This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

This is a work of fiction, any resemblance to real people or places is purely coincidence. Content warnings for parental abandonment of a trans child. Also both unintentional and contextual misgendering.

Outside

I was always an outsider looking in. It never really made sense to me. And by it I mean gender. On the one hand there was the group I was supposedly in, boys, everyone had made that quite clear early on. I was in the boys line in kindergarten. I wore pants and liked trains. I had a cute little engineers cap I adored and wore constantly.

Growing up I never really fit in though, try as I might, I was inevitably the weird kid. Who only hung out with other weird kids, but even amongst weird kids I was weird and they too eventually made it clear I was on the outside of their group as well.

On the other side was a group I looked at longingly. The girls side. But there was a tall fence between us, metaphorically at least. And boys didn’t go over there and vice versa.

I peeked through knotholes when I could. Others on my side would too, although the reasons differed greatly, theirs were first to laugh at and later to ogle. I however looked with a longing in my heart.

In real life, outside of metaphors, I grew up in a row house, with a literal fence between me and our backyard neighbors. We were on good terms with them and there was even a gate between our yards. They had a daughter my age who when I was younger I was friends with, but I was the weird kid and she moved on before we even finished first grade. We still saw each other, our parents still were good friends and did cookouts and other things semi regularly. She wasn’t mean to me or anything, it was just clear she had her life, and I had, well, I had trains.

As I grew I learned things about the world, I had heard of trans people, but I wasn’t trans, that was a terrible thing to be according to media where they were serial killers or something, I just wanted to be a girl, perfectly normal thing for a boy to want? Right? It slipped out in little ways, i borrowed moms never used clear nail polish once. Got caught. Borrowed an old dress out of a closet once. Got caught. Mom never got upset, just asked I take things off and never spoke of it again.

One day there was a dress on the washing line in our neighbors back yard, it was older but it was a yellow flowery sundress. I was obsessed. I watched it from my bedroom window all afternoon, rippling barely in a bit of breeze. And it just stayed there. Hanging on the line. In to the evening. I did supper and came back up to my room to check and it was still there.

It was still there when I was getting ready for bed, well after dark. I laid awake thinking about it. And then I did something I shouldn’t have. I snuck outside, undid the latch, and took the dress right off the line. I managed to smuggle it back up to my room. I knew it was wrong, stealing was wrong, boys wearing dresses was wrong. I shoved it in my closet behind some bags and tried to forget what I had just done.

I couldn’t of course, but my guilt kept me from it for days. I tried it on in the dead of night and took it right back off.

It was summer break, right before college, that fall I would head off to a school in California for mechanical engineering. To design trains of course. My parents were trusting and were frequently out and about without me, leaving me time to be dressed in my dress, a thing I had never done for any length prior.

It felt wonderful, and I broke down crying when it was time to take it off. It made me excited but not in that way, just like, the feeling of wind rushing through your hair on a roller coaster.

I was getting more daring and wandering around the house in it, feeling it swirl around me as I made a snack, or having it spread out as I sat down to watch some tv. And ultimately, I had to know what it felt like to be outside. Now while I could see their wash line, I knew they couldn’t see our backyard much due to the relative heights, and having looked out their windows when we were over there. I should be safe, right?

And so I stepped outside in it, in the middle of a gorgeous summer evening, just me in a dress outside with no one the wiser. And then I heard it. The scariest sound on the planet. A giggle. I froze. Where had it come from. It happened again. Then I heard a shout. MARY! COME HERE! YOU GOTTA SEE THIS!

I bolted for the door but the latch was temperamental and wouldn’t open for me. I wasn’t trapped, it didn’t lock, I just was too scared to calm down and operate it properly. And then I heard Mary’s voice at the gate. Sam? Is that you?

I slumped to my knees facing the door.

I heard the gate unlatch and footsteps on the cobbled path and steps. It is you Sam she said quietly, I heard other footsteps, quicker, smaller. Who’s Sam? And why is he in a dress?

Penny, go back to our yard, and don’t you dare tell anyone about this ever I heard Mary say behind me. Penny blew a raspberry and I heard her retreat. Mary sat down on the stoop beside me. Hey Sam she said.

I managed Hey Mary, my voice cracking and breaking, the tears starting to flow.

It’s a cute dress, familiar even she said, without a trace of judgement in her voice.

I was sobbing now, I’m so sorry, I’ll go take it off now.

Hey, why? It’s cute on you

I stole it. It’s wrong. Boys don’t steal or wear dresses.

Sam, you know that’s not true, you saw those gala pics of Billy Porter, guys can wear whatever they want. As for stealing, well, it was perhaps not a great idea when you could’ve just asked.

I sniffed. I’m sorry.

You don’t have to apologize to me, it wasn’t my dress, it was one we were washing as part of helping arrange that charity sale. You maybe should apologize to the charity, or give a donation, but for now let’s say that you needed it, and that that is what the charity sale is for.

You don’t hate me?

Hate you? Sam, really, how could you think that?

You left me. This is the most we’ve talked in years.

And who’s fault is that? Every time I’ve tried to talk with you at cookouts in the last few years, you retreated in to one book or another, often as not one about trains. And I get that it’s a special interest for you, but why did you retreat from me? I remember we had some fun times as kids, just you and me and my play house…

You, you’re a girl, boys don’t play with girls and we don’t get jealous of them and we don’t want to wear what they wear and they certainly don’t want to be a girl. I just, it was easier to lose myself to my other interest.

Mary leaned over, and gave me a hug, her facing one way on the stoop and me the other, it was a bit awkward, but it was deep and warm. Hey now, it’s ok to want to wear dresses, and it’s ok to want to be a girl. If you wanna be a girl, you just can be.

I barked out a bitter laugh. As if, I would be an ugly girl, everyone would know I wasn’t really a girl.

Hey, you know of trans people right?

Yeah… kind of…

Do you think trans women are women?

Well, yeah, but I’m not trans.

Honey, I’m not saying for certain you are trans, but you are sitting here in a pretty sundress, crying your eyes out, wishing to be a girl and thinking you would be ugly, that’s dysphoria hun, that’s dysphoria talking if I ever heard it.

What’s ‘dysphoria’?

She said well, it’s a lot of things, I know there’s some guides out there that would explain it better than I could, it’s not something I experience. I can say I know euphoria though, the joy of dressing and being cute? That I know, and I know you would be cute too, with just a little bit of help.

I turned around, so… if I was trans, now what?

So now whatever. We can sit here and chat, you can ask me to leave and I will leave and I won’t tell anyone, and neither will Penny.

I blinked, wait who’s Penny?

She’s my cousin, she’s been living with us for the summer. Surely you saw her at the cookouts?

I blinked slowly, trying to recall, my eyes grew wide. Wait a second… that cousin? Did you have another cousin with you earlier in the summer?

Yup, that was her the whole summer. And now she might keep living here, and then Mary scowled.

Wait why are you scowling?

Because not everyone in this world is a good person Sam, and my aunt is not a good person. She took the idea of Penny horribly and never arranged to pick her up. We are effectively now her only family.

Sam looked at the ground. Oh.

Yeah, hey, it’s ok, we can and will support her as best we can, she deserves a loving home, and we know it’s traumatic for her on top of society being crap. We take her to see a therapist and it’s helping her.

I kind of started crying again, it was too much. Too much pain in the world. And then I heard the alarm I set up beeping, the parents would be home soon. I said we should chat more later and apologized as I ran inside and up to my room.

They would be home shortly and I needed to change. I threw the dress off and in to its dark hole in the closet and put on my usual of jeans and a t-shirt.

As I was putting my shirt on, my computer beeped, Hey you, is this still your number? It’s Mary, I figure your parents were getting home.

I texted back really quick, yeah, not ready for them to see this. It’s never gone well.

Never? As in you’ve been caught before?

A few times over the years. They don’t talk about it. Mom just tells me to change and then we never speak of it again.

That must be hard.

It’s not great =/

hugs

I heard the front door shut and my mom calling up stairs, SAM. WE’RE HOME. We brought food! Come down and eat

Gotta go Mary, I uh, thank you?

Thank you works, we can talk more later =)

I was out the door and down the stairs to supper.

My phone beeped a couple more times during supper, my mom asked who it was and I simply responded ‘a friend’.

---

Supper was uninteresting, just some deli counter Chinese food, but it was something I didn’t have to prepare and I ate and went back up to my room.

I looked at my my messages on my laptop. Hey you, here’s some sites I’ve learned about, maybe some can help you out, and there were links to one called the gender dysphoria Bible, and another that was ‘turn me in to a girl dot com’ and a few others, the latter was silly but had some good points, the former, oof, all the memories that got re-examined.

I didn’t reply because I was so absorbed in those and other sites and didn’t fall asleep til at least 1am. There was a whole world of people out there who were like me, far more than anyone ever told me.

I woke up late to a text from Mary, hey you, good morning, I hope I didn’t overwhelm you with the links last night. Saw the light in your room on quite late.

I blinked the sleep from my eyes. I texted back, maybe a little, but like, I never knew, how could I have? I was so deep in denial and nothing in the media really centers trans people… I… I guess I’m trans?

🎉🎉 congrats!

… now what?

Now there are many things you can do if you want that might help. Tell ya what, your parents are gone to work? Right? Mine are, it’s just me and Penny over here for the day, come hang out with us!

… could I wear the dress?

If you want, no pressure either way though, girls are girls dresses or not.

Be there in a bit. I did my morning ablutions, and went back to my room to decide what to wear… I pulled the dress out and for a good 15 minutes I hemmed and hawed with myself over whether to wear it. In the end I decided on yes. I put it and some tennis shoes on, and headed out our back door, down steps, through the gate, and to their back door. I knocked and I heard the rushing of tiny feet.

Hey Mary! I heard muffled through the glass, it’s that kid from yesterday, the one in the dress! Well, let Sam in I heard a muffled shout back. OK! Responded Penny and she fumbled with the latch but managed it right as Mary came around the corner.

Hey Sam

Uh, hi Mary

Well don’t just stand there, come in and don’t let the flies in!

I quickly stepped inside and shut the rear door.

Penny beamed up at me, it IS you, Mary said you might be like me? You are a girl too?

I responded nervously, uh, yeah, I guess

Being a girls pretty neat, I hope you like it! Come on, we’re watching My Little Pony and playing candy land, Penny said and rushed back to their living room.

You told her?

She’s old enough she wondered on her own, I simply reminded her about privacy and how telling everyone everything we know about others might get them hurt. She won’t and didn’t tell, she’s a good kid.

So her par…

Mary held a finger to her lips and shushed me, no, not that today, she’s having a good day, we can talk more about that when she’s taking a nap or something

I nodded, ok, later. So what are you two up to today?

Penny came back in then and said heyyyy, why didn’t you follow?

Hey sorry honey, was just talking with Sam briefly, we’re coming!

I said yup! Love candy land

We both followed after the very eager child who was going to have not one but two people to play with today.

An episode of My Little Pony was frozen on the screen and the candyland board set up on the coffee table.

We added me to a game adding people to doesn’t really work and I ofc, lost big time, but next game was quite fun. In the background someone was singing about friendship and I had to laugh, internally at least.

It was quickly lunch time and I helped Mary get some food ready for all of us. I helped set out plates various utensils while she started making sandwiches, this wasn’t my first time in their kitchen and I knew roughly where things were.

We sat down and ate, and Penny somehow managed to get hers down but she was talking so rapidly constantly I don’t know how.

After lunch she said she was tired and went up to her room to nap. To be honest I was tired too, but I wanted to talk with Mary some.

We went out to their back patio, and sat in some chairs. Soo… Penny’s parents abandoned her?

More or less, she came to visit for a week, and she’s been here 2 months. Mom had sent some pictures like the second day where Penny had found my old dress up chest, and had gotten herself in to a Cinderella costume, complete with tiara and slippers. Her mom texted back that we had to get her out of those things RIGHT NOW. Fight ensued, first over text, then some screaming on the phone.

And that was it? How do you know she’s trans? Just one day of dress up?

Hah, no, that was not it. We gently suggested she play with some more neutral toys as her mother was unhappy. She told us her mother was always unhappy with her. She just wanted to wear dresses, could she do that while she was with us? We of course, let her.

Oh

Yeah, anyways as the week went on she was so happy just dressing up in my old clothes we hadn’t yet donated. She asked to be called Penny about Thursday. My mom was still fighting with her sister, trying to explain as best she could that Penny was happy this way. And then Sunday rolled around where they were supposed to arrive to pick her up, and they didn’t. And the texts and calls stopped. There’s been no direct communication since then.

Wait so nothing? What if they show up suddenly?

My parents aren’t foolish, they’ve contacted authorities, they’ve filed paper work stating my aunt abandoned their kid here To be clear, I don’t fully understand all this myself, but they’ve said Penny will be my legally adopted sister before Christmas, and I know my parents will help her in every way they can

I just sat there staring that sounds good for her, your parents are good, they were like a second set of parents to me as well…

Yeah, anyways, so what about you?

I uh, I don’t know about me, I’m trans so now what?

Well, you could come up with a name, you could go with Samantha, keep it close to your old name?

