This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

This is a work of fiction, any resemblance to real people or places is purely coincidence. Content warnings for societal abuse of a trans child, up to and including death threats, doxxing, and national media attention. Also both unintentional and contextual misgendering.

It was the first day of my junior year. I was effectively a nobody, with hundreds of kids in my grade alone, it was easy to fade away to nothing. I ate alone. I walked to class alone. I was alone. I mean, I had kind of always been alone.

In grade school I had ‘friends’, aka class sizes were smaller and large group participation was more the norm and expectation, I went to their birthdays and they came to mine. But that faded, by third grade just a few would come and no one invited me to theirs. I don’t really know why, people just kind of drifted away and I never fought it.

By middle school, with larger classes and grades, I was already merely a name on the roll sheet. My homeroom teachers knew who I was and would greet me. I got good, but not great grades, enough no one ever complained or praised. My home life was boring. I have an older sister, but we didn’t really click either, and we mostly just did our own things. She had friends, but they too ignored me.

By high school, I doubt even my homeroom teachers teachers would’ve been able to pick me out of a lineup of my peers. I didn’t do extra curriculars, no sports, no drama, no geek clubs. I went to school, I came home, I did my homework, and repeated it all.

I was on autopilot, although sometimes it got to me, I was in a rotten mood that day. I didn’t want to be there. I was tired of it. The faded grey existence. It was hard mustering the energy to even get basic school supplies picked out, and clothing? I didn’t care. At all. I had jeans and dress code acceptable t-shirts that fulfilled the societal expectation of ‘people wear clothing’. That was it.

I had picked out a socially ignorable mid way to the back, slightly off center seat. Not close enough to be noticed by the teacher much, not so far back as to be considered one of the rebels sitting in the back.

The bell rang. Homeroom started. The other kids were still a bit hyper coming off summer break, the teacher managed to get people settled and started taking roll and handed a syllabus sheet to pass around. I grunted out a minimally interesting ‘present’ when my name was called and went back to my own thoughts. And then she walked in, just as roll call finished. I didn’t know her, I admit I didn’t pay tons of attention to my fellow inmates of the school system but Im pretty sure I would’ve noticed her.

She was, in a word, eye catching. Pretty in indescribable ways. I felt drawn to her like I had never felt drawn to anything, or anyone ever.

She handed a slip to the teacher, who took it with a raised eyebrow.

Class, we have a transfer student. Her name is Ellie, and she will be joining us here at South High this year. Please welcome her.

There was a chorus of hello’s, welcomes, hi! and etc from all genders in the room. I didn’t say anything, just turned my head back to the syllabus that had made its way around to me finally. She walked back and wound up sitting down… right next to me… somehow in my haze I hadn’t noticed the only open seat in the room left was right next to mine.

She sat her bag down, and I glanced and saw a weird patch stitched on it, pink, blue, and white, huh, not seen that before, but it looked like a flag. I shoved it away from my mind and went back to the piece of paper while the teacher droned on about its contents.

Eventually the bell rang, and I was off to my next class. And I didn’t see her again til the end of the day, we were both in the same chemistry section, and that teacher had weird ideas about assigning seats and partners. We didn’t get to pick. At a guess, the teacher knew of me vaguely, and knew I was a loner, and decided to pair the new girl and me together. For laughs or something probably.

I hated lab partner requiring classes or group work, it’s not that I couldn’t. I of course still knew vaguely how to interact with people, and I would never not pull my weight, but its just frustrating.

Hi, Im Ellie she introduced herself, cheerfully, and after a moments glance my way her eyes went wide. Oh, you’re in my homeroom! I sat next to you.

I mumbled out yeah, thats me, name’s Bill

please to meetcha Bill she said, sticking out her hand to me.

I sat there looking dumbfounded, I cant recall the last time someone did it to me, I kind of gaped a bit and she noticed and quietly giggled.

The quiet loner type, eh? Nothing wrong with that! and retracted her hand

Im not a loner, just alone I said quietly before I realized it had slipped out.

She looked at me, not with pity, but with empathy. Oh! Thats ok, I was alone too. for a long time

I was making the gaping a bit o a habit, I started to stumble out ‘but how coul…’ when the teacher shouted, Enough chitchat everyone! interrupting all the still hyper from summer students You will have all semester to get to know your lab partner, for now we need to go over the syllabus and give out an intro assignment so I can get an idea of where we are starting from.

Ellie however had other ideas, and quickly started writing something, I thought it might be notes, although we had the sheet of info right in front of us. We were the next to the last row, and the teacher was facing the blackboard scribbling things. I couldn’t pay attention, which was not per se, unusual, but usually there was at least a background process running in my brain and paying some attention, this time I was nearly completely gone.

Suddenly I realized she was quietly poking me with a finger beneath the desk and I saw her slide the paper in front of me.

Want to chat after school (circle one!)? y n

It was the dorkiest thing I had seen, here we were juniors in high school, passing notes with ‘yes/no’ answers like we were 5th graders. I looked at her, and she nodded encouragement.

I looked at her and the paper a couple more times, circled yes and her face just lit up like a lightbulb, Im surprised she didn’t squeal with joy she looked so happy. I on the other hand was deeply confused.

The teacher droned on, did a brief demonstration of the type of lab stuff we would be doing, that got the attention of the class a bit better, then handed out an assignment with a bunch of multi choice questions right as the bell rang ending the day. I stuffed it in my folder for the class along with the syllabus, jammed everything in my bag, and started to quietly leave as usual, when I felt the gentlest grab of my arm coming from the side Ellie was on

Do you still want to chat? she asked

I turned and looked at her and, uh, sure, I guess? about what?

About me? School? Life the universe and everything?

My brain on autopilot said forty two

She giggled, hah, hooray, you understood the reference

I weakly smiled, uh yeah, I read a lot, and I like Scifi I guess

She was somehow guiding me without touching me in the direction of the lockers. Lockers for our school tended to be grouped roughly by homeroom, so it wasn’t too big a surprise when her locker was, well, not right next to, but only a couple down from mine

So, who’s your favorite author?

Heinlein? His juveniles anyways, they were what got me in to the genre

Ooh, a fan of the classics! My favorites are mostly graphic novels, but I’ve read a bit of everything. So, any interest in joining me at a club this afternoon? I saw a poster for it in the hallway this morning

I don’t know, I take the bus home

Oh thats fine! I’ve got a car, can give you a lift

I hesitated

She laughed, Im not an axe murderer, but I understand, another time? It’s not for 15 minutes though and the buses don’t leave half an hour? Maybe just come see the group? Im new here and I might hate it also and split out early too.

I stopped, this was too much, I was not this person, I was not chatty, I was not friends with anyone.

Ellie, I uh, thanks, but no, and I don’t know why you are chatting with me, no one ever does.

Silly, its cause you’re cute, and I saw you notice the flag on my bag at homeroom.

Oh that, I don’t even know what it is, it was just interesting, geography is a decent subject and I’ve not seen that flag before.

Hrmm… maybe I believe you… you did look at it, or me every time you thought I wouldn’t notice… but really, why not be friends with me?

Because Im not friends with anyone, and never really have been

No Friends? That sounds awful…

I survive, its what I do, I can do it on my own

So look, come with me to the group today, and if you hate it, you can split right away, and forget I ever talked to you, and we can be just lab partners. Deal? She again stuck out her hand

I looked at her weighing my options, I was alone, it was hard, I wanted a friend but I knew how this went.

I took her hand and said deal, if I don’t like it, Im gone and you and I will just be lab partners.

She guided me inexpertly through the corridors to a music room, getting there not too long before the appointed time, and there were people already inside, putting up various decorations. Rainbows and flags and a big sign that read GSA

I hesitated at the door, and she tugged on me gently, come on, this will be fun

I relented and followed her in to the room, a senior I was vaguely aware of greeted us loudly, HI! Welcome! Im Colin! Are you interested in joining us this year?

I asked guardedly, what is this? GSA?

Gender and Sexuality Alliance! We do a bunch of fundraisers and awareness stuff around LGBT rights, and act as a support group for LGBT students!

I must have a terrible look on my face, Colin looked at me questioningly, did you not know? I mumbled, I came because Ellie asked me to. Colin turned to Ellie and said oh, hey! I thought I recognized you! Ellie Winters right?

It was Ellie’s turn to look surprised. Uh yup, thats me…

We’re honored, hey everyone! It’s Ellie Winters! And everyone gathered around in a gaggle and I was looking even more confused, but also Ellie was looking really nervous and I don’t know why but I loudly said, hey, back off, she’s nervous about being here.

Wait, YOU are nervous to be here? one of the kids asked.

I just wanted a quieter rest of my high school, but also I know I will miss out on having community, so I thought I would come here, I knew it was a mistake, its the real reason I asked you to join me, and she turned around to head out. It’s ok, you can just be my lab partner.

Colin said wait, sorry, everyone it’s ok, go back to decorating but she was already out the door. Colin started to go after her but I blocked him, no, Ill go.

I ran out and looked around and managed to find her, crying, sitting in the corner of a hallway trying to look as small as possible.

Hey, uh, this isn’t usually my thing, and I don’t really know what Im doing, but what was that about?

I’m famous, sort of, when I came out a couple years ago waves got made, the school and the parents and the board and everyone fought horribly about it. First I could then couldn’t use the right bathroom, then they wouldn’t let me compete in well, anything. Kids were terrible, it made the national ‘news’. We fought court battles, we won, but it was so very hard on me. My parents eventually moved us to the other side of the country, we were hoping to go to some place more accepting.

I blinked, I was not really well read on these topics, wait, ‘coming out?’ like, as in, you’re gay? she laughed at that, like, a loud, crying laugh.

Hah, yes, that too, but I’m trans silly, thats the part that gets people most riled up

I blinked, whats that?

She stared at me, are you really this sheltered? Do you read nothing about news, or any books written recently?

I looked at the floor and sat down next to her, yup, thats me, sheltered, friendless

Im a girl, who people mistook for a boy when I was born.

things clicked in my head, bits of overheard things, snatches of things I didn’t really pay attention to. Oh I said quietly, well thats fine I guess, you are you. What happened at the previous school sounds awful.

It, it wasn’t fun, and being here has been wonderful, this summer was much easier, everyone has been nice, neighbors, parents coworkers, etc, and today was going really well, and I met you

I still say Im nobody, but Im glad its been going well so far, and Im sure that the people at the group weren’t thinking about it, do you want to try again?

hah, what? I mean, you were the one who didn’t want to go

I mean, I don’t really get this stuff, it’s not something I know anything about, but, I get being alone. It’s, it’s not fun at all.

She sniffed, wiped her nose, got up, dusted herself off, and said right, ok, let’s try this again. I stood and followed her back. I entered the room with maybe a bit of a scowl on my face, and Colin immediately came over and started apologizing

On behalf of everyone, we want to apologize, we are supposed to be here to help support, not to fawn over our members. If you want to give us another shot, I swear its a really good group of kids,

She smiled and said thank you Colin, all is forgiven, I just want to be Ellie here, not Ellie Winters if that’s ok

That is perfectly fine and absolutely understandable, and your friend is?

Well I don’t know if he will say he’s my friend yet, but he is my friend, and his name is Bill

Welcome Bill!

Colin and others proceeded to talk about the group, there were some other new kids there, three or four freshman, but also a senior, another junior and a couple sophomores.

I stayed for the whole time, I learned some bits and pieces, and was actually interested in a topic for the first time in awhile.

Ellie stuck to her word, and gave me a lift home, it turned out we didn’t live too far from each other, and could carpool if needed sometimes. Also I told her that she was my friend too, the first in at least a long time, if ever.

Upon arriving at home my parents asked why I was late, and I said someone invited me to a thing after school and she gave me a lift home. I could almost hear their eyebrows shoot up from the other room when they answered back in unison that’s nice dear

---

Is it my turn now? Ok, reader this is Ellie, and it’s time to write a bit of my side, then back to Bill and so on.

I insisted, in fact, that we carpool the very next morning.

I arrived outside his place and beeped my horn loud and he came rushing out, his mom appeared at the door and waved and grinned at me while his back was to her.

MORNING! I said loudly and cheerfully

Morning he mumbled in reply, his eyes still half closed. You are one of those people aren’t you?

A morning person? YUP! And I take it you are not?

During breaks I gravitate towards being up til midnight or later and sleeping in til 10am at least and even then it’s slow to wake up

Well for your sake I’ll try to turn the cheer dial down a few notches

Thank you… so why were you so insistent at me riding with you today?

Because I want to get to know you better, and yesterday you were really quiet and lost in thought. May I ask what you were thinking about?

Just stuff, homework, how to get a peppy girl to leave me alone.

Haha, fair. But you seemed awfully lost in thought for that and acquiesced to carpooling today really easily

I just… haven’t been around many LBGT people before, I don’t really know much about them, I don’t have any thing against them, it’s just not something that comes up much in the stuff I read or watch and my parents never talk about it.

That’s ok, we all have to start learning somewhere!

I mean, people are people, what difference to me does it make who they love or what gender they are. Not like any of that affects me. I barely understand the concept as it is.

What? Love? Gender?

Yeah, both of those.

