This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

This is a work of fiction, any resemblance to real people or places is purely coincidence.

Monday:

I was normally a light but late sleeper. Today when sun started peaking through the trees, I was up like a bolt. I wasn’t sure what I could do or where I could go at this unholy hour of six am, so I quietly got out of bed, used the restroom, then tip toed to the front of the cabin to head out on to the porch and sit and think for a bit.

I realized when I got to the front of the cabin, Marie wasn’t there, her bed already neatly made.

I sat quietly on the front porch. And in not too long, Marie came walking back to the cabin, she said, good morning Billy, but not too loudly.

I said back to her, good morning Marie, as she came up, quietly opened the door and sat the bundle she was carrying down on the cot then turned around and sat down next to me on the porch.

How did you sleep? she asked

Weird, I’m not used to being in deep sleep, or remembering dreams or being up this early.

And what did you dream about?

I uh, I dreamed about wearing a dress, and you and George driving off bullies.

Well I mean we absolutely would, no one bullies kids at this camp and she smiled over at me.

How would, how would it work?

Us driving off bullies?

I laughed but caught myself trying to not be too loud and wake people. No, uh, being a girl? I can’t just be one, I’m not trans.

It was Marie’s turn to catch herself from laughing too loud, sweetie, what do you think makes you not trans?

I don’t know, they have like, a condition or something? They see doctors, they get a diagnosis, there’s a test

Marie again giggled, sweetie, the only thing that makes you trans or not is you deciding you are up here and she tapped her temple.

Wait, you just decided?

I mean, it wasn’t a choice for me, and it’s not for a lot of trans people, and it wouldn’t matter if someone did choose this, the choice for most of us is whether you accept the truth of yourself, and come out, whether you transition. It’s a hard choice, the world is sadly cruel, but there’s also a lot of benefits, I’m so much happier now than I was back then.

I nodded, yeah… I wasn’t looking forward to camp. The last one also said it was a nice place. It was not.

I’m sure that was hard, and I’m sure it was hard to try one more time and come here, but you are here now, and this is a nice place.

So… how does it work?

How does what work? She asked

I glared a bit at her, how does me being a girl work?

She waved her hands at me, You want to be a girl? Abra cadabra! Poof! You’re a girl

But I’m still me! You didn’t do anything…

Well first off, of course you’re still you, you are always going to be you, but I said it last night and I’ll say it again, if you want to be a girl, you just can be. You might in time be a happier or better you than you are now, but it’s not going to be like suddenly you are someone completely different.

I groaned, you think a lot about this stuff don’t you.

Sweetie, I’m trans and I work at a camp that makes it it’s mission to be supportive of kids coming to terms with themselves, of course I think about it a lot.

But like, what about clothes and stuff? I don’t have any girls clothes, and my name…

Ok, first, if you are a girl, then yes, you do have girls clothes, you are a girl and they are your clothes, clothes aren’t gendered, second, names take time, maybe you will find one this week, or maybe you will try a bunch and it will be awhile before you like one…

But…

She put her finger to her lips, if you mean clothes that our society says are girlier, we can help there. We literally run a closet for that with clothes you can try on, and if you really like them, you can even take them home with you.

Wait, really?

Yup, one of the activity cabins you might not have noticed is labeled Penny’s Closet

I noticed, I figured it was literally just where she stored things

Marie laughed, well it is that in the back half certainly. Tell ya what, let’s walk over and visit.

I looked at my watch, is it ok? It’s awfully early still

It’s fine, let me blip Penny though, she has excellent taste and is really good at helping kids figure out looks that work for them

I…

I kind of need another adult around anyways when we are in an activity space

Yeah… ok

Marie took a walkie off her belt, turned the volume up a bit, keyed the mic, Penny you there?

Penny responded almost instantly, yup, what’s up Marie?

Got a camper who wants to visit the closet before breakfast

There was a brief pause, Billy? Be right there, was just over checking an issue in the west camp.

Meet you there replied Marie and put it back on her clip

Wait, she knows?

I mean, just because no one commented on you running out didn’t mean staff didn’t notice, and I swear I haven’t told her anything about what we talked about last night. A lot of first years that want to visit the closet the first day just want something more expressive of their existing presumed gender

Did you visit the closest your first day?

Marie laughed, a bit louder as we were now not right by any cabins. Haha, no, I was a stubborn little egg, I didn’t crack til Thursday night participating in a gender swapped Julius Caesar, just so intensely jealous of the girls playing Caesar and Brutus, I broke character and broke and kind of admitted it right there on stage. Penny helped me find a really nice swimsuit for the beach party Friday afternoon, I suspect she may have gone in to the local town and grabbed a few in roughly my size early that morning so I would have a choice.

We had arrived before Penny who showed up walking fast, sorry for the wait, had two staff members stop me with trivialities on the way over

No worries Penny, Marie said

Uh hi, uh Penny?

Hi Billy she smiled at me as we walked up on the porch and started unlocking the door, Quite the revelation last night, eh? Don’t worry, Marie hasn’t said a thing to me since before supper til calling me on the radio, your secret is yours for as long as you want us to keep it.

I blushed, uh, yeah, I, uh, I wanna, I want to be a girl

Poof your’e a girl!

I laughed, Marie already did that bit

Stealing my material are ya?

It’s just such good material Penny, you taught me so much in just a day and all the years since.

And I’ve always got more to teach, but also you’ve learned pretty well… Ok, so Billy, you say you want to be a girl, and since Marie asked me to open up the closet, I suspect you want to try on some more socially normative for girls clothing.

