monday morning

Well then, sounds like a plan! Anything else you want to talk about?

I uh, Im worried one coworker in particular won’t take it well… one of my office mates

Anything in particular?

I described some of Frank’s recent behavior and we discussed that and some other things, like what things might be like when the case became public, or how and when to tell my parents since they of course, knew where I worked and might catch wind of the case and by extension, Amy.

I left feeling fairly good about myself, confirming with Tilly I would be back next week, same time. Doctor Harris had given me homework to get myself something really nice tonight, as a present for coming out, a handbag or a nice dress or something as I had expressed concerns about the amount a wardrobe would cost and about spending too much of that bonus on myself.

I got in my car and my heart rate quickened as I drove in to the office, and happily found that the building did indeed have parking left. It was weird riding the elevator up and back down, Doctor Harris and I had discussed some what I might say, and I tried to stay calm.

I got to the office door and hesitated briefly, before grabbing the lever and opening the door

Oh good morning George, Richard said as I walked in

Morning all, had an appointment, will probably stay a bit later to make up for it

It’s fine, really, Laura chimed in

I have something I want to tell all of you before I get to work finishing this review up…

They all turned to look at me

So, the senior partners already know, I told them last night when they wanted to meet me about this incident, so does Lydia and HR… I’m transgender, a woman, and I’ll be transitioning to living as my real self, Amy… I’m sure that brings up a lot of thoughts for all of you, and I hope you will be ok with it…

Laura got up and came over and started to shake my hand and then decided to go for a hug and gave me a gentle, chaste hug, of course we will be ok with it, more than ok, its very nice to meet you Amy she said before breaking the hug

Richard also got up and came over and shook my hand, it really is nice to meet you Amy

Frank nodded, its nice to meet you Amy he said politely and turned around and got back to work while Richard smiled and Laura grinned like a fool at me, and we all laughed and sat back down at our desks and I got to work, and I quickly slacked Kayla

Officemates now know, and I told the senior partners yesterday at the end of the day, and I sent you a draft of the letter this morning for the company introduction I want to send…

I saw! I thought it’s really good, are you wanting to send it out this afternoon?

Yeah

You have my blessing, not that you need it, how did your office mates take it?

Thanks =), They seem to have taken it pretty well, Laura and Richard maybe more enthusiastically but Frank seemed polite enough about it

Thats great!

I quickly pinged Lydia that I had as well, and then got to work, there wasn’t tons of the morning left and I wanted to finish my final checks so I could hand it off to Lydia as complete right after lunch. I went through each item that I needed to check, and checked my notes on each, and by lunch time was sure I had. I was just finishing writing up a conclusion to the verification and putting all my notes and files in place on the server when there was a knock at the door.

The door opened and in walked Lydia, who’s up for lunch, on the company? She asked

Oooh! Company paid lunch, yes please Frank immediately spoke up

Sounds good to me Richard said

Yum, where we headed? Laura asked

I figured we would go to the pub down the street

Oh nice! Richard said, not been there in months

I figured given the news and all the events of the last couple weeks it was time we got out of here for a bit together

We all did the loop through the elevator up and down, and joined the people headed out to lunch or off to appointments or whatever, and got off at the ground level

As we walked along, Lydia asked, so, Amy, I hope your second week was good?

It, it was, not how I would’ve envisioned it when I was first hired, but it’s been good

Excellent, and your first project?

The review’s done, just finished putting my files and note in the folder like the instructions said to

Excellent!

Conversation diverged to other non work topics and before long we were at the pub, people used my name, we laughed, it was a good lunch, I had some fish and chips and the first beer I’d had since moving out here, as did Richard and Lydia, who had ordered first and I figured if they were, why not. I didn’t drink tons, but eh, it was ok once in awhile. I told them I was planning on sending out my introduction email to the company at the end of the day and we toasted my bonus for finding things. Frank seemed particularly happy for me about that.

We finished lunch and headed back to the office, I caught up on various bits of email and Lydia sent me a message telling me how good my work was, and saying she would have something more solid for me starting next week, detailing work on a project to be announced. It was a good day, and about 4 in the afternoon, I pasted my draft of my email in to the email client and typed in the company wide address Kayla had told me was safe to use for this, and got really nervous but hit send and then just leaned back. Immediately I got a ping from Sarah congratulating me, and then several others I had met while doing reviews on other projects the last couple weeks.

Ted from IT said just to let him know when I wanted my accounts updated and he would get right on it, I told him it didn’t have to be today, but certainly we should talk Monday about what that entailed, he sent me a brief guide of how to do some things on my own that he had been working up for awhile as various people got married and changed names and it always resulted in a headache. I went ahead and updated my name on Slack and set my status to a trans pride flag.

Laura pinged me and we discussed our plans for the evening some, I really wanted to change before going out, so she agreed to come to my building and then we would head out shopping together, and that she knew good places to take me after a bit of research she had done.

Slowly but surely the day wound down, and by five, Frank and Richard had already left, and Laura and I headed out together after having discussed our plans aloud with the guys gone.

So, you ready for a fun girls night out?

I laughed, more than anything I said as we headed towards the elevator banks, surprisingly for a Friday evening Sarah was still there at the front desk and she waved. I walked over to her, and grinned, have a good weekend Sarah

You too Amy! She said, so got any plans this weekend?

Well Laura and I are going shopping for me tonight

Ooh, fun, need a third along?

I uh, don’t know, I looked at Laura who shrugged, sure, a third set of eyes shouldn’t hurt I said

Oh excellent! Right let me just grab my things and I’ll head out with you

So how is this going to work transportation wise Sarah asked as we waited on the elevator

Well I need to go home to change first I said, so Laura was going to follow me then we would take one car

Will do you one better, we could just all pile in my minivan and I’ll drive us to your place, then the stores and then back here to pick up your cars after, save some trips

Ooh that’s a good plan Laura said, besides my car is a two seater, not really meant for hauling

And mine is a bit low on gas, I said, was planning on filling it up tomorrow

Excellent

We were mostly quiet on the elevator rides due to other people on the way up and down

As we got out in the parking garage, we started laughing and joking, and then a car nearly ran us over as we were nearing Sarah’s van, its headlights were on full though so I couldn’t see who was driving it

Huh Laura said, that car looked vaguely familiar…

Well at least we aren’t hurt, some people are just jackasses on Friday night when they are leaving Sarah said, anyways, hop in kiddos, lets go get Amy some clothes!

Woo!

We all piled in, Laura insisted I take the other front seat, and before long we were on our way, Laura and Sarah and I discussed shops and looks. I admit I had purposefully avoided learning about fashion and they explained that some things about this would be hard, sizing was wildly inconsistent, and that pockets were rare and to be treasured

We arrived outside my apartment block and found a spot to park on the street, and I said I’ll be right back!

Oh we don’t get to come up? Sarah asked

Oh I just wanted to be quick in and out, but sure, you can come if you want. We walked in, I grabbed my mail, and we hopped in the elevator and rode up to my floor.