Well I can give you some books that might help you understand both of those better, I have quite a lot around from when I was trying to understand myself

I… I might like that… I tried to read online some last night but I kept seeing really conflicting stuff out there

It’s a deal then! I’ll have a stack of them for you tomorrow! We were stopped at a light and she turned to grin at me, So, did you look me up online?

I blushed, uh, no, after yesterday I didn’t figure it would be good to do that. You deserve the quiet life you want and you can’t get that if I go snooping…

Well thank you, but it’s ok, just know a lot of it is really hateful, I can also include a clipping of the like, one positive article from the start of it all

Oh, ok. Sure. Thanks. You mentioned something about sports? That came up in a couple searches and people seemed so hateful I just closed them immediately. Also you don’t really seem the athlete type?

Yeah… there’s a lot of hate about it at the moment, well, always but amplified even more so. Anyways, yeah, I wanted to be on the gymnastics team, but I hate the guys events. The coach was fine, all but one of the team was fine, the admin was fine initially, but the school board, PTA, and state legislature had other ideas. It’s not like the school was competitive, and I was never going to make the Olympics or anything, it was just fun for me and the other girls.

That sounds awful… also I like gymnastics, it’s one of the few olympic events I actually watch, along with figure skating, they are just so different from most of them, and more or less individuals, not teams

The feeling of air rushing by me as I leap about on the apparatus is amazing, it’s just so amazing.

I could never do it though.

Oh? Why’s that? You seem like you aren’t in terrible shape?

That’s just luck of a faster metabolism, no, I’m inflexible…

I’ll say I interjected and giggled

He glared at me hey… anyways, no, I can’t even touch my toes. Can’t remotely reach the 40th percentile on that damn sit and reach box that we had to use in PE.

Ohh, yeah, some people’s tendons just aren’t quite right for it, like there can be improvements but there’s a lot of variety in people out there.

Yeah, but anyways I enjoy watching it. Are you going to be joining the team here this year?

Unfortunately no, don’t want to wind up back in the news if I can help it, but an online friend pointed me to a local gym that’s discrete and supportive that lets me come in and practice a couple days a week

That’s nice he said quietly, the conversation kind of died there but we were almost at the parking lot.

Here we are! And she managed to find a space out in the distance for non seniors with cars hope you don’t mind a hike, but parking here is a hassle

Nah it’s fine, walk farther to deal with getting on then off the bus.

We headed in, the kids were definitely losing their wind from summer excitement though and things were drifting back to normal it seemed. Schools school I thought, even here. We walked past various cliques and groups of friends and enemies to our lockers.

Bill had retreated again, I could tell he was struggling in some way, bits that slipped out, maybe he just needed a friend

Home room was boring, some instruction, some work, and off to other classes. I didn’t see him til chemistry, how he avoided the locker I don’t know.

At chemistry the teacher went over the homework, talked a bit about some of the topics a bit, covered some basic non chemistry knowledge needed to do the class. After class I again lightly touched his arm and he turned and apologized, he would be taking the bus home, and tomorrow morning too.

That’s ok, tomorrow morning is a gym day for me anyways, I’ll still bring the books if you want?

He nodded a vague yes and left.

The next day, I arrived to find him already in home room, with a few minutes before the bell. I started to reach in to my bag and he said later would be fine. He looked even more distant than the first or second day.

Again I didn’t see him through the day til time for chemistry, we did our first basic lab, he was a reasonable partner, and took good notes. We compared notes briefly before the end of class, and at the lockers again, I tried to give him the books.

He said, not here… he was being extremely nervous and anxious sounding, so I lead him over to an empty corner of a hallway without lockers near by, is here ok?

He glanced around nervously, yeah, I guess

I couldn’t help it, I giggled, you are acting like this is some illicit deal? It’s just some books, are you ok?

He stammered a yes, no, maybe

I pulled the books out, and I started to go through them to say a bit about each and he just took them out of my hands and shoved them in his bag and headed towards the bus stop.

I mean, I kind of had suspicions, I had had them since the first day, it’s not like I hadn’t had people act this way around me for years, and while there were a number of reasons one might be nervous around me, there were none of the signs it was because he didn’t like me. He blushed a LOT just looking at me. I don’t think he realized he was doing that.

I headed home for the evening, there was only Friday left before our blessed weekend. My concerns must have shown some on my face as my parents politely and respectfully asked what was up. I told them I had a friend who might be struggling with identity. They looked at each other and mom said oh, well, they couldn’t have a better friend for that than you, I hope they figure it out eventually

Yeah, me too

It was a light load of homework, my classes were chosen carefully for this reason.

On Friday Bill seemed half asleep at best. I poked him when I sat down next to him in home room, hey sleepyhead, how goes it?

He looked up at me and I thought he might burst in to tears right then and there but he somehow found a way to shove the mask back on. I just had a rough night sleeping, thanks for asking. He smiled tiredly.

The bell rang and the teacher tried to get us interested but we were all ready for the weekend in a big way and wasn’t exactly successful. I didn’t see bill til chemistry again, and he looked even more tired.

After class it was his turn to grab my arm before we left. Can I ride home with you?

Sure Bill, anything you want to do first? It’s a Friday night after all!

I uh, I just want to talk a bit, maybe find some place off campus we could just sit and talk?

Sure! I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I was hoping that wherever the talk went I could help. Want to go to a coffee shop?

I don’t drink coffee, makes my sleep even worse, and also maybe somewhere quieter but still public? A park?

I’m new to the area, remember?, do you know of any?

Not really, I don’t get out much, he looked sad, maybe a coffee shop would be ok

Tell you what, let’s find a park, I’m sure my maps app has some way to search for them!

People being comfortable is important for hard discussions, I knew that much… if he didn’t feel comfortable at a coffee shop he might not really open up…

Sure, ok. I should probably let my parents know I’ll be late

Oh, me too, tell you what, go to your respective corner and handle that and I’ll be right here talking with mine. He wandered off to the opposite side of the hallway and dug his phone out and started texting

I dug my own phone out and dialed mom, it went right to voicemail, Hey mom, I know your busy so just to let you I will be at a park near the school with a friend for a bit this evening, I hope you are well, and I will have my phone position on just in case.

I was positive he wasn’t going to murder me, but he wouldn’t be the only person at the park, and I was still somewhat cautious after the last couple years…

He came over, ok, all good. Ready to go?

Yup! And I found us a park while you were texting too and got directions loaded up.

We headed to the car, but I think I’ll let him tell the rest of the afternoon…

---

Hello reader, it’s me again, Bill, I guess. I guess Ellie told you I was nervous, and I was. See, that intro from me up there? I left out some things. Whoops. Unreliable narration five…

We got to the park, parked in the shade, but it was a fairly nice day, and Ellie asked if I preferred sitting in the car, or outside, and I decided on outside.

We found a nice grassy spot, not too shady, not too sunny, and just sat down on the grass

So… you wanted to talk?

Yeah… soo… I kind of am wondering if I’m trans…

Ellie looked at me like she wanted to give me the biggest hug but held back, I kind of wondered if it was something like this, and I’m really happy you decided to share it with me, and I’ll be happy to help you figure it out…

Thank you, and thank you for trusting me that first day, I’ve been struggling with who I am for a long time, my few friends in early grade school were girls, they kept coming to my birthday the longest, but there was teasing, and it was easier to just cut the ties… and hide. And deep down I didn’t get it, why couldn’t I just be a girl, like my sister, like my mom, I gave up caring, but that isn’t how things work, or I thought it wasn’t how things worked…

And then you met me…

I nodded, yeah, I didn’t really know there was even a word for any of these feelings. I mean sure, shows use it as a punchline, but I didn’t think such people actually existed. And even if they did, what then? A life as a punchline?

Yeah… its not great out there in how the world views us a lot of the time. Won’t deny that.

So theres something I don’t really understand, a couple of the books you had mentioned ‘dysphoria’ and then didn’t give good explanations of what it was.

Hah, well, dysphoria is an extremely vague thing and hard to describe… one way to phrase it might be ‘a sense of wrongness’. Like, before I started blockers, my voice had started changing, and I hated it, I had the best singing voice before, and it was changing out from under me, without my will or consent.

Oh, well I don’t mind my voice

And not every trans person does! And dysphoria is not at all required to be trans, and sometimes even if you don’t think you have it, you might just not realize it, it’s tricky and hides in unexpected places. Also, theres the flipside of the coin of gender dysphoria, which is gender euphoria, a feeling of joy at your gender. Has being a guy ever brought you any joy?

Uhhh…

You dont have to answer that right now, or anything, nothing has to be settled in one big go, you’ve got time to figure yourself out.

I was… kind of hoping you might just tell me I was, its scary and I have so many doubts

Hah, no, its really not my place, or really anyones place to tell you whether you are trans or not, not doctors, not trans people, and certainly not cis people.

So is there anything you could do to help me?

Sure! I can be your friend, and let you express yourself however you want and help you figure it out. If you are trans, great! if you aren’t, also great! Learning about you is always good. If you decide you want to try out different names, or pronouns, clothing or other presentation things Ill be happy to help

Any other ideas?

Join me at GSA every week? Theres a lot of other people there too, and you can experience interacting with a wide variety of genders, orientations, presentations, and they too will be happy to help you figure things out.

I could do that I guess.

And then I kind of just broke a bit and started crying, oh geez I really said it out loud to someone, I want to be a girl

You want a hug? she asked smiling

I managed a nod through my blubbering and she came over and gave me a long, deep, friendly hug.

After the hug broke, our conversation rambled a bit, I asked questions about things I didn’t understand from what she had given me and she answered them. I also admitted I had been up all night reading them.

I suddenly looked down at my phone and realized it had been buzzing for awhile. Oh crap its late, can you get me home? Im already late for supper.

Sure, lickety-split, as fast as is legal and safe!

I started responding to my parents panic’ed texts assuring them I would be home shortly. My parents were concerned, but also conflicted to happy because I never hung out with anyone, and they were hoping it was a good thing.

My dad started as soon as I sat down to eat, So… any chance we get to meet this friend soon? What’s his…

Her honey, remember, I saw her driving the car the other day

Oh right, sorry, any chance we get to meet her, whatever her name is, soon?

Her name is Ellie, and uh, I don’t know? I guess I could ask her, she would probably be willing. Any particular reason?

We uh, we just want to make sure she seems like an ok kid, you’ve been acting really strange the last few days for you, and we are worried

She’s nice, she’s been helping me with a thing

A thing?

Just a school thing, we’re chemistry partners.

They both said in unison, ok

Supper conversation diverged from that point thankfully, I was definitely NOT ready to have that conversation with them. I don’t know that they would have a problem with it, but I didn’t know that they wouldn’t have one.

After supper I went up to my room to watch tv on my own and do my homework so I could have my weekend free. Maybe thats unusual, but it was how I managed. There wasn’t much this first weekend and I was done quickly and I laid back on my bed with my iPad, the books from Ellie, and the tv on. Reading things we had talked about, looking at the resources she had texted me links to, and texting with Ellie…

I mentioned my parents were concerned and wanted to meet her, and she thought that was a fine and doable thing, but only if I wanted to.

I asked if there was any reason I might not want to have them meet her?

She responded, well, I was a national news figure, it might bring attention to things I didn’t want brought attention to yet.

I thought about that for a bit, and finally decided it was slightly unlikely and that it would be ok to me if it was for her.

She asked what my family’s plans were this weekend, I said not much for me, reading, watching tv, hiding, trying to figure things out, as for my parents I wasn’t aware of anything planned, and I would ask I they wanted to meet her tomorrow night at supper.

I poked my head out of my room and hollered ‘Do you want to meet Ellie tomorrow night?’

A muffled conversation from the living room halted and they responded and dad replied, sure, ok, does she have any allergies or particular dislikes?

Mom added, I was planning meatloaf if thats ok?

Let me check! I hollered back and quickly texted Ellie, Meatloaf for dinner tomorrow night ok? also, any allergies?

She responded quickly, sounds great, and nope, no food allergies, just plants, and theres so many plants out here!

I replied, lol, that we do 🤧

What time?

We usually eat around 6? Is that ok?

Thats fine, Ill be there at 5:30 for pre dinner conversation

Is this going to be ok with your parents?

I already checked, they were fine with it so long as I leave the tracker on

They have a tracker on you? Thats a bit creepy?

I uh, I haven’t talked a lot about the details of my trauma, but I got death threats, so did my parents, our old address was posted online. They haven’t found us here that I can tell, but we went to zero social media presence before we moved. Not even the extended family were informed exactly where we moved.

Oh. Yeah, ok, that seems reasonable I guess.

Yeah, anyways, they are trying to be supportive of me having an actual life out here, within reason, and they are ok with this.

She said goodnight shortly after, and that she had a gym morning again tomorrow

I said goodnight as well, and went back to my show and research. The more I read, the more the puzzle pieces fit and things from my past clicked in to my mind. Oh shit oh hell Im trans aren’t I I said right before falling asleep, tears in my eyes. It was well past midnight.

---

I pulled up to their house, oh, wait, hi, it’s me, Ellie again. Anyways. I pulled up to their house a couple minutes before 5:30, and I just sat there taking some deep relaxing breaths. I already knew what I was going to say. It was by far not my first time having these conversations. But still I was nervous, it’s possible this could be THE weak link, the thing that got the hell that was the previous couple years dumped back in my lap, and maybe inescapable this time.