I nodded, uh, yes please

Ok, well come on in!

Penny’s Closet was a big room with racks of clothing on all sides and a couple racks in the middle but also space for a changing booth, and some mirrors.

Oh, that’s a lot of clothes

We’ve got a bit of everything for everyone in here, in a fair variety of sizing Penny said, and don’t worry, we’ll help.

Penny went over to a cubby and looked back at me, starting with some underwear, don’t worry, this package is brand new, the clothes may mostly be second hand, but everyone deserves their own never worn underwear

I took the package, nervous, are you sure this is ok?

Sure, we aren’t going to see you in them, that’s just to start… now then, would you rather start with dresses and skirts, or girlier shorts?

I hesitated, I think just shorts? I’m not sure I’m ready for dresses yet

And that’s ok Marie said, I mostly wear shorts here at camp for practical reasons

I went in to the changing room, and opened the package, it had a bralet that I managed to get on, and noticed it had a bit of built in padding, and I slipped on the panties in place of my boxers. And then Penny handed in a pair of things, let’s start simple and it was just white cotton shorts with blue stripes, and a t-shirt that had the word princess on it in sparkly letters

I stepped out and looked in the mirror, I uh, still look like a guy and tears started to form

Marie came over and said can I give you a hug?

I nodded, yes

She hugged me, it’s hard at first, but we will find the right look, and she stepped back and brushed my shortish hair with her hand a bit, then slipped a thing in my hair and then one on the other side. Cuter already

I turned around and looked, and the barrettes had butterflies on them and that made me smile, from caterpillar to butterfly

Penny looked me over, I’ve got a better idea, get back in there and I’ll hand it in.

I started taking off the shorts and shirt, and in Penny handed another shirt, a knit shirt with rainbow stripes and a deeper neck line, and a pair of shortalls, and also a pair of sandals in pink

I managed to figure out how to get in to them and came out

Oh much better Marie said and gave me a thumbs up.

I wasn’t sure, but turned around and looked in the mirror, oh

Oh is right Penny said, that’s a cute look on you

I blushed, thanks

It’s absolutely my pleasure Penny said, this is no small part of why this camp exists.

so… can I wear this today?

Absolutely! Marie said, then looked at her watch, hrm, let’s pick a few other things real quick so you can have them to change in to later, and then we can go back to the cabin and greet them before breakfast

Sounds great,

They helped me sort through t-shirts and shorts and we put together a bundle for me to take back that seemed more than I needed for even a week much less a few days but they assured me I might not like some of it and should have options.

Ok kiddo, ready to go back to the cabin?

Sure, are you sure is it ok if I still go by Billy for now?

Absolutely, Billys a fine girls name as far as I care

I do kind of want something different, but I don’t know what yet.

Penny laughed, keep thinking on it, and be sure to let us know! If you want to we will update your badge and George is always happy to update swim tags too.

Thanks Penny, can I hug you?

Sure sweetie,

I hugged her and then Marie and I set off back toward Caterpillar cabin.

I got nervous as we approached, and various campers greeted us, not yet recognizing that I was different, or perhaps, not caring.

You ready she asked?

I hesitated… kind of?

Anything I can do to help?

I’ve uh, been thinking, I don’t want to use my old name, it’s not even my legal name, but people always called me it.

Do you have a name in mind?

Carly, like Carly Rae

Right on Marie said, Carly’s a great name!

I blushed, thanks

Ok, let’s do this she said, and if you need to you can hold my hand

I laughed, I think I’ll be ok

Ok then! She started up the steps of the cabin, the sounds of kids shuffling about inside could be heard and I followed

She entered first

Goooood morning Caterpillar I heard her call

A chorus of Morning Marie! could be heard, I put my hand on the door

Hey everyone, we have a new Caterpillar to introduce! I know you all heard Penny last night about respecting peoples names and pronouns if they decide to change them, so without further ado! I present Carly!

I opened the door and stepped inside the cabin, uh hi everyone, I want to go by Carly, and she/her for now

Hi Carly a chorus cheered out, and Lily came running up to me and hugged me, Carly! It’s a cute name for you, and I love your shortalls!

Marie looked over at me and smiled, see, no muss no fuss, then turned back to the cabin, are you all ready for breakfast yet?

A mix of yes and no’s called out

Well it’s in 15 minutes, so get ready or all the good bacon will be gone! And that got them moving

You all know the way over? I’ll be checking that you show up but won’t walk you all over there

Yes Marie, we know the way a few called

As for you Carly, let’s go get that name tag updated!

Lily asked, can I come? I’m already dressed and teeth brushed!

Sure, just going to the office though I said

That’s ok!

The three of us walked towards the cafeteria and office, and Lily asked me as we walked, Why Carly?

I blushed, I like her music

Wait is that what you are listening to all the time??

I mean, some of, yeah, at least at home alone, out here it’s been more the things I can listen to without getting flagged as ‘girly’

Marie chimed in, I get it, boys should be able to like the music they like regardless, but society so heavily genders things it’s hard, for me it was Barbie and tinker bell movies that I would watch hiding in my room.

We arrived at the building and Marie led us up a back set of steps and used her key to get in

Hey Penny, you in here?

Yup, just going through some of the daily paperwork pile.

Well, Carly here has chosen a name she would like on a badge

Oh that’s lovely! I knew a Carly once, long time ago, let me pull that up, she pulled up a template badge file and quickly typed in Carly, and set my cabin to Caterpillar

And she/hers sweetie?