As I was opening my door, Mrs Fredericks like clock work opened her’s, Good evening she called seeing me with others

Oh hi Mrs Fredericks, you know Sarah and this is my officemate Laura, Laura, this is my neighbor Mrs Fredericks, she’s been a huge help to me since I moved in

Nice to meet you Laura, so what you gals up to tonight Amy?

Oh just going shopping Mrs Fredericks, Sarah said

Oh right! Amy told me about the plan yesterday, have fun, and be sure you get at least one really nice thing for yourself! She said winking

I will Mrs Fredericks, you have a good evening,

Will do! She said, goodnight ladies and she shut her door

We headed inside my apartment, and I bid them sit down while I went and changed. I put on the shorts and top as there really wasn’t a lot of options, and slid open the bedroom door, Tada I said

Sarah smiled, kind of wondered if it would be that, didn’t figure you had a lot of options

Its perfect for a night out shopping, Laura said

I do have a couple other options, but the other top didn’t really fit, and I don’t feel comfortable in the skirt yet

It really is fine, Laura said, and after tonight, you will have plenty of options

Well shall we head out? Sarah asked

Sure I said, let me just grab my uh, purse I said twisting around, ah ,there it is I said, and I tossed my wallet and keys in it, and we headed out.

Ok, so, figured we would hit the mall first, Laura said,, starting with the anchor big box store so we can get a lot of the basics quick, then go in search of things to fill it in, and theres a decent food court at it, and restaurants as well.

Nice, I said, sure, lets do that

Rock on, Sarah said, loading up directions and pulling out in to the Friday evening traffic

We managed to find a space in the mall parking garage but it took a bit, but Sarah remained really positive through out it, I found parking lots like this super stressful

All right kiddos she said when we were parked, lets get to shopping!

Woo! I said

Laura let out a cheer and we headed inside

The big box store was close to the garage, and they helped me find some underwear, t-shirts, shorts, sleepwear and the like, also a cute pair of tennis shoes, thankfully my feet had never gotten all that big, which they convinced me to wear out of the store along with some low cut socks. We went on in to the mall proper and found a Cheese Cake Factory and had a good meal, and I picked up the check, saying it was my treat. After supper we wandered, they took me to a few different stores, and I got some dresses, some nice but comfy shoes for work, and some tops, it was an enjoyable evening, and they made me feel good about how I looked in things, even though some of them didn’t seem right to me they assured me they looked good, which helped.

Ok, so, we have one last stop Laura said, still haven’t found that one thing yet and I think I have a really good idea for it

Oh? I asked

A bag! You know, one of those swanky high class bags, something you can carry your laptop and such in, but also everything else all in one

Oh I don’t think I make anywhere near that much, even with the bonus

Well I didn’t mean a Birkin bag, but there are other nice bags

Ok, lets go look I guess, sounding unsure

We went to a couple of the individual stores before winding up in one of the big department stores, and they did have some very nice, if a bit pricey bags, and we did find one that would fit my work laptop and I really liked the cute yellow color… and then I saw the sticker that was just a bit over four digits and I let out a whistle

Oh come on, you deserve it, Sarah said, if I had your bonus, I definitely would

Laura said it is really nice, and you did say you wanted to get one really nice thing for yourself, and it looks well built, it should last quite well

Ok, ok, I said laughing, let’s go get it, and get all this stuff back to the van, I said, already carrying a couple bags of things myself, and the others also had a bag or two each.

We approached the counter, and so far our experiences had been rather good at stores, sales people were helpful, didnt blink when I asked to try on dresses, just smiled and said sure. We were standing in line waiting while the current customer was being helped and I saw the sales person staring at us…

Yes, can I… help you? She said with a snooty air

I would like to purchase this

Certainly, SIR, is this a gift? I would be happy to wrap it for her.

Oh, no its for me, and I’ll be carrying it out.

And its ‘miss’, Laura said, apologize or we will walk right out of here without it, and you can lose your commission

Apologies… miss… she said grudgingly, and rang it up without interacting further, I paid and we grabbed the bag and left

oooooh I wanted to turn around and stick my tongue out at her Sarah said, such a nasty person

It’s fine, I said, the nights been amazing, but thank you all, and thank you for correcting her, let’s just head back to my place, We hauled my purchases out to Sarah’s van and she was correct, it was handy to have the hauling space. It was already well after dark when we parked and got out and hauled things in, and I looked at the mailboxes as we came in and said just a second

I went over and saw an envelope jammed in to the slight gap around my mailbox’s door, simply labeled “Amy” with quote marks around it. I showed it to the others who looked at it with grimaces

Thats, thats bad right? I said, hardly anyone knows that name yet, I only just came out to the rest of the company today

Yeah… Lets get it and these things upstairs, and then we can open it carefully, Laura said, stressing carefully

We got in the elevator with the bags and letter and rode it up to my floor, and I got to my door and fumbled for my keys in my small purse I had stuck inside my new big bag, and before long we were inside, they set the bags in my bedroom and I followed suit, taking the letter and setting it on the counter. Laura had me grab it by one corner and hold it up to a light, we didn’t see anything that looked like powder or hazard, just some writing that couldn’t be made out. I pulled out my scissors and carefully cut it along one end, sliding the letter out on the counter, and poking it open.

It was typed and printed out, and it was scary…

Hello “Amy”

Don’t come in to work Monday unless you want what would’ve happened at those buildings had you not caught it to happen to you.

And that was it. I stood there staring at it, frozen, Laura just looked like she was getting angrier, and Sarah, Sarah was pulling out her phone and taking pictures of all of it.

Ok, so, we need to call people NOW, Sarah said, I’ve got access to the private numbers database at work, Im going to start with Lydia

Sure, yeah, ok, I said quietly

The phone rang briefly, and was picked up

Hello? May I ask who’s calling?

This is Sarah, and I’m here with Laura and Amy

Hi Lydia I said quietly

Hello ladies, can this wait til Monday?

Not really… Sarah said quietly

Oh, what’s up? Lydia said getting serious

I uh, I got a threatening note jammed in my mailbox this evening… it uh, mentions the sabotage of the projects that I caught at work too.

Oh. Have you touched it?

Uh, the envelope some, but we haven’t touched the letter

Ok. Good, thats the right thing to do. Don’t touch it. Leave it right where it is,

I’ve got pictures too Lydia, Sarah said

Good. Ok. Give me 10 minutes to make a call, and I will call you right back. Your address is correct in the company directory?

Yes

I’ll be heading over as well, she paused for a moment, looks like it will take me about 30 minutes, just all of you wait right there.

We can do that, Laura said speaking up

Ok, right she said, you two go get seated, Im going to get us something to drink, if I have to run to a liquor store

I don’t have anything, but maybe Mrs Fredericks does?

Oh, good point, Sarah said, Ill go over and ask

Sarah briefly left and I heard her knock on Mrs Fredericks door and a brief conversation followed by her coming back over and bringing over a bottle of wine.