I wrinkled my nose, no, too many memories of some kid or other taunting me with that name

Oh, yeah, not good. Hrm, how about… Annabelle

Do I look like I’m the daughter of some asshole plantation owner?

Fair… how about… Lindsey?

I laughed, like the twins? Lindsey and what was it, Lana?

Hah, had forgotten about those two, but what about the name?

I’m not a fan

Hrmm… Katie

My eyes lit up and I actually focused on her, oh you like that one? She asked

I nodded, Katie is good, maybe short for Katherine?

Ok, but be warned some will call you Cathy if you let them know that she laughed and I joined her.

You want to switch pronouns now too?

I thought, at least between us?

Of course, this process is yours to control as far as I’m concerned… So Katie, you were going to Stanford for Mechanical Engineering?

I nodded, yuup… not exactly sure what to do about it… I still want to… but knowing this will change things…

I mean, yeah, but Stanford is in the Bay Area, it shouldn’t be too bad about having a trans girl around, and I don’t know if it ever got mentioned, but I’m going to Berkeley for doing biology for premed! We can still see each other some in person, I know they aren’t that close and commute sucks but we could meet up in SF maybe!

Oh, yeah hadn’t heard that! Congrats on Berkeley, and I would love to meet up in SF with you and smiled.

So… have you thought more about telling your parents?

I really don’t know, do I have to tell them?

I mean, no, not right away or anything, but eventually possibly

I could just, disappear?

Could you? really?

I looked at the ground, no, not really, and I want to tell them, but they are coming with me to Stanford in like, 3 weeks to help me get moved in… I don’t want things to fall apart before I even get out there…

Hrm… yeah, my parents insisted on coming along with too, which now means Penny will be joining us…

Do, do my parents know about Penny? How did they take it?

Hrm, I think our last BBQ was o er a month ago? July 4th? I think my parents avoided talking about it to avoid exposing her to any risk, and she didn’t have enough clothes yet and was still frequently in her old outfits… she and I moslty stayed inside and played video games and you were reading a book as per usual and she laughed

I stretched my memory… A thing on restoration of the Union Pacific Big Boy… and I laughed before continuing, Are they planning another one before we go off to college?

Uhh… let me check the family calendar, and Mary pulled out her phone, oh yup, weekend after next, couple nights before we fly out…

Wait, we don’t fly out til the first week in September? It’s still the middle of August…

Oh Stanford starts that late?

Yeah it does quarters or whatever instead of semesters

Ohh, hrm, were you thinking of coming out at it?

I mean, kind of? If we were both headed off at the same time. I’d have you here for support…

I mean, I’ll still support you any way I can remotely, and so would my parents more directly… but I get it…

On another note, I don’t even know anything about LGBT friendly housing, or if they even have anything for it, I’ve never done any research on it, heck I never even attended a what’s it, the group that ran education and outreach at school?

Oh the club? Yeah, neither did I, can’t remember the name either. Hrm. Let’s do some research! We are both going to fancy schools, surely we can manage this and she laughed.

I pulled out my phone too and we both started reading and lost a little track of time.

Penny poked her head out, here you two are! I’ve been looking everywhere!

I glanced at the clock on my phone, it was already 4:30, my parents would be home shortly

Oh shit I said, I’ve got to run and change before they get back

You said a naughty word Penny gasped and then giggled at me

That she did Penny, and as for you Katie dear, run along home, we’ll talk more via chat in a little bit!

I said see you later, I wish I didn’t have to run off so soon

It’s ok, I get it, you aren’t ready yet

Thank you I said over my shoulder on the way up to my house.

I managed to get changed just in time to hear mom coming in the front door. That was close I thought, Penny finding us a few minutes later and I wouldn’t have made it…

Supper was quiet, my parents didn’t mind me texting during and often did so themselves, I did mention the cookout which raised my moms eyebrows,

Wait you want to know about our cookout plans? You are always so deep in your books

I’m just excited for us to be going off to school is all, well, a couple weeks later for me, but I hadn’t realized Mary was going to be in the Bay Area too.

That got my dad to raise his eyebrows, wait when did you hear that? I thought you and Mary barely spoke anymore?

Ran in to her in the backyard yesterday, we were both outside and she said noticed and came over and we chatted some… it wasn’t a lie to them per se, but I was certainly leaving a lot out.

Well that’s nice dear my mom said, glad you two reconnected, and who knows, maybe you can meet up some time

Yeah, maybe, I said in a voice to indicate ‘no’ but I knew inside we would probably, at least once.

Dad without looking up from his friends phone, I think we agreed on weekend after next? Berkeley starts earlier than Stanford

Oh that soon I said, ok, I’ll be here for it

Like here here dad said? Not just buried in a train book?

I laughed, here here dad, just this once, I promise.

Well good then dad said, still lost in his phone

Conversation kind of dried up after that, but that was ok.

Mary had texted me a few links that I looked at after supper

So… reading this, I kind of think I should maybe reach out now to try and deal with roommate situation now… I think I was going to be roomed with some other guys and I think Id rather at least be in a co-ed situation, and private…

I hope it’s not too late, and that they can do something for you!

I was nervous typing the email, and ultimately had Mary read it before I hit send. I didn’t expect a reply tonight or anything, but hopefully something could be done with less than a month til I moved in…

I didn’t give my new name, but I did say that I was coming to terms with being a trans woman and felt uncomfortable with my previous choices towards housing. And signed off with ~Sam (for now)

Well, email is sent I guess… I just outed myself to an official institution…

Hey, I’m sure it will be ok! It’s California after all! I need to get some shut eye Katie cat, goodnight!

Goodnight Mary 😹 I looked some more at various things on Stanford and called it a night myself

---

I woke up and immediately saw I had email from the person I had written last night

Hello! So we can still do something about it although it is awfully late, some things luckily shifted and we think we’ve found a very good match for you as you come out and deal with transitioning, more details to follow, and I look forward to meeting you, and learning what you decided on for a name! If you figure it out before about Labor Day, let me know and we can make sure all your greeting materials are updated. I also see in your arrival plan your parents will be coming out here with you for move in, are you out to them yet? If not we can take precautions to protect your secret while they are out here, including making sure all your packet stuff has your deadname. Sincerely, Cameron

I started crying right there, already this was going better and faster than I could ever have imagined. I had figured it would remain my secret for life. I texted Mary the good news right away

Huzzah! Also, I learned that Stanford Medical Center has some really great doctors for transition related care if that will be of help to you.

I typed and deleted things for a bit, and finally sent, thats good, I read a bit on what that entails last night, its a LOT, and a big step, but also… I don’t deny I would kind of like breasts…

yay! Breasts can be pretty great to be honest, and Im sure it would help with the dysphoria some too

You said I could be cute with a bit of help… could you help? I would like to see myself at least once

Abso-freaking-lutely I can! Want to come over and hang out again today?

Yeah, that should be ok, will it be ok with Penny around?

Penny is off with my mom today to various appointments and legal things, and getting her setup for her first day of school here.

Oh wow, Im sure thats complicated, but that means we would be alone?

Yup! They will probably be back a bit earlier than your parents getting home from work, so you might have to change back sooner, or you could just come out to my parents, I guarantee they won’t spill the beans or anything

I don’t know about that… we will see

Ok, give me a text when you are about to come over and I’ll make sure the patio door is unlocked!

Should… should I wear the dress again?

Hah, thats ok, I think I’ve got a couple things that will fit you ok, and you should see yourself in more than one outfit! Also, have you washed that dress ever? You were a bit ripe smelling yesterday

No… I wasn’t really sure how and worried I would damage it or get caught and it’s all I have

Fair, ok, instead of wearing it over here, bring it over, and I’ll give you an introduction to laundry for dresses and stuff too.

I finished getting ready for the morning real quick, microwaved some sausage, my parents already long gone for the day. I threw on a shirt and some shorts, retrieved the dress from where I hid it, sent her a text I would be over shortly, and carried with my over to Mary’s house.

I was nervous when I knocked before entering, the door was unlocked as promised but I had learned it was still polite to knock in such cases.

Hiya Katie! I was practically tackled by Mary with a hug.

I let out a gurgly squelch as she did it, and she backed off, sorry, that was probably a bit much, wasn’t it?

A touch, perhaps, I said, not used to anyone hugging me, much less surprise ones

She took the dress from me and led me down to their laundry machines in the garage, so for a dress like this it’s pretty simple to wash, just put it in on a normal, cold cycle and it should be fine. She demonstrated and talked a bit about other settings that might be helpful depending on garment.

As we headed back upstairs, the machine running, so, I went through my closet this morning, been needing to anyways in advance of heading off to Berkeley, and I found some things that should fit to get started anyways,

Oh that’s really nice of you, thank you

Don’t thank me too much yet, the clothes are from a few years ago, you are a bit small compared to me

She showed me a few skirts, a pair of shorts, a couple t-shirts, and a dress I remembered seeing her wear to school once a couple years ago, poofy short sleeves, a squarish neck line in purple and a natural waist that flared in to a nice silhouette. That one I said

She had me take my t-shirt off, then helped me on with it and then had me ditch my shorts from under it, and there I stood, in only my second dress

She stopped me before I turned around to see myself in her full length mirror, she brought over a stool and had me sit, then started fussing with my shoulder length hair I couldn’t be bothered to cut because I hated getting it cut. I heard her go away and rummage about and came back with a brush and brushed it out, something I never did.

After she had brushed it out she tsk’d me for having so many split ends but said she would work with it because she wasn’t a stylist. She went back and rummaged a bit more and came back and put something on my head, some form of hair band or something. You’ll see in a moment she said, and then came around and did some makeup, which I may have squirmed enough during to earn a giggle and she said, its ok, it takes getting used to and not every girl uses it

She then went to her dresser, here, these aren’t proper forms, but a lot of girls pad to fill out their dress and shoved two wadded up socks up top. I was kind of a late bloomer and my tops had a lot of space in them.

Im afraid my shoes aren’t going to fit you, you may be skinnier than me, but your feet are at least 2 sizes bigger than me… hrm… wait a moment, I think thats about my moms size, and she rushed off admonishing me to sit there and keep from looking just yet.

So I sat there, waggling my feet, and looking around the non mirrored half of the bedroom. It was a bit stereotypical, there were some boy band posters, some girl pop artist posters, and in between it all tons of pics of her with friends printed out and hung up on pinboards and such. She only had one stuffed toy, a large dark brown bear that occupied an entire corner of the room. The closet and dresser were both a bit stuffed.

She came back in the room, ok, she shouldn’t miss these, and they should fit… and she put me in some shiny black, closed toe low chunky heels with a T Strap. I think she got these for a costume one year.

She took a step back, had me stand, and turn left and right but not 180 yet, she looked appraisingly, at me, you are definitely cuter, and potential for even cuter with more effort in the future, ok, are you ready to meet Katie?

I laughed, and nodded, sure, although its probably just going to be me in the mirror.

I mean yeah, Katie is you silly, anyways, close your eyes and turn around.

I rolled them at her, but did as instructed, closed my eyes and turned to roughly face where the mirror was, she came over, and adjusted me a bit so I would see better when I opened them, ok, open em she said right behind my ear softly

I opened my eyes and blinked, she was right, Katie was there, and I was Katie, I grinned huge and immediately did a twirl trying to watch myself in the mirror, and nearly fell over if I hadn’t been caught by Mary. Whoa there, twirling in heels is an advanced maneuver! and she laughed

I laughed too, stood back up and went back to looking at myself, I was entranced

Let’s do lunch she said, it’s about that time, and will let you experience stairs in heels too, hold the rail and take it one step at a time. We got to the stairs and I managed it almost without incident, except I nearly tripped on the last step of all things.

Oh right, should’ve warned you, that last step is, like, half an inch too tall, add in heels and it can be a doozy

I nodded and we went to their kitchen and made some sandwiches and got out some chips and went to sit down and eat. As we ate we chatted lightly some about college, the past. When we finished, we headed back up to her room, and this time I managed that off height riser

I was sad to take off the dress but she promised me it was mine now, and she would hold on to it til it could live with me.

The shorts didn’t really fit, too wide in one place, too narrow in another, but a couple of the skirts and tops did and they were cute, I was in just a simple sleeveless button up top with a flowery collar and jean skirt when Mary’s mom texted that she and Penny were on their way back home.

Soo… decided whether you want to try coming out to my mom first?

I hadn’t really put any more thought in to it I said… and I kind of had thought I wouldn’t want to… but also… yes I kind of do…

My dad won’t be home yet, we can see how it goes with mom first?

Yeah, sure, could you maybe greet her first and judge what kind of mood she’s in? If today went badly you can just let me know and I’ll change back before coming down…

Of course, I would be happy to. We chatted for a bit longer and then heard the door open and Mary went to greet her mom. The sounds I could hear were mixed but not terrible… did I really want to do this? I don’t know. I stood up and started pacing about, when I heard someone coming up stairs, then a knock at the door.

Heya, it’s me, Mrs Parish, Mary’s mom

hi Mrs Parish, I recognize your voice

Mary said you had something you maybe wanted to tell me? If I was in a good mood that is.

I uh, are you?