Yes please Penny

All righty, and she hit print and closed out. Soon a badge was printed out and swapped out with my old one

Ok, breakfast time? Lily asked obviously hungry

Marie laughed, yes, breakfast time, coming Penny?

I’ll be along in a bit, just need to deal with a few more sheets, you run along ahead girls

Right-o, just remember to eat sometime boss!

We went back out in to the corridor and Marie led us over to a door that took us out in to the Cafeteria, to a scene of kids hungrily eating. We got in line to get our food, and low and behold, Billie showed up right behind us

Oh hey Bil… they started to say,

Marie quickly said Hello Billie, meet Carly! And made a tapping sign at her badge

Oh! It’s a cute name! Congrats on picking it out! And your outfit is cute!

I blushed, Thanks Billie, sorry about not still being name buddies anymore, I just didn’t like it as my name that much

Hey no worries! I chose my name too, everyone should get that opportunity

And who’s your shy friend?

I realized Lily was hiding behind me

I looked at her and she nodded, and I made the introduction Billie, this is Lily, Lily, this is Billie

Pleased to meetcha Lily, Billie stuck out their hand, and Lily came out from behind me, nice to meet you too Billie

We reached the front of the line, and today was French toast and sausage for the main option.

Marie saw someone waving at her from a table with a seat saved, if you’ll be ok without me, I appear to have others interested in my presence

I nodded, I’ll be fine, thank you Marie

You are very welcome Carly she smiled

Billie said you can join me and my friends this morning if you want!

I looked to Lily who nodded

Ok I said

Billie lead us to a half full table and began introductions

Carly, Lily this is Millie, Aurora, Josh, and Elliot.

Hiya, I’m Millie, she/hers, demi girl, and this is my second year here

Howdy, Aurora said, they/them, non binary and fairly femme, plural, and this is our third year

Josh, he/him, gay, and this is my second.

Elliot waved, I’m gender fluid, and the pronouns I go by vary, but today he/him works, this is my fourth and sadly final year as a camper, but next year, I’m trying to get a spot on staff, I really want to give back to a camp that gave me so much and he smiled big

And I’m Billie, third year, they/them, and I’m, well, queer, that’s the short version anyways!

Lily introduced herself, and I saw she was more confident than in the breakfast line, and then it was my turn

Uh hi, I’m Carly, she/hers, first year here and my first day as Carly

Congrats! Millie and Aurora said, the others cheered

Millie spoke up, I was a discrete brochure camper last year, and Marie helped me out a lot.

Elliot said and I was a runner that first night, we’ve all had our own coming out stories, and no one here will judge you for any of yours

I blushed, I still don’t know how they knew

Your parents? Parents can be awfully perceptive, or completely oblivious, like mine Aurora said, they clearly care though, they sent you here

I mean, they sent me to a terrible camp last year

They are also human Josh said, mine tried to get me in to Boy Scouts like dad did, and like, no. I don’t have any interest in that group of child molester protecting jerks. But when I told them what I thought of it after the first meeting mine at least listened

The food was good but it was soon gone

So, Billie asked looking at Lily and Me, what are you getting up to today? Did you get your swim test done yesterday?

Yup Lily said

That’s good, don’t have to do it today then, any interest in Archery?

Lily’s eyes lit up, YES! Like Katnis!

Well I think we were all planning on hitting up the range this morning if you want to tag along!

Yes!

Meet you at Caterpillar in say, half an hour?

Sounds great Lily said cheerfully

I nodded, I’ll be there

Lily and I broke off from them to head to our cabin for a bit before then

So… how are you doing Carly? Lily asked me as we walked

I’m conflicted, I love this so much but I don’t see how it’s realistic

What’s not realistic?

I’m a boy, everyone in society says that I’m a boy

Everyone said I was a boy too, probably same for Marie

But you aren’t! You are clearly girls

And what makes you different?

I don’t know, I just, this is hard

Lily and I got to our porch and sat down on a porch swing, she put her hand on mine, it was hard for me too, that first hurdle is so huge, But it gets easier, and you feel more comfortable as yourself, and I’m much happier now than I was a year ago, and you already seem much happier now than you did yesterday. That’s not to say happiness is constant, but my highs are higher and the lows are less frequent and less bad

But I feel like a fake

That’s society getting your head said Marie coming up the steps, you can’t be a fake at being you, you are you, she went in side the cabin briefly, you two coming by handicraft today? We’re making lanyards of various types!

We’re joining Billie and some others at Archery this morning, maybe this afternoon? I said

Sounds good, also ok if not, have a good time at archery!

Thanks I said, and Marie headed off to the handicraft cabin

Billie and the others joined us shortly and we walked over.

So… Millie? What is a demi girl? I asked, I’ve never heard that one

Oh, I don’t think of myself as quite a girl, but more so than not in my case

Huh, I uh, always wanted to be all girl, I don’t know if I understand that, but eh, I don’t have to understand everything, heck I don’t understand myself! And I laughed

So long as you respect it, and don’t act like I’m all girl, that’s fine

Oh sure, absolutely

She grinned, so Carly, like the singer?

I laughed loudly, yes, like her

And Millie and Billie started singing a bit of Call Me Maybe as we walked and I joined in

It wasn’t that far to the archery range and the only people there so far were staff, who let us in but said we couldn’t start til 9, and it was just past 8:30

We sat down at a picnic table under an awning

Any of you done archery before Lily asked?