Laura said, ok, one glass each, thats it, and small glasses, just to take the edge off

Right I said, thats sensible…

Laura poured some three glasses and brought me a glass and Sarah and Laura sat down next to me and we just kind of sat there barely even touching the wine, but it did help a bit. A bit later my phone rang, it was Lydia

Hello Amy, ok, so, an agent will be swinging by to pick up the letter at some point in the next hour and get it in to an evidence bag and tagged for the case, also, I’ve already notified building security that someone may try something Monday

Sounds good, I uh, think they lock the front door about now, just buzz my unit and I can let you in I think

Sounds good, already on my way, there in 15 and she shared her eta from her phone.

I sipped a bit more at the wine and it helped a bit but mostly I was just a ball of nerves. 15 minutes later my phone rang from a number I didn’t recognize, but it was Lydia at the front door and I started pressing buttons and she said that was the one and she would be up shortly. In a couple minutes there was a knock at the door and I started to get up but Laura pushed down on my shoulder and said I’ll get it.

She went to the door and peered out and unlocked it and said come on in Lydia

Is this it she said glancing at the otherwise bare counter

I nodded and Laura said yes

Lydia quickly snapped a couple pictures herself and came over and sat in the empty chair and reached a hand out to mine on the arm, I’m sorry this is happening but the company has your back one hundred percent, and I’ve also spoken with the partners who have expressed a grave concern and swore they will deal with whoever this is.

We chatted for a bit, she helped change the subject and we talked about the shopping trip and I showed her my bag and then my phone was ringing again

Hello, this is Agent Caffrey, looking to speak with Amy?

This is her

Hello Agent Caffrey, this is Lydia, we spoke earlier

Oh hello, can I please enter the building?

Yes, right I said and pressed buttons again and shortly the agent was knocking at the door, and this time I insisted on answering it, I looked through the door’s peephole to see a young man standing there in a suit,

Amy? He asked, would like to speak with you

Can I see your badge? I asked

He held up a badge

Ok I guess, I said and opened the door, come in I guess

Hello, is that the letter?

Yes I said, and the envelope next to it

He took out a nice camera and snapped several shots with a tag next to it, then took out a plastic baggy and some form of latex gloves and carefully picked up the letter and slid it in. Ok, I would like to get some brief statements from all three of you who were here when the letter was found and opened, and yes Amy, Lydia explained things about your recent transition, and we can just use Amy for this with a brief aka separate but attached for now.

We all briefly explained things while he wrote, and I remembered about the car in the garage this evening and said it was probably nothing but he included it, and then we reviewed and signed them, and he slipped those in to a folder in his bag and quickly bid us farewell.

Now, do you feel you need extra security? Whoever this is knows where you live, the company will happily put you up at a hotel until whoever it is is caught…

I… I think I’ll be ok, and the girls insisted when we were at Target I get a small thing of Mace to have

Ok, but if that changes at any time of day or night you call me, and I’ll get it arranged, including an escort to it.

You know what we forgot to do? Sarah asked

Oh no, I said, my car’s still at the office,

And so’s mine, Laura said, we were so caught up after the shopping trip, and then all this…

Also the alcohol I said

Yeah, ok Laura said, Im going to get an rideshare home, and pick up my car tomorrow the same way

And I barely touched my wine Sarah said, and its already been an hour, I should be ok

If you are sure… I said

Yup! And I can give you a lift to your care tomorrow if you want

No, I can take a ride share over like Laura is going to, but thanks I said, thanks all of you but I’ll be fine, I’m going to finish this glass of wine and collapse in bed and forget all about this this weekend

Ok.. Laura said, but I’m worried about you

As they left Laura asked if she could give me a hug and I said yes and she gave me a very tender hug, and whispered in my ear, goodnight Amy, I’m so happy to know you.

I said me too and then broke the hug, and with that they were all gone and I closed and locked the door behind them and collapsed against it… was this really worth it? I wondered briefly before bringing myself to get ready for bed in some of my new pajamas and as I turned out the lights and climbed in to bed my mind thought, it absolutely is

---

Saturday morning arrived and I slept right through my alarms, and finally awoke about 10am, I yawned and stretched a bit cartoonishly and laughed at myself for it. I honestly felt pretty awake and refreshed, and bounced in to the kitchen to make some breakfast.

I got out a skillet and some eggs to make and then saw the counter and kind of froze for a moment, the letter was gone, but it had been there. Was someone out there? Watching? Waiting? I shivered, maybe.

I pushed it aside and started making breakfast which didn’t take long. As I sat down with it and some water, I pulled out my personal laptop, and remembered that the story Brian had just come in had updated…

I read closely as the author had her describe what she had been going through, and her struggles to make the pieces fit. She announced that she wanted to be called Emily. It was a really moving chapter, and there was a couple flashback scenes to some of the moments of pain in her life around gender and they hit like a ton of bricks, hair cuts, clothing, plays. By the end I was crying, and I was about to log in to my very infrequently used Twitter but realized it was in my deadname and quickly made a new one for me, for Amy, and I wrote a reply to her announcement post about the new chapter,

thank you so much for Emily’s story, reading the last chapter was one of several simultaneous cracks in my egg, and now I’m Amy at last, thank you

I put my laptop aside and got up and stretched and looked at the pile of bags, my clothing, and I needed to put it all away. I took my old clothes off their hangers and piled them back in the boxes and suitcase they had come in, and then started hanging up my new clothing, it was nice to see it all arrayed, and I added needing a chest of drawers to my list of things I still needed.

By the time I finished it was already lunch time and I made a quick sandwich and picked up my laptop to do a bit of shopping, I noticed I had a notification on my Twitter account as I was about to close the tab…

I’m so glad Emily’s story helped you, it’s a bit of mine and a bit of other’s stories, and it’s why I decided it had to be included, I wish you the best of luck in your transition!

I smiled and hit the heart under the tweet and sent a quick

thanks, I have some really great friends helping

Which almost immediately got a heart and I noticed the author had followed me and so I decided to follow her back.

I closed the tab as social media had always seemed odd and toxic to me in general. I looked up various things, furniture, clothes, etc and made some lists of things

Then I opened notes and started drafting a coming out message to my parents, I knew there was a possibility they learn about me from all this and I would rather they learned it from me. It was surprisingly difficult to figure out what to write, I had already come out to the entire company but… these were my parents… and I really cared what they thought. And then my phone rang and it was an LA area code I recognized, not one of my back home ones that was nearly guaranteed to be a scam

Hello I said, may I ask who’s calling?

Oh! This is Mrs Fredericks, you gave me your number last week but I’m realizing I forgot to give you mine

Oh hi, how are you today? I said, suddenly remembering her big thing tonight

It’s fine, she said sounding nervous, are you still on for tonight?

I… uh… I hesitated, was it safe? I wondered, then realized it didn’t matter. Sorry for the hesitation, but absolutely yes, but first… I need to warn you and give you an out…

I quickly explained the happenings of last night and then more background on what had happened at work… in conclusion it’s possible me being there instead of being a safety would be a risk to you, and your son and grandkids

Oh, wow, I’m very sorry that’s happening to you, are you sure you are ok with it?

I refuse to let whoever this asshole is deter me.