I walked up to the door, I was dressed nicely, but not to the nines, a nice, knee length dress, a cute bag, some nice strappy wedges, but very low, only an inch and a half.

I rang the doorbell, and Bill answered it. Hiya, I said, can I come in? He looked around, and gave me a quick hug, thank you.

I haven’t even done anything yet, don’t thank me yet I said as I smiled winking at him

Bill’s mom was in the living room, and Bill’s dad was setting the table. As soon as I entered, she stood up and said hello! You must be Ellie! So nice to meet you, Im Lana and my husband over there setting the table is Cameron.

I’m please to meet both of you Mr and Mrs Smith

So formal, nice to meet you. It will be just a bit before everything is ready, do you want anything to drink? We have some various soda’s. Oh water’s fine thank you, I am a big believer in plain old water.

Sounds good to me! And she ran off to grab it, while Bill and I sat on a couch in the living room. As his mom came back in the room, I started to stand and she gestured me back down.

So polite and formal! We are very informal here. She handed me a glass and there was already a coaster on the end table next to me. Mrs Smith sat down on a chair next to me and just then Mr Smith joined us and sat in a chair opposite us.

So, Ellie, so glad to meet you my dad started, I noticed Bill clench his hand a bit tighter, I hoped it wasn’t visible.

Yup, thats me! And before we go too much farther, Im sure you are worried about Bill, he’s a good kid and I can understand why you would be worried by a sudden shift and a new friend. Let me start off by properly introducing myself. My name is Ellie Winters, you may have heard of me. I made the national news the last couple years in a rather distressing way.

His dad and mom both looked at each other.

Oh, my mom said, I thought you looked vaguely familiar, absolutely awful business that. People spreading such terrible hatred about for no good reason.

Dad snorted. If I had my way that PTA would be run out of town on a rail. And the state legislators ejected.

I looked at Bill, and he was again agape. I looked back at his parents, I hadn’t told Bill I would be outing myself here tonight, but honestly it’s often the best way, rip the bandaid off, Im proud of who I am, but I can’t be that publicly loud anymore. I tell you this in advance, because if you are worried about Bill being around me, thats actually kind of understandable. The people who made it their lives to ruin mine were terrible, awful people. I can’t promise they wont find me again, and through me, Bill and even you. But, I am cautious, and they haven’t found us over the summer so far.

Bill was still agape. I patted his hand, hey, you ok?

He closed his mouth and composed himself, uh, yeah, sure, anyways, yup, this is Ellie mom, dad. I chuckled nervously.

So what caused you to befriend our son?

He seemed lonely, a similar lonely to what I once saw when I looked in the mirror, like he could use a friend. He was quite evasive at first too! she laughed

Bill managed to find his voice again, hey, Im out of practice ok, it’s been awhile, like, over half a decade ok?

I patted his hand again, hey, you’ve got me now! and in no time at all Im sure you will have more friends, it’s weird, the first is always the hardest.

The ice broken, we chatted a bit, about me, about Bill, school, what his and my parents did for a living, and then suddenly the oven was beeping and Mrs Smith was up and off in a dash to the kitchen, opening the oven and clanging pans around. She hollered towards the living room that supper was ready, and she plated up the meatloaf, and the mashed potatoes and green beans. She and Mr Smith got it all on the table and we sat down to eat.

They didn’t do grace, and that was fine by me. One of the loudest and most vocal groups against my existence were former Sunday school classmates and the other adults at my church. My parents hadn’t even looked for a new church after that, they were just as disillusioned as I was.

We dished up various bits of food, and started eating, with bits of conversation spattered in. It was a perfectly lovely evening, and the food was perfect.

After dinner conversation continued, for a bit, but ultimately I excused myself before it got too late. I headed home, and my parents asked me how it went, and I said it went fine and provided some details, and then went to my bedroom and texted with Bill a bit before bed.

Im sorry Bill, I didn’t want to tell you because I have found it goes better if all are surprised by it.

It’s ok, and I was honestly more shocked by the way my parents talked about it. I don’t think I’ve ever heard them speak that way about anyone.

Sometimes parents surprise you! I thought my parents, who went to a conservative church, had a bunch of conservative friends would’ve been my worst enemy. It took me 2 years to finally tell them, and they were amazing, my loudest, strongest defenders. They arranged for lawyers and fought tooth and nail for my right to exist as me.

Im really glad. Parents can suck from what I’ve read

Been reading on your own again?

Yes…

Thats perfectly fair, just be careful with what you read out there, especially negative things, it’s too easy to get lost in one’s own fears.

Yeah, I can see how that could happen.

So how are you? We didn’t get a lot of time to talk just us tonight

I’m ok. Also, I’ve gone from wondering to being pretty positive I’m trans

Oh?

The more I read, the more things clicked in to place, past memories that suddenly made sense. I want to be a girl. Like more than anything I have ever wanted ever. Combined.

Thats wonderful, do you want to try out pronouns? or a name?

Maybe pronouns? I don’t know what to do about a name yet? How did you pick yours?

Oh thats easy, Ellie Satler.

The… character from Jurassic Park?

YUP! I wanted to be her so bad.

Huh, I don’t really think I have quite that attachment to a name.

Ok, so, heres what we can do, I’ll grab a big list of girls names, and every day, I’ll go to the next one, and call you that on chats, and any time we are alone in person. If you see one you hate, just let me know and I’ll stop using it right away, If you see one that resonates, I can keep calling you that til you tell me to stop. Sound good?

I uh, that sounds like a lot of work for you.

Nah, just a big old list with tick boxes next to em, easy peasy.

Ok, that sounds good then I guess

Sounds good, time or me to hit the sack though! Ill text you first thing in the morning, Caroline

… no.

Don’t want me to use it tomorrow?

Yeah, knew a Caroline in grade school, it wasn’t good. I pinged a few other names that popped in to my head which she also shot down, her sisters name by accident, various teachers names, etc.

Ok then! to sleep for me, and I’ll have another one in the morning.

I grabbed a list of 100 popular girl names from the last couple decades off the Social Security site, shuffled them real quick, and put them in a check list and made sure to remove the ones I had already tried tonight. Tomorrow morning I would greet Allison. With that I fell off to a good, sound sleep.

~

I woke up early, as usual, threw on my jogging gear and went for my usual couple mile jog and arrived home and threw things in the wash and hopped in the shower. The hot water felt amazing, and I got out and got ready for the day. Sunday’s in our home had become a quiet lazy affair. The parents got up late, we ate a nice breakfast together, it varied, but usually some bacon, waffles or pancakes, we liked both, OJ, extremely stereotypical. And then we either relaxed with entertainment, maybe did some light chores, or maybe a hobby project. And just enjoyed each others company.

Before breakfast, I texted Allison good morning!

I didn’t get a reply til after breakfast, 😑 morning

Don’t like the name?

No, but thats just my usual morning greeting at this point, I’m still half asleep

Well good morning anyways, any interest in hanging out today? I got my homework done Friday and I’ve got a nice quiet day of nothing.

I uh, yeah, we could hang out? Your place or mine.

I was thinking mine, Allison could get a chance to explore a bit.

Wait, are your parents home?

Of course silly, its ok, they won’t judge if they hear about you, and have a great respect for my privacy, if I shut my door they will leave us alone unless I scream bloody murder and you better believe I can scream 😉

haha, I bet, ok, let me talk with my parents, come to think of it I don’t know where you even live?

Oh right, here’s my address, it’s really close, only a couple blocks.

Let me go talk to my parents

Okies Allison

that would take some getting used to

of course it will, even a name you love and click with will, but if you don’t feel it at all, thats ok too.

---

I put down my iPad and grudgingly got out of bed, threw on a shirt and went down to get some breakfast and talk to my parents. They were already up, I was the anomaly in the family in more ways than one, that made me smirk briefly, now perhaps in yet another way. They were all morning people and I was decidedly not.

I overheard them chatting quietly in the kitchen

Well I wonder… and then they must’ve heard me because the conversation cut off, and shouted morning Bill. My brain’s slow boot process glitched at that a bit but remembered thats me, sort of. Morning I mumbled.

I went to the kitchen and grabbed a pack of toaster pastries and jammed them in the toaster. I grabbed a glass and filled it with water from the fridge and after the toaster dinged shuffled to the table and sat down munching.

Did you sleep ok? mom asked cheerfully

I guess, better than I usually do anyways. They were all sound sleepers and morning people. I was not.

So whats on the plate for today? More books? dad asked without an ounce of judgement in his voice, that much I was similar to them in, we all read quite a lot.

Actually Ellie invited me over to her place to hang out today, she says her school work’s done.

Mom chirped out an Oh, that sounds lovely, have you met her parents yet?

Nope, she did send me her address though, its just over on Beecher street, same number block

Oh thats really close! How lovely, do you want to walk or need us to give you a lift?

I think I want to walk.

Ok, let us know when you have an estimate when you will be back, but remember, not too late, its a school night!

Yeah yeah I grumbled as I headed back towards my room to get changed and chat a bit more before I headed over.

Parents are ok with it, gave them your address so they will know where I am I guess.

Need a lift?

Nah, going to walk, it’s not that far.

Okies, let me know when you want to head out, Im good with whenever, and we can figure out lunch and/or dinner here probably, assuming things go ok ofc.

Yeah, right. Anything I should bring?

You =), and whatever else you might want to bring, but I figure we will have plenty to keep us occupied today.

Yeah… «, I’m nervous about this, what if your parents find out and tell my parents?

They absolutely would never ever do that. They know that outing someone is a horrible risk.

Ok, I guess, Ill be over in like, 30 minutes, need to get changed and walk over

Sounds great!

I threw on a nicer t-shirt, put on some Jean shorts and shoes and shouted at my parents I would text them as I went out the door.

It was a quiet Sunday morning, a couple people mowing their lawns, but they were lost in it and I was lost in thought. Could I do this? Could I really let her out? What if I liked it? What if I hated it?

I was so deep in thought and on autopilot I almost walked right past their place, I turned around and went up the walk to the door and rang the doorbell and took a couple steps back so whoever answered could see me well.

A minute later while I was still trying to look composed and somewhat succeeding, Mrs Winters cracked the door open, yes? And you are here for what?

Oh, uh did Ellie not tell you? I’m, uh, Bill, she invited me over, if that’s not ok I can go.

She opened the door wider and started eyeing me up and down. Nono, it’s fine, she just forgot to tell us you were coming over is all.

I blinked and said she had said she did…

Oh sigh, her and her love of surprise for ‘real interactions’, not her best habit, come on in Bill, she’s up in her room, I’ll let her know you are here.

Suddenly a door banged open somewhere upstairs and I heard her come thundering down, BILL! You’re here! Smiling she came right over and gave me a hug and started to lead me upstairs

Eh, hrmm her mother cleared her throat

Oh, right, forgot to tell you! I invited Bill over to hang out for the day, sorry about that, hope it’s ok!

Her mom looked at her disapprovingly, I guess it’s ok. You got your schoolwork done?

Ellie rolled her eyes yes mom, it’s in my bag and ready to go and has been since Friday night as always

Ok, but in the future, let us know when you have friends coming over!

Sure sure Ellie chirped and started once more to drag me upstairs

Her mom said to me as I was disappearing upstairs in a rising tone And it was very nice to meet you Bill, I’m sure we will get to talk more at some point

I turned as best I could as I was still being drug along yup, nice to meet you Mrs Winters!

As soon as we were in her room, she closed the door and turned to me, well hello Allison, so nice to see you for the first time. My brain glitched a bit again as I tried to realign,

I uh, yup, nice to meet you too Ellie?

I looked around her room, it wasn’t a complete stereotype, it wasn’t pink or anything, but the bed had a lot of plushies, and there was a closet that wouldn’t close for the clothes in it

She flopped on the day bed amongst the plushies, come and join me and we shall talk Allison

I smiled, ok, and joined her. The plushies were actually pretty soft thankfully.

So, I said you could come out a bit here and I meant it, if you want that is, and I’ve got some things that would fit, or there’s makeup to try, also nail polish, just regular girl things. Also games on the tv and just talking she said smiling over at me

I sat there for a bit thinking, can I really do this? I finally vocalized

I mean sure, even if you aren’t trans you can, everyone should get to explore clothing and makeup and whatever else you want… something to learn early on is that none of this stuff is gendered, using them doesn’t make me a girl, being a girl does, I just also happen to fall in to what society generally currently defines as girly

Ok… sure, uh, maybe nail polish? I know of some guys who wear it, although mostly black

I think I’ve got black if you want it, well, sparkly black she said grinning

Would it be ok if we did something else? Can I see what you have?

Of course! She got up and went over to her dresser and pulled down a storage box and brought it over, and this is my collection, a bright array of colors revealed upon opening. I saw a pale blue that was sparkly and my eyes lit up and I pointed at it, that one

Ooh, nice choice, bold, very noticeable

I blushed, yeah, blue is kind of my favorite color

She smiled, ok, turn and face me on the bed and I’ll be right back.