I tried last year and got heckled I said,

Yup! Couple years I’ve fit it in, it’s fun even if I’m not good at it Aurora chimed in

Is it hard to do?

They have different weights of bows here, some take more strength than others, and some of the targets are closer in for beginners Josh said

We chatted about things, laughing, and time passed, a couple other kids showed up, and then a staff member clapped hands and said, hi everyone! My name is Tag and I’m the head of archery here, along with my assistants Liz and Bob.

Ok, time for a safety lecture! I know it’s boring, but it’s super important, these things can be dangerous if you don’t treat them with respect!

We all nodded along

Absolutely no running. Absolutely no being past the shooting line until one of us moves the flag to say it’s safe after everyone has put their bows and arrows down. Absolutely no pointing notched arrows at each other, or throwing arrows or bows at each other. Do not draw back on a bow without an arrow notched! It can damage the bow and hurt you. If you violate these rules you will be asked to leave today, if you violate them twice you will be removed and not allowed back this year. If you should by some accident injure yourself or another, please let us know right away, and we will get you first aid immediately.

We will be helping the first timers find a bow that’s right for them, and learning the basics, if you’ve done this before and have an idea of what weight of bow you may select your own from the rack. You may proceed, first timers though stick around

The others went to get bows they wanted from the rack, and a quiver and proceeded to the firing line which was being observed by Tag

Hiya first timers! Im Liz and this is Bob and we are gonna help you learn the basics.

They pulled down a chart hanging on the awning, ok, so, basically this is the bow, they have a string that we string between them to bend them to that shape. This is an arrow, it has a tip, shaft, fletching, and a notch. The notch goes towards the string while the tip gets aimed at the target. Most of our bows also have a rest to sit the arrow on to help aim. We’re gonna do a brief demonstration, and then get you to try it!

Bob picked up his bow, and a quiver, walked over to the firing line at a fairly close target without too many other campers next to him so we could all watch, he hung the quiver and bow on a stand, and said ok, so, this is how you store them when we need to clear the range to retrieve arrows and such.

He picked up his bow, ok, so I’m right handed so I hold the bow in my left, and I stand with my left shoulder facing the target, I draw an arrow, and he pulled one out, and notch it, and slipped it on to the string, note these little marks on the strings, those are to help you get it centered, also note the little notch at the front where the arrow is resting.

Before drawing it back, I keep it aimed low, and as I draw back, using my index and middle finger, I raise the bow, and aim at the target, and then release my fingers, and the arrow sailed at the target and struck solidly but slightly off center.

Don’t worry if you don’t hit the target, there’s a berm behind them, and nothing beyond that even, it takes practice to learn how to aim.

The three of us first timers at this range then walked over and Liz and Bob helped us figure out what weight of bow we should use by having us lift a series of barbells using our dominant hand, and then Lily and I carried ours and a quiver over to the closest targets. My bow was a bit bigger and stronger than hers, but so was I.

I had shot a few arrows before so let Liz and Bob help Lily and the other first year from the other freshman cabin. I picked up an arrow and notched it and drew it back and aimed and, well, glanced off the target, but was closer than I had honestly expected.

I looked at Lily next to me as Liz helped her shoot her first, and stuck, albeit loosely in to the edge of the target

Better than me I told her, and she laughed,

beginner’s luck!

My next arrow I adjusted a bit and while it wasn’t a bullseye by any means, it was solidly sunk in to the outer ring

Oh nice! Lily said

Thanks

She tried again with some tips from Liz and managed a similar position

We traded for a bit, encouraging each other, til we were out of arrows, and then hung our bows and waited for the clear to go retrieve the arrows. Another batch of kids had showed up late and there wasn’t quite enough space for all of us at the firing line, and Lily volunteered to sit out a round and I joined her.

So, how are you doing she asked quietly

I looked around, uh, still feel pretty anxious to be honest, I like the outfit, and being called Carly, but it’s a big shift that I didn’t think was possible, and I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop

You’ll get to where that isn’t a problem

And my parents, how did they know? I never said or did anything that I know of

Parents are weird like that, I came out to them after summer camp last year and they said that it honestly made a lot of sense and they still loved me and they’ve been really supportive. Turned out I had said some things in preschool like ‘I want to be a mom like mommy’ that I didn’t remember

I don’t remember anything like that either, and surely there must’ve been something more recent?

Well, the camp doesn’t ask why, maybe they just thought you were gay? Do you like guys?

I, well, not really? I mean, some of them are cute, but they don’t really interest me, I don’t have like, posters of guys around or anything… oh…

Oh?

The clothing… when mom was taking me shopping last fall for school, I had zero interest and I kept looking at the girls section across the aisle, I thought I was discrete about it…

And have you done that before?

I mean… I always snuck peaks as we walked by, but like, never that much… and I would sneak past or through the doll aisles in the toy department whenever I was allowed to roam free and thought I wouldn’t be noticed…

Well that certainly may be part of it then, parents notice things sometimes, I know they can be deeply oblivious sometimes too, but at least they sent you here, they do care

Or they are simply wanting confirmation I’m… and I gestured at myself

A girl? Trans?

A… and I switched to a low whisper, not normal… or worse words so they could kick me out and my tears started welling up

Liz noticed and came over, hey, everything ok over here Carly?

She’s just nervous her parents won’t accept her

I mean, they sent you here, that’s a pretty good sign!