That’s the spirit, and that’s my answer too then, you are my friend and I couldn’t think of a better person to bring along to be there for me if it goes badly

Thanks Mrs Fredericks, I’m sure my thing will be absolutely nothing

That’s good, see you about 5:30 then?

Yup! See you then, I have a good outfit in mind too from what I got last night

Can’t wait to see what you picked out

We hung up, and I killed some more time online, I got a couple small things for the place ordered, and I decided that in the spirit of not letting things bother me, I needed to go pick up my car. I got up and finally got dressed, taking time to shave my face closely, and then put on a pair of shorts, a slouchy t-shirt and a sun hat and headed downstairs, I saw the lobby attendant for the building was in and I waved hello and she returned it.

I stepped out on the street as my car approached, had it already been 3 weeks out here? Over half a month of living in Los Angeles, huh, I got in the car and rode to the office and went in the lobby and down to the parking garage and got in my car, and decided on the way home to stop at a convenience store and gas station and fill up my car and went in and got a snack, and then got back in my car and got back home, and no one said a thing or complained, it was boring. I stopped in the lobby and checked my mail and saw the tags for my car and went to grab a screwdriver and quickly put them on the car before I forgot.

I decided it was time to get ready for tonight and in an uncharacteristic thing for my past life, changed clothes for a second time that day, putting on a nice sun dress and shirt length jean jacket, same hat, and one of the nicer pairs of shoes they had had me get, some low wedges that weren’t too bad to walk in and did make me feel kind of amazing.

I grabbed my large but friendly new bag and put wallet and sunglasses and keys and phone in it, and then went out and locked my door behind me and went over and knocked on Mrs Fredericks door

Coming! I heard her holler through the door, and shortly after she opened it and saw me and gasped, Amy that is lovely! And perfect, thank you so much for doing this, mind coming in? I’m not quite ready

Sure I said stepping inside her apartment while she rushed back off, already looking fine to me and she came back sticking some earrings in and running around looking for her purse and the things that went in it.

Ok. Ready finally, she said

I smiled, ok, let’s go,

We got on the elevator and headed down to the garage and I got out my keys and setup directions on my phone. We got in the car and were soon on our way. Traffic honestly wasn’t bad and we arrived about 10 minutes before the scheduled time, Plenty of time I said, we can just sit here and wait if you want

Heck with that, let’s go see Moe, I don’t see his car here yet

Sure I said smiling as we got out of the car and in to Moe’s we went

Moe looked up as the bell dinged, sis! And… he tapped his head, Amy? right?

I grinned, that’s me!

He’s not here hiding in the back is he? Mrs Fredericks asked sounding nervous

Nope, he hasn’t shown yet but I’m sure he will sis, in fact, I think that’s his car now he said nodding to a small sedan pulling in and parking next to mine

I went over and stood by Moe, I’m here if you need me I said, but you’ve got this

Thanks Amy she said, and turned to look as people piled out of the car, it was her son and grandkids. He looked inside and saw her and waved a little bit then herded the kids inside, who both rushed up and hugged their grandma, GRANDMA they said loudly

Hiya Gabby and Blake, its really good to see you again, she said hugging them tightly

We missed you

And I missed you she said and hopefully this will be more regular she said slowly breaking the hug and looking up at her son, hello David she said

Hi mom he said looking sheepish

Come here you she said, and she reached up and hugged him just as tight as she had the kids. Im so glad you woke up before it was too late

He said, same, and I saw tears forming in his eyes, I’m really sorry mom

We all make mistakes, its what we do after them that counts, and you got them away from her, and thats what counts

And Gabby! Im so proud of you for coming out, she said turning to Gabby, wish you could’ve come to the brunch last week, I think you would’ve liked it

I would’ve loved it, dad talked about it, he knew you usually volunteered at it but we both got scared at the last minute

You got scared? Of me?

She nodded, it wasn’t my most rational moment

Hey, its ok, theres always next year

So, you two still know your great uncle Moe, right?

They nodded and waved, and Moe said, hiya you two, long time no see

And all of you, Gabby, Blake and David, this is my neighbor Amy who’s here as my support and also driver

I waved and said hello all

I hear you convinced her to contact me? David said walking over to me, and held out his hand

I uh, she didn’t take a lot of convincing, but I guess? I said taking his hand and shaking it

Well thank you just the same, and thank you for getting her here tonight

You’re welcome, Ill just be eating here at the counter while you all catch up

I sat down on one of the stools and they found a booth with the grandkids insisting on sitting on either side of Mrs Fredericks, and I turned to find Moe handing me a menu before he walked over and took menus to the table and got what they wanted to drink, and he came back over to me

Just water for me thanks and I already know what I want, a bacon cheese burger and fries

Sounds good! He talked with the cook and then came back over and in a low voice to me, seriously Amy, thank you, I know it might not have seemed like much to you, but it was huge to my sister, and Im glad my erstwhile nephew is back

You’re welcome? I said sounding unsure, I just hope it goes ok

I sat there trying not to listen to the exact words, but certainly to the mood, my food arrived just as Moe was putting in their orders. The mood was, a bit mixed, but mostly positive and for that I was glad. Things were going smoothly and I was eating my burger and chatting with Moe a bit when he wasn’t doing something in the kitchen or helping a customer out. And then as I was finishing my meal I heard a loud bellow behind me and I turned around in an instant and saw them all smiling and laughing and I decided I didn’t need to know and turned back around and finished my meal.

Moe insisted I have a slice of pie as a desert since they were still finishing, and it was really quite good, best peach pie I’d ever had, well, only, but still really good. I heard a bit of a mood shift in the tone of voices as David got a bit louder and I couldn’t help but overhear David insist on picking up the check, and Mrs Fredericks insisting she would get it, before Moe came over and settled it by saying he had gotten it, because this was an important family reunion, and to not let this wreck a good reconnection and he was quite resolute sounding

They both acquiesced, while I quietly slid a 20 under my plate for my food. The chatter would’ve gone on for longer I think but everyone was already emotionally exhausted from the initial reunion and they agreed they should continue this another day, and it was arranged that they would visit her apartment tomorrow, and talk more

I got up and helped Mrs Fredericks in to my car and when I was in and my door was shut she said thank you Amy, I honestly can’t thank you enough

I didn’t really do anything I said, just be there

And thats what I really needed, so thank you she said with tears in her eyes, I have my son back, and my grandkids, and that witch is going to be gone. I’ve already started drafting my letter of support in my head.

Thats amazing, Im so glad

Yeah

We mostly drove in silence on the way home, I pulled in to the garage and we headed up to our apartments, I headed to my door after making sure she got in hers. I watched a bit of TV before I got ready for bed and collapsed in to an easy sleep. Today had been good.

---

I woke up bright and early and refreshed, and went about my morning rituals and decided today I would be doing some chores. I started running several loads of laundry, mostly the new stuff to get sizing and whatever else out of them, and meanwhile got past my block thanks to some advice I saw online and figured out how to tell my parents. I waited til after I knew they would be home from lunch after church, and got nervous about hitting send. I set it aside again and changed loads of laundry and had some breakfast, then decided I really did need some more groceries still and headed off to a nearby store in my car while the laundry ran.