She grabbed a second box from next to the first and a little thing with legs under it

She came over and sat next to me facing me, when she opened the second box there was a wide array of things in it and she explained what each one was and did as she used them to trim my nails up, they were kind of ragged she said but that polish works better if they are neat.

Finally she cleaned them really quickly and got out a bottle of clear stuff from the polish container and I said wait, what’s that?

Oh this is a base coat, will make everything stick properly, so they last

Last?? I looked horrified, I thought we could just remove it before I leave

We still can! And remember, it’s not gendered, it’s just nail polish, besides, society says blue is for boys, right? She winked at me and laughed

I squirmed a bit and said ok, I’ll think about it but I reserve the right to remove it before I go home

Totally fair, and she started brushing it on, and then she put my hand under the little thing with legs that was sitting on the bed and turned it on and started on my other hand, before she finished it dinged and turned off, and from there the cycle continued, the color coat, and finally a top coat to make them really shiny and I had to admit they were gorgeous

So Allison, what do you think as I sat there doing both finger flex and finger curls to look at them from various angles clearly excited

I love them I breathed quietly

I’m so glad! Anything else you want to try?

I nodded silently

What next?

I uh, what’s usually next?

There is no usually, although I prefer to be dressed before makeup because it’s easier for me to avoid getting makeup on them during application than trying to put clothes on afterwards

Ok… what can I try on?

Well just about anything should fit, you and I are fairly similar in some dimensions although you are a bit taller so some of my skirts and dresses might be a bit short…

I must have looked sad because she immediately waved her hands and said But I’ve got a couple things I know should fit and she dashed off to the closet and started rummaging through making various grunts of success and failure til she hauled a few things on hangers out

Here we go! A classic pleated skirt that should be long enough, a cute button up top to go with it, or, a strappy sundress in pink

I looked at both outfits, and pointed to the sundress, can I wear that one? … first maybe?

Sure! We’ve got all day and a whole big closet

I gently took the dress on its hanger from her, and then I realized the problem, where to change?

Oh you can use my bathroom, it’s a Jack and Jill with the other room but it’s just me, she pointed to a door I had missed under a rack of hats.

Oh thanks.

I went in to the bathroom and closed the door and made sure both sides were locked and then the anxiety kicked in, is this ok? It took me a bit but I managed to get it under control and I took off my shirt and shorts and managed to get it on, and facing the right way. And then I really noticed the mirrors. There was a full length mirror on every door in here, and ofc the mirror over the sink. I couldn’t hide from it. Everywhere I looked I saw me, a gangly guy in a dress, short hair, my shoulders wrong, flatter than Kansas, nothing was right and I started crying and collapsed on the floor hiding my face from the mirrors.

She must’ve heard, she asked if I was ok through the door

I managed to sob out a No I’m not ok.

She asked me what was wrong

It took a bit, but I got out that I hated how I looked, and all the wrong angles

I could hear her smile through the door, oh Allison, it’s ok, that’s dysphoria, you don’t look how you want, but that’s ok, it will get better, do you think you can show me? Maybe I can help you with it some

I sniffed a bit and managed to get myself off the floor and unlocked the door.

Hey, there’s my girl, how are you?

I’m just a guy, in a dress, the butt of all those jokes

She hugged me, deeply, it’s ok, really, you absolutely aren’t a guy in a dress, just an awkward girl, we all have an awkward girl phase

I ended the hug and stared at her with doubt

Oh I see you doubt me, ok first let me get you looking a little better and then I’ll break out the album and grinned

She returned to the closet and got a box down from the top, and then she put it on the bed and started to open it. Wait! Close your eyes and stay right there, I’m gonna make you over and do a big reveal. I should’ve remembered those mirrors, I love them now but when I started even one mirror was way too many.

I closed my eyes and felt her putting what I guessed was a wig on me, then I heard her opening a drawer and she came over and said is it ok if I touch your chest a bit? I nodded quietly and felt her shoving something in the top of my dress

Then she guided me up and in to the bathroom that was the problem, my eyes still shut, I certainly didn’t want to see that again.

Ok, stay really still, I don’t do this on other people tons, you will feel a bunch of various things happening and I’ll explain them in detail all another time. She sat about poking, prodding and brushing various things on my face. After 15 minutes of this she stepped back to I assume take a better look. There, much better, but wait, don’t open your eyes yet!

She ran off leaving me there with my eyes still squeezed shut, and I heard various clanging as she came back in to the bathroom, then she ran out again and back in twice more. Oh wait! One more thing! She ran off and came back and tapped at my foot and got me to to lift it.

Yahtzee! They fit! And I felt her strapping some sandals on my feet.

Ok Allison, are you brave? Can you open your eyes and see the new you?

I hesitated but nodded my assent, and then opened them… I didn’t see her and me in the mirror, I saw her and ME. Allison? I still wasn’t sold on it, but I was an Allison. The wig was just past shoulder length, wavy, and a natural dirty blonde color not too far from my own, although with some red mixed in. My face didn’t have tons of makeup on it but it was enough. And on my chest, the dress looked like it had some boobs under it. Around me all the floor length mirrors had towels hastily tucked over them, reducing the input significantly

I was about to cry again but happy tears but Ellie glared at me, no crying! I didn’t use the good eyeliner, it will run.

I looked at her confused

She laughed, the good stuff is seriously a pain to get off your face at the end of the night.

I laughed, I saw me laughing in the mirror and laughed some more

Suddenly my stomach gurgled

Oh hungry already? Did you skip breakfast? Breakfast is important!

I ate some toaster pastries

She glared at me. That is NOT a breakfast. Come on, let’s get some lunch and she grabbed my hand and headed to the door.

Wait! I can’t go out there, like this I gestured!

Sure you can, I absolutely swear my parents don’t bite and won’t tell, but if you really don’t want to, I can get us something and bring it back up here, my parents don’t mind me eating up here occasionally at least

I hesitated and looked at the floor, held my and and I scrubbed my toe a bit and I must’ve looked quite a stereotype standing there. I blushed and said, ok.

Ok! Come on, let’s go meet my parents properly

She took my hand, not to guide this time, but a strong grip of confidence, and opened the door. Of course nothing happened right away, her parents weren’t there standing in the hallway. We walked out and down the stairs slowly, hand in hand.

Her dad was sitting in the living room watching some sporting event or other, her mom was humming in the kitchen. She whispered in my ear, it’s ok, I’m right here Allison. Then she spoke up. Mom, dad, I would like you to meet Allison!

Her mom stopped humming and came around the corner. Her dad muted the tv and stood up from his recliner

Oh, hello Allison, so nice to meet you! Ellie’s told us about you,

I gulped, she has?

Oh don’t worry dear, not about this, she would never do that and neither would we, just that you seemed lonely, and I’m glad you have a friend now

Her dad nodded yup, we understand privacy in this household, it’s very nice to meet you Allison her dad stuck out his hand and on some weird urge I instead hugged him. And he hugged back. And then I guess I ruined my makeup. Eh.

Lunch was some sandwiches and chips. We talked, about both me and Ellie, a bit about the terrible things, and I laughed and smiled and I was so happy. That afternoon Ellie and I just relaxed, watched some tv and chatted like the two girls we are. I didn’t try on the other outfits she offered, but promised to do so another time, I was just too happy to change.

When evening rolled around and our stomachs started grumbling again, we went downstairs and her parents offered to take us out to supper, as a treat.

I hesitated a bit again, they promised it would be ok, and they knew a nice place nearby that would be very good about it. Ellie insisted on fixing my makeup first though, and I let her. Another factor was their car was in the garage so I didn’t have to get outside in my neighborhood where someone I knew might see me.

We chatted as her dad drove us, it wasn’t far, only 10 minutes away, but it was a little restaurant tucked in between a dry cleaners and a fitness center. I wondered what was so special about this place but once inside didn’t wonder. It had so many pride flags up, and the greeter had their pronouns on a pin.

Hiii! Welcome back! And who’s this lovely young lady with you tonight?

Her mom responded hello Em! This is Allison, she’s a friend of Ellies

How lovely to meet you Allison, they put their hand out and I took it and they pulled me in close to whisper in my ear

First night out?

I nodded but looked scared

They laughed, sweetie it’s ok, I see a lot of first timers, I’m so very glad you have such wonderful friends to help you in your journey

They lead us to a table, and handed us menus, an American variety menu, burgers, fish, steak, chicken, various kinds of potato’s and salads for sides.

It was a nice meal, I ordered some fish and chips, and as it was winding down, Em came back with a small cake with a candle lit in it. And this, is for the birthday girl, and clapped. I didn’t like being put on the spot and just sat there, trying to smile

It’s ok Ellie said beside me, hugging me with one arm, and quietly said everyone will just think it’s your birthday, and in a way, it kind of is, and her parents nodded assent

I looked around and everyone was smiling and not paying any attention to me, and so I smiled, and asked Em if we could have plates to share. They nodded and rushed right off and back and brought 4 little plates back for us, and cut the cake up kind of equally, I got a slightly larger piece which made everyone laugh. Ellie snapped some pics of me and assured me they went in to an encrypted storage, absolutely no one would see them but her and me unless I wanted them to. Em even took a pic of all of us before we left

And then it was back to home, well, the Winters home, they offered to drop me off as is but I declined and decided that while this was fun and so wonderful, I wasn’t ready for them to meet Allison yet. They said thats fine dear, and after Ellie helped me get my makeup off, and I got changed out of my dress, heh, my dress, what an odd thought. She looked at my nails and then my face

I beamed, nope, going to leave them on, to remember today, not that I could ever forget

She gave me a huge smile, and then hugged me.

When I got back downstairs, Mr Winter said he would give me a lift home, and I said that was ok but he insisted, it was twilight out and didn’t want my parents worrying.

Ack. My parents. I had never texted them. I quickly told them I was on my way home and Mr Winters was driving me. Ellie insisted on tagging along and was not denied.

It was actually a pretty quiet drive back, until we got parked and I turned to look at Ellie as I got out and said thank you, both, for everything and nearly started crying again

She drew a handkerchief from somewhere and dabbed my tears, hey now, I’m your friend, this is what friends are for, no more tears, this was but the first of many wonderful things and I’ll be here for you through all of it.

I nodded and collected myself and headed inside, they waited til I was inside and my mom stepped out on the stoop and waved thanks at Mr Winters.

Have a good time today? Mom asked You kind of forgot to text us

I smiled a bit, yeah, it was a really nice day

Thats good, Im glad you’ve made a friend, and she seems nice

I think Im going to get ready for bed I said and started to turn to head to my room

Mom commented after my back was turned, thats a cute color on you

I stammered, …w..what?

Your nail polish

Oh, right, Ellie was doing hers and she convinced me to let her do mine too

Thats nice dear, Anyways, good night

I went to my room and tried to calm back down.

I got out my phone and texted Ellie, she noticed, right away even

Of course she did silly, your mom’s a bright one

She seemed, ok, with it? She complimented it

Its a nice color! She should.

I need to get ready for bed I guess

Same, do you want a ride tomorrow morning Allison?

Yes, definitely, and any other day you aren’t doing gym in the morning

Sure! And if you wanted to get up that early, you could come with me to the gym some morning?

Unless they let me sleep in the corner, I think Ill pass on that

haha, sure, thats tuesdays and thursdays

Also… could we maybe stick with Allison for now? Just for awhile.

Absolutely =), Goodnight Allison

Goodnight Ellie.

I finished getting myself ready for bed, a quick shower, and collapsed in bed, and fell in to a better sleep than I had had in a very long time.

---

I pulled up outside of Allison’s house and beeped my horn. She came running out smiling

Hey, someones in a good mood, get in the car silly goose

She got in the car quickly still munching on a pop tart. I actually slept well last night, like, for the first time in a very very long time.

Hey, what did I tell you about a better breakfast?

This is all we had that was breakfasty, and it was quick, I may have slept better than I have in a long time, but that doesn’t mean I woke up all THAT long ago. she laughed

All right all right, one step at a time.

I pulled off towards school,

So… GSA after chemistry?

Yup!

Do you want to be out as Allison there? They will respect it, but I get that trust can be hard.

No, I think Id like that, at least to try it, Im sure Im not the only closeted person there

You almost certainly won’t be, ok then Allison it is! Also you are picking up the terms pretty well she said smiling at me at a stop sign.

Im still reading a lot, I know, don’t just read anything, but theres this whole world I was unaware of that means so much to me

I laughed, haha, hatchlings, always the same, I was too. Gotta know everything now and everything’s so exciting. In time you will be cynical and jaded like me and she laughed loudly

You? Jaded? I have no idea how you went through what you went through and can still smile, much less interact with anyone, ever again…

LOTS of therapy. And I do mean lots. My study hall is actually me in a room by myself on a video chat with a therapist a couple times a week.

… oh, well Im glad its helping

Therapy is GOOD

If you say so? I kind of always hated doctors, and the one therapist I saw when I was younger was a jerk. Kept trying to get me to be friends with boys, or take up an interest in a sport or something. I only saw him a few times before my parents realized I just came home more upset than when I went in and the final time I was screaming upset at the idea of even going…

I smiled faintly, ah, yeah, my first ‘therapist’ of mine was actually just the youth pastor, at 6, and I had gotten caught dressing up in ‘inappropriate’ clothing at kindergarten during an indoor recess. Whoops. But trust me, there are actually good therapists out there, wonderful supportive therapists.