But, like, what if they… and I started to get up,

Hey, where are you going? Liz said

To change I said and I started to walk towards the gate

Lily ran up to me and gave me a big hug from behind

Hey, I’m not gonna stop you if you really want to go change, that’s fine, but changing back wont change how you feel

Liz came over, you know how many discrete brochure kids have ever had their parents reject them?

I sniffled, I’m sure some of them

Liz laughed, none, never, not even once, and 95% of them come back a second year and many a third and even fourth year, a lot of them even join staff, and I know your brochure didn’t include prices, so believe me, if your parents weren’t going to accept you, there’s lots cheaper ways to go about it…

The other kids had noticed and started to approach and Liz turned them away with a look that said not now. Liz spoke to me again, how about we head out a bit early, I just need to let Tag and Bob know

It’s ok, I’ll just go, I’m sure there’s safety issues if you come too I sniffled

It’s ok she said and walked over to Tag and whispered in his ear, Tag nodded and she came back, all set, two’s all we require at the range for this many kids, and they have their radios.

Ok I said numbly

She walked with us towards the cabins, and stopped at one, just a second, let me grab something, the sign on the cabin read butterfly

Lily noticed and said hey, I like your barrettes, and they are super cute by the way and smiled at me holding my hand.

Liz came back out holding a portable speaker and a music player.

Ok, so todays really nice and sunny, and the field is really nice to just lay in sometimes and listen to music and she headed towards the field, and Lily holding my hand started to follow…

I hesitated near Caterpillar cabin, Lily noticed and asked, do you want to change?

Yes, no, maybe, this just feels wrong somehow

In what way? Liz asked

Too easy? A fantasy? It won’t last?

Liz replied It’s been hard hiding, I know, it was hard for me, and it’s not a fantasy to want to be your true self, and it absolutely will last

I gripped Lily’s hand tighter and we started following Liz

We found a nice flat spot with good grass and lay down next to each other, with me in the middle, and Liz turned on some music, sweet, funny, girly music, the stuff I enjoyed and we all started singing along to it.

Before I knew it, Liz’s radio chirped, 11:30, time to wrap things up for lunch everyone I heard Penny say over the radio

Liz turned to look at me, ok, I’ve got to go help with the lunch line today, are you ok?

I think so? For now anyways?

That’s good, I’m glad you’re feeling better and I get that things will be up and down for a bit, always feel free to talk with me or any staff member, we want to be sure you get the support you need

Thanks Liz I said

Yes thanks Liz! Lily said, and after Liz was gone, ok, she’s out of earshot, she said propping herself up on one elbow and looking at me, are you really ok?

Meh I said. Music doesn’t make the fears go away but it does distract me from them for a bit.

I get it, I hid in books a lot.

I’m sorry you didn’t get much time at archery

It’s ok! It will be there another day, and if not, next year

Already planning on coming back?

Absolutely! This is the most me, and least hated for being myself thing I’ve done since coming out… So what do you want to do this afternoon?

Maybe handicrafts? Lanyards always sounded boring, but maybe boring would be good.

Lily laughed, sounds good, and then tonight the auditions

Oh, right, I listed my old name

I’m sure it will be fine, and we could always go cross it out and correct it before lunch

Oh, hadn’t thought of that

Lily got up and offered to help but I managed

We walked over to the dining hall and started to go inside

A staff member called out, we are just cleaning up in here, why don’t you go line up for food and we will let you inside when we are ready?

We just wanted to change something on the audition sign up sheet

Oh, sure, just be quick about it.

I walked over and found my name on the sheet and took the pen and crossed it out and put Carly after it.

All done we called to the slightly annoyed seeming staff member as we headed outside to the line that had already started forming.

Others joined behind us, and we chatted a bit more, and then saw Billie and their group coming up to the dining hall, and Billie stopped next to us before heading to the back of the line, Hey Carly, are you feeling ok?

Im feeling a bit better, and I think lunch will help too

Thats good, going to go get in line, save us a table if you want! And Billie started heading to the back

I looked at Lily who nodded, if its ok with you she said

I called out we will do our best!

Thanks! Billie called back and went to join the others in line.

Lunch was beef brisket sandwiches, which were merely ok, but the most amazing pasta salad as a side, and I did have seconds again, and even Lily went back for more of the pasta salad.

So what are you up to this afternoon Billie asked at one point

I think we said we would do Handicrafts, make some lanyards

Right on, Marie knows how to make some cool ones! Ask her to show you her collection! I think we are going swimming this afternoon

We chatted and laughed about everything and nothing, and then it was time to head off. The others went to their cabins to retrieve swimsuits, while Lily and I headed towards the handicraft cabin

Marie greeted us as we arrived, Oh you came!

Yup Lily spoke up, want to make some lanyards

Also, Billie told us you have quite an interesting collection yourself

Marie laughed, oh they did they? Well they aren’t wrong, I’ll show you some while we wait to see who else arrives

She did indeed have a variety, all in a rainbow of colors. Basic three strand braids, knotted ones that had letter beads on them, 4 strand round braids, including one that was then twisted in to a fancy further braided ring to make like a napkin or neckerchief slide. Then she brought out a box of square braids, so many varieties, 4 strand square, 8 strand square, rectangles, one with a hole in the middle and she even had one that read ‘staff’ in letters sticking out from the surface.

A few more kids had shown up for lanyards and we got started and she offered to teach us the basics, and gave us all some precut lengths of glow in the dark plastic lacing.