When I got back and was fumbling with my door Mrs Fredericks poked her head out, hello Amy, I wanted to thank you again for last night

You’re welcome Mrs Fredericks I said, debating telling my parents

Oh and you’re nervous?

Yeah I said, I had the message all drafted and then I couldn’t hit send on it so I did other things

Want some company when you do it?

No really thats ok, besides, wasn’t David and the kids coming over today?

Oh they are, but not for a couple hours still

I uh, thank you, I said, let me get the groceries put away

Sure she said smiling, door will be unlocked

I quickly put my groceries away and grabbed my phone and keys and headed over to Mrs Fredericks place, locking my door behind me.

Come here kiddo, let me see what you’ve written, she said. I handed her my phone and she took it and read it, nodding along, Yes, this is very nice, are you sure you prefer text? Some people like phone calls better

I just, I don’t think I can get my words out if I call

Thats absolutely fair she said nicely, smiling at me with a caring I felt. She handed my phone back to me, whenever you’re ready, and no pressure, doesn’t have to be now

I took a deep breath, no it has to be now, theres a chance they will see me in the news and they have to find out from me. I quickly jabbed my finger on send and took in a sharp breath. It’s done I said quietly.

Dear mom and dad,

I want to tell you something deeply personal about my life, something that will potentially become part of a news story in the coming days, and I wanted you to learn this from me, not the news. I’m transgender, a woman. I’ve been hiding this part of me my whole life. I’m sorry for not finding a way to tell you sooner, but I was scared, scared you wouldn’t accept me. I’ve chosen the name Amy, and I hope that you can accept this news, I know it will be hard.

Your daughter if you will have me, Amy

I sat the phone on her coffee table and tried to breath and Mrs Fredericks reached out and put her hand on top of mine and patted it, it will be ok regardless, I swear.

My phone beeped, I couldn’t pick it up. Could.. could you I asked?

Mrs Fredericks nodded and reached for it, and held it up to get it unlocked with my face. She looked at it briefly, locked it and flipped the silent switch and set it back down.

What did it say? I asked quietly.

Thats not important right now, what’s important right now is you don’t read it just yet, and you let me make you some lunch

Sure, ok I said feeling deflated

She got up and took her own phone with her to the kitchen and I heard her clinking about, and occasional gaps. Not too many minutes later she came over with a pair of hot dogs and chips, and a glass of water and set them at the table and said ok, lunch is ready! Come on over. I got up and started to reach for my phone but she said its ok, it can stay there for now, its not going anywhere.

Sure, ok I said quietly and joined her at the table, and ate slowly. This is a good hot dog I said quietly when I was about halfway through

Kosher! and boiled, not microwaved or fried

I don’t think I’ve ever tried boiled, well, maybe at a ballpark or something?

Yup! They often do it.

So I messaged with my son briefly, and I let him know you were over here, and that he was still welcome to come, you just needed company today too and he said that was fine, sometimes we all need company

Oh, I can go I said starting to get up

Hush, eat your hotdog and entertain or be entertained by the girls

Its that bad is it? I said

Just leave your phone there and we will deal with it this evening.

Ok I said numbly

About fifteen minutes later, the doorbell rang and Mrs Fredericks got up to go let them in and I just sat there

Hey! So glad you could come over I heard her say, and then hugs and other pleasantries were exchanged and I tried to put on a smile. I kind of lost track of what all happened that afternoon, but I know Gabby and Blake had a grand time explaining some educational game I had never heard of to me, and I told them about being an architect, how hard it was in school, but also we got to make really neat models and I started to pick up my phone to show them models but decided against it. I switched to entertaining them with stories about Pennsylvania, and getting to see the Hershey’s Chocolate factory and theme park, about Pirates games a couple times, they were fascinated and hadn’t really traveled anywhere.

Eventually Mrs Fredericks declared it was time for the kids to help her make supper, and that David and I could set the table and clean up

I helped David get plates and knives and forks and such out and set, and then worked on glasses and water and not too long after we finished, Mrs Fredericks declared, Supper’s ready! and the girls and her hauled a large bowl of spaghetti and marinara sauce, garlic bread, and a salad.

It smells wonderful I said

Thank you Gabby said, grandma taught us how to make it

Oh she did did she? David asked, well you’ll have to make it at home sometime

Oh! Are we moving out of the hotel? Did you find an apartment?

We will be moving back home shortly, I just got word from the lawyer a little bit ago. Your… mother… will not be there when we move back, the temporary restraining order has gone through and the judge agreed you needed your home to be in

Oh, Blake said, yeah, thats ok

Yeah, Gabby said, can’t believe what she wanted to do…

Supper continued and conversation went back to light topics, and eventually they headed home and Gabby hugged me before she left, and I blushed and tried to not be too awkward about it.

The grandkids liked you, you kept them entertained on a day of waiting and they kept you entertained.

It all came back, oh

Had forgotten, hadn’t you?

Yeah I said, is that bad?

Nope, I wanted you to see you will always have family and friends, here, and in time, they may come around. Now, do you want to read it? I will happily delete it from your phone without you ever having seen it if you wish.

I, I want to see it I said, I need to know.

Ok, she picked up the phone and handed it to me, my hands shaking as I unlocked it and saw the one message from my dad.

Is this a joke? It’s a pretty sick one if it is. No son of ours would ever be one of those disgusting perverts. Don’t speak to us again unless you can tell us this was a joke.

I dropped my phone and if clattered to the floor, and sat down hard on the couch behind me

Mrs Fredericks picked it up, and put it back on the dining table. Now, Im going to tell you something you probably wont believe and thats ok, because it’s merely a possibility. It is possible in time, they come around, but, even if they don’t, and this is the important part, that is not an indication of anything wrong about you, or in any way you fault, they are adults just like you are, and they get to choose how to live their life, and so do you. If that means they choose hate over their own daughter, then thats their choice.

I nodded, yeah, ok, I said, I don’t think they will, but ok

Now then, before you go home, I want you to do something, I want you to call your therapist and leave a message, and let her briefly know what happened, and that you would like to talk at the earliest opportunity

I picked up my phone, and called my doctor’s office and got a phone tree asking for a private inbox or Tilly’s inbox, and I chose the private one. I briefly said that I had come out to my parents, and that it had gone badly, and also that independently of that someone had left a threatening letter at my home Friday night, and that I needed to talk to her when I could. I sat there staring at the phone after I hung up for what felt like minutes

Ok kiddo, now, I want you to go home, I want you to take a nice long shower, get feeling all nice and clean and soft, and then I want you to put on your nicest pj’s and climb in bed, and just let yourself zonk out.

I nodded numbly, and she walked me to her door and stayed there while I fumbled with my lock and got inside, and then I heard her shut her door behind her.

I did as instructed on autopilot, took a too long and too hot shower, got dressed in nice pj’s, collapsed in bed, and quickly fell asleep.