As we arrived in the parking lot, she hesitated a brief moment

It will be ok, no one will care

I mean, yeah, no one notices me anyways and she laughed

we walked in together and chatted by our lockers til time for home room, and then as the teacher started calling roll I noticed her smiling and looking off in to the distance, I mean that wasn’t too unusual, but the smiling was.

The teacher got to Bill and said it a couple times with no response and I poked her and whispered hey Bill!

She started out of whatever dream she was in

Huh what, I’m here

Well that got Allison noticed I thought,

Please try and pay attention, I know it’s Monday morning but we do have things to do today, the teacher said before moving on down the list.

She looked at me and smiled and shrugged

I suppressed a giggle.

Class was as usual, boring and shortly over.

She smiled at me as she grabbed her books for the morning classes and jammed them in her bag to head off and I did the same.

I had been looking for her at lunch, wanting to sit with her at the very least the last week, and I finally managed to spot her, and homed in. Oh hey you! I said as I sat down at the table in the dark corner. Been trying to find you at lunch, this room is so big and has so many dark corners somehow. Is this your usual preferred one?

Yeah, close to the doors to our lockers

So, how did your morning go? Anyone compliment your pretty nails

She shook her head, no

But you wish they had?

She thought for a moment and quietly said yes.

That’s also normal. You like the new you and you want others to like the new you

We both started eating our lunches, mine from the cafeteria and hers from a lunch bag. Mine was mystery meat, potatoes, a roll, and a bit of soggy green beans. Not inspiring. She had a PB&J a bag of chips and an apple. She split the chips with me.

We talked about our classes, she asked where I had been sitting prior to finding her today

Oh you know, trying out various tables full of people who don’t know me, and who I don’t know, and that’s fine with me, being one of the crowd is a nice change for being the lone tree in the middle of a field.

Yeah, I could understand that.

Eventually lunch ended and we headed to our different afternoon classes. I didn’t see her after we stopped at our lockers til Chemistry, where we went over our separate reports on the lab real quick before the bell rang.

Yours is really good, I wish I wrote that well

I’ve had a lot of practice at it

Class started and we covered more basics. I took notes, and noticed that she was doodling more than usual.

You really are so happy aren’t you? She asked after class

Hah, yeah, I’ve never felt quite this, alive? Is that the word? Before

She smiled

I want to hug you right here, but I get that you might not want the PDA

She looked around at the others filing out of the chemistry lab, not paying any attention

Oh sure,

I grinned and hugged her, and whispered in her ear, Allison, I’m so happy for you

I could feel her blush even though I couldn’t see her face, and I’m so happy to have met you Ellie she replied

Someone must’ve noticed us hugging because they let out a wolf whistle, prompting us to break the hug.

I laughed, Allison laughed, we picked up our bags and headed to our lockers.

Time for club?

Allison nodded, yup!

You feeling ok?

A bit anxious to be honest

It will be ok.

We headed to that same music room as last week on the first day of classes

Colin was again there greeting people as they arrived, hi! Welcome back Ellie and… it was B…

And then she squeaked out rapidly, it’s Allison

Colin paused, what was that?

She managed a bit louder, I’d like to go by Allison

Colin grinned widely, and welcome Allison! We can do intros in a bit when more people have arrived, and you can tell us about yourself. Also your nails are very lovely, it’s a good color for you

I thought Allison’s face was going to literally melt off she blushed so hard, and she managed to get a thank you out

We took a pair of seats next to each other in the semi circle of chairs and music stands

Others filtered in, and a few minutes after start, Colin started

Hello, my name is Colin, and my pronouns are he/him, and I’m an extremely publicly gay person and I’m the student leader of this group this year. This is Mrs Witherspoon, our faculty advisor

Hello all! Another wonderful year of GSA! My pronouns are she/her, and I am married to my wonderful wife of more decades than marriage has been legal.

I looked briefly at Allison who looked a bit surprised

So, this is a safe space to explore who you are both in terms of orientation and gender, I would like us all to introduce ourselves, you can state any name you would like us to call you, and you are always more than welcome to change it. We would like for people to state their pronouns but only if you are comfortable doing so, we understand that people who are in the process of questioning may not be comfortable doing so at this time. You can ask us to change what we use for you at any time as well. You can also say any other brief thing about yourself you might like to share.

We then started going around the semi circle, with pretty much every letter of the acronym represented to my surprise, most of these groups tended to be just cis gays who are allosexual.

And then it was my turn. I stood as some others had

Hello all, I’m Ellie, my pronouns are she/hers, and I’m just your average dorky trans girl, I like comics and tv, and I do gymnastics as a hobby.

Then it was Allison’s turn and I held her hand and squeezed and whispered, I’m here for you and smiled. She stood.

Uhh… hello all, I’m trying out going by Allison, with she/her pronouns, I’m not out out yet, my family doesn’t know and no one else at school knows yet

That’s wonderful Allison, Colin said as others clapped, welcome, and we will respect your wish that it remain in here for now.

She sat down, well, nearly collapsed

I took her hand again and gripped it and whispered you did it! And smiled at her

She grinned back, and whispered I did didn’t I?

After introductions were complete, Colin stood up

Just want to say welcome to all of you, I know we had our technically first meeting last week, but we were just hanging out and chatting about our new school year.

Some meetings will be that, sometimes we will have a guest in to talk, or a video to watch. We also run awareness and support campaigns to let students know they aren’t alone and they are loved, regardless of gender or orientation.

Today we are just going to talk a bit about that, and most meetings will also have an opportunity to share things, or ask advice, although we won’t do a full introduction every week because we will get to know each other, but if anyone ever wants to reintroduce themselves, please just say so, at any time, we are all here to be supportive

He and Mrs Witherspoon talked a bit about various activities the group does, and mentioned the first would be this Friday at the club open house after school, and any who wanted to help or attend were welcome to do so, and we would be decorating the room inside and outside in the hallway appropriately.

Others chimed in offering to help with various things, and then they announced we would end todays group with a video and some of the seniors groaned

Colin shushed them, they redid it! It’s way less cringe now

But it’s still cringe someone heckled!

I mean, yeah Colin grinned and hit the lights as Mrs Witherspoon set the video playing.

It was your standard national organization promo video, 15 minutes of glad handing and buzzwords. My stomach dropped a bit when it hit a point about the ever more important role of organizations like GLSEN in fighting these horrible laws states were passing and various images of news articles flashed on screen. And yup. There was me. I stood and walked out in to the hallway before the video ended

Allison promptly followed me, hey are you ok?

Yeah, I’m ok I guess, just wasn’t expecting it to have that as a segment. Colin poked his head out, hey uh, sorry about that, I would’ve warned you if I remembered it had an image of you

It’s ok Colin, I’m fine, we will be back in after the video ends.

Colin gave a thumbs up and went back in the room

I sighed

What? Allison asked with genuine interest

I uh, remember when I said I was jaded and cynical? This is what I meant. Colin means well, but like many cis gay guys, he only kind of gets what trans people face and slips up.

Oh. She sounded disappointed

It just would’ve been nice to have a warning, even if I wasn’t in it, there’s so much bigotry out there and I don’t need extra reminders

Allison looked thoughtful, I admit, I hadn’t really understood what a content warning really was for before

They can be really helpful if applied properly, I smiled weakly, it should be over she said and turned to go back in

Are you sure? She asked?

Yup, and there come the lights, I left my bag in there anyways, and she looked like a lightbulb went off, you did too didn’t you?

She nodded.

We went in and got our bags, and as Colin promised the meeting was quickly over after the video, with an apology to the trans kids there for forgetting that segment was in the video and a promise to do better in the future at providing content warnings. Mrs Witherspoon came over and apologized to us directly as well.

I made a polite implication I accepted the apology and we got out of there.

Before I got in the car I asked Allison if she could wait outside the car for just a moment.

I got in the car, closed the door, made sure the windows were closed and screamed. Loudly. Primally. After more seconds of that than I had even realized I needed, I took a few deep breaths to calm down, I rolled the window down and said get in.

She looked over at me, are you sure you are ok? You know the car isn’t soundproof right?

I smiled weakly again, yeah, sort of, I’ll be talking about it with my therapist tomorrow, also tomorrow mornings gym and that always helps my mood. But sometimes I need to just scream and can’t do it in the school.

She smiled at me and said yeah, I can get that.

I asked if we could listen to music on the way home and I think I shocked her a bit, it was very loud and very gay.

She said she would text me as she got out of the car at her place, grinned and waved and ran inside. I felt bit bad, I had hoped she wouldn’t see this side of me so soon, I am happy with my life, family, friends and school, but, there’s a lot of trauma I’ll be working through for a long time.

When I got home, my parents were concerned from how I looked and I had sat in the car after arriving home and just cried, and I couldn’t hide it, and I explained what happened.

They asked if I should be going to that group if it was this hard, and I said that my therapist thought it would be good for me to face my fears about my own community

They looked worried but said ok. They reserved the right to at least ask me to stop going if it kept being this hard on me.

We ate a nice quiet supper, I went off to do my homework and they watched tv. I didn’t text Allison much that night but I did still text her goodnight and she said she hoped I slept well. So did I.

I don’t usually struggle to sleep, and while it was harder tonight than sometimes I still got good enough sleep, and was up and off to the gym as usual.

---

Backing up a bit to that night, my turn

I got home, I was feeling pretty good although somewhat concerned for Ellie. It was a quiet evening, my parents watched tv, I did my homework, we ate supper, but right before my parents usually went to bed, mom knocked and asked if she could come in to my room

I said ok, and put down my reading for literature, she came in and shut the door and sat down on the bed

Ok… your making me nervous mom… what’s up?

Are you ok? She asked with genuine concern in her voice

I’m ok mom, I smiled, I’m better than I’ve ever been I think.

I know you seem happy, but you just shifted gears so quick I was concerned, anytime a kid shifts gears that hard it’s a cause for concern to parents, even when it’s to being happier

Mom I’m fine, really

I just, I want you to know that you can tell your father and I anything, and I mean anything and we will still love and support you,

I nearly did it right there, but this wasn’t right, wasn’t the right time, the right way… I needed to be better prepared… the thought process must have taken longer than I thought because while I said I know, she noticed

Is there something you want to tell me? Or us? Is it drugs? Or love or what?

This time I had an answer faster and quicker, no there’s nothing I want to tell you, and I’m not doing drugs! I need to get back to reading for tomorrow,

Ok honey, you know we love you, goodnight

Goodnight mom, I love you, both of you

Before I resumed my reading I grabbed my phone…

They suspect, mom just came in and gave me the gentlest interrogation a mom can, and yeah

Oh, it’s ok to tell them you know, whenever and however you want, I’ll be there for you whenever and wherever, and so would my parents

I’m just, not ready yet. I need more time to prepare, and be ready

That’s perfectly ok too, time for me to fall asleep, goodnight Allison

Goodnight Ellie, I still need to finish this chapter for tomorrow

there wasn’t too much left but enough distraction set me back a bit as I had to go back several pages to get in to the flow again. I managed to get the book shoved in my bag before falling asleep myself.

The next morning I awoke fairly rested for me, and almost early enough I think I could’ve asked to join Ellie at the gym, but while better sleep was helping, I was still slow at engaging in the morning. I lay there and read some things on my iPad before getting up to get breakfast in time to make the bus.

I arrived and went to my locker, and Ellie was already there, hey you she greeted me, I beat you today

Yup, hope the gym was good

It was, it helped me some as did a good sleep and my session later today will help too. How are you? Do you need to talk?

Yeah, but not here, maybe after school briefly?

Yeah, sure, let’s get through this annoying Tuesday of boring classes.

At lunch some of the kids from GSA saw us and waved us over and I shrugged assent as did Ellie. It was pretty mundane, they didn’t talk much but a few people from the group hung out together at lunch they said and we were both more to welcome to join them any day if we wanted.

The afternoon, including Chemistry was pretty boring, and after dealing with our lockers, headed to Ellie’s car.

So, you doing ok? She asked

Yeah… I almost told her right there, and she definitely knows something is up, I hesitated too long when I replied.

I’m sure it would be ok, but I get it. Have you any ideas of how you might want to? Or when?

I want to, and soon, but I don’t know how, I tried to read other peoples stories but none of them seemed to be ‘me’ somehow

Well what is you?

Like, I wish I was just a girl, without having to tell anyone or do anything

I get it, there’s a lot of ‘I wish I was a cis girl ’ moments in my past too. But since that’s not possible, any other thoughts?

I… I want them to meet me looking like me, like Allison, I want them to see me

Ok, I would be happy to help with that, and you clearly fit my clothes fairly well, could do with a better wig though

I liked it?

It was good, but I want you looking your best for this she said smiling, And timing?

Uhh… Saturday night maybe? Maybe your parents could invite my parents over and we could do it at your place?

Wow, uh, sure, my parents would probably be ok with that… but why my place?