I heard her laugh through the door, today went surprisingly good, I didn’t even need 1/10th of the bundle of paperwork I brought with me. It was a good day, and Penny was treated wonderfully by the principle and her teacher who we got to meet, and we also got to meet teacher of roughly the same class as the one she will be joining from last year, and it was so good, I think the kids will accept her fine

That’s great Mrs Parish, so uh, maybe would be easier to show you?

Sure, whatever you want honey Mrs Parish replied,

I walked over to the door, took a huge breath in and let it out slowly, then turned the knob and opened the door. Uh hi Mrs Parish, I um, I guess I’m your neighbor, Katie!

She looked at me for a moment, the laughed a happy laugh, and gave me a big hug right there in the doorway to Mary’s bedroom, oh Katie, it’s so wonderful to meet you! I admit I was a bit worried you were going to tell me you had some terrible thing! Or maybe had gotten in trouble with Mary and you needed to apologize or something, but not this! This is great.

She held me at arms length and said you look great, but let’s go downstairs to the good light in the living room!

I smiled and followed her, and managed the stairs down easier this time too.

She had me stand in the middle of their living room with its big windows letting in lots of light and had me turn about and pose and insisted on some pictures, to be kept hidden and private til I was ready, we even got a couple pictures with Penny and Mary in them, although Penny was hard to photograph she was so happy and bouncing around.

We chatted for a bit and then my alarm beeped loudly, oh I’m sorry I need to get changed and go! My parents will be home soon.

Of course dear! You will tell them when you are ready, and I’ve known your parents longer than you’ve been alive, I know they will love and support you, but I get it.

I ran upstairs and Mary followed and helped me get the makeup off and clothes changed, and out the door with more apologies offered to Mrs Parish.

I made it back home and up to my bedroom before they arrived only to catch a glimpse in the mirror and see my hair band still in place, I took it off and hid it in my dresser and tried to mess up my hair a bit more to it’s normal state of unkempt-ness.

Supper was even less eventful that night than the previous, I think I said all of 3 sentences and my parents didn’t say much more. We were all kind of just on autopilot and back to normal like that. I disappeared up to my room to play video games, well, read, and chat with Mary. I still had a lot to understand.

Was this ok? Was it a fetish, was I a pervert? I had at times found things online that I read that scratched the itch I couldn’t identify, racy adult things, she assured me on each of these questions that it was all ok, and that I had nothing to be ashamed of. Even if it excited me, and that she herself could get excited about how she looked in the right clothing and/or lack there of. Finding oneself sexy isn’t a bad thing.

Saturday was tomorrow, and we discussed plans, she wanted to take me shopping in advance of the cookout a week from then, because I should look my best she said.

I texted back that I was worried about her father finding out.

She assured me he needn’t know and would be out Saturday running some event he was involved with, it would be just us girls.

I finally relented and agreed to a girls day out, details to be determined.

Today had been a long day and I called it an early night so I wouldn’t sleep in too late tomorrow

---

Was just as well, my sleep was restless, and I still woke up late as a result, but as soon as I did I was excited, nervous but excited. I texted Mary I was up, and she responded come on over! Dad’s gone for the day and Mom and Penny have other plans again

I bounced down to get some breakfast and I told my parents I would be over at Mary’s today, we had some college preparations to make and left it at that.

I trotted out the back door and over to Mary’s who greeted me at the door, with a more gentle hug that I saw coming this time. About time you got your sleepy butt up and over here she said and laughed

I was too excited to sleep well I blushed

I’ll bet! Its a big day! first day out! So I’ve laid out what we tried on yesterday,

Can I wear the purple dress again?

Sure, but, theres going to be a few additions, and it’s a good thing you wore jeans today.

When we got to her room she handed me a bundle of a towel, washcloth, and a new razor.

Do I need to?

Most people won’t care either way, or even give you a second glance, but removing some of the more obvious reasons to either take a second look or even third look at you can be wise, even in a relatively safe for trans people city like this. Also some people like how their legs feel shaved, certainly thats why I do it

I nodded, yeah, ok, and I headed to the restroom

Shaving was… not fun… and I definitely nicked myself a couple times, not not too bad, and putting some of her moisturizer on them after did feel pretty good. I definitely smelled different with her soap and shampoo, I dried off as best I could and then I heard a knock at the door.

Going to pass something in, just some underwear, put your towel on around your chest and come in to my room and I’ll get you ready to go. Don’t worry, the panties are brand new!

I opened the door a crack and she handed in a pair of panties, and I put them on and wrapped my towel around me as best I could and clung to it hoping it would stay up as I trotted over to her room.

She had me sit on the stool, facing her mirror this time, and dried and blew out my hair, put the band in it to help keep it out of the way while working on my face. When she was done she had me stand up. Ok, time to try on your first bra!

I laughed, she showed me how to put it on a couple different ways, and did a quick adjustment of it. Then it was quickly on with the dress, and a quick pass with the comb, and my shoes.

Ok, just about ready! Here put this over your shoulder, and put your wallet in it. I did so as she went and rummaged in her jewelry case,

Here, a bracelet, and for a Katie, a cat necklace!

I laughed and she put both on me, what do you think she said standing behind me grinning

In the mirror was Katie again, and she was still also me. and I grinned wide, I like it, lets go!

Just a couple pics first she asked pleadingly? You should things to remember today by down the line

Totally I laughed,

She took a couple pics of me and a couple with us together and then grabbed her own purse and away we went.

This was the first time I was out as me and I was nervous, but Mary had just the thing, we stopped at a small quiet park first and we got outside and walked around for a moment, there were a few other people around, but not many, and none of them cared about me, a couple of women smiled my way as we passed them walking around but that was about it. I laughed as we got back in the car, holy crap, outside in a dress, it feels amazing, also, you werent wrong about the legs, they feel kind of great

She laughed, yup! and no one cares. Ready for the mall?

Yup! Lets go.

We got to the mall and quickly realized it was already lunch time so we did what one does at the mall, ate food thats not great, a bit pricey, but also so filling. Mary was really surprisingly good at shopping, she knew which stores to hit, and we tried a variety of styles and she made sure to get my real feedback about them and helped me narrow in on what I might like to wear better. We didnt get like, a whole new wardrobe, but we walked out with a bit of everything. Including a pair of pink tennis shoes and a pair of wedge sandals

We hadn’t, however, found IT, the dress I would wear to come out at the BBQ… Mary said she had one more store to try.

Ok, but last one, I’m kind of exhausted, this was a LOT to take in today.

I have a good feeling she said as she pulled out of the Mall parking garage.

She drove for not very long and we pulled in to a small strip mall, nothing fancy, no major chain stores. The shop was called Dress U with a handkerchief that looked a bit like a dress for an icon. I laughed, that name is great.

Come on Mary said as she opened her door and I followed behind her inside.

She was immediately greeted upon entering enthusiastically by the sole other person in the store, Mary!! Hello! How was your summer? Excited to head off to college? We will miss you so much!

I had a lovely summer Sherry! And thank you for that wonderful prom dress, I had a simply marvelous evening with my girlfriends.

You really deserve someone good in your life, maybe your friend here who’s blushing super hard?

Oh, right, Sherry, this is Katie, and Katie, this is Sherry, she owns Dress U, and has been where my family goes for dresses for fancy occasions for forever.

Speaking of, that other dress is finished! just did the final fit check this morning and did a couple touchups on the hem after they left if you want to take it home.

Oh, right, that was where they were this morning, sure, happy to save mom a trip out here.

You are a doll, thank you!

So…

Thats the thing you say when you are about to ask the impossible dear, what is it?

Mary smiled at me and I finally managed to find words, I want a dress for the going away BBQ we are having next week

She speaks! Thats awfully short notice, but looking at you, this is important isn’t it.

I nodded, yes ma’am.

Oh a polite one this one, and what’s the occasion beyond going away party? Thats the event, but whats the reason? I looked at Mary, who nodded that it was ok. I… I am coming out

Ok! Thats a very good reason! Lets see what we have here thats suitable for BBQ and going away but most imporantly coming out.

She had me go through various racks, and I found a few I liked, and I tried them on but they didn’t seem quite right, too fancy, not the right cut, etc. When I went back in to take off the last of those, she knocked on the door, Im passing one over, its not something that was out on the racks as its not my usual fair, but a customer who ordered it custom never picked it up, which is a shame.

She easily pushed the dress bag over the top of the door and I unzipped it. It was perfect, the style was similar to several I had tried on, but it was a pink gingham, sleeveless v-neck dress, it was perhaps, simpler than most I had tried on today, but it was in a word, perfect. I was wearing a new bra and padding we had gotten at the mall that fit me better, and when I came out of the changing room and she had me step up on the fitting stage, and I could see myself in the 3 large mirrors angled to let me see multiple sides. It was great, but something wasn’t quite right

Wait just a moment, and she came back with a large poofy thing, a petticoat? and had me step in to it and she pulled it up to my waist under the dress and then shuffled the dress back down on to it.

I was blinking back tears, it was so amazing looking, and behind me i heard Mary squeal Oh. My. God. Katie!, it’s perfect!

Get her a fancy hair do and she will be the cutest girl to ever come out of any closet ever Sherry nodded pleased with herself

I was still stunned to silence, and Mary and Sherry had started discussing hair options behind my back, and then my watch beeped. My parents were wondering if I would be home for supper, it wasn’t much, but it broke me out of it.

Oh, do you want to do supper out? My treat Mary said

I nodded, yes, that would be wonderful, I don’t know if I can even wait a week to come out… Im so happy right now

You don’t have to if you don’t want to, you can come out tonight, right now, tomorrow, next week or next year, its entirely up to you if and when to come out to anyone.

I kind of want to wear this out,

And that is how you know its perfect Sherry said, but, don’t want to risk getting it messed up before the big day. Also, for all its nearly perfect already, should let me make a couple marks and alter it for perfection, will have it ready by Friday night at the latest!

She quickly made some marks and notes, took a few measurements

Ok Katie, get changed so we can pay and go find some supper together and she grinned at me. I quickly changed back in to the purple dress, and remembered to grab my purse from the hook.

Ok, what do we owe you Sherry? Mary asked at the counter

She looked incensed, for this? For a coming out? Free, including the alterations. Go on you silly kids, have a great evening out and she laughed. Oh wait! don’t forget! and she passed over another small garment bag that was opaque and I couldn’t see inside.

I started to argue about the price but Katie just squeezed my hand and said accept it and smile and Sherry and her both laughed.

Is it really ok? I asked after we got in the car, I saw some of the price tags in there.

It’s her store, and she can do what she wants with her prices. She’s always treated us well, and if you are wondering, that dress bag is for Penny, and she insisted for that too. We promised Penny she could get dressed up for the BBQ this time in a real nice dress, and Shelly helped us out with it.

Wait, why would Penny care about this BBQ that much?

Well… its also kind of her birthday, the neighborhood got kind of invited…

I started to panic, wait, all the neighbors? Did you know about this?

I knew it was her birthday! I swear I didn’t know til this morning about the neighborhood being invited

And you didn’t tell me sooner?

Im sorry, I was so caught up I didn’t remember to mention it, do you want to call it off?

I mean, yes, and no, and maybe? Im not sure Im ready to be out to the neighborhood, Im still nervous about my parents, and this is Penny’s day, I don’t want to steal any focus from her.

Those are all good points, let’s go get some supper and talk more, ok? We will think better with food in our stomachs.

I texted my parents I would be eating out and that they should do whatever without me. She called her mom and let her know we were eating out, and we would be back and needed to talk about plans some.

We had a nice supper, at a sit down chain restaurant, not fancy, but affordable and the right speed for us. We chatted some, I was still upset, and confused and anxious, but talking and especially eating helped.

We got to Mary’s house, and she noticed her dad’s car in the driveway, wait he wasn’t supposed to be home yet was he? I asked

No… he wasn’t… let me text mom real quick….

Hey, is dad home? His car is here, and Katie is nervous.

Come inside, both of you, it’s ok, he kind of knows and he’s said it’s ok.

I was nervous but agreed. We walked up to her front door, and knocked before entering, but Katie motioned for me to wait, Hey dad, you are making me nervous, you are making my friend nervous, what’s up?

If your friend is our neighbors kid, it’s ok, I love and support them in this

I decided on my own to enter, uh, hi Mr Parish, its me, Katie, and I prefer she/her to they/them if you don’t mind

Mr Parish grinned big, my apologies, I wasn’t sure and wanted to be safe, come here Katie and gave me a big hug which surprised me but did feel really nice.

Mrs Parish interrupted us, Mary, you said you wanted to talk about plans?

Well, uh, Katie and I had been talking about her maybe coming out at the party, but I didn’t realize til this morning you had invited almost the entire neighborhood, it was going to just be us and Katie’s family I thought.

Well, things kind of spiraled, I mentioned it to one neighbor who insisted on coming and they mentioned it to others and suddenly we had a whole big group coming, the Campbells were fine with it, so we decided to roll with it. We hadn’t realized Katie was thinking about coming out at it.

Penny came running in from wherever she had been playing Katie! she shouted and hugged me, are you going to be sharing my party?

Only if that would be absolutely ok with you, its your party, not mine

of course its ok with me! so long as I still get presents and cake and ice cream!

I laughed, well Im not after any presents

And Penny looked at Mrs Parish, and yes dear, there will be plenty of cake and ice cream for all who want it,

YAY! You can share my party then!