This is what we will make to start, and then I can teach you to make any of the other types.

She did a basic explanation, then came around and helped as we worked, especially on the first layer. She had us embed a hook at the base so we could easily attach it to things and find them at night. The laces weren’t terribly long, and in spite of a few twists and misplacements we all managed it, and then she helped us do a fancy knot at the top to help them stay together.

Lily decided she wanted to try a knotted one with letter beads and started picking through the bins for the ones she wanted but insisted I couldn’t know til later.

I was looking at all the laces and couldn’t decide, so I let others go ahead of me, until it was just me left waiting finally.

Can’t decide?

No, too many colors and choices.

Well how about a classic three strand braid bracelet in… these three colors and she pulled a length of pink, light blue and white out.

I’ve seen those on one of the flags in the dining hall, which flag is that?

Marie laughed, it’s the trans pride flag!

Oh! Uh, ok, sure, let’s do that

She measured out 3 lengths of each, and then cut them and said here, have a sheet on how to do three strand braid and she handed me a nice illustrated guide on how to do it.

I sat about doing it, it was both hard and easy, I wasn’t used to doing crafty things with my fingers, but slowly I got the hang of it and managed it.

I would glance Lily’s way sometimes and she would glare back at me, not til it’s finished! She said finally

Ok ok, I said laughing, I’m sure it will be good.

I got to the end and Marie helped me get it tied off, and showed me how to turn it in to a bracelet since it was long enough.

Lily was still working and had gone back to the bins a second time to hunt for more beads and another bit of lace.

Want to do another? Marie asked

I uh, sure, that 4 strand braid seemed interesting?

Absolutely! That just leaves colors

Well, it’s 4 strands, but that’s 2 pieces doubled over, like the square braid?

Yup!

So uh, pink and blue I think?

Sounds great! She measured out lengths of each and cut them off, and handed me another sheet, this one’s a bit tricky after doing the others but you managed those pretty well, I bet you can do just fine at it!

I sat down and read the sheet and started it off, it was definitely different to do, but it was also in some ways easier, I managed to get it to the point where it should be tied off and Marie helped me again get it turned in to a bracelet, I put it on my arm, and it did look cute there.

Lily finally jumped up and came over, I’m done!

She had a leather bracelet on her wrist and her other hand behind her back, with knots that let you adjust how big they are and on each was a series of colored blocks, blue, pink, and then in the middle were white blocks with letters, and the one on her wrist had her name, Lily spelled out on the blocks

That’s really pretty I told her

Thanks! And here’s the surprise! She took her other hand out from behind her back, and she held a bracelet that had my name spelled out on it, it’s for you! Go on! It’s a friendship bracelet

I took it from her and slid it on next to my round braided one, it’s really great, thanks and I started to get tears forming in my eyes, Oh here, I made these, and I showed her the round braid I was wearing and the 3 strand bracelet and handed that one to her, For you I said and smiled

She got a big grin on her face, for me?? Really? Thanks! I love the colors

Your welcome, Marie told me they are trans pride colors

They are! That’s why the blocks

Oh! Of course! I’m a bit slow

Lily laughed, you should see my room, theres so much of these colors around, I may have gone a bit overboard.

I laughed, my room is honestly quite boring, couldn’t put up the posters I want without revealing things, even my stuffed animals got put in storage and I didn’t complain lest anyone think it weird.

Well look at this way! You get to redecorate now! That can be fun, dad even helped me make a canopy for my bed

That would be nice, and some clothes I actually liked instead of whatever’s easiest to meet the expectation to be clothed.

Thats the spirit!

Kids were heading out and I hadn’t really noticed til Marie came over and said hey you two, those are some really cute lanyards, but it’s time we got this locked up for the evening!

Ok Marie, Lily chirped and we got up and headed towards the door.

You’ve got about an hour before supper, often a good time to get a shower because most people want to right before bed or early in the morning

Oh, right, good to know I said and we headed out and we walked towards the cabin, I think I’ll take her up on that idea I said

Me too, Lily chimed in, we got our supplies from our bags in our lockers and started to walk over

Oh hey, after you’re done, leave your hair wet Lily said, I can do a thing or two with it I think

It’s pretty short…

Just trust me Lily said smiling

Ok

We didn’t have to wait long, there were no showers open but there wasn’t a line waiting either. I let Lily take the first one, and noticed a bit of a line had started to form and then quickly another one opened and a kid came out and I went in.

I barely remembered to take the barrettes out before starting the shower, and I struggled a little bit as I wasn’t used to them.

The water was actually decently hot, I had expected them to be cold showers. I realized I had my razor with me and gave my legs a shave because why not, I had always wanted to try it. It wasn’t the smoothest and I probably annoyed people with how long it took, but it felt good.

I dried off and gave my face a closer shave, not that I had tons of hair there yet.

I dressed quickly and decided to leave the barrettes in my pocket since I didn’t really know how to put them on

I walked out and got a bit of a glare from a person who had been in line since I went in, but Lily was waiting for me and smiled

Decided to try smooth legs?

Indeed I said, they feel good

I’m lucky, I haven’t really had any hair there yet, or my face. Hoping to start blockers before that happens

Blockers?