If this goes sideways, I don’t want to have to run away from home, I would rather already be somewhere else

She looked like she might cry, you won’t have to do that, your parents seem like they really care about you, but, if that’s what makes you feel safe and confident to do this, than that is what we will make happen! Any other thoughts?

I uh, what else do I need to do to be me?

Nothing you don’t want to do, girls come in all sorts of shapes and sizes and expressions, but what makes you happy and confident is important. Whether you want to shave your legs, or wear makeup, or even a dress is entirely up to you.

Uh… Yes, yes, and yes? I don’t have that much hair, but I kind of want to

We should go shopping… you need a nice dress of your own for this, and some undergarments

I blushed… I… I don’t have tons of money, like my parents don’t leave me wanting or anything, I just don’t have much cash or access to a credit card

She laughed, I think I can convince my parents to chip in to a girls first dress of her own, and I’ve got a bit of cash saved from a fundraiser to pay the lawyers and support from the last couple years, helping trans girl get her start and live her life was the point of it more or less. Shall we say shopping Friday? makeover Saturday? Your parents come over to join us for dinner, the big reveal, hopefully things go ok, talk a bit, have some food, and then ???

I go home with them, and probably talk a lot more…

Plan for more shopping Sunday! We need to get you an appropriate wardrobe

Wednesday and Thursday flew by. Mom didn’t pester me about it again, but I caught both of them looking at me more often than usual. I hid more in my bedroom.

Thursday night before our ride home, Ellie handed me a closed bag

Here, put this in your backpack, and follow the instructions in there tonight before bed.

I looked at her quizzically, I thought we weren’t going shopping til tomorrow night?

Yup, and don’t want to spend any more time than needed getting you ready tomorrow after school before we hit the stores

Getting ready?

Oh didn’t I mention? I am taking you shopping as Allison

I let out a little squeak of fear

It will be fine, especially if you follow what I put in there

I shook my head, ok, Ill try

Thats all I can ask

Inside Mom greeted me, hello, hope your day was good

It was, I said as I headed towards my room, and before I went in, Oh, mom, Im going to be out with Ellie tomorrow after school for awhile

I kind of figured dear, hope you have a good time.

I wasn’t looking at her as I went in to my bedroom and my eyebrow raised, I was sure she knew something. As soon as my door was closed, I set my backpack down on my bed, opened my bag, took out the smaller bag Ellie had handed me and zipped it open.

Inside was a shampoo bottle, a conditioner bottle, a bottle of liquid body soap, a bottle of shave gel, a multi bladed disposable safety razor, and a bottle of deodorant, and a small bottle of moisturizer.

I found the note tucked inside, Hey Allison! I know this is a lot to take in, but take a shower before bed wash, shave, wash your hair, condition it, and moisturize. Followed by much more detailed written instructions for each step. I was suddenly grateful I didn’t have any homework today by a miracle because there was no way I was getting anything done tonight. While I was reading the instructions my phone dinged.

Hiya, so the note is good, but also heres a couple of videos you might find helpful or some things, like shaving! and she pasted a few links to youtube videos. Good luck Allison and happy to answer any questions you have!

I finished reading the note, and got out some headphones to listen to the videos which I watched on my iPad. I blushed a lot. The videos were not in any way revealing, but I had been told all my life I couldn’t have or do this, and it was a lot.

As I started the second video I got out my phone and started texting Ellie some, she though did have homework and didn’t respond right away always. I read and watched some other, related things as the evening went on after supper, and eventually it was time to take my shower and get to bed. I texted Ellie that I was off and she wished me luck and goodnight as she wanted to get up early and go for a run.

I grabbed the bag and various sundries inside it, stuffed it under my night clothes I was taking with me to the bathroom, and hoped no one would notice and headed to the shower.

I got in the bathroom without getting noticed, and set everything out. Put everything but the moisturizer and deodorant in the shower caddy, and got to trying. It took quite a lot longer than usual, its a good thing my parents had a separate bathroom so they wouldn’t be trying to get in… although Im sure they would notice.

I didn’t think I had that much hair on my legs but it seemed like it took forever. I managed to get away with only one tiny nick that stopped bleeding quickly. I washed my hair, taking care to remember the instructions and do it a couple times, and then I did the conditioner according to Ellie’s directions

when I got out, I remembered the directions to ‘pat dry’ not ‘rub’, and then applied the moisturizer everywhere. And the deodorant to my pits. And yes it was all flowery scents which worried me for someone noticing. I got my night clothes on and went to open the door and hesitated. I hoped to get just down the hall to my room without anyone noticing me…

I got in to the hallway and no one was there

And then I heard mom from the kitchen, oh are you finally out? Are you ok? We were starting to get worried, that was I think the longest you’ve ever spent in the shower

Im fine mom! just a bit sore tonight and wanted to soak in the steam a bit

Ok she said without coming around the corner, goodnight then!

Then it was in to the safety of my room. Door closed, and I collapsed in bed. I actually slept a lot better than expected, I had honestly never felt that clean or good. My legs weren’t perfect but wow were they smooth.

---

I had a good run, got home, did a quick rinse in the shower, then got dressed for the day and at breakfast I was especially chipper.

So tonight you’re taking Allison shopping? my mom asked

Yup!

Ok, you’ve got your credit card, just use your best discretion and get her something nice. We called her parents last night and invited them over for dinner for tomorrow night as you asked and they readily agreed

My dad who had seemingly been lost in the paper put it down. We are ok with helping with this of course, are you sure Allison is ready? Do you think her parents will take it ok?

The former, I am sure she is, she texted me last night after I was asleep saying she had managed everything I gave her instructions for, she was excited…

And the latter?

I, I think they will take it ok, at least here with us. I admit some concern for after she returns home with them as her, but I don’t think they would do anything too hasty.

Ok my mom said, I hope the two of you still pay at least some attention at school, I know this is an exciting and distracting thing, but learning is important

Oh mother, you know I already had far more education than I could need in so many ways and that I am merely biding time in high school til I can get to college and maybe actually have something challenging again

She laughed a bit wryly, yes, I suppose you have, we all have.

Ok, I need to be off I said finishing my breakfast and putting my plate and silverware in the dish washer. Grabbed my bag on the way out the door, and got in my car to pick up Allison

I pulled outside at our agreed upon time, and beeped my horn and out she came, running and practically skipping she looked so happy.

Hiya! she said

Not a morning person eh?

This will fade rapidly, but I woke up so excited and full of energy, but also anxious.

Well let’s get through the school day, and then we can get you a nice first outfit of your very own.

She grinned, right!

We chatted a bit about what she might want to find tonight, and arrived at the school before long.

Classes were, as usual, kind of boring, but we got through them and met up for lunch. The GSA kids waved us over, we had been eating with them the last couple days, and Allison poked me and whispered not today, I nodded and she guided us to the table for a quick apology that we wanted to talk alone during lunch, Allison also apologized for missing out on the event tonight, but we had other plans, they nodded and one of them giggled,

Oy, not like that I rolled my eyes dramatically at them and went off to the usual corner ignored table that I had first seen her in here at.

We could chat relatively safely at the table, but I avoided as much usage of her name and pronouns, or her deadname, just as I did everywhere in school except at the GSA meeting.

All too soon lunch came to an end and

My afternoon was again boring, until Chemistry. We had another lab today and it was an exciting one, we managed to somehow get it done and notes taken but I could tell Allison was approaching the vibrational frequency of matter and just slipping through the floor as physics break down

I told her that after class and she laughed, loudly, and got noticed as kids were still shuffling about leaving the room and heading to their lockers.

She realized how loud she had laughed and clapped her hands over her mouth in surprise and let out a squeak

OMG your squeak of fear is so freaking cute she giggled.

She blushed

I said quietly your blush is also just amazing, I wont even need to use blusher if you keep that up

Ok, enough teasing, can we go?

I laughed a bit more as we headed to the car, yes, yes we can.

We headed to my house and were greeted by her mom on our way up

I already had an outfit out on my bed for her it was the pleated skirt and cute button up shirt with a peter pan collar, Would this be ok for tonight?

She nodded and quietly said, yes, lets do this

Here, these are brand new and should be close to your size, but we can and should look at getting you some nicer ones just for you tonight and she handed me a pair of panties and a bra. She went to the bathroom, I had put the towels back up.

Thank you she called out

Your welcome! There will be enough mirrors tonight, which brought the blush back again

She went in to get changed, I heard mild grunts of frustration after a bit.

Need a hand? I called

She said, I have just… never put a bra on.

Ok, get your panties and skirt on, and Ill come help

She hesitated, are you sure thats ok?

Just two girls getting dressed, perfectly normal

Ok… come in she said

I quickly got her in it, and did a quick adjustment to get it in the right place, and showed her a tip for how to get it on easier until she got used to it. She started to put her top on and immediately fumbled, and I giggled, another thing to learn, girls shirts button on the other side.

Oh. Thats weird, I never noticed before

Most guys, and ‘guys’ don’t I said doing explicit explicit air quotes around the second ‘guys’. She managed it on the next try.

You learn quick, it took me like 5 minutes to manage my first blouse

She blushed

You really do blush cute. Ok. Time to do makeup and hair! This time I had her sit at my vanity in my room, and I used some pins and got her hair under a proper wig cap, then I put tissues around her collar so that I wouldn’t get makeup on her shirt. She had shaved well, and had fairly light color hair, so I just used a bit of foundation and then on to a bit of eye shadow, eye liner, lipstick, and yes, blush. I explained things as I went along and answered her questions. When I was finished, I got out the same wig, and put it on her and took a bit of extra time on it to get it looking nice

Well… it might do… and the wig shop isn’t open tonight, I checked.

So Im done?

Shoes first! she showed me the shoe rack but I stuck with the ones I had tried last time. Now you’re done

Can I see myself before we go?

Ok, let me take the towels down I said, and I rushed to drop them on the floor so she could see herself.

She stepped in to the bathroom, turning this way and that, oh, she finally managed, I look even better this time, thank you!

Let’s go SHOPPING! I said excitedly

She clapped and bounced yay!

We headed downstairs and Mom stopped and insisted on a picture, and assured me again, no one would see it if I didn’t want them to. We obliged her, Allison even commented she had hated having her photo taken before

I grinned, thats ALSO a common theme. Ok, enough of that, shopping! Im pretty sure my eyes were doing some starry eyed burst I was so excited for Allison.

We ran out to the car, outside, her first time in the neighborhood as herself and she didn’t seem to have a care in the world, and no one else cared if they even saw her.

We headed in the direction of the big mall. I could tell she was getting a bit more nervous, this was a lot more public than the outing on Sunday. We got to the parking lot and found an entrance near one of the big department stores.

Hey, its ok, Im here, if you ever feel scared, just hold my hand

Will people think we…

Are what? Together? Would that be so bad if they did?

She blushed, well, no,

But you aren’t used to it?

Yeah

Girls, and guys really are free to hold hands or whatever, and to heck with what anyone else thinks, society and toxic masculinity is a lot to unwind

Im getting that impression she said. Ok, Im ready, let’s go.

Yeah? Ok! We got out of the car and headed in.

She grabbed my hand as we approached the door and looked at me, I smiled and she smiled back, It will be fine, no one will notice or care, you look amazing

We went straight to the dresses, it was not exactly the season for anything, but there were nice event dresses from the summer that were marked down a bit. We looked, but didn’t see anything we were too happy with, but I did convince her to try on a couple things so we could get a slightly better idea of sizing.

We walked around to other stores, it took a few, but we found it. An A-Line, sleeveless dress, knee length, with a nice fullness to the skirt. It was white with gorgeous blue flowers. She tried it on and it fit like a glove and she was absolutely twisting in the mirror out in the store and looking so happy. I snapped a pic with permission and sent it to my parents.

And then Allison happened to notice the price tag and immediately got nervous. I hadn’t looked yet and I saw it and whistled quietly. She started to look like she might cry. I said, hey now, don’t cry, this dress is absolutely perfect, and I will smooth it over with my parents. The limit on my card is high enough. We are getting it, ok?

She hesitated for a moment before nodding, and saying quietly, thank you, and gave me a big hug right there in the store.

Ok but first you need to get out of it so I can pay for it I laughed and turned her back towards the dressing rooms.

I texted my parents, uh, you are about to get a notification, that dress is $$$, but it is absolutely perfect and she loves it and it is her first dress…

My mom replied asking, how much?

I told her, and she responded, wow, but ok, this is a huge occasion and it is an absolutely stunning dress on her.

Thanks mom!

Dad finally responded, just remember, we agreed that you could contribute from your funds a bit.

Yes dad, and of course I will.

Have a nice evening you two.

With the dress sorted, we wandered a bit more, wound up at the food court and ate a nice meal of mall Chinese food, she had sweet and sour chicken and I had beef and broccoli. We chatted like any two girls out for an evening shopping, the dress bag sitting beside Allison.

When we had finished I said, so, shoes? or undergarments next?

She blushed, really this is enough!

You need your own shoes and under things I said stern but lovingly

She blushed a bit harder. Ok, under things.

Ok then! Its close and we wandered in, her gripping my hand tighter than any time thus far tonight. I whispered to her to relax, and remember to breathe, no one would care.