Do you want to tell your parents before hand? or at the party?

I uh, can we meet up before the party and get any drama out of the way before other guests arrive?

Well there shouldn’t be any drama… Mr Parish said, I would hate to think I was that bad a judge of character, we’ve known your parents longer than you’ve been alive…

Just the same sir

Its not a bad idea dad Mary chimed in, sometimes these things can go sideways, and we wouldn’t want it impacting Penny’s party

ok, then thats what we will do, I’ll ask if they can come over a bit early and help with the setup Mrs Parish said

Mary helped me off with my makeup, and back in to my boy clothes for heading back home, and gave me a light kiss on the cheek before leaving her room. It will be ok she said close to me, I’ll be here for you the whole time.

---

The week kind of rushed by, I was at Mary’s every day, til I had to change and rush home, I wore a mix of the stuff Mary had provided and that I had sitting in bags in her room because I was too nervous to have them at my place.

Friday arrived, and Mary said when I arrived, I got a text from Sherry a few minutes ago, your dress is ready for a final fitting! Also, if you are up to it, I thought maybe we could go do a couple of getting ready things today, although they will be visible when you get home tonight…

Like?

Like getting your nails done, and getting your hair trimmed a bit, styling will be tomorrow, but would save time tomorrow…

Hmm… I think it would be ok? So long as it wasn’t too obvious on the hair at least, the nails I can pass off as you being bored

I know a really great stylist who can do exactly that

Ok then, lets do it!

We both got ready and headed out. Penny was with Mrs Parish again, so we were sure to lock up, and headed out.

Our first stop was Dress U, Sherry was busy with another customer when we arrived so we perused the racks some more, Mary found a really cute dress just as the other customer was leaving,

Mary! Katie! So sorry for the wait

It’s ok Sherry, it let me find this as Mary pulled it from the rack, a cute little black dress, classic, simple

Oh that is a good one, go try it on while I get Katie in to hers so we can do one last check.

We all headed back towards the changing stalls, my dress bag was already hung in one, and Mary quickly took the other. It took me a bit longer to get in to mine, even with Shelly’s help, it wasn’t that it fit bad, like a glove in fact, but that made it harder for me to zip, and get the petticoat on and such.

Mary was already waiting on the adjustment platform, admiring how she looked in the mirror.

Oh Mary, it’s perfect I said

You think so? I have a little black dress but it’s not this nice

Sherry chimed in, it fits you so well I wouldn’t even do any adjustments.

Hrmm… ok, I’ll take it, and now let’s get a good look at you, it looks amazing already Katie

I stepped up on to the platform carefully, what with not being able to see my feet and it really did fit amazing.

Sherry fussed a bit with it, appraising with a critical eye. Yup, this’ll do!

I hate to run out on you without more time to chat, but we do have a bit to do before tonight…

Nono, it’s understood, party prep is a lot!

Mary and I changed back in to what we arrived in, Mary paid for her dress, which was less than I feared but also a lot to me, and we were both carrying a dress bag on our way out

Say hi to Thomas for me! Sherry said

Will do!

Thomas? I asked as we got the dress bags put in the car.

My stylist, did my hair for prom, he’s great!

Oh, I didn’t go to prom

Why not?

The usual reasons, no one to go with, and didn’t want to spend the money on a tux I knew I would hate to eat mediocre food and listen to bad mixes of songs I don’t even like the originals of

Mary laughed, totally fair, yeah, it wasn’t that great in those ways, you could’ve gone with me though! It was just me and a bunch of my girlfriends who wanted nothing to do with some guy in a badly fitting tux who we didn’t like anyways

Wish I had known, lots of things, I said a bit sadly

Hey! There’s gonna be lots of dances to come, and I bet there’s even a queer prom out there somewhere with our names on it!

Our names?

Sure! I’d go with you if you wanted, as a friend, or a date, whatever!

A date? I blushed, did you just say you wanted to date me?

I may have! I don’t really care about gender, call it bi, call it pan, whatever, I care about the person and she smiled over at me

I’m pretty sure my face was just melting from the heat of my blush at this point as we pulled in to another strip mall’s parking lot.

Wait do we need a reservation?

I made one already, I figured I could convince you, and Thomas was very accommodating, also got tomorrows styling booked!

I laughed, is it too late to back out?

Nah, never she laughed, this isn’t some silly story of coercion, this is entirely your decision

Well I don’t want to back out, but good to know I could

We laughed as we headed inside, where Thomas came and saved us from the receptionist

Thomas took a good look at me, then whipped out a big book and flipped right to a style, a classy style from the 50s, Mary already showed me a picture from last week at your fitting, I think this would go simply amazing with it

I nodded, it looks perfect, but can you do that? With this? I said gesturing at my mediocre hair

Sweetie, I could do so much with your hair, it really is quite nice considering you’ve apparently not had it cut in what, a year?

Thereabouts…

You need to at least get a trim once in awhile! Split ends are bad! Mary laughed

Ok, peanut gallery out to the waiting, I’ll call you back when we’re done here.

Mary harrumphed, fine, holler if he does anything that upsets you she told me.

Thomas laughed, I’d never upset you like that, I smiled weakly

Not big on hair cuts?

I just haven’t done them much, I didn’t really care one way or another, so only really went if someone made me

Well today, today you are going to care

Hrm… you washed your hair this morning?

Uhh… no…

Well off to do that then first! and he helped me up and lead me back to the basins and washed my hair quite a bit more thoroughly than anyone ever has. It felt good and I admitted it

Thomas laughed, having someone pay attention to you and take care of you feels good does it?

I grinned kind of sadly, yes, it does

Well back to the chair! And I think Im not going to let you watch

I grimmaced… I put my hair in your hands…

Hey if you hate it, theres always the bald look, bet you would look cute that way!

I laughed picturing myself bald, thats, uh, not for me I think

Well then I’ll just have to do my best.

He sat me down, covered me with a cape, and turned me away from the mirrors at his station, I laughed, but theres all these others mirrors

Tsk tsk, you aren’t supposed to be looking at those!

He had me move my head this way and that as he trimmed and cut, and I really didnt see much of the other mirrors, it felt like it was taking forever and he surely must be cutting so much off. It was a strange sensation that I had never really noticed before, how good it felt. Which in turn made me more nervous, and I just kept blushing harder somehow.

He laughed when he noticed, and he said aww, someone likes it and she hasn’t even seen it yet. Are you ready?

Wait are we done?

I mean I can keep futzing with it for another 15 minutes if you really want, but yeah, we’re pretty much done

He spun me around and it took a split second for my eyes to refocus on the mirror.

Oh.

Hey, I think she likes it!

He hadn’t objectively changed that much, it was a teensy bit shorter, but whatever else he had done it fell better, and was very femme but easily ‘boy mode capable’ if I needed to he noted.

Mary appeared and gasped, oh my, you look amazing, you worked wonders again Thomas, and I cant wait to see what you manage tomorrow! Lets go get some lunch Katie cat!

I blushed and giggled, yes lets

It was a quick lunch, just some burgers and fries, but they weren’t bad, and I felt more at home, just two girls having a fun time out.

We chatted about various things, movies, tv shows, she promised she would show me lots of media I had never let myself enjoy because it was ‘girly’

We headed next door to a nail salon, and she had me pick out a color, I decided to be bold, and went for a pink that would match my dress, with a bit of sparkles.

She went with an extremely sparkly silver to match the jewelry she preferred and would be wearing tomorrow night. Another new experience, having my nails painted, including my toes. I again was blushing by the time we left, I hadn’t said a word since we sat down. Mary paid and tipped them quite well.

Ok, anything else? I asked a bit nervously

I think thats about it! You worn out yet?

Just a bit, my heart has been busy pumping blood right to my cheeks all day and laughed

Mary joined me in laughing

Ok, home it is!

We arrived to her place before my alarm went off telling me I had to get home, but when it rang I looked really sad and felt like I was on the verge of tears

You dont want to change, do you?

I nodded no, I really don’t

You don’t have to you know, you can tell them tonight, Ill come with you if you want

Could I just stay here tonight?

I mean, Im not opposed to it, and my parents have always said if I wanted someone to spend the night, regardless, I could, but would your parents? Would they let you spend the night here, with me, a girl, thinking you are a boy?

I blushed, it would look pretty strange to them

So are we telling them or are you changing?

I… I guess Im changing for tonight

honest you don’t have to wait

Its, its ok, I can do one more night

If you are sure

I nodded, yeah

Ok then, lets get you changed

She helped me get changed, the jeans hiding my shaved legs, my hair brushed to a slightly less obvious style, and my fingers, well, they could just deal with it.

Before we left her room she grabbed my arm, and pulled me in to a hug, you are wonderful, and you can do this she said in my ear

Thank you, I don’t know if I can ever repay you for the last week

Hey, no need to repay me, ever, I did this because I want to help.

My alarm started beeping

Guess I should get home

She gave me a kiss on the cheek, see you first thing tomorrow?

I nodded

Let me walk with you to the gate today

Sure

I was maybe a bit slower walking home than sometimes, we paused by the gate and hugged again, she gave me another kiss on the cheek and I turned to walk up to my parents house.

Mom did notice the finger nails, but decided to leave it alone when I said that Mary and Penny had done theirs and begged to let them do mine.

Dad didn’t even look up from his phone. I went to bed exhausted, and anxious.

---

The next morning I think I surprised my parents by being up so early, and I ate my breakfast quickly.

I’m going to be over at Mary’s today, I promised I’d help her with some things before the BBQ

That’s fine dear, say hi to them for us, Mrs Parish asked us to help too with some things starting about 4:30, will see you then?

Yup!

I bounced over to Mary’s where there was already seemingly a lot of activity, Mr Parish was setting up some stuff outside, an extra table and more chairs. Inside Mrs Parish was busy in the kitchen with various bits of food preparation, and Katie was keeping Penny occupied in the living room

Penny bounced right up and ran over to me and gave me a hug

Hi Penny, ready for tonight? I asked smiling down at her

YES! She giggled

So what’s the plan I asked Mary?

The plan is you go up and get cleaned up, changed, and put on the outfit I’ve laid out on my bed!

I grinned ok I said and bounced up the stairs. The outfit was just the skirt and top I met Mrs Parish in the first time, but I grabbed the shower bundle Mary had set beside it as well and went to shower.

I put my hair in the cap as Thomas had admonished me to NOT wash it two days in a row, washed myself, ran the razor over my legs, used some moisturizer and finally put on the outfit, going back to Mary’s room for my tennis shoes and socks.

I came downstairs and Penny and Mary were making some decorations out of crepe paper in pink white and blue. There was also blue and gold for Mary and cardinal red and more white for me.

They showed me how to make flowers with them, and we quickly had a pile that Mr Parish said he would hang up while we were out getting ready this afternoon. The five of us ate some sandwiches for lunch, and the Mary announced it was time for the girls to go get ready, Mr and Mrs Parish both admonished us to be safe out there.

We actually took Mr Parishes car as three dress bags and three girls was a bit much in Mary’s compact car. We arrived at the salon, and Mary went first while I kept Penny entertained in the waiting area.

Wow you look amazing I said when she came to the front

And I’m not even in my dress yet, I’ll be right back and I’m going to change in the bathroom here.

Meanwhile Thomas had taken Penny back to his station and I could hear her giggling constantly while he worked.

Mary came out of the bathroom in her little black dress, jewelry and shoes included, and she was simply stunning and my jaw just kind of dropped

You’ll let flies in like that you silly cat she laughed

I managed wow you look amazing

Thank you she replied

I’m going to get Pennys dress out of the car she said, and took her own bag back out.

She got back in just in time and Penny was looking absolutely adorable already and Mary took her back to the bathroom to help her get changed.

Thomas grinned at me, and the best for last, come on Katie, let’s get you looking amazing.

He sat me at his station, again facing away from the mirror and started spritzing me with water to dampen my hair, and then proceeded to put it in curlers, another new experience, lots of tugging and some pinching, and I had no idea what it must look like. While I was sitting under a dryer, I noticed Mary bringing my bag in from the car and hanging it in the bathroom in advance.

Before too long, I was done, and Thomas said wait, before I finish, go on and change, I’ll be doing your makeup today too and I want you to see the whole thing at once!

I nodded, ok, be right back

I quickly put on the dress, petticoat and wedges, which I was a bit unsteady in but we had practiced some the last week. I walked out and sat back in Thomas’s chair, my petticoat proofing out all around me causing me to laugh, Thomas grinned at me, you are going to look fabulous Katie

I smiled, after seeing Mary and Penny I’ve no doubt of that.

He quickly undid the rollers and did some brushing and rearranging, then set about doing my makeup, commenting that he was using the good eyeliner and mascara, and that removing it would be a pain later tonight, but it would stand up if any tears happened. When he was finished he called both Mary and Penny to come on back and had me close my eyes as he lead me back to a corner of the store.

Ok, we have some mirrors here so you can see the full effect, we do a lot of wedding and proms and a lot of girls like to see the whole thing. I felt Thomas let go of my arm, and felt Mary touch it in his place

She leaned in to my ear and whispered, are you ready?