---

To say sleep was as restful as it needed to be would’ve been a lie, but I awoke with a start as my alarm went off, and then I heard my phone ring almost immediately after

I saw it was Doctor Harris’s office and answered

Hello Doctor Harris I said

Hello Amy, that was quite a message, I thought I would call you right away, I hope I didn’t wake you

No, I uh, I just woke up to my alarm about 5 minutes ago

Oh good, now, are you OK?

I’m, I’m not really ok I said, I broke down and tears as I talked with her,

I, just, I just wanted them to know about this huge thing about me, I just wanted them to acknowledge who I am at the very least

And thats a perfectly valid want, but, we can’t always get what we want

But sometimes we can get what we need? I asked tiredly

Hah, yes, for all its a song by the Stones, it’s not entirely wrong.

Is it possible they change their mind?

It’s always possible! Sometimes parents just react out of fear and anger when they first hear about their child coming out. Fear for your future, anger at having been lied to, even if it was for your own safety, but let’s not dwell on the unknowable future for right now, let’s deal with the now for right now. Are you thinking about or planning on harming yourself or others?

I, no, what would be the point,

Thats good, thats very good, there isn’t one, but this is a big setback for a lot of people. I’m going to see if Tilly can fit you in sooner than Friday this week though, because I want to have more time with you… but before I hang up, what was this about a threat?

I explained in a bit more detail, and said the authorities were already investigating and work was aware

Thats good, Im glad they are on it, do you feel safe where you are?

More or less? there’s been no sign of anything else, and I was out with my neighbor and her family Saturday night and went and picked up my car earlier and did other things without issue, and Sunday… Sunday I sent that text while over at my neighbors and she insisted I stick around while her family came over and wouldn’t let me read the message til I had calmed down a bit, she said she wanted to show me I would always have family and friends

I’m glad you have such a good friend in your life, friends and found family can be just as important or more so than your birth family.

Yeah I said quietly

Ok, Im going to put Tilly on, and I will see you at the latest Friday, but hopefully sooner, this sounds like it was a really rough weekend

Thanks I said, and then the phone clicked a bit as it transferred

Hiya Amy, Tilly said, Doctor Harris says I should get you an earlier appointment found this week… let me have a look real quick

Sure, I said, thanks

You’re welcome! Lets see… I can do this afternoon at 4:30 for half an hour, or I could do tomorrow at 8am for an hour?

Uh, tomorrow I said, I can make it til then, and I think the extra time would be helpful

Absolutely, you’ll get a reminder with the time in a moment, and I’ll see you then! I hope your day goes ok Amy

Thanks Tilly, I hope you have a good day too, I said as I hung up

I got up and started getting ready for the day, putting on a calf length skirt and blouse Laura and Sarah had helped me decide as we were shopping was perfect for my first day, and I was ready well in advance of the normal time I would leave, I decided to call Lydia quickly

Hello Amy, how are you this morning?

Been better, yesterday was… rough…

Oh no! What happened?

Its fine, for now, I’ve got a therapy appointment for tomorrow morning before work to talk through it with my doctor

Thats good, and you can tell me these things or not, I care about my employees

I uh, told my parents, it didn’t go great

Oh no! With everything thats happened are you sure you want to be in today? Im your boss and if you say you need a day for mental health its yours

No, I think work would be good

Right-o! Well Ill see you in a bit, and building security has been alerted, and they will get you to a parking space and an escort on the elevators if you wish

I, thanks, that sounds good right now

You’re welcome, talk to you later

Yeah, ok I said hanging up and heading out the door, with my bag and my floppy sun hat and my tennis shoes under a pair of slacks and a blouse, the nicer shoes had kind of hurt my feet

I got down to my car without issue, and got in and turned the ignition, and pulled slowly and carefully out of the garage, and traffic wasn’t that bad and before long I was at the office, I took the lane with the guard shack and he told me where to park, and that a building guard was already waiting at the spot.

I pulled down in to the first floor of the garage, and almost immediately was a spot with a red cone with another building security guard standing next to it. He waved me in and I parked, he showed me his badge and ID and he opened my door for me, Good morning Miss, he said politely

Morning I said, I really hope this is all a waste of your time

Me too miss, I always hope these things are a waste, his radio crackled, wait a moment, please stay in your car he said shutting the door, and I saw him hold his shoulder speaker and mike and speak briefly in to it

Ok, come on out he said opening the door, it should be safe now, they just called that the suspect is in custody

What? I said Really?

Yup, still going to escort you to your floor though

Thank you I said

He walked me over to the Elevator lobby and stuck his key card in and when the elevator dinged it lit red and he got in with me and waved the others waiting off. He waved his badge at the reader in the elevator again, and up we went, without stopping to my floor

I admit, I could get used to this

I take it you usually use the express up and the local back down?

Yeah I said, its at least marginally quicker

Yeah, hopefully though this is the first and last time we meet

Yeah, hopefully, I said

We got off at my floor and he stopped briefly at Sarah’s desk who nodded when he said he was just going to escort me to the office

He walked me down the hallway to my office and I knocked before entering, and Richard and Laura were already there

Oh! Amy! Good to see you in today Laura said

Yeah, wasn’t going to let it stop me

Thats amazing

Also, the security guard that escorted me said they likely caught the person

Oh thats wonderful! Just excellent

Yeah, I opened up my work computer and pinged Lydia that I was in

Come up to my office now, bring Laura and Richard with you if they are in

Oh, ok, they are, will be right up7

Laura, Richard, Lydia wants to see us in her office, now

Oh, Ok Richard said, getting up, and Laura turned and got up as well and we headed up the stairs to the second floor. Colby waved us on in very quickly while they were on the phone talking to someone, and they looked very upset

Oh good, you are all here, ok, Amy, Laura, you’ve met Agent Caffrey, Agent Caffrey, this is Richard as well

Good of you all to come Lydia said looking cold and upset

Nervously I asked, what’s this all about? I heard someone arrested the suspect?

We did, this morning as he entered the building, and you have nothing to be nervous about, its over

Laura patted my shoulder, I knew things would work out,

That was awfully quick wasn’t it? Richard asked, didn’t the note just arrive Friday night?

It did, but it was honestly just corroborating evidence at that point, the suspect already had numerous bits of evidence building up, and these just served to confirm things. Security footage at your apartment building and parking garage confirmed that those incidents were linked…

So… who was it? I asked

Lydia took a deep sharp breath in

Agent Caffrey said, it was Frank. Your officemate

Former. Former officemate. Lydia said sharply. He is no longer employed here based on evidence in our own computer files already.

Wait, if you knew it was Frank, why not pick him up right away? Laura asked sounding upset

We were waiting on the warrant to come through, but this morning he made a big mistake…

Wait, what?

The security gates on the ground level may not look that fancy but they have pretty good metal detectors in them. We were watching the entrances and he came in through one and set it off. Big time.