I left her looking at panties and had told her what size to look for, and I saw a store clerk I had worked with earlier this year and went and whispered to her quietly. She nodded and looked over at Allison who unfortunately chose just that moment to look up, I nearly thought she was going to bolt right out of the store, but I managed to get back over to her with Sophia before she bolted.

I said Allison, this is Sophia, she’s going to help measure you properly for a bra, she’s worked with me before, and she’s very supportive, I can be with you or outside if you want. It will be in private, and very discrete. Allison nodded and we headed back towards the fitting rooms.

Sophia quickly got Allison to take her shirt off, and quickly measured. Well, she’s close the same size as you, but I might recommend a band size up. I nodded, Allison looked confused.

Can we get some padding here too? She’s currently borrowing one of my sets, and it would be good for her to have her own.

Certainly, A cup?

Sounds good to start!

Wireless?

Oh definitely, and just plain for now, in white

Sophia nodded and darted out.

Allison started to put her shirt back on and I stopped her

Nope, she will want you to try it on first.

Allison said, I don’t really understand what any of this means yet.

I laughed, its ok theres a lot of extremely confusing sizing out there to learn about.

Sophia came back in with a bra, and a small box.

Ok, let’s get this one off you, and the new one on.

She helped Allison quickly swap, and adjusted the new one to perfection. And stood back just a bit in the small space. What do you think? She asked looking at Allison.

I uh, it does feel better, the other one was a bit too tight.

Sophia nodded. You want to wear it out? I can get the tags to the register and put your other one in the bag to take with you.

Allison agreed, and Sophia put Allisons previous bra and padding in the bag, with the padding’s box and the tag rom the bra and said, is there anything else you want to be getting today?

Just some panties, did you see any you liked before we interrupted you Allison?

Allison nodded, and I said ok, let’s go get those picked out, can you put that bag behind the cash register for us?

We went and looked at panties more, and we picked out a half dozen that she liked, including one in white with blue flowers. Before we headed to the register, I said wait, just a moment, and grabbed a couple packs of stay up stockings, one lighter, one darker.

Not sure what shoes we will wind up with for you yet, and stockings might be appropriate.

Allison blushed, again, and nodded.

We went up the counter and Sophia saw us and came right over to help us get checked out. While these things weren’t cheap, it wasn’t ‘warn the parents about ouch’ expensive.

We wandered through a shoe store but were uninspired, so we went back to the department store we had entered in through and went to their shoe area.

A clerk helped us find a really nice pair of rounded closed toe, low block heels that fit her pretty well and she didn’t have too much more trouble walking in than the wedge sandals she had on. They were thankfully on clearance because the original price was kind of eyebrow raising.

We managed to get back out to my car with the dress bag, department store bag, and lingerie store bag, shoved it all in the trunk, and then I said, ok, back to my place? Or ice cream first?

Allison’s eyes lit up, ooh, Ice Cream please!

I laughed, sounds like a plan then, before we set out I texted my parents if they wanted any, and they said no thanks, they had a nice desert of fruit at home and to us girls to enjoy ourselves.

We went in and sat at a booth facing each other, and had an absolutely decadent banana split that we shared.

As we were walking towards the car, Im really doing this huh? in less than 24 hours the boy my parents knew will be their girl

I looked at her beside the car and took both her hands. They just never realized they had a daughter all along. And then I surprised myself, I reached up and kissed her, just on the cheek, and I backed away quickly, releasing her hands, Im sorry, I should’ve asked first, its just, you are a better friend than I’ve had ever and I really like you Allison.

She reached and took my hands back in hers, she said hey, its ok, I really like you too Ellie, I consent, do you want to kiss me?

I nodded, and said yes, very much so, and blushed myself.

And there, in the parking lot of a strip mall ice cream shop, we had our first kiss, on the lips, and it was the best thing ever, little fireworks went off in my head, and my heart was racing.

When we broke contact, and came up for air, I nearly collapsed, she though had a tight grip on my hands and didn’t let me.

That happened right? she asked, we kissed?

I nodded, we did… we should probably talk some about that… but not right now, it can wait til tomorrow, let’s just go home and keep your parents from worrying.

I nodded, and we got in the car and I drove us to my house, my parents greeted us and my mom insisted on seeing the dress, so she came up to my room with us and I took it out of the bag and held it up to Allison.

Oh it is stunning, your picture didn’t do it justice in the least!

Allison said thank you very much, and I need to thank Mr Winters too.

It is absolutely our pleasure to help you have the best coming out you can have! I’ll leave you two alone to get changed and cleaned up and she turned and headed out, and right before she left the room, and you might want to redo your lipstick Ellie, before your father notices, he would be ok, but also might not be the best timing.

I nodded, thanks mom, and she turned and closed my door as she left.

I turned to Allison and I thought she was going to melt right there. Hey, it’s ok I reassured her, thats her way of saying she’s ok with it. If she had a problem with us she wouldn’t have pointed it out at all, not while you were here anyways.

Allison started to talk and I put a finger to her lips, tomorrow, today has been a lot, let us take the night and collect both ourselves, ok? And she beamed at me, I really like you

Allison responded in kind, and I really like you, ok, tomorrow as agreed

First, let’s get you cleaned up and ready to go home, as much as your parents are accepting of you hanging out with me, I am pretty sure they would raise their eyebrows at the idea of you doing a sleep over here, as either a boy or a girl.

Allison laughed and sat at the vanity while I carefully put the wig away, and then made sure to remove every trace of makeup from her. She then went and changed and handed me the bra and padding for safekeeping for the night. I hung her dress bag in the closet and set the shoe box next to my shoe rack, and placed her bra, padding and panties in their bag on top.

We came downstairs, and Allison thanked my dad for the dress, and he commented that the picture looked lovely and he was looking forward to seeing me in it tomorrow night.

He again insisted on driving Allison home, and I again tagged along. I got out and hugged her before she headed inside.

I rode home with dad in mostly silence, lost in my own thoughts. He tried to get me to tell him what I was thinking about and I said, not yet dad, but soon. And he politely stopped asking.

I collapsed in bed, without having done my homework, it was ok, I would do it in the morning before Allison arrived. I texted her goodnight and she promptly replied nini <3

I smiled and fell fast asleep.

---

My parents asked me how my evening was, and I said it was wonderful, and that Ellie had invited me over tomorrow too.

Their eyebrows shot up, oh well her parents invited us all over to dinner tomorrow night. my dad responded.

I said oh, thats nice, but I meant tomorrow during the day, and I would already be over there when you came over.

So long as you get your school work done first, I guess thats fine. my mom replied.

I sat down at my desk and it was hard, but I managed to push past it, and got my work done. I texted Ellie goodnight and lay in bed.

I wish I could say I fell asleep easily but I laid there for hours. The number of hours between when my parents would meet Allison for the first time were decreasing, and yet all my mind could do was think about Ellie.

Did this make me a lesbian? Im a girl, and she’s a girl, so lesbian, right? Round and round my mind spun. Do we tell my parents about this too? What would she say tomorrow, I really did like her a lot. I had never even thought of having a girlfriend, or boyfriend or anything, I figured it would never come and had never really thought about it.

I did eventually get to sleep, and got up much later than even usual, my parents finally knocked on my door around 9:30am and asked if I was up yet and did I want any breakfast?

I managed to get up and out bleary eyed and ate the offered toast and microwave bacon.

I texted Ellie and apologized for getting up so late, and she said it was ok, it had given her time to do her homework before I came over, and I could come over whenever I liked.

I went to the bathroom and took that bag and did most of the things again, although Ellie had warned me not to wash my hair again so soon. I shaved my legs, hitting those bits I had missed last time, but it took much less time. I decided to do a few other areas too real quickly, then got out, patted dry, moisturized and put on deodorant and threw on my clothes on and rushed out the door telling my parents I would see them tonight.

I waked the couple blocks over to Ellie’s and Mrs Winters greeted me at the door warmly with a hug. Come on in darling, todays a wonderful day and we are here for you.

Ellie came rushing out of her room again and bounded down the stairs, come on let’s get Allison out! and started dragging me up to her room. She had an outfit laid out, some casual shorts and v-neck top, but also my bra, padding and white & blue panties.

I looked at it, not the fancy dress?

Nope! For right now, just a casual outfit, we don’t want to risk getting your nice dress messy before tonight do we?

I smiled, I guess we don’t. I quickly got changed, and Ellie helped me on with my wig and put a little light makeup on me and while it was a different look, I was very happy with my reflection in the mirror.

We went and sat on her bed and faced each other, So… I started

So… she returned

About last night I said.. I, I’ve never kissed anyone before, to be honest I kind of figured I never would.

She smiled, I have, but only once, and it went badly, she got really mad shortly after and ended it, not that it had really gone anywhere.

I looked sad, oh, thats too bad, she’s missing out on a really great girl

She laughed, well, she was cis, so you know, affordances have to be made, they don’t always handle us well. So I told you Im gay, and I mean it, I’ve never wanted anything more than to be a girl with a girl, and maybe some day a wife.

I, never really thought about it, I knew I wanted to be a girl but didn’t think that was a thing that could be done, and I figured that anyone who found out about it would laugh at me, call me a freak and leave, so I figured a life alone was my lot.

Did you like the kiss last night?

I did, did you?

Very much so.

Would you like to try again?

I nodded, yes, I would

We tried again, and it was more awkward this time, I managed to hit her nose with mine and we laughed, but the next attempt was fine, and it was so good. I had never felt this way before about anyone or anything. Being a girl with a girl kind of rocks.

We did this for quite awhile, and then a knock came at the door.

Girls, it’s me, Mrs Winters called, do you want to run out and grab some lunch before this evenings festivities?

Ellie looked at me and I nodded, and she called out, yes mom, out momentarily.

She looked in the mirror and at me, oh geez, we better fix this real quick and began wiping her and my lipstick off, and redoing it really quick. I know she’s ok with it, but also let’s not push our luck here.

Right, I said. We headed out and got in Mrs Winters car, Mr Winters had wished us a nice time out as just the women and stayed home to eat a sandwich.

So, burgers?

We both said yes please, and we went to a local burger joint, good but not super fancy.

As we were finishing, so, Allison, it occurs to me that you overlooked a couple of things last night and I am going to offer to correct that.

I said oh? What did we miss?

She smiled, accessories! Every girl’s got to have some, a necklace, maybe a bracelet, earrings. Also your own makeup, Ellie’s skin tone is a bit different from yours.

Ellie laughed and said I knew I was forgetting things.

I agreed to go along,

We stopped at the same mall as last night, and I didn’t need to hold Ellie’s hand this time. We went to an accessories chain store and got some costume but nice jewelry, including a pair of clip on earrings that would match my outfit. Ellie’s mom offered to pay for ear piercings too, but I declined saying I wasn’t ready for that just yet. She relented and said just as well, better to use a real piercing parlor anyways with a proper needle which surprised me. Ellie chipped in that it was true and had hers done after moving out here.

Then it was off to the makeup store, and Mrs Winters quickly explained to the sales person we needed a color match, and some new lipstick. The lovely sales person quickly sat me on a stool at a mirror and proceeded to do a couple tests with meters and said I needed gibberish I didn’t understand and I said as much

She laughed, it’s ok, you’ll learn honey.

She helped us find a foundation, blush, lipstick and an eye color palate that should work, and a couple other things, and finally a cheap set of brushes. I was shocked at the total and started to protest but Mrs Winters said its ok, this is my treat.

I nodded and let it happen.

Then Ellie said oh, one more thing! She guided us off to the department store, and found a really nice little purse, cute, elegant and practical rolled in to one, and paid for it with her own money.

We got home with our purchases and Mr Winters laughed, I kind of suspected that was the plan.

Mrs Winters said ok, we’ve got cooking and other things to do for tonight, and you two should go enjoy your afternoon and relax, tonights going to be hard even if its good and you should rest.

Ellie started to protest and wanting to help downstairs, but her mom insisted, and went up to Ellies room.

We sat down on her bed, and she said, now then, where were we?

We kissed for a bit, but we were both actually very tired and I said maybe we could just sit here and rest and we both drifted off to sleep sitting on her bed leaning against each other.

Suddenly woke with a start to knocking on the door, Hey, its been quiet in there for awhile, but its 4:30 and probably time to start getting ready, if you took a nap time to get up.

Ellie called thanks mom! And we both started rushing about getting ready. Ellie had her own outfit picked out, and changed in the bedroom while I changed in the bathroom. Thankfully the dress was a side zip, so I didn’t need to have her help with that.

She was already mostly done with her makeup when I got out of the bathroom.

Oh good timing, Im done she said, sit here.

She did my makeup with the new foundation, lipstick, blusher and a color rom the eye palette. She also commented she was using the good mascara and eyeliner wouldn’t run even if I cried my eyes out. But removing it would be a pain in the ass.

The difference between Ellie’s makeup on me and mine on me was night and day, I had no idea a few shades difference could matter that much. She fixed my hair, and put a cute barrette in, and helped me clip my earrings, and clasped my necklace behind my neck.

Ok, so, I think no stockings, your legs are gorgeous, and then on with the shoes with some little no show stocking socks, also black. I stood and they did feel different from the sandals, but doable.

I looked at the clock on my phone, it was 5:20, my parents would be here any moment. And just then I got a text from them that they were walking out the door.