I nodded yes,

Ok then Katie cat, open your eyes

I was entranced, my hair was better than the picture Thomas had showed us yesterday, and I had a head of cute little curls, and even bangs, where had those come from I wondered? I hadn’t noticed them before. My makeup was flawless, there but not, enhancing without being over the top.

I turned my head a bit this way and that and took in the whole picture. Katie was in the mirror clearer than ever, and I was Katie more than ever. I nearly cried right there but Thomas reminded me my makeup was still curing.

I heard Mary’s phone beep,

Right on time she said, it’s already 3:30, we should head back

Thank you Thomas so much, you did wonders I didn’t think possible

Thomas grinned, just helping the real you shine right on through and he gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek causing me to blush, good luck tonight, I hope it goes well

Mary retrieved my bag with my clothes and the three of us headed for the car,

We got Penny and the bag back in the car and headed back to Mary’s, traffic was unusually hectic and we only just got back at 4pm, and with getting everything unloaded in to the house, 4:10, my parents could be coming any moment.

I had decided to wait in Mary’s room with her til they were coming over, and Penny insisted on waiting with us too. My phone beeped 10 minutes later saying they would be 5 minutes late, and mom made sure to say ‘your father is the holdup as usual’ and I laughed

Mom and dad arrived right at 4:35 and through Marys open door we heard my parents and hers saying hi, and Mrs Parish said, the girls should be down any moment now to help with final party preparations too, how about we sit down and I’ll get us some iced tea while we wait

I looked at Mary, now? I whispered

Now I think, yes.

Mary and I walked down the stairs, with Mary holding my hand, and Penny couldn’t be contained anymore and ran on ahead and shouted they are coming!

We didn’t see them right away, the stairs let out on a hallway, and we walked towards the living room where Penny had run

The couch was facing away from the door and Mrs Parish had skillfully arranged my parents on to it instead of the chairs. Mrs Parish saw me before my parents could, and smiled broadly at me

I gripped Mary’s hand tighter, and I said mom, dad, there’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you for a very long time, and I want to show you too, I still couldn’t see them or them me, Mrs Parish was still smiling at me

My mom said well come on in and tell us then and let us see

I took another look at Mary who smiled and squeezed my hand back and in we went.

hi mom, dad, I’ve been wanting to tell you I want to be, am a girl for forever, and I’ve chosen the name Katie

My mom sat there stunned, my normally reserved dad however got up and came over and gave me the biggest hug

Oh Katie, we’ve been wondering when you would figure it out and decide to tell us

I stood there in awkward stunned silence

YOU KNEW? I said raising my voice notably

Mom had gotten past it and come over and hugged me

We’ve known all summer about the dress, we have security cameras you know

I blinked, wait, we do?

Yup mom laughed, we weren’t sure if it was a phase or if you were trans or what… and seeing you made me remember those times when you were younger. I’m so sorry, we let you down as parents by not recognizing it back then, we knew of trans people, but we thought if you didn’t pursue it, that maybe it was just a phase, and then this summer, it all came back.

I was already crying, they had known, they apologized immediately for not understanding me in the past, it was more than I could take and my legs started to give out

Dad helped me get seated on the couch, and Penny immediately flopped on the other side of me and patted my hand and Mary came down and sat on the other and gave me a kiss on the cheek, see, it went fine and smiled at me, I nodded, still crying

My parents sat on the love seat, and Mr and Mrs Parish were in a couple of arm chairs

So this party is a lot tonight Mrs Parish said, you probably saw the decorations on the way in, but it’s Penny’s birthday tomorrow, and Mary and Katie are getting ready to go off to college, and we didn’t really need any more help setting up, but Katie and Mary both thought we should do this beforehand

Just in case my dad nodded, it’s only fair, the world is too full of examples of this going terribly wrong, even with parents who should know better. All we can do is try to be better, us and society

So anyways, let’s get the party started a bit early, people won’t start arriving for an hour or so, but, we can chat til then, although I will need to tend to the grill some Mr Parish said

My mom insisted on getting a better look at me, and pictures.. so many pictures and I was so happy in all of them, we even managed to get two whole pictures where Penny wasn’t a complete blur

We moved outside so we could all chat while Mr Parish worked on the grill and Mrs Parish was finishing preparations in the kitchen with the back door open on a really quite nice Saturday afternoon.

It wasn’t too long before the other neighbors and guests started arriving, and I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised when both Sherry and Thomas showed up

Most people in the neighborhood didn’t really know me, but those who did were at the very least polite enough to not say anything negative about either me or Penny, and I got a number of compliments on my look, which made me blush every time but I was getting better at accepting them. Penny ran around like an unholy terror with several kids her age, they either didn’t know or didn’t care. Mom and dad didn’t slip once that I noticed and I was so glad.

The food, a mix of typical late summer bbq fare, burgers and hotdogs, some corn, some vegan dishes brought by various neighbors which were really quite good, although I still also had a burger, and chips and corn and potato salad.

After dinner, a very impatient Penny said CAKE! At the top of her lungs causing a burst of laughter from all of us.

Mrs Parish said, yes Penny, time for cake!

She retreated to the kitchen with my mom to retrieve it, and they came out bearing a quite large sheet cake that said ‘Happy Birthday Penny!!’ and on a trans pride flag, and underneath somewhat hastily added, ‘& Congrats to Katie!’

There were a number of candles on it, and Penny managed to get all of them somehow, except someone had slipped a trick candle in the batch

Maaaaary, it’s not fair! I got all of them, do I still get my wish?

Absolutely Penny, and I’m so sorry, I swear I didn’t know that got mixed in with the candles last year Mary looked sheepish

Good!

Well what did you wish for?

I shouldn’t say… I won’t get my wish then she said quietly

The cake was cut, and ice cream served and Penny and I got the first two corner pieces because it was our party, and Penny insisted it be that way

More than a few people wondered what the flag was and Mrs Parish explained, which caused a few people who hadn’t realized to come over and congratulate me, it was awkward but they meant well.

After cake and ice cream, Penny started opening her presents, I had gotten her a pretty nice tiara when we were at the mall last week which she immediately put on grinning widely. My parents had gotten her a doll and a very nice plush rabbit. From Mr and Mrs Parish she got clothes, and she squealed with delight and wanted to rush off and try them on, but was convinced to open the other presents.

Neighbors had brought things that were more or less appropriate, Thomas gave her a gift certificate for a full makeover, Sherry winked and said you are wearing your gift, but then gave her a box with a costume dress fit for a princess, and she couldn’t stand it and ran off to her bedroom, and changed and rushed right back to much applause and bows and curtesy’s from the guests.

And then Mr and Mrs Parish brought out one more thing. It was a plain manila envelope but they had bedecked it in ribbons and bows

She carefully opened it and pulled out the paper, and she started crying

What is it a neighbor asked

It’s her adoption papers Mrs Parish said

Mr Parish added the judge turned it around in time after seeing her case file and meeting her and us

I got my wish, she managed through tears,

Mr and Mrs Parish knelt down and hugged her and Mary joined in as well.

Everyone was looking on but drifted away to give the family this moment.

My parents pulled me to one side, apparently Penny’s birth mom gave her up, no fault or contest.

I was shocked, seriously? That adorable child and they just abandon her? I started to feel my blood pressure spike I wanted to scream and commit mayhem but mom hugged me tight, it’s ok, she has a loving home here, and you have a loving home with us as well, that won’t happen here, and she will be happy, the Parishes and us will make sure of it.

I couldn’t contain it anymore and just started crying, it had been a big day, so much had happened

The Parishes hug had broken up and Penny saw me hugging my mom and crying and came over and hugged me too, hey why so sad Katie?

I looked down at her, not sad, happy and put a big grin on, happy for you, happy for me, happy for all of us.

She cheered, yay, happy day! Today was the best and then one of her new found friends peeled her off to go play with the toys she had gotten

Mom whispered in my ear, are you ok? Can you stand if I let go.

I nodded silently, and Mary was there waiting and smiling, Hey you

I blushed, hey you back

Let’s go somewhere and talk?

Sure

I followed her up to her room and we sat on her bed, So, todays been a lot… she started

It has… I said quietly

But there’s one more thing I want to try, if you don’t mind that is? Can I kiss you?

I looked at her, you’ve kissed me before…

I mean yeah, on the cheek, but I mean a proper one, on the lips

I looked at her and nodded, yes I would like that

She stood, and took my hand and helped me up, and there, in her bedroom, with the party still going on outside and downstairs, we kissed. It was awkward initially, but after initial contact things got better, and I didn’t want it to end. It seemed like it was going on forever although I know it must’ve been no more than a few seconds.

We eventually mutually broke contact and she smiled at me and blushed, I liked that, you’re good at it

I blushed and smiled back, I uh, I’ve never kissed anyone before, I was afraid I would be bad at it

Well you’ve got some innate talent at this then

I was still emotionally worn out and sat back down on the bed and Mary joined me

So, what does this mean? I asked a bit nervously

That I like you, and you like me, and we liked kissing each other, thats it so far.

Can we try more? I asked hesitantly

Kissing? I mean sure, if you want

And… maybe a date? Sometime?

Hmm, lets make our first proper date in San Francisco, I’ve been there a few times and know some really great, non touristy spots, and also the touristy spots can be fun too

So a month?

The timing sucks, but we fly out Monday morning, and I’ve got a ton of packing left to do tomorrow, and you wont be out there til September, but I promise, kisses now, video dates before then, and Ill help with whatever I can

I nodded, thank you

She took my head with her hand and pulled me in closer, so, about trying some more kissing she whispered

I nodded, yes, about that, and went in the rest of the way

We were both clearly enjoying it, I had no experience with this and was scared to go any further though, when her hand started sliding up my leg, I pulled away and said Im sorry, but, uh, not yet

It’s ok Katie, we should stop here and talk more about how far we want to go and when, we should also probably get back down to the party, you up for it?

I nodded, I had recovered my strength, and went back down. The party was dwindling a bit, some people who lived farther away had already left

We stayed pretty much together as we mingled with those who remained, and held hands most of the time.

In time the party was down to just the Parishes and us, and we were helping clean up and put away before bed.

So, Katie, are you going to go as Katie to Stanford? asked Mrs Parish

I uh, yeah, I contacted a person last week about the housing situation, and thats already been rearranged, Ill have a living situation it’s safe to come out in.

Oh wonderful!

Guess you’ll need a new wardrobe before then my mom said, or at least some of it.

She already has some of it Mary offered, we went shopping last weekend, but she could definitely use some more things before then.

Well Ill help her figure that out my mom said, we’ve at least got a couple weeks before then

Thanks mom I blushed

We finished up and headed back towards my place, my parents carrying a couple bags each of things I had been storing at Mary’s, Mary took my hand again as we walked towards the back gate and as we were about to go through she pulled me in close again

Goodnight Katie cat, and see you on video tomorrow and the next day and so on

Goodnight Mary

Wanta blow their minds? She said knowing both sets of parents eyes had already turned to look at us when we tallied

I think they might already suspect… but also… yes

We leaned in and kissed, full on the lips right there in front of all our parents

I heard my mom say oh gosh and we broke off and went our separate ways in silence while our parents just stood their looking shocked

Goodnight mom and dad I said as I entered the house and I headed up to my room

I think they knew better than to talk about it right now, I was simply too blissed out to care.

I did the best I could removing the makeup with some makeup remover like Mary had been teaching me, although I didn’t quite get all of the eye makeup, Thomas was right that stuff was sturdy.

I put on my usual nightwear, just some sleeping pants and a baggy t-shirt and collapsed in bed and fell asleep smiling

---

Sunday morning I was very slow in waking up and getting up, mom gently knocked on my door at 10:30, Katie, do you want some breakfast? We made waffles, and bacon, can bring it up if you prefer too

I had been kind of awake for a bit but just laying there and smiling

I called out, down in a moment… wait mom where did you put the clothing at last night?

It’s in the bags out here in the hallway, will see you in a bit dear

I heard her go back downstairs and I quickly pulled the bags in to my room. Mary had insisted I get some sleepwear that was cuter, but I had been so tired last night I barely got my makeup removed

I took off my old pajamas and put on some definitely much cuter ones, pink with little butterfly print on the pants and a cami top

I looked in the mirror and tried to comb my hair in to some semblance of good, and found the bangs, and then took one more pass with the makeup remover, to success. Last nights eye makeup no more I went with one of the few things I knew how to do, just some lip gloss before heading downstairs.

Good morning mom, dad I said going up to each of them and hugging them deeply.

Good morning Katie they chimed in chorus

I was quite hungry and didn’t say much while eating, the waffles and bacon were quite good.

When I finished, mom asked, so what’s our plan today?

I uh, don’t really know? This was as far as I had planned I blushed, Mary and her family is busy packing to take her out to Berkeley, and I don’t have too much I need to do…

Remember something mom asked?

I pulled my phone out and checked, and there was an official introduction form to my soon to be roommates, including some contact info for each of us and my deadname still featured. Well that answers that, I should tell Cameron and my roommates since I don’t want to go out there as my past life even, and started writing a quick email,

Hello all, this is Katie, formerly Sam, and I just wanted to let you all know I’ll be arriving as Katie with my parents when the housing opens, looking so forward to meeting you all, and thank you Cameron for finding me a place on such short notice. Sincerely, Katie Campbell

I thought about elaborate I hit send.