I felt faint, did… did he…

He had a weapon, and he had a note on him

I felt physically ill, and I looked it, I uh, I… I searched around and saw a trash can and went over to it and immediately hurled my breakfast up

I don’t get it Richard said, if you had the evidence, why not arrest and fire him immediately? Why wait for this

We didn’t think he would actually do anything the Agent said

And he refused to tell us who they suspected until the arrest was made, Lydia said glaring at him

Standard procedure

Your standard procedure nearly got people dead, Laura said raising her voice

I was still leaning over the trashcan, Is that all Agent Caffrey? I asked weakly

Thats all for now, there’s going to be a lot more in the coming days, although I don’t know how big a deal it is, his note had a full confession with his name signed to it, and he seemed proud of himself in some sick way

Then I think you should go, we need to talk, Lydia said

Yes, ok, we will be in touch Caffrey said and he took his bag and left

Lydia got down on the floor next to me, are you ok?

I, no, not really, Frank? Frank wanted to kill me? And maybe others? I uh, need to call my therapist’s office

Understandable, we will wait outside if you want

No, thats ok, I pulled my phone shakily out and dialed Doctor Harris’s office

Doctor Harris’s office, Tilly speaking, she answered the phone

Tilly, it’s Amy, uh, is that 4:30 still available?

It is, do you want it instead?

Uh, more like a both thing

Oh. Did something happen? do you need to talk with her now? She has a short break in a moment

I uh, I think Ill be ok til then

If you’re sure… but call back any time

Sure, thanks

Ok, no work for any of you three today, leadership knows, and is drafting a memo to the company about this, and I’m sure you can find something else to do today

I blinked, are you sure?

One hundred percent, and the company will be picking up all the counseling bill for this and will be making some available if you don’t have a regular one

Oh, ok I said

Can you stand? Richard asked

I uh, maybe, if someone helps me up, but not too fast

Richard reached down a hand and pulled me up right slowly

Thanks I said

You’re welcome

We all three headed back down to the office and Laura let me lean on her a bit as we went.

I got there and just kind of stared at my bag

Whoa, hey Laura said after a bit, here let me help and she helped me get my bag packed up

Ok so you clearly aren’t in any shape to be left alone, so let’s just hang out today and then one of us will make sure you get to your therapy appointment

Sure, ok I said

Ok, I think there’s a small shopping center nearby and a movie theater next to it… let’s go there and wander around

Sure I said

Richard and Laura lead while I followed a bit numbly, it was weird being out of the office on a Monday.

The shopping center wasn’t very big, but we found a bookstore and someone guided me to some very cute and queer graphic novels, and I sat in a corner reading some of them

Eventually Laura came over and said hey, there’s a movie playing at 11, some mindless action thing, want to go see it?

Uh sure, I just need to check out I said taking my books to the checkout line which was empty

Thank you miss the sales person said as he rang me up and we headed over to the movie theater and the mindless action movie wasn’t bad, and it did distract me.

We found a restaurant next and had some pretty good Japanese food, and laughed and then we found out someone ran an arcade nearby and I laughed and said why not and we went and killed a couple hours at that

Oh, right, my appointment I said

Laura nodded, ok, back to my car and I’ll get you there

Sure, thanks, don’t really feel like driving

Understandable

We got back to the building and down to the parking garage and Laura offered to put the top down, which was mostly nice, I’d never ridden in a convertible before. I gave her the address and she plugged it in and drove. We got there about 10 minutes early but that was fine by me and we both sat in the waiting room and I read some more of the books I had bought.

Amy? Doctor Harris said poking her head out

I didn’t really notice but Laura gently nudged me

Oh, right, I’m here I said putting the book in my bag and heading in to her office

That’s a cute bag!

Thanks, I got it on the shopping trip Friday

That’s wonderful, so why the need for both appointments?

I uh, found out my officemate intended to kill me and others today, including possibly Laura

Is that who’s waiting outside?

Yeah, she’s one of my other office mates

It was good of her to bring you, what was that you were so intently reading?

Uhh, that one was Girl Haven, we went out wandering today on permission of the boss

That’s good that she let you have the day, it must have been pretty traumatic

I wasn’t there when the arrest was made, he didn’t get near enough to actually follow through, but I did kind of throw up in my bosses trash can when I learned he had a gun on him

Reasonable, this is a traumatic event on top of a weekend that sounds like it was very rough already, and I’m going to help you through it.

We talked and she offered advice, and taught me some techniques to try if I started feeling overwhelmed in the future, breathing, centering thoughts and such. It was a good but short session.

And you are still on for tomorrow morning? she asked

Yeah, I kind of want to talk a bit more about my parents

Understandable, ok, I will see you then

I got up and found Laura waiting and reading her phone.

The uh, memo came out

Oh?

You can read it tomorrow, nothing we don’t already know

Yeah, ok, mind giving me a lift back to my car?

You going to be ok to drive home?

Yes, I think so

Ok, top down again?

I laughed, sure

We headed back to the office parking garage and she pulled up behind my car and waited while I got in and got my car running then backed in to an empty space and pulled out and I followed her out of the garage

Traffic was slow but honestly I didn’t care, I was in no rush to get home after today, just sitting there thinking… this is the worst? Right? There’s no way anything can top this ever, and I still like being Amy, so why not press on.

I got home and parked and went up to check my mail real quick and saw my insurance cards had finally arrived, I grabbed that and the junk flyers and headed upstairs on the elevator

Mrs Fredericks didn’t come to her door as I was opening mine, and I set my stuff down inside and decided I would go check, grabbing my keys and phone and locking the door behind me

I knocked on her door and didn’t get a response right away but eventually I heard her call, I’m coming!

She unlocked the door and opened it brushing at her hair still, oh! Amy! Were you worried about me because I didn’t greet you?

A bit, I admitted, feeling and looking a bit sheepish

Kind of took a nap and didn’t realize how late it had gotten, if you want, come in kiddo, tell me about your day

I followed her in and explained briefly about Frank, and our day of playing hooky afterwards

Wait, are you saying cops actually saved a queer persons life? Not only that, but stopped a shooting

I looked at her odd, yeah?

Sorry, you are new to this and maybe don’t have the cynicism I do about them taking threats against LGBT people seriously, or for that matter guns

The guns thing… yeah… I grew up not too far from that Amish community, and our schools all did drills growing up, it was kind of terrifying, I may have thrown up in Lydia’s trash can upon finding out

A totally reasonable reaction, and I’m proud of you for getting to your therapist like this

Yeah, and another appointment tomorrow to talk more about the family thing

My phone beeped, I noticed from the Lock Screen it was mom.

I looked and Mrs Fredericks and she nodded and took my other hand in both of hers

I opened my phone

hello daughter of mine, Amy, I’m sure you’ve had a hard time of it since yesterday, I’m sure your fathers words hurt, and I’m sorry he sent them and I hadn’t even seen your message yet when he had, and while I don’t understand this, I’ve already told him how mad I am at him over his handling of your telling us a truth about yourself. Don’t feel pressured to respond, I get this is probably going to be hard for all of us.

I was crying openly by the end of it and Mrs Fredericks let go of my hand and gave me a deep hug.

I finally managed to find words, I, I don’t know how to feel about this, should I respond? What if this rips the family apart?

Then it was never that strong a family to begin with. And I wouldn’t respond right now, this has been a roller coaster of a few days. Of several weeks for you honestly.