Puberty blockers, it’s a medicine that halts or at least slows down puberty significantly, can’t start on hormones til I’m like 17 or 18, but I won’t have a cis guys puberty basically at all

Oh that’s a long time

Yeah

I admit, I don’t really understand anything about that yet, but I hate shaving my face. Dad insisted I learn how to use a safety razor because ‘that’s what men use’ and I just, I kind of went to my room after and cried

Oh, that’s hard, but as for hormones, I’m sure you will learn soon enough and decide whether they are right for you, and blockers can still help! And so can hormones, it’s not too late, it’s never too late

Even after puberty?

Lily laughed, not even when you are 70

My parents took me to the hometown pride this spring, and one of the events for kids was to meet some older LGBT people to see that for all the hatred out there, we can go on to live happy lives, and one of the trans women didn’t start transition til she was in her 60’s and she looked lovely

Wow, I never would’ve guessed that was possible

Don’t let anyone tell you it’s too late, you’re cute and you are only gonna get cuter

I blushed, you think so?

Yeah, let’s dry your hair real quick she said running inside the cabin and bringing out a compact hair dryer, and she set about blowing and styling, and she put the barrettes back in, but both on the same side this time

Wait where can I see?

There’s a mirror in the cabin by the door, did you not see it?

I tend to avoid mirrors

Lily laughed, sorry, not at you, there’s just a lot of similarities she said.

I went in and indeed, she had made it better, it had been brushed in to a cuter style and had more volume than usual

Thank you, I wish my hair was longer

I wonder if the closet or theater company have wigs?

Wore a wig once, just for a silly Halloween costume, I shudder to think how hot one would be here

Totally fair, well next year your hair will be plenty long if you want! And I could braid like pigtails and stuff for you

I laughed picturing it, always thinking ahead you, me I can barely think a day ahead, much less a year, there was never really anything I cared about as a future…

We walked with a stream of campers towards the dining hall, we got kind of far back in line and wound up sitting at another table than Billie’s group as the table had filled before we collected our ravioli, green beans and a roll, which sound pretty pedestrian but they were actually pretty good

Lily and I chatted with the others at the table, talked about how we were auditioning and one of the others was too.

After supper we started walking towards the theater, it was still plenty light out, and Lily and I had our flashlights with us for walking back later just in case.

So, if we are doing Romeo and Juliet, are you hoping to be Juliet?

I blushed, I mean, not really, I’ve never acted before, and Im sure its a lot of lines

When we arrived at the theater, Marie was outside the gate, Hiya! I’m helping with the auditions tonight

Hi Marie Lily said, will you be judging us?

Ill be one of the panel, yeah, go on and take a seat, and Claire will get us kicked off shortly

We walked down the steps and sat down in a middle row on the benches

We chatted a bit while others filtered in

Hello hello everyone! Claire said as she walked out on the the stage

A chorus of hellos came from the seated kids

Ok, so, going to give a quick introduction to what we are doing, and then we will get to the auditions! This year we will be doing Romeo and Juliet, well, an edited and shortened version, its a bit too much to put on in a week as it is. We are going to do this laissez-faire as far as genders go, whatever gender you are, that will be the gender of your character, if we wind up with a girl Romeo and a guy Juliet, so be it! However, we will check with the leads we decide on before settling the final cast list, to make sure they are ok with being Romeo & Juliet to each other. We will be posting the cast list TONIGHT after the auditions, and I’ll be giving you your scrips tomorrow at breakfast.

We have audition pieces up here, they aren’t from Romeo & Juliet, and we have options for boys, girls, non binary, and genderless, feel free to choose which you want to do and don’t feel compelled to use one that matters your gender identity, whichever one you feel like fits you well. As for the gender and pronouns of your role, when we post the cast list, there will be a pair of columns for it, and we will adjust the script tonight. Also it looks like we might have a few more than we need, BUT, there’s a chrous, and everyone will at least be in the chorus if they want, and we will also need some kids willing to help with running the show Thursday night! If you think you might prefer to help with running the show, just tell us and you won’t have to audition.

Going to give you 15 minutes to choose an audition piece and prepare, all 4 are on one piece of paper front and back, and theres enough copies up here for each of you.

We went up and grabbed copies and returned to our seats and started reading them.

The ‘boy’ option was part of Richard the III’s opening soliloquy, Now is the winter of our discontent and so forth

The ‘girl’ option was one of Titania’s soliloquy’s from Midsummer night’s dream

The non binary one was not Shakespeare, but was a speech written by a non binary person about their experience with gender

The genderless one was a poem I didn’t recognize

So what are you going with I asked?

Oh Titania of course, I do love fairys

I think I’m going to do Richard the III honestly, I did part of it in class last year, so I at least know it

Are you sure?

Yeah, I mean, I’m a girl, but Richard is this complicated character and I kind of know the lines

We read through our pieces a few times and then she asked me to listen to her read it, and she was a bit quiet at first but got in to it a bit

That was really good!

Ok now do yours

Ok.

I really kind of threw myself in to it, really making the text sound as evil as it is, I had really liked it last year

Oh wow she started clapping, and several others around me had heard and started clapping too

I blushed, I uh, I was already familiar with it.

Claire was sitting on the stage talking with Marie and another staff member but I wasn’t sure if they noticed, I hoped they hadn’t.

Claire hopped back up on stage, Ok campers! Hope you all are ready, however, while there was an order on the sign up sheet, we understand some of you might be nervous, and if you need a bit more time you can just ask to be moved to the end of the line, once anyways.

First up I think we have Callie! Come on up Callie

Callie read the genderless poem, and was nervous, but did get through it, and the campers clapped

Thank you Callie!

Next up we have Lily!