Have you thought about travel my dad asked? I hear the TSA is not great sometimes

I grimaced, yeah, I’ve read that too… I could travel somewhat boyish… but I just want to be me, in a cute dress, I know it’s a risk, but my id still matches the ticket, and that should be ok for now, just may get to be humiliated by security

Hrmm… ok, we will be there for backup, and I can message Bob so he’s aware in advance if you want my mom said

Lawyer Bob?

Yup

I would really hope that wouldn’t be needed, I won’t make a scene if they don’t, please don’t, I’m sure we will have to chat with him when it comes time to try and update my name and I would rather not til then

Ok dear

Anything else on todays list?

Just resting maybe? It’s been a busy week

That’s fine, I think your dad and I have to run do grocery shopping later, but that’s about it.

I think I’m going to be in my room sorting through clothing

Ok, see you later, love you

Love you too I said and smiled as I headed for the stairs.

I spent the rest of the morning and afternoon sorting through my own clothes, most of which wound up in garbage bags, but I knew I was short on a few things still and didn’t toss everything. I also kept one bag of shirts that meant a lot to me, even if they were guys shirts. The rest of them though went in the hallway to take up to the attic or be donated or whatever. My closet and drawers were a bit thin with what we had gotten last week and I would need to correct that.

About halfway through all this, my phone started buzzing

I had been added to a group chat of my roommates by one of the sophomores in the group and everyone was wishing me and the other incoming freshman welcome, and they already had my right name on everything. I chatted with them some, explained my egg had only cracked last week but that I was already so much happier as myself. Also that my parents were super supportive

I chatted for a bit but did get back to it and finally finished in the late afternoon.

Mom knocked on my door frame although my door wasn’t shut

Hey honey, would you be up for going out to a nice supper, just the three of us tonight?

Sure mom, I glanced at my closet, I think I know what I’ll wear, realizing I had never changed out of my pajamas

That’s nice, and these bags? Do you want to keep them for now or donate them soon?

I uh, I hesitated, I want to keep them for right now, just in case, in case of what I don’t know, but yeah

Sure, I’ll have your dad put them in the Attic for now and we can see how you feel about them when the next charity drive rolls around

Sounds good to me, also, uh, I hate to ask, could you help me with a bit of makeup and my hair?

Of course sweetie, ask anytime, you didn’t get all those moments growing up learning this stuff

I didn’t watch you get ready much, it felt wrong somehow to know those things

That’s society at work, I’ll be up in half an hour to help, think you can wash up before then?

I laughed and comically rolled my eyes at her, yes mother and she walked out laughing

I put together my clothing, underwear, a cute sundress, and took it with me in to the bathroom where I showered and kept my hair in the cap because I wasn’t sure, and then got out, dried off, dressed, and got back to my room just as dad was taking the last bag up the folding stairs

You look great Katie he said and went up to the attic, and mom came up the regular stairs and saw me there

You really do sweetie, let’s get you dolled up and I can teach you some while we do it.

As we went in to my room, I said Mary taught me some last week, but there’s so much and I don’t have the muscle memory or confidence yet

Mom made sure to take it slow, and had me attempt things on my own first, and I did ok, and then she explained as she messed with my hair how to deal with nice hair do’s and the days after them. It was really quite nice.

When we were done, she rushed off to finish getting ready herself, and dad sat with me in the living room waiting

We really are quite sorry we didn’t understand sooner Katie, we could’ve helped you figure yourself out much younger.

I told him I would probably always be a bit sad about the time lost, but that a supportive and loving family would help a lot.

Mom came down looking nicer than she had last night, she had on a nice dress, and we all loaded in the car, Sushi? mom asked

Ooh yes, I replied hungrily, sushi

We headed towards a favorite place where we went at least once a month and I was getting a bit nervous, we knew the owner

Hey, she’s known us for years, she will be happy for you my mom said

You think so?

She will see how happy you are my dad replied

We pulled in to the garage in the district where it was at and walked in, it was a wonderful evening and I felt pretty good.

We walked in and didn’t see the owner at first, the hostess wasn’t the usual one but she lead us back to our usual table

Our orders didn’t vary much so we sat there talking and she came out of the kitchen, which was behind me. Hello Mr and Mrs Campbell! she said enthusiastically and as she approached

I started blushing hard as I turned and waved at her, Hi Alice

Oh, my, and who do we have here with you tonight

I’m Katie, Katie Campbell I said smiling

It took a moment, and then her eyes lit up, ahh Katie! I barely recognized you, you’ve grown so much

I smiled, this last week has had a lot of growth in it

Alice sat down at our table next to me and said it shows! you look amazing, that dress is simply adorable on you, and your hair looks so much better, did you get it cut recently?

Yup, Friday!

Well I am so glad to see you, all of you, Katie, you are going off to college if i remember right?

Yup, I’m leaving for California in two weeks

So soon, it’s amazing how fast you’ve grown up, I will certainly miss seeing you around, you will come visit on breaks some right?

I laughed, yes Alice, I will be sure we stop by whenever Im in town

good good she patted my arm, ok, I’m going to go put your usual orders in if thats what you are after.

I think an additional order of tempura tonight my dad said

Alice nodded, sounds good! Will let the kitchen know

Thanks Alice my mom said and smiled

The meal came and it was good, I had sushi, mom had some chicken katsu and dad got a teriyaki bento and we talked and laughed and then we headed home thanking Alice for another wonderful meal on our way out

As we were headed home, I texted Mary to see how the packing was going, and she didn’t respond right away but before we got home we started texting

Heya! Im pretty much done, of the things I can pack and take on an airplane, and the other stuff will be getting shipped out to me in a week or two, the bigger things we will just buy locally

Smart, I replied, I think that’s my plan as well, although I’ve got some more clothes to get still

Hope you like shopping!

I mean, I never did before, but I had a great time with you last week

It helps to be shopping for the things you want to shop for, I tried shopping once for exercise clothes once and that went badly, I mean, I got some, but I hate them

lol, yeah, I feel you on that

So since Im done more or less, want to hang out a bit before I leave tomorrow?

Sure, we are almost home from supper, just turned on to our street.

Meet you at the gate in a few?

Sure, see you soon =)

So hows Mary mom asked?

She’s all packed, she wanted to meet up for a bit tonight before tomorrow

Thats fine dear, have a nice evening with her

We pulled in to the drive way and I set my purse down with mom’s before heading out the backdoor and got to the gate, right as Mary opened it

Oh hey, you’re already here! She came over and hugged me, and we kissed, briefly, did you have a good time at dinner tonight?

I did, Alice was very nice about it

Oh the sushi place, yeah, she’s nice

It’s one of my family’s favorites, they have really good sushi

Think you’ll get spoiled by the sushi places in San Francisco?

I laughed, maybe, but her place will always be where I learned to love it, and I doubt Ill know any of them as well as I know her

True, true

We kissed again briefly

So, what shall we do?

Well, we’ve got this porch swing thats not too visible from the house and I thought we could just cuddle for a bit

That sounds really nice I smiled and followed her and we just sat there enjoying each others presence, chatting about nothing and everything, and yes, sometimes kissing.

Eventually I heard Mrs Parish call, Mary, are you out here? Its probably time we should be getting to bed, got to get up early to get everyone to the flight on time

Mary who was leaning on me sat upright

Im here mom, in in a moment

Ok sweetie, and hello to Katie too she called with some mirth in her voice

Hello Mrs Parish I called back and laughed

Mary looked over at me and laughed, I mean, I didnt exactly keep what I was up to a secret

We stood and Mary pulled me in for one last kiss, and we made it last awhile

When we finally broke I said, I will miss being around you but soon we can be together again at least some times

Right!

We walked to the gate and she gave me one last kiss on the cheek, for good luck she said and winked and then headed back towards her place, and I walked slowly back up to mine.

My parents seemed to not pay a single care to me when I came in and I said I was going to get ready for bed.

Have a nice sleep dear my mom said as I headed towards the stairs, we love you

Love you too I called back smiling, trying to think the last time I had even said that before the last week, had it been a decade? It wasnt that I didnt love them, but it was hard feeling emotions

I got cleaned up and changed in to my new pajamas and flopped on my bed, smiling from ear to ear.

I caught up on the group chat from the day, and sent a few responses before going to sleep

---

My parents talk of the old days some times, when you could go see people off at the gates or be waiting there when they arrive, and I simply boggle, that world didn’t exist even when I was a baby. I wished I could see Mary off in person, instead she texted me silly pics at the airport, including a very sleepy and not so happy looking Penny. Mary also sent thankfully went through security fine, she was young enough they let her go through just the metal detector.

If only I was so lucky…

Yeah, I hope it goes ok, you text me as soon as you get through in a couple weeks, ok? even if its just to scream nonsense, I get it

We texted back and forth, and I was chatting with my soon to be roommates some and I really liked them so far, and eventually Mary said, ope, thats our boarding call! I’ll talk with you in a couple hours from Denver!

I didn’t really have much to do today, and my parents were at work. I decided to just watch some tv to pass the time, and turned on reruns of something. And immediately noticed a transphobic joke. Because of course. I sighed and turned it off, and went and took a walk.

After I got back home I made some lunch and then my phone was ringing, it was a video call from Mary

HIII she squealed, we are a mile high and in Denver! Our layover’s a couple hours, so we’ve got plenty of time to get some food and such

Hi Mary I said, glad leg one is down safe

Penny said loudly, I wanta say hi!

Ok ok Mary said and aimed the camera at Penny

Hi Katie! We flew on an airplane! I’ve never done that before

Was it fun?

It was! And the captain gave me a neat pin and she showed off a set of metallic plastic wings pinned to her shirt

Neat! I never got a set of wings, I was older by the first time I flew

You should ask! they were really nice

Maybe I will I smiled

Also this airport has some really neat moving sidewalks in it, but they made me hold Mary’s hand and she stuck out her tongue

I laughed, its for your own good kiddo, I’ve even fallen over on one of those things before and Im a supposedly functioning adult

She laughed, oh! Food! and ran off camera

Mom and dad got back with some food from the food court, want to say hi before I hang up?

Nah, thats ok, go enjoy your food!

We made air kisses at each other over the phone and I didn’t want it to end but I would talk to her again later today.

I decided I should do something so I took a look at my various supply and packing lists, I had most things already that weren’t clothing, but my clothing was definitely a bit short. I wanted to go shopping but I was nervous to go by myself

I texted mom who agreed we could go to the mall after she got home from work.

In the meantime I did research, and I read a book for awhile that Mary had lent me, to be returned in a few weeks, texted with the roommates a bit more.

Mary texted me a bit before I would expect my parents home that they had landed at Oakland, and would call me when they got to the hotel.

My parents arrived home and dad decided he would stay home for this particular outing, and just eat some leftovers from the party. We headed out to the mall.

It was… different shopping with my mom. She meant well and was trying but she didn’t entirely get it. Fortunately I kind of did and was able to get things I liked and needed. I was pretty close to getting everything, but I did want something special and I told mom that I kind of wanted to have one nice dress that I could wear on a date, or to a dance or something, and that maybe I would have better luck finding it at Dress U, since Sherry had had just what I needed for coming out.

Mom agreed, and we looked at Dress U’s hours, unfortunately they closed rather early during the week, so a trip with mom was out. Mom suggested maybe I could go by myself, since Sherry seemed so nice, they had chatted a bit at the party.

I agreed but inside was nervous.

Mom also gave me one of her cards and said here, this is your budget for it, I get how having a nice dress is important for a young woman for dates and whatnot.

Thanks mom I blushed, I figured I was going to have dip in to my limited savings to get it.

We got some food at a fast food place on the way home from the mall and I took my bags up to my room to sort through.

Mary finally texted me after I got up to my room, We. are. to. the. hotel. room. finally.

Ohno, what happened? I would’ve figured you would be there hours ago?

Well… first the rental car company was out. of everything.

Wait, not a single car, van, suv, nothing?

Like one sub compact, we couldn’t even fit my bags in there, much less everyones AND us.

Did any of the other companies have any?

Yes, but only at off site locations. So that involved waiting on a shuttle, schlepping everyone and everything aboard it, waiting for it to loop to the right stop, it was the last one before returning to the airport of course, then to the kind of sketchy feeling off site, where they had… a midsize. Dad and I both sat with bags in our laps to fit everything in and Penny had her backpack at her feet and her suitcase strapped in between us.

Oh my.

And it took like an hour to get it, they had no other customers around, but it was still slow

=(, I hope thats the end of it?

I mean, kind of? we were supposed to have two rooms, a king size and two queens for the first night, we only the two queens for all nights, but we will make it work, and tomorrow I move in and we start grabbing bits of things from stores for me, so the parents will only have one night with all of us in one room. At least check in in spite of that was quick and easy

Thats good, did you get some supper

Not yet, but the hotel is right by campus and theres tons of food around, we are just going to walk to something

Ok, be safe! and I hope you find some good food

Will do, parents are talking about a thai place

ooh… thai food… 🤤

ttfn!

later, I may go to bed soon =)

kk

I didn’t stay up too much longer, we were a couple hours ahead of the west coast, and tomorrow I was going to brave Dress U by myself.