Yeah I said sniffing and wiping my tears, I guess

You want to do supper together?

I hesitated, yes but also I think I just want to be alone tonight

That’s fair, you have a goodnight and a good tomorrow

Thank you Mrs Fredericks

I headed back to my apartment and made a simple supper of a sandwich and some chips and sat down and decided watching tv was how I wanted to spend my evening. I picked a familiar series and let favorite scenes wash over me. After I finished my food I got my laptop out and out of curiosity looked on the LA Times site, since I was still getting used to the area and reading the news helped a bit, and right there was a story

‘FBI stops gunman at architecture firm’

I clicked through out of sheer curiosity and saw the story was relatively short, and mostly read like just a press release with the firm saying they appreciated the FBIs help, and that they would be holding a press conference tomorrow to discuss the reason the FBI had been involved in the first place. That was news to me, and I pulled out my phone and checked slack for the first time all evening and yep, had messages from Lydia saying there would be a press conference tomorrow and could I please call her at my earliest convenience

I called Lydia and said hello Lydia, what’s this about a press conference?

Oh! Amy! Thank goodness you called, it’s been kind of hectic here this afternoon. So first off, in discussing with the lawyers, communications and HR, we’ve decided details about you will be left out, we absolutely will not out you as trans, HR and I put our feet down about it… a couple of the senior partners had been in favor but they listened to us… however, we do want to know whether you are ok being mentioned by name…

That’s good I guess, even if I do kind of know that’s going to come out eventually, I said… and, I guess I’m ok with being named… what all is going to be discussed at this?

Well, we will discuss how a new hire architect found a malicious change to a projects files that risked the safety of the structure, and then the company initiated a thorough review of all projects and called in the FBI to help with computer forensics. Subsequent to that, the suspected individual made threats against our employees and was caught by the FBI trying to enter the premises with a weapon… and then we are going to go in to details of the projects targeted and how we are making this right

Sounds fine to me I guess, anything else you need from me?

Nope, the press conference is at 10am

I’ll be there before that

Right your therapy appointment, good luck with it

Thanks, goodnight Lydia

Goodnight Amy!

I hung up the phone and went back to trying to distract myself from everything until it was time for bed. I eventually got ready for bed, and collapsed exhausted in to bed

---

Sleep was not easy to come by, although I did finally get to sleep, dragging myself out of bed to make my therapy appointment was unpleasant. I put on a nice professional dress and grabbed my bag and managed to somehow make it to my car, yawning as I started it. I got to Doctor Harris’s place without too much difficulty, and arrived to find the door locked, I was about to go back to my car and call when Tilly came out of the doctors door and let me in

Good morning Amy she said,

Thanks I said, yawning again

Not enough sleep?

Not really I said

The doctors ready for you by the way, just go ok in

Thanks I said and headed in to her office

Oh good morning Amy, thought that was you at the front door

Yeah I said collapsing on the chair as she came over with her notepad

So, we wanted to talk more about family today?

Yeah… I said, here, mom texted me last night and I showed her the text

Oh, well it’s not uncommon for their to be a difference of opinion between people close to you

Yeah, I said, I don’t know what to say to her, dad’s text really hurt and am I just supposed to believe her being on my side once in one text is proof?

That’s totally fair thing to wonder, Why don’t you tell me some more about your parents and your relationship with them?

We talked, about the time the church we were in and my parents had a falling out and we went elsewhere after that, about how they lectured me at times when my behavior was too girly or effeminate. The Bible verses I had discovered and stared at in Bible class. I knew what I wanted but I also knew what the book said and the book was how we lived and I was perpetually terrified that because of some desire I couldn’t understand I’d be punished forever

She talked with me about how religious trauma is a serious thing, and the kinds of things that some groups teach their kids leave lasting marks on us.

We talked about how I might respond to my mom, and that it’s ok to keep them at arms length initially if I’m scared of further rejection, that trust takes a little to destroy but a lot to regain.

The session was good, and I told her near the end I had my insurance cards and would be talking to the Wilhelm transition care group this week to see about getting on hormones as soon as possible

I headed to the office and the day was actually pretty calm, Richard, Laura, and I watched the press conference in a conference room with a bunch of others who cheered me at a couple times while I sat in the corner and blushed. There was one twist though, Frank had apparently sent his note/manifesto to the local news agencies and while I wasn’t called out by name there was some discussion of his motives about how he hated LGBT people and we were a plague and such and how the firm itself was ‘unclean’, which the company very carefully responded to, and directed any questions regarding the legal case to the federal district attorney in charge of the case now.

At lunch I called Wilhelm and actually got set up with a doctors appointment next week from now which was kind of amazing to me.

The afternoon was just work, me doing checks on a new project and being asked to do some detailing on another that was a bit further along. Honestly things calmed down from here on for a bit, for the next few weeks I would have supper with Mrs Fredericks a time or two a week, and helped her with various things around her place.

I did message my mom back, and frankly that could’ve gone better, because I told her that I needed time to rebuild trust. It’s been a bit rocky between all of us. Dad won’t use my old or new name or pronouns, and mom says he mostly stopped referring to me at all… but… she accidentally noticed he had updated my name in his address book and sometimes looked sad when she talked about me or something I had done.

The court case dragged on. Frank’s defense fund was mostly paid for by other bigots like him and frankly even among the least scrupulous lawyers barely anyone wanted to defend an openly bigoted attempted mass murderer, and he refused the public defender as he didn’t trust the ‘government stooge’ or whatever. He drug it out though with various nonsense motions that each had to be dealt with.

Ultimately I wasn’t called to testify, but I was subpoenaed to give a deposition. The firm paid for a very good lawyer who made sure I neither perjured myself or fell in to any of the barely disguised ‘logical’ pitfalls Frank’s bottom of the barrel lawyer came up with.

In the end he went before a jury and the case was relatively short and the jury was gone less than an hour. There had been so many bits of evidence against him. Badge access, network and computer logs, the threatening note he’d printed had an invisible dot code left by the printer in the office that identified him as having print it, as did the logs, and the fingerprints. There was simply a mountain of solid evidence against him. He was found guilty and sentencing is still to happen, but with the computer charges, terrorism charges, willful endangerment of people building and using the altered buildings, most with hate crime modifiers, he was looking at going away for a long time.

Mrs Fredericks has been teaching me bit by bit about queer history, about the carceral justice system and I am trying to understand but I am honestly pretty glad Frank is going away, maybe that’s bad of me, but he was going to kill me and others all because of people wanting to be themselves, myself included.

I started hormones, July 4th, it took a bit more back and for thing than I would’ve liked, but I considered it my own personal Independence Day, and that weekend I went to different BBQs at both Lydia and David’s house. I’m living my best life and happier than I could’ve ever dreamed, with friends and found family. I’ve even been in contact with Ana a fair bit, and she told me she laughed out loud when I apologized for wearing her clothes, because they had been handed down to her by a trans guy who didn’t want them anymore. Maybe my parents and I work things out, and maybe we don’t, but not everything’s a fairy tale ending, and besides, this isn’t the end, just the beginning of me, Amy.