Lily timidly got up and went up to the stage, to a thumbs up from Marie, she mumbled her way through a couple lines

Marie held up her hand, Lily, I know you can be louder than this, just close your eyes and breathe, and feel free to start over!

Lily closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and tried again from the start

She did really well I thought and projected pretty well and I clapped when she finished

And next up is, I saw Marie lean over and whisper in Claire’s ear, Carly!

Lily gave me a thumbs up as we crossed on the steps, you got this she said!

Marie smiled as I passed, just like you rehearsed she said

I blushed, you heard?

I mean, it was a bit hard not to notice

I got on stage and started in,

Now is the winter of our discontent, Made GLORIOUS summer by this sun of York, And all the clouds that lour'd upon our house, In the deep bosom of the ocean buried. Now are our brows bound with victorious wreaths; Our bruised arms hung up for monuments; Our stern alarums changed to merry meetings, Our dreadful marches to delightful measures…

I was hunched over, and barely referenced the sheet, I knew it well enough and I kind of got in to it and just kept going

Claire called, whoa, hey, overshot!

I realized I had gone past the snippet on the page

I blushed, sorry, I just really got in to it and I’ve done it before once

Its ok! Enthusiasm is good! As is being able to remember all that!

Ok next up is Elliot! Come on down. Elliot chose titania’s piece and he did pretty well at it.

The auditions continued, we watched and clapped to each one, some better than others, some shy, but everyone tried their best, and no one said anything judgmental other than encouraging the shy kids to be louder

A few kids deferred to the end, and one decided they just couldn’t, but asked if they could help run the show, which was enthusiastically accepted by Claire

Ok campers! We three are going to consult with each other for a bit backstage, and then we will call at least a couple of you back here to chat real quick before posting the cast list!

A couple other staffers were around to make sure we didn’t do anything too reckless while we waited, chattering developed and got a bit loud, and then a speaker squelched on, Carly, Millie, could you come back stage real quick?

A wave of oooh’s went up from the campers and Lily started bouncing up and down omg omg omg omg, go! Im so happy for you!

I blushed, I uh, I stammered

Go silly!

Millie also was looking nervous as she headed up the stairs on to the stage

So uh, do you think? She asked

I don’t know honestly, I wasn’t expecting to be anything more than chorus?

Are you kidding? you did really good as Richard!

I blushed, and your Titania was really well done

Thanks!

We found our way back stage, Marie was holding a side door open for us

Hello! Claire said as we came in

So, Im sure you figured out that this means we would like for you two to be our Romeo and Juliet, but… we can’t exactly decide which of you should be which, so we thought we would see if either of you had preferences, and if you are even ok playing opposite each other

I kind of stuttered, I uh, I don’t really have a strong opinion on which I would play, but I would be fine playing opposite Millie

I, I think I would like to play Romeo, well, a demi girl Romeo though

Absolutely, we will be adjusting the script to fit that tonight, and Carly, are you ok playing Juliet?

I think I would like that I said blushing

Now one thing I want to note, there is that famous kiss, its staying in, however, we will show you how to stage kiss, and while we wouldn’t forbid a real kiss, we would encourage you to leave it as a stage kiss

I blushed, thats fine, I’ve never kissed anyone, and not really sure Im ready too

And no offense Carly, you’re great, but I have a date mate already and she smiled

None taken

Then thats settled!

We have the rest of the list sorted, so let’s go introduce people to our leading girl and demi girl, and let people know what roles they will be getting!

The five of us walked out on stage, Good evening campers! So, we have our leading couple, Millie will be playing our demi girl Romeo, and Carly will be our Juliet!

A cheer went up and lots of people clapped and a few whistled.

I also have the rest of the cast list here, I’ll be posting it on the table here, and please note your gender and pronouns for the role, so I can adjust everything tonight!

Lily huddled with everyone else then broke out and rushed over to me, I got the Nurse! I think we will have scenes together

Hooray! I said, and we hugged, platonically

Lily and I made sure to note our genders and pronouns next to our roles

Ok campers! Claire called as we finished filling out the sheet, Ill have scripts tomorrow for you at breakfast! We will do a run through tomorrow night to discuss some staging and such, and then Wednesday we would like for you to mostly be off book if you can! Dress rehearsal Thursday afternoon, play Thursday evening after supper!

We all nodded and started filtering out of the theater and to our cabins

Carly and I walked together, we did kind of need our flashlights, it had gotten later than I thought

How you feeling? Lily asked me

Nervous… I’ve never read Romeo and Juliet, and Im sure theres a lot to learn by Thursday

Im sure they shortened a lot of things to fit it in, and you will do fine!

Yeah… I mean they do a play every summer, Im sure its not a total disaster every time, right?

Right! Lily said, thats the spirit!

We got back to the cabin, and I was glad Marie had insisted on picking out some sleeping clothes that I changed in to in the cabin’s bathroom real quick. It was just some sleep shorts and a cami, but it felt so much more me.

Marie arrived back before lights out, ok all, I know you had an exciting day and some of you will still be bursting with energy, but its good to get sleep, so I’ll give you a few minutes to finish getting changed, but then its lights out! And she grabbed her own night clothes and changed really quick.

When she passed by me in my bunk, Congrats Carly, Im sure you will make a wonderful Juliet

Thank you Marie, for everything I said and smiled at her from my bunk

She walked back towards the front and I fell asleep almost as soon as the light switch turned off. It had been a long day and I was not one of the bursting with energy types

Tuesday