---

My parents were gone for work when I got up finally, and I texted Mary good morning and good luck today!

I managed some breakfast and did a bit of online shopping and browsing in advance of the move,

I headed out the door, thankful for good public transit because I didn’t really drive although one of the cars was at home today because dad usually took transit to work.

It took a transfer but I got within a few blocks of Dress U and enjoyed walking outside in a cute top and shorts with a bag over my shoulder. It was a quiet, nice day and I got to the store without incident

I walked in and didn’t see anyone but the door had dinged as I entered. I started looking at the racks when Sherry finally came up front

Katie! She said loudly and came over

Can I give you a hug?

I nodded, sure and hugged her back

I am so proud of you, and so happy for you, and Penny, the younger generation getting to come out earlier is so beautiful

Younger generation?

I’m trans silly, I don’t plaster it about, but those who I care about know, and I care about all of you so much!

Oh, I said, is it wrong if I said I wouldn’t have known?

She laughed, that depends on who you ask, but from you about me? Not in the least, passing is… complicated, I know some of my customers would have a problem with it, and there’s also a subset of queer people who get judgy about trans people who ever use stealth as part of survival

I looked a bit puzzled, but, how could they fault for someone for being safe, including their income?

She laughed a bit oh you sweet little cinnamon roll, queer people are all more or less traumatized, and sometimes that trauma influences negative responses towards others who are just trying to live

I looked sad, that’s kind of awful

Yeah, well, they will live how they live, and don’t let that ever prevent you from living your life how you want, and try and resist falling in to perpetuating the cycle, but also be gentle to yourself, you will mess up, heck, I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life.

She immediately changed her face to a big smile and held me by the shoulders, so, what brings you in to my store today precious?

I uh, I need a nice dress for dates or dances or whatever

Ooh, and anyone in particular mind for the dates yet? She winked at me

I stammered, y..yes, Mary and blushed deeply

Haha, I should’ve known. Mary is really sweet, and you clearly got on well at the party, I’m so happy for both of you and Sherry gave me a big smile.

Special occasion dress then! Let’s take a look

Eventually we found a dark grey heavy silk sleeveless dress, which from the front was fairly boring, the neck line was very modest, but in the back the straps crossed across the back, and it was quite stylish. The dress had a natural waist and flared nicely on its own, and was slightly asymmetrical.

And it’s got pockets, Sherry announced proudly, everything I carry does

She again took some measurements and notes after I had announced it was perfect, and insisted on doing some slight adjustments, and that I could pick it up sometime next week.

This time I insisted on paying, although I gladly accepted her 15% discount that she said she reserved for trans girls and she said the alterations were free. It was under budget enough I decided I could also get some shoes to go with it.

Sherry hugged me again before I left and said, you are two lucky girls and I hope that dress sees some wonderful dates

Thank you again Sherry, and let me know when the dress is ready

I will she said and smiled as I left.

I decided since that hadn’t taken too long to hop back on the bus over to the mall, got some teriyaki chicken at the food court, then just wandered around, enjoying being myself out on my own.

A few heads turned as I passed but I think from the faces I saw that it was just ‘hey it’s a pretty girl’ and it helped my confidence a lot.

I wandered in to a department store shoe department and found some very fetching, and surprisingly comfortable wedges that would go beautifully with my dress

I got them and carried them in a bag home on the bus.

When mom got home I showed her a picture I had Sherry take

Oh sweetie, it’s lovely, and I know Mary will love you in it

I blushed, thanks mom, we haven’t really talked about her yet have we?

I mean, you like her, and she likes you, and we’ve known her her whole life, there’s not tons to say, is it an adjustment for us? Sure, but that’s mostly because we were so used to seeing you lonely, and now you are this happy confident young woman and we are so happy for you, and her and mom smiled and offered me a hug which I gladly accepted

It was weird, I had never been big on hugs before, but I really did enjoy them

We are a quiet supper at home together, and Mary texted she had moved in more or less and showed me a picture of her room, a relatively typical dorm room, a couple beds, a couple desks and chairs and the chaos of moving in, and also some selfies of Mary in it

I responded I had a nice day and visited Sherry again for another dress

Mary sent me OMG! What did you get?? Show me!

On our date, it’s going to be a surprise 😉

Hrmmmph, fine 😝

We chatted for a bit, but then her parents arrived back with another load of locally purchased things to unload.

I checked in with the group chat for a bit and then just kind of drifted off in to some tv, which fortunately didn’t have transphobia, at least in the episode I watched

I drifted off to sleep after that and had rather pleasant dreams of Mary and our first date in my imagination’s version of San Francisco

The next two weeks weren’t really significantly notable for the most part. I kept reading new things, and chatting with Mary about her classes and how things were going. We did have dinner with my parents families, at least the ones who were local. They didn’t meet me unawares, I had written a post on social media and my parents shared it with most of the family.

Reaction was by no means perfect, but they meant well and all of them listened when they were told something they said was hurtful. None of them referred to me by my deadname.

This was 2 weeks since I had come out to my parents, and the last day I too spent packing and triple checking all the arrangements, and not an inconsiderable amount of texting and video chatting with Mary, I was so excited and nervous.

My soon to be roommates had shared tips on going through security, and I hoped they helped. My parents did convince me to contact Bob who also offered advice, and promised to look up some information on name changes but said that regardless there was no way to do that in the time available. I knew that of course but it was still hard to hear.

---

I couldn’t actually sleep the night before, I was a zombie as I got out of bed and got ready for a day of potential pitfalls.

Mom said hi sweetie, couldn’t sleep?

I nodded and ate some breakfast in silence.

I had decided on plausible deniability on the trip, a pair of skinny but comfy jeans, a v-neck, girls cut graphic-T, but no bra, at least going through security. The little fascist agent saw me and got a stupid look on his face as he saw my ID vs me, but he thankfully didn’t say anything.

At the dreaded body scanners I am pretty sure they hit the reductive bullshit blue for boys button and no alarms went off thankfully, although I was tucked.

I retrieved my backpack and carry on which I’m sure also raised some eyebrows, I had a bra and my pads in my backpack I was carrying on, and slipped in to a gender neutral single stall restroom while my parents waited, and I took a moment to put on some lip gloss and fluff my hair a bit before heading to the gate.

Well that went ok my dad said, as well as it could anyways, and quieter those scanners are just useless and crappy and he gave me a one armed hug as we walked.

I got out my phone and texted Mary a before and after bathroom mirror selfie and said, success! I fooled them all

Hooray! So glad it went ok she replied

We got seated at the gate and proceeded to wait, security had been quick but you honestly never know so we were there quite early. I played games on my phone and listened to music.

Boarding time finally arrived, and I took my headphones out, and handed my ticket to the agent who looked at me, my ticket, and my id and shrugged and said have a nice flight ma’am,

I was grinning huge all the way down the jetway. Boarding was its usual annoying process, and I quickly texted Mary we were on board and I would text her when we landed in Denver.

The flight was smooth, although the landing the pilots were clearly navy pilots and liked a good solid landing. It woke me up from my nap, oh are we here? I said sleepily

My mom laughed, window seat and slept the whole time, silly girl.

I got out my phone and waited for it to connect in this distant from home place. As soon as it had I texted Mary, made it to Denver safe and sound!

Yay! One step closer to being back together again Katie 😸

We pulled up to the gate and had to run, our layover to SFO was effectively non existent, we made it to the gate after boarding had already begun, I was unsure if our checked luggage would make it. The agent said Ticket, miss? and just waved me on without a second glance, and I again grinned all the way down the jetway.

I texted Mary, we made it somehow, those moving sidewalks helped a lot 😹

The flight actually sat at the gate longer than expected, something about double checking something. Which fair, rather they check and take time than crash or something

When we eventually pushed from the gate there was a cheer from the assembled passengers

This time I didn’t sleep, flying over mountains was interesting, and the approach in to SFO was pretty breath taking, I was here, this was happening, I’m going to be a girl AND a mechanical engineer and design trains I thought.

I texted Mary as soon as we were on the ground and we video chatted a bit while we waited on our luggage, which thankfully had made it.

We had kind of the opposite problem to the Parishes a couple weeks prior, while there was a car, we had rented a car and wound up with a massive waste of space and gas. Our bags filled only half of the space behind the seats, and dad somehow navigated us to our hotel across from campus, although we did get briefly lost after taking the wrong exit, we managed it in the end.

I texted Mary, and I chatted with her, and in the group chat for a bit, I was here earlier than most of them by a couple days because I was an incoming student.

We walked to a nearby ramen shop and came back a bit over full, but happy and tired. I checked for the thousandth time the schedule for tomorrow, and then collapsed on the sofa sleeper in our mini suite and fell fast asleep, in spite of the nearly nonexistent mattress.

---

I woke a bit later than I intended, but mom and dad had already been down to the breakfast room and gotten me some bacon, eggs, oatmeal, and OJ,

Thank you

You’re welcome dear! And eat up, we can go get more if you want, Im sure todays going to be exhausting.

We decided we would walk to campus for the initial part since it was only a few blocks away, and bring my bags over later.

I got dressed, in that first purple dress again, with the headband, and my tennis shoes, and brushed my hair and did my makeup real quick.

The walk was pleasant, it was warm but not hot.

As we approached campus I made sure my bearings were right, not that we really needed it, there were huge signs everywhere directing incoming freshman where to go. We followed them to a check in table, where they pulled up my record, which displayed my name as Katie, and said oh, just a moment and someone will come help you, your file has a note in it its to be handled properly by the right person.

She turned around in her seat at the table and looked, ah, there he is, Cameron she called and waved.

Cameron turned around and looked, and said Oh! and came right over.

Hello you must be Katie he said, and Mr and Mrs Campbell, so lovely to see you all here! And Katie that dress is wonderful, and sensible shoes for today, theres going to be a LOT of walking. The nice clerk got up and let him take over real quick as he double checked the packet she had started preparing. Everything looks good here Katie, and if you will follow me, I’ll have, uh, Frank, Frank! come over here he called, take you to see your room. I’ll be running a tour group starting at 11:15, and you and your parents are welcome to join us, theres other tour groups, but I make sure my content has specific information for LGBT students on campus, things and resources to be aware of, etc.

Frank came over and said hello, we introduced ourselves, and Cameron handed over my packet. Frank had us stop by the student ID booth, and I got a photo taken real quick, and in mere moments had a fancy ID card, with Katie, and my photo and everything and I would probably have just kept looking at it but Frank insisted we needed to get over to the house.

Frank lead us across campus, and to a row of houses, one of which was the one I had been shown a picture of, and we went up the front porch and Frank knocked, and out came Leslie, who I had been chatting with.

Oh Hi Katie! Was wondering when you would get in! And you must be Katies parents she said

Yup, thats us my mom said.

Leslie lead me upstairs and to a room, and this room is yours, and Billy’s, shared bath, but we have a couple stalls and showers so its usually not too bad around here. She showed us the rest of the house, the living room and kitchen were common, but we also had cafeteria access.

After that we were left up in my room, with a house and room key, and my parents were clearly looking a bit shocked

Honey is this ok? I thought you would be in a dorm or something?

And I hate to be that dad, but what does this cost? I mean, surely it’s more than being in one of the dorms right?

Oh, I forgot to tell you about this I guess… anyways… Cameron said its covered under a grant from an alumni who’s trans and wanted to be sure we had better, safer friendlier housing than being in the dorms, so… its actually cheaper.

Oh, wow, and how did you get in on such short notice?

That… Im not entirely clear on, I was shocked, but the roommates seem wonderful, and so does Leslie, and I’ve been chatting with them for 2 weeks now

Ok sweetie, it really is a nice place. My parents looked at their watches

Hrm, enough time to get the bags over here before the tour? mom asked

Just I think, dad said, if we hustle a bit.

We hustled, and it wasn’t quite enough, but we were only a minute late, and Cameron was still introducing himself and he saw us join the back of the group and laughed, and everyone give a big round of applause for our late arrivals.

I blushed and waved and my parents started quietly greeting the other parents at the back while I shuffled to the front with the other students.

It was a varied group, and I was not the only trans femme in the group and I waved and she smiled back

Cameron lead us on a tour, being sure to point out various services and facilities, including the building where one of the queer groups met up, and also medical services, and that right close by was the med school campus and a full service hospital just in case. We passed the campus security office, and Cameron didn’t try to hide his disgust.

Ok, so, I know what you’re probably all thinking, Im going to try and convince you the campus is 100% safe, and well, no, it simply isn’t. You’ve all seen the news stories, Im not going to try and lie to you that there are risks here, but also, there are risks everywhere, and I feel like this campus is safer than most in spite of an extremely high profile example to the contrary. I feel it has gotten somewhat better as a result, but, because the world, here and elsewhere can be scary, especially for LGBT people, there are pamphlets included in every kids and guardian packet that outline some tips, and also, there are free, inclusive, safe self defense classes that we offer

The parents were appreciative of being treated as if they had a brain and weren’t completely ignorant, my fellow incoming students were perhaps less impressed, but I had already been talk with my roommates about the things they did that seemed to work for them.