And… then I started to panic a bit…

Oh my god am I really doing this? I can’t do this, what if they hate me? What if they disown me? What if they just want to torture me… and on that list went without stopping to breathe, and Ellie hugged me then grabbed a bag and said hey, hey, calm down, breathe, and put the bag in front o my face and held it for me while I breathed deeply.

Meanwhile she was saying calming reassuring things to me.

Its ok Allison, it will be fine, your parents are good people, and it might be a shock, but I think they will accept you fine ultimately. And I and my parents will be here for you the whole time regardless of what happens.

I looked at my phone again, and it was just 5:25 already, but they hadn’t pulled up yet

Wow time flies when you’re panicking I laughed.

It can, yup. You good?

Yup, I think so.

Mrs Winters came up and said 5 minute check girls, hows it going? you ready? can I see?

Ellie said yup, we’re ready! Come on in.

Mrs winters came in, and insisted on a quick picture of the two of us before all this started.

Ok, your dad and I are going to greet them at the door, and will signal you when it’s time to come downstairs, just be waiting.

She headed out, leaving the door open behind her and we stood there looking at each other. I can do this I said finally, continuing to remember to breathe.

We stood there out of site upstairs, waiting. The doorbell rang. I gripped Ellies hand, she smiled at me.

I heard her parents open the door, and greet my parents. Introductions all around. My mom asked, so where’s the kids?

Oh, they are upstairs Mrs Winters said, should be down in just a moment.

I started but Ellie held me back, not yet she whispered, a girl is never early she winked at me.

I smiled an anxious smile

Soon she whispered

Well something smells good my dad commented.

Mr Winters said, the lamb chops are just finishing roasting, and will be ready very soon. Can I get you two anything to drink?

My mom asked for just a seltzer water, and dad asked for an iced tea if they had any. While Mr winters did that, I heard our moms chatting about how lovely the weather was. When they were all back in the living room together and distracted

Ellie looked at me, and whispered now. She shut her door behind us making sure it would be heard,

I nodded, and we set out down the stairs hand in hand.

All four heads turned to look at the stairs and saw two sets of heeled feet coming down the stairs.

We got to a small landing halfway down where it turned 90 degrees and we were fully visible and paused, Uh hi mom and dad I said.

Mom and dad just sat there agape, shocked speechless. I didn’t know what else to say. Ellie started in, Mr and Mrs Smith, I would like you to meet your daughter, Allison.

I waved a little, and said hi again.

Mom looked like she was about to cry, and dad was still stunned. We finished the last bit of stairs, and my mom stood and had started crying but also came over and hugged me deeply and said in my ear, oh honey, I knew something was going on, I just didn’t know it was this. I love you so much and this wont change that.

My dad had managed to come out of it now and also came over and joined the hug, the same for me kiddo, son or daughter, you are still my kid and I love you.

The hug lasted for a good 30 seconds while the Winters just stood there looking on smiling. I think the hug would’ve continued if a timer hadn’t beeped in the kitchen, causing us all to jolt out of it.

Mr Winters said I’ll be right back, just going to take them out and let them coast to perfection.

The hug broke and mom said take a step back and let me get a look at my daughter.

She eyed me up and down, and told me to give her a spin, and both her and dad were smiling so big.

You look amazing dear, and that explains the long shower the other night looking at my legs and laughed.

I blushed and giggled, sorry for the fibs the last week and a half

No honey it’s not you who should be sorry, it’s us and society as a whole who should be sorry, that you were worried we wouldn’t accept you, there’s so many terrible stories out there and we get it.

Dad asked so what as your name again? I admit I was a bit out of it when Ellie introduced you.

It’s Allison dad

Oh that’s lovely, any particular reason?

Ellie helped me out by trying different names, and I really liked Allison when I heard her call me that.

Mom said and honey, I have a confession, I knew something was up last week. That Thursday night where you went to your room real quick and I heard you up quite late. I happened to check around 2am, and I admit, I when I saw you slumped there asleep with the light on and a stack of books I looked to see what they were. It was a breach of your privacy and I feel bad about that.

I decided that when you were ready, you would tell us whatever you were trying to work out. Your dad and I did talk about it a bit, and we both said we would do absolutely everything we could to support you.

It was fresh on our minds when Ellie came over, dad chimed in, I too had been reading and I was just so mad at the world. How can parents be like this?

Mrs Winters chimed in at this point, I don’t know either, it was so bad that we moved out of state and changed jobs.

Ellie spoke up hey! This is a celebration! Enough of that for now, there will be plenty of time to be mad at the world but for now let’s celebrate Allison.

Another timer dinged. And that’s the lamb chops coasting timer, let’s eat Mr Winters said.

We all adjourned to the dining table and sat down, me next Ellie, and Mr and Mrs Winters and the ends and dad and mom on the opposite side.

The food was absolutely delicious, little red potatoes, lamb chops and some green bean casserole.

And then Mrs Winters brought out a surprise, a cake with a trans pride flag saying Congratulations Allison written on it. They insisted on a picture with the cake, and I insisted on one with Ellie, and my parents and finally Mr Winters set up a timer photo of all of us

When we had finished eating some of the cake we returned to the living room and chatted. Ellie managed to get arranged a shopping trip for all the girls tomorrow, and my parents asked when and how I wanted to tell my sister, who was away at college,

I think maybe a FaceTime call tomorrow afternoon? She’s probably busy on a Saturday night.

Mom thought, yeah, probably. I’ll text her and say that we all have something to tell her and set up a time

Thanks mom I said smiling.

Mom asked ok, I simply must know where you got this dress, it’s absolutely gorgeous.

I told her the store and her eyes went wide, and how much did that cost? I would be happy to…

Mrs Winters stopped her, it was our pleasure to be able to help her look and feel good tonight, we wanted and were able to help support her in this, so we did, you don’t need to worry about it

My mom and dad looked at each other and then at the Winters, thank you all so very much for helping our daughter, we really do appreciate that she has such a wonderful friend to help her with this.

There were many questions, and many answers, and discussion and it got quite late.

We eventually left to many hugs, and Mrs Winters and Ellie both hugged and kissed me on my cheek before we left, with a bag containing my old clothes, my new clothes and makeup, the wig stand and box, and a surprise parting gift from the Winters of a cute nightgown, and robe.

Ellie also slipped in a t-shirt and the shorts from Friday night for our shopping trip tomorrow.

We bundled it all in to my dads car, who drove us the short distance home, and then helped us haul everything in to my room. Mom and dad both smiled and gave me a hug goodnight. I saw my phone had a message from Ellie wishing me good sleep and that we would see each other tomorrow.

I realized I still had to get everything off, and I set about getting changed and cleaned up for bed, I didn’t bother with a shower but I did use some makeup remover wipes that Ellie had included. The good eye makeup did indeed prove to be difficult, but I managed. I also managed to get the wig on to its stand on my desk ok, and I hung the dress up in my closet not knowing what else to do for now.

And then I collapsed in to my bed in my first nightie, and fell in to the deepest sleep ever.

I stumbled out of my room at 10am to the smell of food, and my parents had made waffles and real bacon which was unusual but I was thankful for it. I was in my nightie, robe and underwear and it felt awkward but also somehow right. We chatted for a bit and I texted back and forth with Ellie and we all agreed to meet at the mall at the food court.

The trip was fun, and the amount my mom spent was a bit shocking.

I had some outfits that would be school acceptable, more makeup, a couple pairs of shoes, more panties and a couple more bras, and on the list went.

Mom said while we ate lunch, that if I wanted we could talk to the Principal first thing in the morning about coming to school as myself, and getting my name handled.

I hesitated, ummm,

It’s ok if you aren’t ready she quickly said

No, I want to, and it’s not like hardly anyone knows me anyways. I bet I could show up at home room and my teacher would think I was in the wrong place, just scary.

Well think on it

I will I smiled.

Our moms wandered ahead of us a fair bit between stores, and let us chat behind them. I asked Ellie, what do you think? Should I start at school as me right away?

I mean, it’s ultimately up to you, but I think it would be good, I think you will be happier living one life than two, it’s hard to live two lives. The fall semester where I came out to my parents but didn’t start at school as myself til that spring was the hardest of my life. I couldn’t be fully me anywhere.

I nodded. As we were hauling things out to the car, and all of us had a couple of bags, I told mom that I wanted to do it, and could I go with her as me?

She laughed and nodded, of course silly, they wont have a problem with it, they just need a heads up.

We got home and it took multiple trips even with dad helping to get everything in to my room. I didn’t have much in my closet so most of it fit, although some old things had to be boxed temporarily.

I tried to sort out what I would be wearing for tomorrow, and I settled on a summer dress that I had really liked when I tried it on in the store, and some tennis shoes.

And then it was time for my sister, to meet, well, her sister. I haven’t talked about tons about her, as I had said we weren’t close. I spent too much of my life jealous of her. We had talked about whether maybe I could borrow some of her things but we are fairly different body sizes and it ruled out a lot of her things that she had left behind, Im taller and skinny, she shorter and curvy.

Mom and dad started the FaceTime call, and said Hi Emily! Hope school’s going ok

It’s been fine mom, what is this about? You said you had something to tell me? that sounds ominous at best.

It’s nothing bad honey dad chimed in, just maybe surprising. At that point I joined them in frame, uh, hi sis, so uh, turns out Im trans, and I’ve decided to go by the name Allison.

She sat there blinking for a moment. WHAT?? She shouted. Hey! Hello sister, thats a cute name. I kind of always wanted a baby sister! Wait a second, did you go rummaging through my things? Who’s shirt is that? Don’t go rummaging through someones things without permission!

I didn’t! I said indignantly, This was a gift from Ellie

And who’s Ellie? her eyebrows waggled as she asked

I groaned, a friend, she helped me out a lot with this

Well she has good taste in both friends and shirts. Also Im just teasing, feel free to go through things if you want, although I know we aren’t exactly similar size wise. So whats the plan?

Well… mom said, we are going to talk to the school tomorrow morning about getting Allison set up as Allison there.

Emily laughed, wait is that same asshole still principal?

Nono, he got replaced the year after you graduated, the new one is a woman, much nicer, very actively supportive of progress.

Emily breathed a sigh of relief, whoo, thats good, I think the previous guy actually bullied a trans kid once when I was a freshman.

Emily held up her phone and showed my contact sheet, See sis, already updated! You are you and I love you so much and this really explains a LOT of things. I kind of need to get back to the school work, I partied a bit hard on Friday and Saturday and Im paying for it.

Dad said, Well I’m glad you are having a good time, and glad you are still doing school work as well.

We all said a bunch of I love you’s and goodbyes and talk to ya laters. I went back to my room to rest, it had been a long weekend, and tomorrow was going to be a lot.

a little while after that, Emily texted me, So… tell me more about Ellie?

I texted Ellie to ask if it was ok if I shared with Emily about us,

I mean, my mom knows, its only fair that you have someone to talk to about it too.

Can I send her one of the pics of us from last night?

Absolutely =)

I went back to texting Emily, I sent the pic of us with the cake, and said this is us last night, I hadn’t expected the cake

Oh she is cute! And that cake is adorable =)

So you and her, you are a like, a thing, right?

I sat there typing and deleting and typing for awhile, long enough to be noticed I guessed.

Im going to take that as a yes, but you don’t know how to say it

nods

Oh Im so happy for you both, I hope it goes well.

I do too, Im really nervous, I’ve never had anyone like her in my life

Well baby sis, just don’t get too lost in your own head about it, enjoy being with her, and remember! Communication!

Yes yes I replied, Im trying

So… tell me how it started?

I texted her bits of it, including a bit about our first kiss

Awww, ok, I need to get back to school work again, later baby sis

Later big sis =) I texted, I think Im going to take a nap

And I did, and managed to get back up, get a shower, and get cleaned up before bed, and then collapsed in bed early for me and slept til mom was knocking on my door saying we needed to go a bit earlier so we could talk to the Principal before class.

---

I know we’ve been tag teaming here but we’ve come to more or less the end of this tale, and the ending is all mine. It’s not my whole life by any means, or Ellies, but this is where this bit of the story ends. Obviously Ellie is still in my life, or it would be awfully hard to have her voice in here as well.

The first day at school went exactly as I predicted funnily, principal was fine, wrote a quick note to my home room teacher and one for each of my other teachers as well, and when I walked in to home room a few minutes late my homeroom teacher looked at me and said yes, can I help you miss?

I handed her the note, which read ‘Mrs Sharpe, Allison Smith will be joining your class in place of Bill Smith, please treat her accordingly’ with the principal signature.

She read it, confused for a moment, did a double take at me. Class, I would like to introduce Allison, who will be joining us here in class, there was a chorus of hello’s and welcomes and not for the first time, but, I felt seen. I walked back and sat in the same seat I had the previous weeks, right next to Ellie and smiled at her

This repeated throughout the day in all my classrooms, and my friends at GSA welcomed me with hugs both at lunch and at the meeting after asking if it was ok.

Life went on, and maybe we will write some more on that some other time. But for now, I hope you enjoyed this little story of how an alone ‘boy’ named Bill started over as a girl named Allison with more friends than I knew what to do with.