Cameron ended the tour outside the student center, and wished us all luck in moving in. As he was walking back to the reception area, he turned and came over to us, Hello Campbells

Hi Cameron, what’s up? I said

So, I wanted to take you all to the side and share a bit about why you were able to get that slot last moment

I am really curious, surely there was a waiting list? And why did a spot happen to open up?

So there wasn’t a waiting list, not for the room you are in anyways, we do a good job matching people well before the semester starts and making sure they have a place. As for the spot… it was my spot actually, my boyfriend lives off campus and had just asked me to move in. And the house rules are a bit different, I get to will my spot as a senior, and I chose to let it go to you. Well, technically I willed my individual room to Leslie, and she gave her space with Bobby to you.

My dad asked, is that why the grant?

Cameron said yeah, that whole house is actually owned by the alumni who runs it, and I did check with her first, it’s all setup and official

Oh. Wow, I don’t think I can thank you enough Cameron, I said blushing, can I hug you?

Cameron said come here, and we hugged in the middle of a crowd of people coming and going every way

My dad insisted on shaking hands and mom hugged Cameron too

Oh and I think Leslie was planning a get to know you lunch, she knows you were with my tour group so she won’t think your late or anything

Thank you again Cameron I called as he headed back

We turned around and headed back towards my place, and we walked in and Leslie and Bobby were there, as was Bobby’s parents, and we had a nice time together eating sandwiches and chips and some really good casserole side of indeterminate ingredients, but Leslie assured us it was safe for all present as Bobby had an onion allergy and she had already checked with me in the last couple weeks about my and my families allergies.

So, hi, yes, I’m a lesbian named Leslie and I’m the ‘head’ of house this year, and yes if you’ve heard some about how this works it might sound a bit… fraternity/sorority-ish but I guarantee we are not like that, this is a loving and caring house, and your kids will have a great time here and meet some really amazing people and learn so much.

Now I know this isn’t a traditional dorm, and I’m not an RA really, but I fill much the same purpose, Bobby and Katie, here’s a pair of packets I put together, the house rules and we can go over those, mostly just don’t be a racist bigoted jerk, and, if we call you in about something you did, just learn and improve. It’s also got a roommate agreement form to fill out from campus housing, basically just expectations and boundaries, have a good honest talk about it with each other after your parents go back to their hotels tonight, it’s a bit rare we have two freshman coming in, last time was me and Cameron, and we were roomies and we survived

Bobby and I looked at each other and grinned, I promise not to murder you I said laughing

Right back atcha Katie, Bobby retorted

Leslie intervened, anyways, I’m glad you two seem to be getting along, BUT, there will be habits one of you has the other finds annoying and vice versa. I hate Cameron picking at his toe nails. He’s my best friend now, but there was quite a verbal row about it one night early in our first fall quarter, and the head of house back then stepped in and got us to calm down and talk like the adults we supposedly were becoming, and I’ll be here to do that, but I would prefer it if you could try to talk like adults, and if needed get me involved before it becomes a screaming match.

Yes ma’am I said

Will do my best Bobby said

Ok, now, we’ve got most of the afternoon left and I’m sure you two want to move in, and maybe get some things you forgot or intentionally came without because getting them here was a pain, I’ll leave you to it.

I told my parents to stay here and I would be right back and went with Bobby to our room,

I pulled out the list of things I’d been thinking, and Bobby pulled out theirs, and we started going down them and looking at the room, and divided who would be getting what, and then we headed back down to our parents in the living room

All set my dad asked? Yup, we’ve got a list and split it up… and I think we may need to make a flat pack furniture trip in addition to a bullseye…

Oh sure, at least we have that behemoth for hauling whatever dad laughed, I take it there’s one close by?

Really close, yeah, 20 minutes

We better get going my mom said, I bet it will be quite busy with incoming students all doing the same thing…

Bobby and their parents had already left, and we headed back to our hotel to retrieve the massively oversized vehicle.

Mom was quite right, Ikea was quite packed, and picked through, but I got what I was after, some storage things, a few decorative items, a lamp.

From Target we got a rug, some sheets and towels that were too bulky to pack, and a TV, Bobby had a game system with them and I had my streaming box with me from home, and Bobby also got us a mini fridge

We didn’t bother with a microwave since the house had a pretty decent kitchen, but I also grabbed a pack of cheap cups and a small amount of dishes/silverware just in case I wanted to not go to the kitchen at all for a snack from the mini fridge.

We had gotten the things we were after there and unpacked and the detritus taken to the recycle and trash bins, it was a bit later than intended, but we decided that the 6 of us would go out and have a nice meal before the parents returned to their respective hotels.

I texted pics of the room and house to Mary while we walked to the restaurant, and selfies of me and my roommate

OMG it’s so cute, and fancy! A room in a house! How did that happen?

I had flipped through the house rules, there was no secret society shit in it so I just told her what Cameron had told us

Oh wow, that’s so nice of him, remind me to hug him if we ever meet for taking care of my girlfriend

Girlfriend? Are we making it official??

Lol, yes, I am, we are girlfriends if you want to be, and I can’t wait to go on a proper date with you, I’ve already figured out how I get downtown, and I think how you do as well… some of the places I know are out in the Inner Richmond though and that’s a pain to get to by transit from anywhere else… but all the best touristy stuff is accessible from downtown at least

thats great =), we are got to the restaurant finally and I should probably try and be present or whatever

kk, talk with you later Katie cat =)

I put my phone away as we were seated at the korean place we had decided on, and we started looking through the menu. Bobby knew just what to order though and we got to use the grill in the middle of the table to cook the thinly sliced meat, and it was all so good.

Our parents walked back with us, because the rentals were parked near the house at the moment.

We got back to the house and the parents gave us hugs and kisses, promises to call were exchanged, and I may have started crying, they had only just gotten to meet me and now I was off, over a thousand miles from home, and then Bobby and I went up to our room, to start our college life.

My parents were flying out tomorrow, and Bobby’s were taking the Coast Starlight home, celebrating their nest being empty with a leisurely trip.

Bobby and I hashed out an agreement and signed each others copies to file away, the kinds of things we agreed we could and couldn’t do. I told them about my girlfriend, and that she was at Berkeley, and they looked sad because their high school partner had gone up to UW… and then it was late and I was tired and I just lay there and fell easily to sleep. I had walked farther today I think than I had any time in the past several years at least.

---

The week was not as busy as I expected, classes didn’t start for a week, but a few days later the house was full when the returning students arrived back.

Bobby and I both wound up talking to the health services people about getting on hormones and started that process, and Mary had been quite correct, Stanford had some pretty decent doctors for that, and while I wasn’t on them yet, I had an appointment scheduled, and the bloodwork had already been put in and I did my blood draw. I wasn’t big on doctors, or blood draws, but… I knew this was the requirement to get what I needed, and I put up with it.

And then it was Saturday, and I was going on my date with Mary, she had given me directions on where to meet her.

I got up a bit late, got some breakfast in me, and managed to get showered and shaved, and I sat down in my room and pulled out a mirror and some makeup and I was a lot better at it and managed a decent look for both day time and evening

I got dressed, brushed out my hair, put on my dress, and shoes, and got compliments from everyone who was around downstairs when I headed downstairs

We had agreed to meet up for lunch, so I had to get going.

Took a campus shuttle over to the CalTrain station, and waited on my train, I had managed to figure out setting up a transit card on my phone and while I wasn’t familiar with the system out here entirely, I was used to transit in general and got myself tapped in to take the train.

I got on an SF bound train, it was not crowded being late in the morning on a weekend, and I watched out the window as we passed by the various cities on our way, and barely remembered in time Mary had said I should transfer at Millbrae to BART. I got off and managed to navigate my way to the BART platform and hopped on a train towards SF

I was surprised it was quite a nice, new train, and quiet. We passed a number of stops, went in to and back out of a tunnel and back in again. The rows of houses on the hills was truly delightful to see on a nice sunny day.

The train pulled in to Powell Street and I hopped off the train, which had gotten somewhat crowded on its way in to the city,

I managed to get a bit turned around under ground and came out on the opposite side of Market from the Powell Street cable car turn table where we were going to meet up.

I saw her, her back turned, looking at the BART exit I should’ve come out of, and looking at her phone and mumbling to herself. She was wearing a red sundress and perhaps more sensible flat sandals.

I was going to try and sneak up on her and tap her on the shoulder but she sensed me some how and turned around and smiled at me, Katie! she shouted and ran over and hugged me

Hiya I said,

Hiya! You ok kissing in public? she asked quietly

I blushed, and nodded, yes, and she reached up and kissed me, right there next to the cable cars waiting passengers.

We got in line as she wanted to eat lunch up at Fishermans Wharf, the wait wasn’t terrible, but it was made a bit longer by her insistence I had to ride on the footboard at least once.

We rode the cable car to the end of the line and she insisted on taking multiple pictures of me on the side step and I will admit it was quite exhilarating to feel the wind swirl around me as we went up and down the hills.

We walked the length of Fishermans wharf, taking time to look at the ships, and stopped to laugh at the sea lions. We decided on fish and chips from a restaurant, and yes, it was touristy, and maybe a touch over priced for what it was, but it was with Mary, so I didn’t really care.

Mary said she had something special planned for this evening, but for now she just wanted to walk and talk, and we walked along by the Embarcadaro clear to the Ferry Building, stopping to take pictures of art, the bay, the skylyine, etc, including an incredible selfie on Pier 7 with the bridge in the background. We hadn’t walked fast, and it was now the middle of the afternoon, we hopped on the historic market street railway, and away we went.

It was fascinating riding on these old cars, and ultimately we came to the end of the line for the F Market Street, the Castro, a place i had heard of, seen pictures and videos of. The pride flags were wonderful to see, and so many queer people just out enjoying life.

We ate a wonderful supper, and she had gotten us tickets to a show at the Castro Theater, and the opening act was We Are the Union, and I just squealed in delight. I had never had this much fun before on a single day. I was exhausted by the end of it, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to trek back down to Stanford tonight, and the train back would be slow.

And then, she sprung on me she had gotten us a hotel room, and that while it was our first date, and she absolutely did not have any expectations beyond sleep, it would be good to spend some time together, without parents or roommates, without a video screen between us or public eyes, just us.

I blushed and nodded, and followed her to the hotel, which wasn’t far. It was an odd place, but Mary assured me most hotels in SF proper were odd. It had its own bathroom, and AC, which she said was a step up from a lot of them!

We didn’t have sex, but, we did kiss a fair bit, and we explored each others bodies some, and we talked, about plans, dreams, hopes, fears.

It may sound boring to someone who was expecting something spicier, but I couldn’t have been happier with how it went, neither could Mary, we wandered around in the morning, and got some brunch, before getting on the T line (and yes I did giggle quite a lot at that) and Mary and I got off at Powell to transfer to BART, with her heading towards Berkeley and me heading towards Stanford. We hugged right there in the middle of the platform for quite awhile, in fact one train went by for me before we broke the hug, she insisted on waiting with me til my next train, causing her to miss two of hers. I boarded and waved, and blew her a kiss as the train pulled out.

I got off at the end of the line, and walked over to the CalTrain platform, and then got on a train going South, texting with Mary the whole time.

I got off at Palo Alto for Stanford, and hopped the shuttle back to campus. I let Mary know I had made it home safe, and entered the house, to more than a few wolf whistles.

Blushing very hard, I said ITS NOT LIKE THAT.

Whatever you did is between you two Leslie said sagely from the couch, and then asked, Did you have a good time?

I smiled and said quietly, the best.

Care to share any details?

Maybe in a bit, I need to get changed and cleaned up first.

I went upstairs, and got changed in to comfier clothes, and took a quick shower to rinse off, and went back downstairs.

I shared some details, showed some photos, I had already asked Mary’s permission and she had already posted some with mine on social media for our families to see.

We had a nice quiet evening of relaxing, ate a nice meal together as a house, and talked some about the coming term. Before bed I made sure I triple checked my schedule for tomorrow and that I had all the right materials for them and collapsed in bed and slept more than a touch too soundly.

Waking up the next day, I only just made it to class in time, where I was just one of a bunch of bleary eyed freshman in Calculus.

---

With that, Im going to wrap this tale up, Mary and I dated all through college, and we accidentally proposed to each other at the same time. She went on to medical school at UCSF, and did her residency at my old stomping ground in Stanford. I work from home for a firm designing new transit systems for the Bay Area. The second transbay tube is, well, still largely a dream, but one thats getting closer. Preliminary work on actual designs have begun, the south bay is still fighting about their BART extension, which has gone wrong at every turn.

We are getting formally married at the Palace of Fine Arts in a few months, and all of the family are coming, I have my dress already chosen and it is gorgeous, and no, Mary wont see it til Im walking down the aisle, nor I hers. Penny is going to be Mary’s maid of honor, and Bobby is going to be my person of honor (name still being workshopped). Our life is both traditional and not. I did wind up taking the doctors up on saving sperm a long time ago, and we are discussing using it, although maybe not right away.

We have been living together since the year after undergrad, and while we thought about getting married sooner, it wasn’t a big deal, but Mary just finished her residency and will be starting as an internal medicine doctor at a hospital here in SF, specializing in primary care for trans people, and the timing finally felt right.

I’m no longer that kid on the outside looking in, barely daring to dream, much less to hope I could ever have this kind of life.